Vape Patrol

United States Vape Patrol (USVP)

The United States Vape Patrol (USVP) is a federal division established on January 1, 2026, following a sharp nationwide rise in vaping that alarmed public health agencies and lawmakers. Created as a rapid-response organization, the USVP’s stated mission is to eliminate illegal vaping products from public circulation and suppress what the government classifies as a growing addiction crisis. In an unusually short time, the USVP has risen to become the 2nd most funded U.S. government division, reflecting the urgency with which federal authorities treated the issue.

USVP operates with sweeping investigative powers. The organization is known for aggressive data collection, monitoring purchasing patterns, social activity, and distribution networks tied to vaping products. Agents conduct frequent patrols of gas stations, convenience stores, and small retailers to enforce federal anti-vape laws, ensuring no prohibited devices or cartridges are sold. Their reach is extensive, with informants and undercover agents reportedly embedded in nearly every U.S. territory.

One of the most controversial aspects of the USVP is its presence in schools. The organization maintains agents in most middle and high schools across the country, focusing on areas identified as high-risk for vaping, including restrooms. Supporters argue this approach has drastically reduced on-campus vaping incidents, while critics view it as an extreme intrusion into student privacy.

When individuals are found vaping, USVP protocol mandates immediate confiscation of the device. Official statements claim offenders are then routed into mandatory recovery and de-addiction programs designed to prevent relapse. However, allegations persist that enforcement sometimes involves excessive force during apprehension and interrogation, with rumors linking intelligence agencies to “lesson-based deterrence.” These claims are a major source of public outrage and have not been fully substantiated, but they heavily contribute to the USVP’s dark reputation.

Despite its effectiveness, the USVP is deeply divisive. Supporters point to plummeting vape availability and reduced youth usage rates, calling the agency brutally efficient. Opponents argue it represents government overreach, mass surveillance, and the criminalization of addiction rather than treatment. Protests and legal challenges against the organization began appearing within months of its formation.

North Dakota stands alone as the only U.S. state openly resisting the federal vape ban. As a result, it has experienced a massive influx of vapers relocating to the state, turning it into a cultural and political hotspot. This migration has further strained relations between state and federal authorities and made North Dakota a constant focal point of USVP attention.