My Best Friend, Ukraine

Summary

As the United States of America and the North Atlantic Treaty Organization are walking down a bar, a bottle of vodka is dropped from the top of the bar, narrowly hitting the USA and NATO. The USA yells at the countries on top of the bar, the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics yells back at them, just as one of the USSR's republics, the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic, asks if they should be friends with the USA instead of being enemies. The USSR then claims that their friendship and union would last forever.

Contrary to the USSR's words, however, this union would not be to last. A coup attempt was attempted on the Soviets, and while it failed, the news reporter questioned if the days of the USSR were over. The Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic decided that he was wrong about his friendship, and gains independence as Ukraine. The USSR proper, however, was not happy about this. As the USSR said goodbye, he becomes the Russian Federation, but tells his Soviet past that his sleep would not be eternal.

As Ukraine is dancing at a club with the USA, NATO, Japan, the Republic of India, the Federal Republic of Germany, and Canada, Russia appears and asks Ukraine if he wants to join Russia's new post Soviet group, the Commonwealth of Independent States, a military alliance controlled by its members. Ukraine is unsure of joining. Along with the Republic of Belarus, the Republic of Armenia, Turkmenistan, the Republic of Tajikistan, and the Republic of Moldova, the CIS is established. Ukraine only shows up, not wanting to be a full member. The group is cheerful at first, however, when Russia discusses why America sucks, their smiles drop a little.

Ukraine returns home, ready to relax, when he realizes that tons of nukes, leftover frmo Ukraine's Soviet past, are in the basement of Ukraine's house. When the USA calls, he is furious, thinking that Ukraine wants to be a nuclear power. Russia then calls Ukraine, claiming that the nukes belong to him, even claiming the the preserved brain of Vladimir Lenin knows it. The USA is okay with Russia having the nukes back. Russia is mad that Ukraine is secretly a friend of America. Under the United Nations, Ukraine prepares to hand over all of his nukes to Russia, but under some conditions: there cannot be any military against him, except in Russia's self defense in accordance with the UN charter. Ukraine hands all of his nukes to Russia. Ukraine makes it back home, thinking he is safe, but Russia calls, asking for Crimea back, but Ukraine refuses, claiming that Crimea voted for independence and to be a part of Ukraine.

2008 arrives. As Ukraine strolls in a park with Republic of India, Federal Republic of Germany, People’s Republic of China, and United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland , Georgia appears in front of Ukraine. As they talk about Russia, the USA appears and discusses about NATO. The USA claims that Ukraine wants to be friends with the West and gain protection against Russia. America then proposses a path to Ukraine's membership in NATO. Although America and Georgia are in favor of Ukraine joining, Ukraine is unsure, having given all of his nukes to Russia and then fearing that joining NATO would harm Russo-Ukrainian relations.

After recognizing the Georgian breakaway states of Abkhazia and South Ossetia as independent, Russia has invaded Georgia. Ukraine, nervous and suspicious, calls NATO, claiming that they provoked Russia into invading Georgia. NATO defends themselves, claiming that it wasn't their fault that Russia invaded Georgia. Russia then calls Ukraine, knowing about Ukrainian-NATO relations, fearing that Ukraine being in NATO would threaten Russia and Moscow. North Atlantic Treaty Organization recognizes Russia and talks to them, but this makes Russia aware that Ukraine was calling both him and North Atlantic Treaty Organization.

2014 has been a rough year for Ukraine and Russia. Russia, in the blizzard, sneaks up to Ukraine. Ukraine, cold, hears his door open, and Russia comes in. Russia claims that he is just checking on Ukraine, but Ukraine knows that Russia is lying. Ukraine finally confesses that he wants to be friends with the European Union. Just then, Russia grabs a sickle, and uses it to take Crimea from Ukraine. Knowing that Russia is finally truly against him, Ukraine denounces himself as a CIS member, and Russia threatens Ukraine that bad things would happen if he countinued being friends with NATO and the EU. A war in the Donbas breaks out, then a pipeline connecting Russian oil from Siberia to Germany has been constructed, skipping Ukraine, and Ukraine seeks better relations with NATO.

By 2022, Russia has finally had enough, and fearing further Ukrainian-European Union relations, as well as Ukraine being a major natural gas exporter, proposes that they invade Ukraine. Other Russians are skeptical of this, claiming Ukraine's wheat exports, but Russia assures the others that the war would end in no time. As Russia calls in the Russian army to invade Ukraine,The Soviet Union starts rising in Russia, but Russia fends it off. The radio announces that Russia has begun an invasion of Ukraine, claiming it wants to purge the country of neo-Nazism, and that NATO members have leveraged sanctions on Russia. A Russian and Ukrainian, both on the Russo-Ukrainian border, talk to each other, with the Russian asking the Ukrainian to be safe, and the Ukrainian thanking the Russian. As they leave, a Russian tank knocks down the Welcome sign to Ukraine.

The video ends with a quote from Thomas Mann, "War is a cowardly solution to the problems of peace."

Trivia

• My Best Friend, Ukraine is MrSpherical's most viewed proper video.

  • MrSpherical's most viewed video overall is Who is the real Korea?.

• The air date of May 24, 2022 was chosen because it then was three months since the the Russian invasion of Ukraine.¹