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How to fix a marriage after a huge fight - Sleeping apart after a fight.
When you and your spouse fight, there is surely some issue underlying the angry words and bitter statements. But, when you two are angry, it is more likely than not that the real issues will not surface properly, and if any of it does, it will be littered with anger and hostility and resentment and insults. That is why, when the fight begins, though it is important to express your anger and get your bad feelings out, you need to stop yourself at a certain point and take some time apart. That is essential to keeping yourselves from saying really bad things. Words can leave lasting and permanent effects on people and as easy as they are to say, they are much harder to take back.
Thus, when you two fight and the anger gets to a high peak, walk away. Say that you need to just take a break, clear your head and calm down. Leave the house if you have to, go for a drive, unless you are really in a rage, then just take a walk or sit outside and drink something soothing and just take deep breaths. Watch television, do some calming activity that will stabilize your moods and then when you are ready make that known to your spouse. Call them or text them or ask them if they want to talk. You might be able to tell from their body language if they are still cooling off or are ready to talk.
Then, when you two are ready to talk, sit down for a long time and begin really communicating. A lack of communication will cause any great marriage to crumble and you have to make sure that you let the other person talk and say everything. You won't like to hear any of it most likely and some of the things might even surprise or shock you or hurt you or make you think it's outright insane, but you have to listen and have to let them speak. The first thing you have to do is realize that even if you don't agree these feelings are legitimate and actual and need to be treated with respect.
If your spouse sees that you are listening to them respectfully, they will feel that much more inclined to hear you, too. You will be able to speak when it is your turn and you will finally be able to express some of what is bothering you. Without communication, the marriage will deteriorate and turn into something very resentful and distant with time.
Though it will be painful to hear and discuss all of the issues, it is the way to save your marriage and relationship and one way to make sure that you two get your issues out. You can write these in the form of notes to one another or you can make a long list or you can say it face to face. You can try a method where you say your feelings and the other must repeat it back and put themselves in your shoes before they are allowed to express their own emotions.
Once you get your issues out and discuss them, give yourselves some time to mull things over and then reconvene again with ideas for solutions to these problems.
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"Help me save my marriage before I kill my husband! We don't have sex! And the rare times we do, I don't even like it! Oh, and he never listens, never talks to me, never wants to discuss anything and claims he doesn't trust me! I'm fed up!"
If this sounds like you, then chances are I don't have to tell you there's some turbulence in your marriage. Every marriage experiences rocky points within its relationship, that's simply the nature of love. However, when things escalate to a point where each day seems grayer and drearier than the last, then there's definitely a need to pay attention and see what's wrong. Here are 8 signs you might need to run straight pass Go! and make decisions on how to strengthen your marriage and dissolve the problems driving a wedge between you both.
1. There's no respect. The end of respect for someone in a relationship is the beginning of harsh criticism and judgment for them. It's important that you and your husband share morals, values and a similar foundation of beliefs, even if you don't always agree with one another.
Respect is a key foundational block of your relationship with your husband. Enough is enough when you realize your partner's actions are just no longer okay with you - and that's when it may be time to let go of your relationship.
2. No trust. When actions don't match words, trust between lovers is eroded to a dangerously low level within your marriage. Your lack of ability to have faith in someone keeping their word then leads you not to rely upon them to follow through, which eventually wears you down and keeps you from opening up.
Whether or not you can fix trust depends on the situations in which trust is broken. There's a strong difference in never trusting someone again for forgetting an appointment versus a habitual liar who cannot seem to get to the root of his issues about gambling.
3. Constant fighting. Again, all couples fight, no matter how lovey dovey they seem on the outside. However, if you seem to constantly schedule continuous arguments without resolution that seem to increase in frequency at every step, you're suffocating under a lot of drama - drama that might not be worth the hassle if it cannot be resolved.
If you're fighting to keep the love alive in your marriage, you're working too hard to keep your marriage afloat. However, you may wish to speak with a marriage counselor before moving straight for the Divorced Girls' Society.
4. You're bored with him. Taking your husband for granted is a sign of acclimation to the max in a marriage. We all take our loved ones for granted, especially when we're used to living with them on a regular basis.
The difference between regular, run of the mill boredom, and worrisome boredom is whether or not you have the ability to re-engage him with fun activities that spice up the fun in the relationship. If he's a wet blanket - or you both are - then you'll suffer in quiet desperation until something changes.
Now ask yourself, "Which one of these problems, if fixed, can help me save my marriage? And how can I begin to fix them?" Perhaps some reflection on these issues can lead you to developing a plan of action that puts you on the right track to saving your marriage before it's too late.
50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage. There are powerful techniques that will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here
Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your marriage can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage - Learn More Here
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Further Reading:
My Husband Shuts Down When We Fight
How To Resolve Conflict In Marriage
How To Get Your Spouse To Give Your Marriage A Second Chance
Emotional Loneliness In A Marriage
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