Topic 7 : Problems, emotions and sexual desire management for teenagers.
Sex is a responsible act that is respectful to the couple. Before choosing to have sex, you must consider about the advantages and disadvantages and then make a decision that will not adversely affect either party later. Even though you might make mistakes, proper preparation and knowledge can help you solve any problems. Before thinking about having sex, you have to be sure you are knowledgeable about things such asexual sanitation for safety, preventing unfavorable pregnancy and infection as well as various psychological issues.
The result of a decision to have sex may have both positive and negative results. Understanding of the results in advance will help you to prepare and think about the ways to protect and avoid problems. So when you think in advance about what you do and do not want to happen, then you can use this knowledge for making decisions. Remember that the end result of your decision is something that you have to face and respond to yourself.
Learning to judge the situation and predict the result of having sex, you are ready to make a qualified decision.
Your prior consideration of the risks and results can help you to control, manage and solve any situation better than without preparation, and avoid unpleasant results such as impromptu pregnancy and risk of HIV infection etc.
It is important to learn how to know what you want and how to reach your target. You have to continue to learn though out your life. Everybody will have some experience of guilt, anger, caring what other people think of you, or devaluing yourselves. To begin to learn in your daily life how to improve yourselves will lead to improvement of your relationships.
Learning to understand yourself and the things that influence thinking and decision making is important for a teenager because in a variety of situations that a teenager may face understanding what you want clearly can help you to discuss, bargain or to deny your decisions.
What am I like?
Three personalities of expressing opinion, desire and self satisfaction.
1. "I want this, I don't care what you want" (aggressive)
This type of personality does not care about what others want. They are selfconfident, and dare to what it takes to satisfy them.
- Do not like to be dissatisfied
This type of person usually does not have any interest in what other people desire. They know what they desire and will do anything that is necessary to achieve the goal. Satisfaction is the first priority, so that they often ignore the consequences that affect other people, thus it makes their friends feel uncomfortable.
2."I know what you want, and I can choose what I want" (Assertive)
This personality will accept others' rights and wants. They know how to validate their own rights and to satisfy themselves.
- Confident to question and answer
This type of person accepts others' rights and wants, while they also know how to validate their own right and to satisfy themselves. They always live happily and always create long term relationships.
3."Everything is fine for me" (Passive)
This personality usually has a habit of following. They are shy to express their own opinions and feelings, and fear dissatisfying other people. They do not know how to refuse other people requests.
-Shy to express their desire to other people
This type of person always defers to other people and tries to be easy going. There is no conflict. They do not express their desires and feelings. They are afraid of dissatisfying other people when they are in a dilemma and express their desires with great difficultly.
Asserting your own desires
Considering the situation + expressing your feeling + identifying your desires
Example: The situation is that your girlfriend/boyfriend has asked you to stay overnight in your room.
-Assessing "the situation"
It is a request or choice that your friend offers: (Your girlfriend/boyfriend has asked to stay overnight)
-"Feeling"
What is your feeling for the situation? Expressing your feelings will help you to find the proper solution because the feelings of each person in the situation will be different. You should identify clearly that "I" have my own desires and do not defer to other people. Being your own self is more important than deferring to others wishes. ("I" am uncomfortable if my girlfriend/boyfriend stays overnight)
-"Desire"
It is your choice what you want to do considering the reasons and mutual advantages. (You should go back home now, and we will meet in the morning" Expressing and asserting your own desires shows that you have stability and confidence.
-Tell them clearly; get to the point, use eye contact and a definite tone.
-Follow this with action on your part when you have finished talking, For example standing up to walk back to your room, paying for your food, giving your guest his/her belongings..
-If the other person is trying to persuade you, leave the situation after expressing your own desires is the best way to stop the persuasion or enforcing attempt indirectly.
The beginning of being yourself
- Be honest to your thoughts and your own desires and ask yourself how do you feel about this situation and what do you want to do?
- Resist feeling slighted, angry, invaluable and unacceptable. It is you who are responsible for assenting or not. You should develop yourself more rather than wait for the other person to adapt themselves.
- Start with a small thing that happens often, consider the situation and plan to assert your own desires and then do it
Predict and prepare your reaction. You can’t assert yourself with only one sentence and hope the other person will accept this. Reverting to your old habits is easy but it means that you have to act as “A kind person who is never angry” and always keep your feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction to yourself.
Assert your own desires. You should begin your sentence by saying “I feel.......” You should not begin “You make me feel .......” because that will cause an argument.