Mars

For billions of years, Mars has stood as one of the oldest and most mysterious civilizations in the Solar System. Long before humanity learned how to shape metal or build cities, the Martians had already developed towering dome-metropolises, planetary defense grids, artificial atmospheres, advanced medicine, and archives containing knowledge stretching back to the earliest eras of cosmic history. Their civilization predates nearly every known intelligent society in the system, and despite the dusty, frozen wasteland humans see from telescopes, Mars is still alive beneath its crimson surface.

Martians themselves are biologically similar to humans in appearance, though easily recognizable by their naturally pale skin, copper freckles, and vivid red or ginger hair. According to ancient Martian records, early expeditions to Earth roughly 60,000 years ago led to integration with primitive human populations in Central Asia and surrounding regions. Through this contact, Martian genetics quietly entered humanity’s bloodline, becoming the origin of red-haired humans on Earth. To this day, Martians jokingly refer to red-haired humans as “the distant cousins.”

The average Martian lifespan is approximately 85 Earth years, though exceptional individuals have survived far longer through biological enhancement and ancient medical science. The oldest known Martian was an Elder Archivist of the legendary Library of Knowledge, who lived to 1,048 years old before dying in 1956. His death marked the end of an era among Martian scholars, and his preserved memories remain stored within the Library itself.

Despite their intelligence, Martians are infamous across the Solar System for their bizarre approach to problem-solving. They are compassionate, cooperative, and highly logical beings, yet somehow manage to solve catastrophic problems in the most inefficient ways imaginable. Martian engineers can spend thirty years constructing an absurdly overcomplicated machine to fix a simple leak, only for it to work flawlessly. This strange contradiction has become one of the defining traits of Martian culture.

Origins of the Martians

The true origin of the Martian species remains unknown even to themselves. Some believe they evolved naturally during the ancient green era of Mars when oceans covered the planet and massive ecosystems thrived beneath a thick atmosphere. Others believe the species was intentionally created by divine forces during the earliest moments of cosmic history.

Among Martian folklore, one famous joke claims that God originally created red-haired beings as an experimental “draft species” and, unsure where to place them, simply dropped them onto Mars. Though treated humorously, many Martians secretly enjoy the story and repeat it proudly.

Another common theory suggests that the transformation of Mars into the dusty orange world seen today altered Martian biology over millions of years, intensifying the species’ red pigmentation and leading to the bright ginger hair that became synonymous with Martian identity.

The Great Drought

Billions of years ago, Mars was not a barren desert world. Ancient records describe vast oceans, enormous river systems, artificial islands, and floating cities suspended over emerald-colored seas. This golden age ended during a catastrophic planetary collapse known as The Great Drought.

The exact cause remains debated. Some historians blame planetary instability, while others suspect ancient warfare or failed climate-engineering systems. Whatever the reason, Mars rapidly lost most of its surface water and atmosphere, transforming into the freezing wasteland recognized today.

The disaster nearly destroyed Martian civilization entirely.

Rather than collapse into endless wars over resources, surviving Martian city-states reached a historic agreement. The species collectively decided that internal conflict had nearly exterminated them and resolved to prioritize cooperation over conquest. This decision became the foundation of modern Martian society.

From that point onward, scientific progress exploded.

Medicine, atmospheric engineering, robotics, agriculture, transportation, and defense systems advanced at incredible rates because the entire species worked together instead of against one another. Modern Mars is essentially the product of billions of years of uninterrupted scientific cooperation.

The Library of Knowledge

At the center of Martian civilization lies the legendary Library of Knowledge, considered the single largest archive in the Solar System. Hidden beneath the crust of Mars in colossal underground chambers, the Library contains ancient records dating back billions of years.

The archives include:

• Records of extinct civilizations

• Stellar maps older than human civilization

• Biological data from thousands of species

• Historical observations of Earth

• Lost scientific theories

• Ancient war records

• Preserved memories of deceased Martian scholars

The Library is protected by ancient archivist orders who dedicate their entire lives to preserving information. Among Martians, librarians are viewed with nearly religious respect.

Martian Society

Martian civilization operates under a unified planetary government rather than separate nations. Unlike Earth, Mars abandoned the concept of competing countries long ago. The entire planet functions through centralized administration, planetary planning, and collective cooperation.

Martians are widely regarded as intelligent, considerate, and emotionally loyal to one another. Family structures are extremely strong, friendships often last entire lifetimes, and betrayal is considered deeply shameful within their culture.

However, Martians also possess strange cultural obsessions and habits. Most notably, they are completely obsessed with mashed potatoes. Historians have no explanation for why mashed potatoes became one of the most beloved foods in Martian history, but the species treats the dish with absurd seriousness. Entire culinary festivals are dedicated to mashed potatoes alone.

Martianese, the native language of Mars, is also remarkably similar to English, sharing nearly 90% mutual intelligibility. Linguists still debate whether this similarity emerged naturally through ancient contact with humanity or through intentional linguistic adaptation.

The Martian Government

The Martian Government is one of the oldest continuously operating political systems in existence, ruling Mars for billions of years before humans even understood agriculture. The planet is governed under a centralized authority known as the Council of Rings, named after the ceremonial floating rings worn by its leaders.

The government is an unusual blend of hyper-efficiency, ancient ritual, and bizarre traditions that somehow function perfectly.

The High Chair

The supreme leader of Mars is known as the High Chair, elected every 50 Martian years through an elaborate gladiator-style debate tournament where candidates must demonstrate rhetoric, leadership, and combat skill.

Current High Chair:

• Zrathul The Great

Council of Rings

A council of 13 representatives chosen through planetary voting systems. Each member oversees major sectors of Martian civilization and infrastructure.

