This list of 36 questions is printed in the menu of the M&V Bar in St. Georg, Hamburg, with the note that if you get to the end of the 36 questions with a random stranger/the person you are with + 4 minutes of eye contact = falling in love with that someone.
The 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues from which the questions were taken did not mention anything about love, but they found that engaging in these 36 questions (~ 90 minutes, divided into 3 increasingly personal sets) with a person you're paired with induced a greater sense of closeness than small talk with directed questions. However, the story goes 2 of the participants in this study fell in love following the study and were married 6 months later (with the study leaders invited as wedding guests). The questions were popularized by Mandy Len Catron's essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This” in New York Time's Modern Love column. There is a Modern Love podcast (linked here) that includes a reading of the essay and an interview with Mandy Len Catron and Modern Love editor Daniel Jones.
The original study instructions:
This is a study of interpersonal closeness, and your task, which we think will be quite enjoyable, is simply to get close to your partner. We believe that the best way for you to get close to your partner is for you to share with them and for them to share with you. Of course, when we advise you about getting close to your partner, we are giving advice regarding your behavior in this demonstration only, we are not advising you about your behavior outside of this demonstration.
In order to help you get close we've arranged for the two of you to engage in a kind of sharing game. You're sharing time will be for about one hour, after which time we ask you to fill out questionnaire concerning your experience of getting close to your partner.
You have been given three sets of slips. Each slip has a question or a task written on it. As soon as you both finish reading these instructions, you should begin with the Set I slips. One of you should read aloud with the first slip and then BOTH do what it asks, starting with the person who read the slip aloud. When you are both done, go on to the second slip -- one of you reading it aloud and both doing what it asks. And so forth.
As you go through the slips, one at a time, please don't skip any slips -- do each in order. Then let him or her share their answer to the same question with you. If it is a task, do it first, then let your partner do it. Alternate who reads aloud (and thus goes first) with each new slip.
You will be informed when to move on to the next set of slips. It is not important to finish all the slips in each set within the time allotted. Take plenty of time with each slip, doing what it asks thoroughly and thoughtfully.
You may begin! Turn to Set I, slip 1.
EN
DE
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself?
To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
1. Wenn du unter allen Menschen auf der Welt wählen könntest, wen würdest Du gerne zum Essen einladen?
2. Würdest Du gerne berühmt sein? In welchem Bereich?
3. Legst Du Dir jemals die Worte zurect, bevor Du jemanden anrufst? Warum?
4. Was macht für Dich einen "perfekten" Tag aus?
5. Wann hast Du zum letzten Mal für Dich selbst gesungen?
Und wann für jemand anderen?
6. Wenn Du 90 Jahre alt werden könntest, was würdest Du für die letzten 60 Jahre lieber haben: Den Körper oder den Geist eines 30-Jährigen?
7. Hast Du insgeheim eine Vermutung, wie Du sterben wirst?
8. Nenne drei Dinge, von denen Du glaubst, dass sie Dein Gegenüber und Du gemeinsam haben.
9. Wofür bist Du in Deinem Leben am meisten dankbar?
10. Wenn Du irgendetwas daran ändern könntest, wie Du erzogen wurdest, was wäre das?
11. Erzählen Deinem Gegenüber Deine Lebensgeschichte in vier Minuten aber mit möglichst vielen Details.
12. Wenn Du morgen mit einer zusätzlichen Eigenschaft oder Fähigkeit aufwachen könntest, welche wäre das?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
13. Wenn Dir eine Zauberkugel die Wahrheit über Dich, Dein Leben, die Zukunft oder irgendetwas anderes offenbaren könnte, was würdest Du wissen wollen?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
14. Gibt es etwas, von dem Du schon __mst, es zu tun? Warum hast Du es noch nicht getan?
15. Was was bisher der größte Erfolg in Deinem Leben?
16. Was ist Dir bei einer Freundschaft am wichtigsten?
17. Was ist Deine liebste Erinnerung?
18. Was ist Deine schrecklichste Erinnerung?
19. Wenn Du wüsstest, dass Du in einem Jahr sterben wirst, würdest Du irgendetwas an Deinem jetzigen Leben ändern? Warum?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
20. Was bedeutet Freundschaft für Dich?
21. Welche Rolle spielen Liebe und Zuneigung in Deinem leben?
22. Nennt abwechselnd eine positive Charaktereigenschaft, von der Ihr glaubt, dass sie Euer Gegenüber besitzt. Macht dies fünf Mal.
23. Wie eng und herzlich sind die Beziehungen in Deiner Familie? Denkst Du, dass Deine Kindheit glücklicher war als die anderer Menschen?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
24. Wie beurteilst Due die Beziehung zu Deiner Mutter?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
25. Denkt Euch beide drei wahre "Wir" Aussagen aus. Zum Beispiel: "Wir sind beide in diesem Raum und fühlen uns..."
26. Vervollständige diesen Satz: "Ich wünschte, ich hätte jemanden, dem ich erzählen könnte..."
27. Wenn Du mit Deinem Gegenüber eine enge Freundschaft schließen würdest, was müsste er oder sie dann unbedingt von Dir wissen?
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
28. Sage Deinem Gegenüber, was Du an ihm oder ihr magst: sei dabei ehrlich und sage Dinge, die Du normalerwise einer Person, die Du gerade erst kennengelernt hast, nicht sagen würdest.
29. Teile mit Deinem Gegenüber einen peinlichen Moment in Deinem Leben.
30. Wann hast Du zum letzten Mal in Gegenwart einer anderen Person geweint? Und wann für Dich alleine?
31. Nenne eine Sache, die Du bereits jetzt and Deinem Gegenüber magst.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
32. Worüber macht man keine Witze, sofern es so etwas gibt?
33. Wenn Du heute Abend sterben würdest, ohne die Möglichkeit, mit jemandem zu sprechen, was würdest Du bereuen, jemandem nicht gesagt zu haben? Warum hast Du es noch nicht gesagt?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
34. Dein Haus mit all Deinem Besitz fängt an zu brennen. Nachdem Du Deine Liebstena dn Deine Haustiere gerettet hast, kannst du ein letztes Mal ins Feuer laufen und einen Gegenstand retten. Welcher wäre das? Warum?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
35. Der Tod welches Familienmitglieds würde Dich am meisten mitnehmen? Warum?
36. Berichte von einem persönlichen Problem und frage Deinen Gegenüber um Rat, wie er oder sie die Sache handhaben würden. Biten Deinen Gegenüber außerdem, zu beurteilien, wie Du selbst vermutlich über das ausgewählte Problem denkst.