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How to be happy alone in a marriage - Feeling lonely in marriage.
How to keep a happy marriage in today's world is a real challenge to say the least. Most married couples are conditioned with busy lifestyles. Many experience fatigue, anxiety and depression at various levels. The stress may come from the job, children, family members, other people around or the situation and condition. One may be able to tolerate all those, but there is one thing that normally act like the spark on the pool of fuel, something unpleasant done or said by their spouse.
Our spouses play a very important role in our lives. We may not realize that the big chunk of our emotion is driven by them. If you are happy with your spouse, dealing with other hardship in life will somehow be easier. On the other hand, having a fight with your partner will make you more annoyed with other life problems.
There is a theory that not many people are aware of, yet it is so true, that our emotion and the way we feel about something is our choice. Others may influence how we feel, but at the end, we are the one who decide what we feel about it and how we should react about the particular problem. If we see our partner's mistakes and we choose to feel bad about it and raise a fight, that is exactly what we will get. On the other hand, if we decide to keep calm, talk to them in healthy manner and forgive them for it, it will become a whole different story. However, the art of forgiving does not come naturally to everyone, in fact, it can be a skill that needs practice to acquire.
Learn to forgive each other's past mistakes. The past is history. There is no use in remembering old mistakes, as you can do nothing about them apart from learning the lessons. Digging old mistakes and revive them as part of current arguments is pointless to say the least. It will only make matters worse.
Sometimes when we are stressed out, we may say something that we immediately regret. Same with your partner. Learn not to snap at hurtful comments before seeing the reason behind it. Most likely they do not mean what they say, learn to forgive them and forget about it. Don't add fuel to the fire, let go of the small unimportant things as they are not worth arguing about.
Last but not least, we are all human prone to making mistakes. We are learning and growing from the experiences, both success and mistakes. Remember when we decide to have our partners as part of our lives, we agree to accept them as a whole individual with all their flaws. Deal with problems with cool head, keep the communication line open and forgive each other. There is nothing more rewarding than having a truly blessed and happy marriage.
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Like everyone else, you are probably busy. Very busy. You have your normal work schedule, but so much more you need to do beyond that. You may need to take kids to football practice, piano lessons, and maybe even karate lessons. You need to clean the house, pick up the dry cleaning, and cut the grass. The list is endless.
Should you even consider adding something else to your busy schedule? Maybe, just maybe, the answer is yes.
So many marriages are strained, over committed, and stressed. It is hard to find time to for your spouse. Yet, we are all called to serve others. And one very smart way to do that is together with your spouse.
You have something that you can offer to others. It's your time, your caring, your interest. It isn't a good idea to hold up in your home, blocking out the rest of the world. It's not good for you or for your marriage.
By serving others, you and your spouse will benefit by working together in an unselfish way. You will take the focus off of yourself and off of your daily problems. This will actually help to strengthen your relationship. You will come together working on a common goal.
Here are some ideas on ways that you can make a difference in your community and in your world:
Consider becoming a mentor to someone who is younger. Both single and married young people are dying, literally, to have someone invest in them. They truly desire the help of someone who is older, wiser, and will spend some time with them. The most important think you can do is listen. Have a cup of coffee with them, or share a meal together. Over time, get to know about their interest, concerns, and goals. Simply listening will help them tremendously. In time, they may ask for your ideas. Share them only when the time is right - not too soon.
Consider becoming part of a small group, perhaps at your church or in your community. This is a great way to grow together. You might be able to join a study on improving your marriage, or learn something new together. You can become friends of your local museum or work on addressing an issue in your area.
Consider performing some community service. You can volunteer as you make time for items like Meals On Wheels, where you can deliver meals to people who can't get out of their homes. Pay a visit to a prisoner or an older person. Volunteer to take care of a single mom's kids so that she can take care of some errands or simply take a much needed break. Check with your local church. They will be able to direct you in the ways that you can help, and where your help is needed.
Consider spending some time with your extended family members. Over time we tend to drift apart from the people who are part of our history. Plan a simple dinner party or even plan a family reunion. It doesn't have to be a complicated and expensive process. Simply reserve a picnic area in a centrally located park, pick a date, send out invitations, and ask everyone to bring food to share. You can even suggest that people bring photo albums to pass around.
Consider working on your spiritual life together. Find a local church and ask about what they offer for worship, service, and study. They can often help you find a great place for you.
Your life is busy. But your marriage is important. You can improve your marriage by taking some time to plan service projects with your spouse. Your marriage and your community will be better as a result.
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Further Reading:
My Husband and I Have Become Roommates
How To Make My Husband Want To Sleep With Me
My Husband Threw Me Out Of The House
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