Mick McKellar Update--Day +72
I talked to my diabetes coordinator this morning, after calling in my glucose test scores. At first, she was happy with the low numbers and was going to reduce the amount of insulin I must inject. Then we discussed what I was eating for lunch. I've been eating low calorie yogurt, carrots, and celery with peanut butter each day. She became upset with me for not eating a balanced meal at lunch. I told her the items were recommended in the pamphlet she gave me, but was advised that I apparently missed the whole point of the exercise: To balance the glucose levels with insulin to accommodate my regular meals rather than change my meals to help regulate my blood sugar. I'm confused, but old "chemo brain" is working on it.
Today was another day without a hospital visit, so we went for a drive out to Walmart and picked up a few necessaries. We got lost on our way back, but only for a few minutes. The weather was a perfectly beautiful spring day, temperatures in the 60's and full sunshine. I have to severely limit my time in full sun because of three of my medications, so I retired to our room and Marian enjoyed a sunny walk downtown.
Tomorrow is a different story: Early blood tests, mid morning meeting, and afternoon consultations. We may walk three times tomorrow, but that depends on how accurate is their weather forecast, which is calling for thunderstorms tonight and tomorrow.
Health update
I am generally feeling well today, and enjoyed walking about in Walmart, wearing my Darth Mick mask, and have managed the stairs several times today. However, the fatigue follows me and quickly descends like a heavy blanket after each effort. I understand it will be my companion for a long time.
I decided to try taking a nap this afternoon, but the mind growls on and the eyes would not stay closed, so I wrote another poem. The poem and the introduction are below. What started as a bit of fun wordsmithing, managed to end on a serious note.
As always, thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts. Thank you for your communications that tie us to home.
God bless and good evening,
Mick
And now: Three Characters in Search of Me
In recent months, I've spent a lot of time writing about change and about who I am becoming, both as a result of the blood and marrow transplant and meeting the emotional and spiritual challenges of grappling with Graft vs Host Disease, sudden changes in my condition, and learning to live one day at a time. Throughout those journals of my journey, I ponder and reflect upon that search.
I was put in mind of the three characters or faces of us all: The one we show others, our true character or face, and the one we believe is our true face. I wondered, if I am searching for the real me, which of these characters can help me in my search? It started out as a bit of fun, but brought me to a serious question: Should our three faces be in harmony with each other, and would that mean the face you see really be me?
Mick
Three Characters in Search of Me
Meticulously made, the mask you see,
It's pattern so familiar to my friends --
So difficult to tell where the mask ends,
And where begins the rest of the real me.
How can this character help me find me?
Beneath the public mask, my private face,
A visage carefully long set apart,
And dancing to the music of my heart,
Without concern for vanity or grace.
Can this character help me in my chase?
Behind them all, an aspect, I believe
Exists as one true face that plays no role,
The one that tells the story of my soul,
A face my soaring spirit would conceive.
What can this character help me retrieve?
I'm faced now with this trichotomy:
The countenances may be a disguise,
When viewed by a variety of eyes,
And yet if they were all in harmony --
Would not the face you see be the real me?
Mick McKellar
May 2011