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My marriage is on the brink of divorce - How to save a marriage on the brink of divorce.
If you are on the brink of divorce and have nowhere to turn then know there is always hope. One of the most common ways to destroy a marriage is by not communicating well with your partner. Some people find words really hard to find while others shout and curse as a way of not having to show their true emotions. If you follow these 10 guaranteed ways to save a marriage it will not end in divorce.
1. If you have been constantly arguing with your husband and feel your marriage is dying the best thing you can do is to lead the way and stop the raised voices and hostile attitude. If one of you does this then there is no one left to argue with. In some marriages this kind of behaviour can go on for years. Each partner desperately trying to get on top of the other in order to inflict as much pain and hurt as possible. Though outsiders often see this married couple as having a lot of barneys the fact is this kind of quarrelling will kill the love passion and mutual respect. So be the one to stop. This will have the effect of calming things down and giving you both a chance to first catch your breath and then begin to think about what is going on.
2. So what is going on? The arguing may have begun over something very simple like what colour car did you want to buy. If you are both strong personalities this may have been the starter flag for fiery interaction every time a decision needed to be made. If you have been able to restore a sense of peace in the house it is time to try to find the way back. Your pattern of arguing can stop as quickly as it started if you know how. As you chose to be the one to stop arguing now you can be the olive branch and calmly try to talk with the man you still love. It is ironic that some couples find it easier to bicker with each other rather than get to the heart of the matter. Tell your husband you love him and you want the fighting to stop. You want to smile again and feel happy. Tell him this fighting is breaking your heart and wearing you down.
3. If you have followed these 10 guaranteed ways to save a marriage it will probably feel strange for a while in fact the silence in your home may prove to be deafening. Do not slip back into the old pattern. If the fighting begins leave the room and do not come back until it is calm again. Never stay and fight you know where it leads. Just take that time out to calm yourself down. With nobody to argue with peace should resume.
4. It will take some time before the fighting lessens but if you refuse to be baited you will have success. Now that you both have settled down the real work can begin. It would be nice to set a romantic scene where you both could just be with each other for a while. You do not have to speak at first in fact saying nothing will probably be a first. Places where you do not need much conversation at this stage are good. It is too soon to tackle serious subjects as it may lead to the fighting.
5. When an unhealthy pattern of behaviour has been in play for some time there are sure to be relapses. Like an alcoholic who gives up drinking in order to become sober something may trigger the old way of thinking and the drinker returns to the drink. After years of arguing becoming calm and rational may not be without its relapses as well much the same as the alcoholic. Do not get concerned over these slip-ups as they are bound to happen. You are learning to communicate in a very different way.
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6. It is time for the real talking to begin. You will both be nervous, as this will be new. As you have taken the lead up until now it may be you will need to get the ball rolling. This where the blame game could begin. You have to be careful in your approach as it could lead to more conflict. What you need to talk about is your feelings for each other. Do you still love your husband and does he love you? Couples who communicate in a negative manner often do really love each other they have just not learned how to really share their feelings and dreams. This can come from an abusive father or nagging mother who set up the pattern for their children to follow. If there are children in your marriage you are setting the scene for another repeat performance. How many generations will have to suffer before someone puts up the stop sign. You owe it to your kids to change the pattern of thinking now before their lives are ruined by problematic relationships when they are older. This can create our future abusers.The good news is that these kinds of patterns can be turned around. It is reversing the behaviour and putting in place healthy and caring behaviour. You need to figure out what is making you both fight. It could stem from insecurity a lack of self-esteem or even jealousy. Get what you are both feeling out and talk about the ways you can work on these areas. Accept the part you may have played in making your partner feel this way. If possible a marriage counsellor could be of real help here as they are skilled in the techniques that will change the old thinking. You need to learn better ways of debating with each other. It is a fact that all people argue but it is the degree of how far they take it before it gets out of control. If violence enters the frey then you have a major problem to deal with. Whoever is the victim will have to remove themselves from the home as their safety could be in jeopardy. The abuser will need individual therapy before any kind of relationship can resume.
7. If you have been following these guidelines your marriage should be in better shape. Just remember when you slip-back do not beat yourselves up just stop in your tracks and make yourself calm. The family home may be a surprise to your neighbours who have been used to the fighting. They may notice you both seem a lot happier and less stressed as well. You can spend time together without fear of an argument and when you do disagree you know it will not escalate.
8. Sharpen up your appearance as you did when you were dating. It will feel like you are starting over so a new wardrobe or hairstyle will help with your confidence. You want to bring in the romance and have fun with each other because up until now it has been a battlefield of pain. You will notice you feel lighter not burdened any more happy to be in the marriage as it goes through its change. Your husband and you could go out dancing or just spend time getting to know each other without all the drama. If you have followed these 10 best ways to save a marriage yours will be much better and you may fall in love with each other all over again
9. If you know you are both prone to fire up really quickly you could learn the art of meditation or even join a gym. Any kind of activity that takes the stress away and keeps you calm. Breathing exercises are recommended for this as they get you in touch with your body and how stressed you are feeling. If you start to feel uptight stop and just listen. Take deep breaths from your diaphragm and close your eyes. You will feel your breathing getting slower and you will start to feel relaxed. Find ways to diffuse those angry feelings you might have.
10. If you have made it this far congratulations are in order. You have taken your troubled marriage from the brink of divorce to a relationship where you both love and respect each other. Now you need to maintain it. Arguing continuously is not just a bad behaviour it is like an addiction. Your blood pressure can go up as your body tightens then the adrenalin starts pumping and you are ready to fight. You get used to the way your body feels and almost addicted to it. It is like a flight response much like what the cavemen felt when the dinosaur was chasing him. Living in this mode will give you heart disease strokes and stress related illnesses. It is just a case of either a husband or a wife making the first move to change. Follow these 10 guaranteed ways to save a marriage and you will not need to file for divorce.
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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your marriage can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage - Learn More Here
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Further Reading:
My Husband Cheated On Me While I Was Pregnant
Loneliness In An Unhappy Marriage
My Husband Talks To Everyone Except Me
My Husband Won't Talk To Me About Our Relationship
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