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My husband left me to find himself - Husband says he needs time to get his life in order.
Understandably, people tend to be really hard on husbands who decide to leave their family in order to "have space" or "find themselves." Much of the time, the husband reassures his family that hopefully, this is all just going to be temporary. He will often admit that he isn't happy with his life, his marriage, or his very existence. And he hopes or thinks that having some time for himself is going to sort all of this out. Some husbands are obviously quite torn about and guilty over this. They will try to ensure that everything at home is still taken care of and they work hard to make the transition easy on their families.
Other husbands will take a more standoffish approach and will tell themselves that they "just have to be selfish right now," in the hopes that this time away will benefit their family in the long run, even though it is painful now.
Either type of husband can get an awful lot of criticism from family and friends. And although the wife may feel that he's being selfish, she often isn't sure how to handle the criticism from people who love her. She might explain: "this morning, my mother called my husband a 'selfish jerk.' Normally, I would automatically defend my husband. But I have a hard time doing that just now. Because quite honestly, my husband is acting like a selfish jerk. He's living in an apartment half an hour away because he's having a mid-life crisis and now wants 'time to find himself.' I have tried to be understanding, but I want to smack him. Sure, I'd love some wonderful silence to ponder the meaning of life, but I do not have that luxury. I have children who depend on me. Am I blissfully happy every day of my life? No, I am not. But I'm not going to overreact and completely disrupt my family for my own selfish needs. So yes, I do think my husband is acting like a jerk. And when I start to think that way, my mind starts to wander and I ask myself if I even want this man back. Because I worry about what he would be like - even if we reconcile. Is he always going to be keeping an eye out for his own unhappiness? Is he always going to think the world revolves around him?"
Before I go even further, I want to tell you that I completely understand how you feel. I called my husband a "selfish jerk" in my own mind more times than I want to admit during my own separation. And quite frankly, even when I look back today, I still think that was quite a selfish period in his life. We eventually reconciled and I try very hard to only feed my marriage and my mind good thoughts. But I don't think any one can argue that there is a "me" focus when someone leaves their family to "find themselves" or to have "space."
That said, there are instances where the space ends up being a positive thing and the spouse who left comes home and is a much better, and happier, spouse.
And frankly, even if it is undisputed that your spouse is being a selfish jerk, you can't really say this. You can't really call them out on their selfishness, because this will often only make it worse or make them want that "space" even more.
So what can you do? Well, you can try to set it up so that you don't feel quite as resentful. One of the ways that you do this is that you make the space work for you. By that, I mean that you spend the time on yourself. You do exactly what he is doing. You take your own space. You answer to yourself and you do what you enjoy doing.
It might help to ask him to be accessible so that you are not having to explain things to the kids. Seeing him making this effort will help you to not be as resentful.
As far as comments from well-meaning family members go, I found that it was always best to try really hard to defer it. Yes, you might agree that he's being a jerk. But saying so doesn't really do anything for you and it only feeds into the negativity that is already present. Plus, when you reconcile, you'll know that you agreed with his critics.
I found it best to say something like: "yes, it is a tough time for us, but I'm hoping that he will work through it soon and we can move on. He doesn't take this lightly and it's hard on all of us."
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Having a marriage on the brink of a divorce is never an interesting proposition. It is even harder when you want the relationship to work and your spouse wants a divorce.
Most people find it very hard to deal with a troubled marriage and react badly. But it is possible to save your marriage even when your spouse wants out. Here are 4 remarkable ways to save your marriage from failure.
Work on Will Power
It is not everyone who will share your thoughts. They might mean well but with negative comments sounding in your ears, you might be forced to hit the gas and speed down the path of divorce.
You might hear comments like, "it is for the best" or "it's out of your hands now". You will hear this over and over. Do not give up, have a strong mindset that you can save your relationship.
Avoid being obsessed with your relationship. Be logical and look for ways to save your marriage. You need to work on your will power for where there is a will, there is always a way.
Avoid the Panic Button
When your marriage is in crisis, never show your partner you are panicking. This is another remarkable way to save your marriage from failure. Never beg or plead that you would die if your marriage crashes.
This can push your spouse away. Let them have breathing space. Desperation will cause your partner to feel suffocated. Remember to be cool and calm. If you show you are unstable, you damage your chances of saving your marriage.
Be Strong
You are an adult, not a child so act like one. Spend time doing things that make you strong. Spend time with those who love you. Do not talk about things that pertain to your relationship. Opinions and comments may mar your thinking and what you need to do.
Do all it takes to make yourself happy and brace up to the challenges of making your relationship work.
Law of Attraction
Take care of yourself and children. Eat well, get rest and look good. The world does not end when your marriage is in turmoil, make the extra effort be at your best. And when your spouse finds you attractive from a physical and emotional perspective who says your marriage cannot get back on track?
Problems in marriage does not mean divorce is the only answer. You need to show will power in the face of negativity and avoid the panic button. You also need to be strong for yourself and do things that will still make you attractive to your spouse.
50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage. There are powerful techniques that will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here
Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your marriage can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage - Learn More Here
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Further Reading:
Wife Chooses Friends Over Husband
I Feel Unimportant To My Husband
I Found Out My Husband Cheated On Me
My Husband Picks Fights Then Blames Me
How To Deal With Disrespectful In Laws
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