Masthead 2019

Liv O'Clair (Loomis - 5th year SHP) On the outside, Liv looks like just another pretty, smart, talented girl. But little does anyone know, she’s a spy with a white bandana and a suit with the colors blood red, glitter, and a purple she doesn’t know the name of. She owns the biggest hammock in the world and mermaids hang out on it. She doesn’t do drugs, although sometimes she smells the library. Her dog, Clifford, is big and red. A perfect combination of puppies and the Huskers. She wants to go to Eat-aly for a week with Robert Downey Jr., Tom Holland, and Chris Hemsworth. She feels she should, because she’s also famous. She’s the forgotten Kardashian. She has several missions to fulfill as a spy. She’s going to dis-invent the plague that is pop music. She’s also going to address the world to tell them to pick up trash and that climate change and mermaids really exist. She’d spend a day with Jesus if she could, but she can only die in peace after she’s kidnapped everyone who works at Marvel and gotten a box set of all 23 movies.

Abby Waldo (Alma - 5th year SHP) Abby Waldo, or shall we say Abby Stabby, sits around watching Mamma Mia 2, illegally downloaded during the purge, while eating purple chimichangas. In the mornings she enjoys to force her brother, Jack, to reenact the vine “Weed Crayon,” followed by her eating a bowl of cereal soup, that according to her, “is a soup because it isn’t.” After a long day she takes her dog Marley, who is the only pet that loves her, for a drive in her redfire metallic grand prix. On this car ride she always starts by asking her dog, “Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the pee is silent!” She then daydreams of Adam Levine. Of course she should be more focused on the road but as she always says, “It’s a grand prix, nothing can hurt it!” Next summer she will co-host with Brandon on a television show called, “Chicken and Chimichangas, An American Journey." where they just travel the states trying chicken strips, chimichangas, and ranch in every town they enter.

Sara Lundeen (Axtell - 4th Year SHP) She loves to dance around the classroom to All Star by Smash Mouth, with a Dr. Pepper in her hand. Sara will often dream of going to the middle of the earth to eat pizza rolls and drink A&W Cream Soda. She gets scared of random people touching her long hair because one time when she was walking around in Walmart suddenly a woman began petting her hair. She thought that the woman was a serial killer that was thinking about scalping her. If she had the power to change into any vegetable, it would probably be sauerkraut because it’s not exactly a vegetable. Sara has always wanted to have a pet, preferably a blue whale that she would dye coral and teal which happen to be her favorite colors.

Hope Anderson (Holdrege - 3rd Year SHP) has a hopeless obsession with sniffing all shapes and sizes of cats. She is constantly avoiding her writing requirement to drool over all the pictures of Bill Clinton that litter the internet, she isn’t sure which of his ages are her favorite. She gets distracted and likes to ask people what kind of car they are going to buy from the DMV. Her favorite pastimes include cutting people’s hair at concession stands, drinking the ink from heliotrope colored pens, and inhaling cinnamon rolls that she bought from a sketchy gas station on the other side of town. If she ever gets the opportunity, she would use a one armed man’s good arm to hook him to a pole. She is the biggest worm out of all the females in her class and the oldest cell in her body is only six years old because that is how old she is.

Delaney Ham (Holdrege - 2nd year SHP) spends her days traveling to Italy and Disney World with occasional stops at home. She loves spending her free time waiting in lines at Disney World because “there is so much to look at.” To fund these wonderful trips she uses her 6 lottery winnings from that previous year. She also has used her winnings to invent a shower hairdryer and uninvent c’boi hats. Her hobbies include buying Powerball tickets, writing bad yelp reviews on meat lockers and having c’boi hat bonfires. At night she turns into a quokka who can’t stop smiling and has a natural clumsiness that quote “somehow works and saves peoples’ lives.” She also likes to fly to every gelato store in Italy using her beautiful butterfly wings and try all their flavors for free because the cashier can’t stand her irresistible quokka charm.  Once done traveling, she plans to open her own bakery in her hometown Holdrege where bees and wasps will not be welcome inside. She greets everybody who comes in the door by saying metropolitan because she like the way it sounds.

Aly Lunsford (Franklin - 2nd year SHP) Aly Lunsford, also known as Flinstone to her dad, is a wonderful writer, but thinks all her work should be titled “Disclaimer.” Aly has ginger hair mixed with brown and a red stripe that contains a magical power, which she won’t reveal to anyone. Late one night, Aly broke into a store and stole gummy worms. Not getting caught from committing this crime is her biggest accomplishment. Aly’s days are filled with sleep, listening to Guns N’ Roses, and more sleep. She lives in town with her 15 animals that she loves dearly, except for her cat, Cally. When Aly isn’t busy with her 13 different activities, she bungee jumps and occasionally parachutes. Maybe someday she will take her hot pink go-kart named Legitimate around Nebraska.

