Patient Zero Script Feedback

Mr Chalk's Response: Well done Rhiann this was a very good attempt at writing a short horror screenplay. Be careful with your writing style as at times it reads more like a novel then a script. Remember scripts should only describe what is being seen on screen, mentioning a character's feelings is pointless unless you can show it. Also ensure that you write in the present tense as occasionally your writing slips into the past tense. I really like the set up to your story but expected the narrative to go in a different direction. I do feel that there is a more effective ending to your film and this is something that is worth exploring in your next draft.

My Response: I'll adjust the script so its less like a novel and I'll relay the actual screenplay more than the characters feelings and emotions. Personally, I liked the unexpected ending but for the purpose of the task I'll see if I'm able to come up with a more "stronger" ending to suit the narrative better.