Ministry of Rocks

Handles geology, planetary excavation, asteroid negotiations, and foreign affairs.

Department of Solutions

Responsible for solving planetary problems. Despite appearing horribly disorganized, the department somehow succeeds through absurd methods that should not logically work.

Royal Scribblers

Ancient scribes responsible for documenting government proceedings through elaborate calligraphy etched into floating marble tablets.

Martian Customs & Culture

Wobble Day

Once every year, all government buildings intentionally tilt at a 5-degree angle for “atmospheric purposes.” Nobody fully remembers why the tradition started, but it continues regardless.

Duels of Honor

Political disputes can be resolved through ceremonial trials judged by neutral Martian elders.

Tharnaxis Prime

The capital city of Mars.

A colossal domed metropolis featuring glowing markets, shimmering purple canals, floating transit systems, underground libraries, and the famous Grand Debate Arena where political contests occur.

The Red Sand Guard

The Martian military, known as the Red Sand Guard, is surprisingly small compared to Earth militaries.

• Total personnel: 20,000

• Active duty soldiers: approximately 1,000

Mars maintains such a small standing army because the planet is considered extremely safe internally, and its automated defense systems are among the most advanced in the Solar System.

In 2000, Mars completed a massive planetary artillery and detection grid capable of identifying hostile ships long before they reach the atmosphere. The system was developed as part of a future-focused planetary initiative involving multiple Martian scientific factions.

The Red Sand Guard specializes primarily in:

• Guerrilla warfare

• Defensive planetary combat

• Orbital interception

• Robotic warfare systems

The War Against Venus (1623)

In 1623, Mars entered one of the most devastating wars in its modern history against Venus.

The Venusian species, forced to survive within floating sky-cities above the hellish surface of Venus, sought expansion away from their dying environment. Their government attempted large-scale invasions and resource seizures against Mars.

The conflict became a brutal technological war.

Venus possessed overwhelming numbers of war machines and aerial fleets, while Mars held superior technological sophistication. Although Martian forces ultimately achieved victory, the war reinforced the long-standing Martian belief that large-scale conflict only delayed societal progress.

The aftermath directly accelerated Martian investments into medicine, automation, planetary shields, and diplomatic infrastructure.

Martian Expansion Across the Solar System

Though Mars rarely seeks conquest, it maintains scientific and logistical outposts across the Solar System.

Martian stations exist on:

• Titan

• Several Jovian moons

• Outer system mining colonies

• Pluto

These outposts serve as research hubs, communication relays, and emergency shelters for interplanetary travelers.

First Contact with Modern Earth

As human governments began launching probes and satellites toward Mars during the 20th century, the Martians became increasingly irritated by the constant crashes impacting their territory.

Several probes accidentally struck populated or protected Martian regions, causing diplomatic outrage.

Eventually, Martian leadership decided to formally reveal themselves.

A Martian spacecraft reportedly appeared over both Washington D.C. and Moscow, demanding that Earth governments “be more careful where they throw things.” The announcement confirmed intelligent life existed elsewhere in the Solar System, shocking humanity permanently.

The Martians also clarified that many supposed “failed” Mars missions had actually been intercepted, redirected, or quietly removed after landing too close to sensitive infrastructure.

Earth Missions to Mars

The 1960s – Early Pioneers

• Marsnik 1 & 2 (1960)

• Mars 1 (1962)

• Mariner 4 — first successful flyby

• Mariner 6 & 7 (1969)

The 1970s – First Landings

• Mars 2 & 3 (1971)

• Mariner 9 — first spacecraft to orbit another planet

• Viking 1 & Viking 2 (1975)

The 1980s–1990s

• Phobos missions

• Mars Pathfinder & Sojourner

• Mars Global Surveyor

The 2000s – The Golden Age

• 2001 Mars Odyssey

• Spirit & Opportunity

• Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter

• Phoenix

Martians reportedly found the tiny human rovers “adorable.”

Martian Relations with Earth

For decades, Mars and Earth maintained cautious trade agreements involving scientific exchange, metals, medicine, and atmospheric technology. Martians generally viewed humans as chaotic but entertaining.

That relationship collapsed in 2019.

Following major scandals involving global elites and political corruption on Earth, the Martian Government concluded that many human leadership systems were fundamentally unstable and morally compromised. As a result, Mars suspended nearly all trade and diplomatic communications with Earth.

Official Martian statements reportedly described humanity as:

“Too dangerous to trust with advanced microwaves.”

Despite this, Martians continue observing Earth closely.

The Interplanetary Joke Accord (1975)

In 1975, Earth and Mars signed the Interplanetary Joke Accord, a bizarre but historically important diplomatic agreement forbidding either civilization from intentionally annihilating the other.

The treaty also established:

• Shared comedy broadcasts

• Cultural exchanges

• Restrictions on planet-destroying weapons

• Legal protections for interplanetary humor

Many historians still debate whether the treaty began as a joke that became legally binding by accident.

Walmart vs. Mars

In 2008, Walmart was briefly sued by the Martian Government over similarities between the company’s logo and ancient Martian symbolic markings.

The dispute ended peacefully after Walmart agreed to financial compensation and licensing arrangements.

Martians reportedly respected the company afterward for “handling legal conflict with honor.”

The Martians’ Regret

Many Martians now look upon Earth with mixed emotions.

Their ancient contact with humanity 60,000 years ago unintentionally influenced human history forever. The technology they accidentally left behind shaped civilizations, empowered governments, fueled conflicts, and altered global power structures in ways they never intended.

To the Martians, humanity represents both one of their greatest mistakes and one of their most fascinating creations.

Even now, hidden observatories beneath the red sands continue watching Earth every single day.