Liz Meyers (Southern Valley - 2nd Year SHP) The narrator of all Liz’s stories has wonderfully delicious curls. An expert in navigating public transportation, Liz shrinks herself down each morning to the size of a perfect pea and rides soap bubbles to school. She demands total silence when reading about office romance. This Southern Valley girl wants you to know that there’s a big difference between there and Hidden Valley. Liz is way too cool to be the owner of a screen name, but if she had one, it would almost certainly involve posing as her favorite Bratz doll, Cloe. Perhaps Cloe101. Most days, you can find Liz wearing a single Converse, drinking the ocean out of a Big Gulp, and trying to be compatible with other star signs that have sifted down like sugar from the sky. Liz’s father calls her Big Red, but you can call her on the phone.

Zoey Evans (Elwood - 1st year SHP) is determined to best Steph Curry in a head-to-head competition of knockout. Zoey says she eats burpees for breakfast so she’s always ready to follow her puppy, Tom Holland, into the many trees he’s learned to climb. Zoey’s favorite meal is salmon and cauliflower, but she may only enjoy this treat on blood moon nights, since every other day she pretends to be a mermaid. Zoey can be found protecting the fish friends she’s made in Republican River from the vile fishermen, who she thinks are boring. Zoey’s ideal form of transportation would be pieces of string connecting every building, like highways in the sky. She says Tom would definitely help her reach her tightrope dreams by using his super real web-shooter talent. Zoey would probably need balance lessons, because she likes to trip over lines in the carpet at times.

Abbi Fox (Alma-1st year SHP) lives in the town of Alma that periodically becomes a sea village after it rains. Her house usually looks like a normal house, but beneath the waves, it becomes a mint blue underwater cabin. She enjoys when Alma changes, because she only has to step outside to spend some time fishing. She has 6 pets; 3 dogs and 3 cats. One of her cats, Sylvia, transforms into a Loch Ness monster and disappears into the murky blue until the water levels recede. When asked about the cause for Alma’s Sea Village, she replies with a simple: “Because Nebraska can’t stop crying.” A little known fact about Abbi is that she is half fox and half Abbi. She morphs into a fox when she is not playing sports, fishing, or giving her pets attention. In fox form, she likes to go to Narnia and spend a few hours-or days there. When back in Abbi form when Alma is above-water, she likes to go to the lake and “party bro!”

Jacey Kent (Cambridge - 1st year SHP) Meet Jacey Jade. Jacey is the princess of Agrabah. During the day she is sad because she is thinking about how her teeth hold her jaw back from her true potential. Jacey has three siblings in her palace. She also has two dogs, Lucy and Sam. Lucy and Sam bring her a Twix every morning for breakfast before running around the world five times. After breakfast she reads a book, cringing every time the book tells her to.  At night she dreams of being at the lake, where she turns into a fire-breathing dragon. When she wakes up she bends her body backward until her head touches her legs then sings “Born to Love You.” In Jacey’s free time she goes to all of the casinos in Vegas. Jacey Jade is a very fun, surprising person that is secretly scared of being alone in the palace. She is worried that the local monster, the giant snake spider, will come and swallow her alive.

natalie Malcom (Eustis-Farnam - 1st Year SHP) resides in a robust Irish castle with several ghouls hiding in its secret passageways. natalie wakes up each day and eats a slice of Casey’s breakfast pizza before she heads to knight training. She has fought several storm cloud colored dragons while breaking records in the 200 meter hurdles. Whenever you capitalize her name, she makes 19 stop signs explode with her mind. At 7am, she hosts raging campfires in the Speckled Wallaby Woods where she lights marshmallows on fire and screams Bohemian Rhapsody at spotted marsupials as the sun rises. natalie finds blissful joy in tickling the ivories and the keyboard of her computer. Her cat, Marco, speaks to her by repeating the word “snot” over and over again. If you see her, ask about her collection of Dwight Schrute memorabilia that she keeps hidden in her castle closet along with her secret beet farm under her MegaDesk.

CJ Melroy (Minden - 1st year SHP) used to perform as a trapeze artist juggling flaming machetes, but she hasn’t completed the stunt since what she calls the “Lemur Wedding Incident.” Her favorite pastimes include screaming alone in her car because of her hatred of mint chocolate ice cream, crop tops, booty shorts, and the letter “g”. Her future home will not be made of popcorn but will have the Lizzie McGuire fountain in the entry hall. It will also be on a barren asteroid in order to get as much distance from people as possible. CJ would transport the Egyptian embassy in the U.S. to Antarctica to see how the ambassadors would handle it. She enjoys chilling with her bro, Flynn Rider, and playing bluegrass covers with her glowing clarinet and orange sousaphone. If she could magically learn a language, she would learn whatever language Hrannar speaks. She plans to attend Nebraska Wesleyan University, but she’s also secretly going to be a starting linebacker for the Alabama Crimson Tide.