My husband treats me like I don’t matter - My husband talks to me like dirt.
It is tough to understand what to do when your husband doesn't love you anymore. Most women in this situation are in a conflict: "Should I just let him go, since he doesn't want me anymore? Or should I stay and fight to win my husband's love back, for the sake of me, my husband and my family?"
"Letting it go" is the easy thing to do, but it is not the correct thing, especially if you think the marriage still has potential if you two were able to sort some problems. Unfortunately, a lot of people just "let go." The divorce rate is horrible and it's only because not many people stay and fight to save their marriages.
When your husband doesn't love you anymore, you might be inclined to beg or cry to him to "love you again." This is very common but unfortunately is the worst thing to do in this situation. Instead, you must restrain yourself from doing this and appear to be strong, and contemplate on your next move to win his love back.
Winning your husband's love back can be as easy as re-realizing your role as a spouse. In the majority of marriages, after "settling in" and the arrival of children, wives assume the role of a mother: Someone who cooks, who does household work, and looks after children.
While this is very noble - it also makes your husband associate your image with a mother's image rather than a wife's... and that is very dangerous as it can kill the romantic love your husband has for you.
If your husband doesn't love you anymore, you have to start assuming the role of the wife again. This is not a hard thing to do. Stop nagging and bickering around - tell him how much he means to you. Arrange dates to go out on. Nothing fancy - just like how you used to be while you were flirting. Arrange something for the kids so that you two can be alone home together for a couple of hours, maybe once each week.
These things work like magic and you won't believe the results after only a short time. The key to winning his love back when your husband doesn't love you anymore is to BE his love again. Be his soulmate, not his roommate; and be the wife, not the mother. This is the key.
Even if both spouses love each other sincerely, at times they might find themselves getting more and more distant from each other and getting close to a divorce. But like me, you too can take some steps into saving your marriage and turning it into a satisfying relationship.
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That is usually the plea from either the husband or wife when their marriage is on their rocks and their spouse seems determined not to make up or worse still, chooses to be with someone else. When all else fails, they panic and become desperate for help in saving their marriages.
Before going into the nuts and bolts of identifying the key problems and providing appropriate solutions, allow me to give a cold hard fact that marriages can really be stressful and difficult to manage especially for men.
In the olden days, they are much easier to handle as women are more submissive and willing to serve men as faithful wives.
Sadly in the 21st century especially when women are regarded as equals in careers by society, they become much more independent and develop their own mindsets. Instead of being submissive, they want men to be so that they can get what they want rather than giving men what they want.
It is extremely hurting to realize that your spouse - whom you have been in love and staying with - is going to leave you. It is never easy to accept this and even harder especially if you have children since you are going to lose custody of looking after them as well.
The only bright thing is that so long as you and your spouse are not officially divorced, you have every chance to save your marriage. And that is provided you do the right things and not what you think is right as many men have found out at a cost.
Firstly, you need to identify what went wrong with your marriage. You may discuss with your spouse but be prepared to accept the reasons mentally as most of them will be your faults that caused all those problems. The worse case scenario is that your spouse may not even want to tell you after claiming that she has told you many times but you do not want to listen.
Though it may sound very hurting to you, you need to understand that your spouse is equally hurt as well.
For instance if your marriage breakdown is due to your extra-marital affairs and your spouse deliberately sees another man as well, you cannot blame her totally. She does this so as to enable you to understand how she feels if you are in her shoes. That usually happens after she keeps telling you to stop seeing the other woman but you refuses to listen or even deny.
Another reason could be abusive behaviour which led to violence. Stress at work, addiction to drugs and gambling are some of the factors that caused this. When things are not going their way, men tend to vent their frustration on their women without giving any valid reasons. This resulted in great misunderstandings and hurt to women.
Or it could be your spouse unable to adjust to your daily lifestyle and living habits. For instance if my wife is a 9 to 5 employee and I am working from afternoon to midnight, this can be a trauma to her since we do not get to see each other frequently despite sleeping together under the same roof.
Lack of communication is another reason why marriages fall apart. Whether you have a great or lousy day at work, always make it a point to share with your spouse. And when she talks like giving advice, begin developing your listening habits and talk only after she finishes what she wants to say or asks you something.
Likewise when she has her own problems and needs to confide in you, you should do exactly the same.
The last reason is criticizing each others' faults. More often than not, they become defensive and think each other to be right without realizing their refusal to accept each others' faults is what caused all their marriage problems. Though accepting criticism is never easy, you should make every effort to in order to maintain your marriage.
After pointing all these problems, my ideal solution is that both husband and wife should sit down and discuss on how to settle their problems. If that did not work out well, they should seek advice from their families and friends. Getting advice from marriage counsellors should be their last resort if that fails as well.
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Further Reading:
My Husband Thinks I Don’t Appreciate Him
My Husband Doesn’t Understand My Feelings
How To Get Your Husband Back From His Mistress
My Husband Has Lost His Feelings For Me
Just Found Out My Husband Cheated On Me