How Can I Get My Husband Back After Separation: Separated From Husband but Want Him Back

How can I get my husband back after separation - Separated from husband but want him back.

I often hear from wives who are devastated to be alone in their own home. For whatever reason, their husband has left both them and the home. These wives are often quite sure that they want to get him back before a divorce occurs but they aren't sure how to go about this. The reasons for him leaving are as varied as the couple themselves. But, no matter what the situation, how you handle it when you try to get him back is very important because it can either improve your situation and your relationship or it can seriously deteriorate it. So, in the following article, I'll discuss what I think are some of best ways (and some of the worst ways) to get your husband back after he leaves you or the marriage.

The Wrong Ways To Try To "Make Him" Come Back After He's Left: Many wives email me and ask me to advise ways that they can "make" their husbands come back home. When someone says they want to "make" someone do something, this almost implies that you're going to use force to make your husband do something that he doesn't want to do against his will. Of course, this is not your intention, but the implication is still there. Most people intuitively know that it's much better to set it up so that your husband wants to come home completely willingly and full of enthusiasm rather than being reluctant and doubtful.

But, most people just don't believe that they are going to be able to accomplish this kind of cooperation. So, they stoop to behaviors that are meant to get any result at all. Sometimes, they will try the sweet approach. They will try to negotiate and make deals. They will say things that both parties know aren't really meant. When these things don't work, they might try to lay on the guilt or they might try to act very negatively just to get any reaction at all. They figure some reaction is better than being ignored. Usually, this isn't the case. Negative reactions will usually only make things worse for you and will make it even harder for you to gain any real ground later.

So, as tempting as it may be to engage, or follow or bombard him with messages and behaviors that are beneath you, please don't. You will only feel badly about yourself, you will reinforce any bad perception that he already has, and you will likely make your situation worse. There are much better way to handle this which I will discuss right now.

Some Of The Best Ways To Get Your Husband Back Home After He's Left You: Always remember that your ultimate goal is to get him back in a manner that allows him to willingly decide that he wants to come back on his own without negative influences from you. To that end, you want to ensure that all of your efforts are positive ones. I realize that this may be hard to manage right now. But it can help to wait to interact with your husband until you are sure that you can pull this off flawlessly. Perceptions are so important right now.

I can tell you from all of the husbands that I hear from that men often leave in a last ditch effort to get your attention and in an attempt to force some real and lasting change. They will often tell me things like "I just didn't know what else to do. We've tried everything there is to try and nothing really worked, not really. " The husband is typically at the point where he's no longer listening to your promises and your pleas because he has heard them all before. So, you will often need to say something all together different to really get his attention.

Instead of focusing on the negative, try to remain positive and calm. Move very gradually and be happy with small victories. Just meeting for coffee without any pressure is usually going to work much better than a sleep over where you beg him to commit to coming home and staying there. Ultimately, the best case scenario is moving so gradually that it's he who suggests that he come home. So many women tell me this isn't possible, only to admit that it is a few weeks later.

Trying new and different strategies will often force your husband pay attention because, unlike in the past, he doesn't know for sure what is coming next. There's nothing wrong with saying something like "everyone knows I'm sorry that you're not living in our home, but you must have thought that leaving was the best decision right now. I will support you in this because I want for things to get better and I want for both of us to be happy. When we got married, I never envisioned for things to turn out this way since there have been times when we were so happy and in sync. If you need time, I can give that to you. If you need support, I can do that too. But, the last thing I want to do is to deteriorate a relationship that has and still is so important to me. In the time being, I'd just like to focus on not deteriorating things between us. I'll use this time to work on myself and I won't become a bother you. But, I'm here if you need me or want to talk."

Even the most skeptical and resistant husband will have a hard time finding fault with this strategy. You've basically told him that you support him, but are backing off to also support yourself. Since this may well be new tactic, it will often get his attention and invoke his curiosity. He will often wonder why you have had this sudden change of heart. This may not happen immediately, but if you continue to play it correctly, you can often gain more ground than you would have if you'd focused on just getting any short term reaction that is possible.

You need to focus on the long term. You need to let the time work for you. And, you need to conduct yourself with integrity and make sure that your husband sees the parts of you that he loves and misses the most. You need to do this in a very gradual and genuine way that does not feel forced, desperate, and rushed. I know that this may seem like I am asking a lot, but I have seen this situation play out countless times and I can tell you with much confidence that a gradual and long term strategy may not feel as immediate and may not give you the instant gratification and relief that you crave, but it's success rate is much higher and it all but ensures that your husband is a willing rather than a reluctant participant.

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Further Reading:

I Don’t Love My Wife Anymore but She Loves Me

How To Make My Wife Happy When Angry

My Wife Doesn’t Feel Loved

I’m Not Happy In My Marriage Anymore

My Wife Rejects My Affection