Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack... even a heart isn't foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris cheated on his English test............with a calculator.
When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him.