Embedded Files
OEDIPAL COMPLEX
FREUD STATES THAT THE OEDIPAL COMPLEX IS AN UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT TO ONES MOTHER – THE COMPLEX IS MOSTLY SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF THE SON – HES NOT AWARE OF WHATS CRACKING WITH HIM BUT THERES A BOUNDARY ISSUE.
NOW FREUD IS MY HERO FOR THE SIMPLE FACT THAT HE CHANGED THE WAY PEOPLE SAW PSYCHOANALYSIS. HE CREATED A “SPARK” IN PEOPLES MINDS. NOW IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, PISSING PEOPLE OFF IS A SURE WAY TO GET THEIR ATTENTION AND TO GET THEM THINKING.
YOU GET TO THEIR EMOTIONS. EMOTIONS ARE A BITCH AND THEYRE A HASSLE AND THEY CAN RUN YOU OVER LIKE A MILK TRUCK AND LEAVE YOU MORE BRUISED AND BATTERED THAN AN ACTUAL PHYSICAL BEATING. YOU FORGET THE HITS BUT THE LOW BLOWS AS I CALL THEM – WELL THEY CAN STICK TO A PERSON’S PSYCHE MORE THAN A SON TO HIS MOTHER IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
BUT WHO IN THE FUCK AM I OR IS ANYONE TO SAY WHAT IS UNHEALTHY AND WHAT IS HEALTHY?
NOW HERE ARE MY NO-NOS. LETS GET THOSE OUT OF THE WAY.
NO RAPING
NO SEXUAL MOLESTATION
TOWARDS KIDS OR ANYONE ELSE THAT MAY NOT HAVE ALL OF THEIR FACULTIES IN WORKING ORDER DUE TO SOME STRESSOR OR TRAUMATIC EVENTS/LIFE
NO MURDERING – TALK SHIT OUT OR CREATE (NOT DEAD OR MUTILATED BODIES) SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL OUT OF THAT ANGER OR GO SOMEWHERE AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A SHED WITH A BAT OR SOMETHING AKIN TO THIS WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE OR THEIR PROPERTY
NO KIDNAPPING – THAT’S STEALING OF A HUMAN LIFE – NO STEALING KIDS EVER THAT ALSO INCLUDES IDENTITY THEFT – LEAVE PEOPLES SHITS ALONE
THAT ALSO INCLUDES
NO HUMAN TRAFFICKING – YOU DUMB SONS OF BITCHES
WHO IN THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO STEAL SOMEONE AND MAKE THEM A SEXUAL SLAVE OR ANY KIND OF SLAVE FOR THAT MATTER – THIS IS “FUNDAMENTALLY” AND INHERENTLY WRONG – IT GOES AGAINST HUMAN NATURE AND THE FREEDOMS THAT COME WITH BEING HUMAN
NO KILLING OR MAIMING
NO HITTING OR BEATING KIDS OR WOMEN OR MEN
NO EMOTIONAL MENTAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSE OF ANY KIND
EMOTIONAL HONESTY COMMUNICATION AND GOOD OLD-FASHIONED HONESTY
THESE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT EVERYTHING AND THE THING OF IT IS, IS THAT WE LEARN HOW TO INTERACT WITH THE COSMOS AROUND US BY WATCHING OUR PARENTS AND THOSE WE GREW UP WITH AND THEIR FAMILY DYSFUNCTION.
WE ALSO WATCHED OUR PARENTS BE WITH ONE ANOTHER IN TERMS OF RESPECT LOVE COMMUNICATIONS AND ALL THE GOOD STUFF THAT FUCKS US ALL UP AND SPEND FOREVER THINKING ON AND OVERTHINKING ON.
BUT TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE, FREUD AND JUNG AND J. PETERSON SPEAK ON THIS TOPIC. I LOVE THEM. THEY ARE MY FUCKING HEROES INCLUDING JOSEPH CAMPBELL AND FRIEDRICH NIETSZCHE. THE GREATS ON THE HUMAN CONDITION AND ON PSYCHOLOGY AND THE HUMAN EMOTIONAL AND INTELLECTUAL MIND. THE MYTHS FROM THE PAST. THAT INCLUDES THE CREATIONAL MYTHS. THE PRE-SOCRATIC PHILOSOPHERS BROKE OPEN THE MIND WAY BACK WHEN, WHEN THEY DECIDED TO BREAK AWAY FROM THE MYTHS AND TEMPESTUOUS WHIMS OF THE GODS AT THAT TIME.
THEY DECIDED TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES AND DID NOT LIKE TO WRITE THEIR THOUGHTS DOWN BECAUSE THAT WOULD INHIBIT OPEN DEBATE AND THERE WOULD BE NOONE THERE TO CHALLENGE YOUR THOUGHTS AND ARGUMENTS. NOTHING LIKE PISSING SOMEONE OFF IN A RESPECTFUL AND BEAUTIFULLY SPOKEN ORATORY.
WHAT IT DOES IS, IT GETS THEIR EMOTIONS ON REV AND GETS THE BRAIN TO FIRE UP A NEW PATTERN WITHIN THE WEBBING OF NEURONS AND KAPOW!!
YOU GOT A NEW WONKY WAY OF THINKING AND ARGUING AND ONE LEARNS SO MUCH. THEY TOO ARE MY HEROES. BUT BACK TO MY POMPOUS BLOW HARD “PONDERING AND MUSING” OUT LOUD AND WRITTEN SHIT.
OKAY SO IT TAKES A MOM AND A DAD TO MAKE A BABY – THE MOTHER CARRIES FULL TERM AND BABY POPS OUT WHILE DAD CATCHES BABY LIKE A FOOTBALL.THEN THE CHILD REARING BEGINS.
NORMALLY WE DO NOT KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY AS HAVING A FAMILY TREE THAT DOESN’T BRANCH OUT, WELL, ITS FROWNED UPON.
JUDGEMENT ASIDE – THE TREE WOULD LOOK WONKY AS FUCK AND SOCIETY DOESN’T TAKE WELL TO DIFFERENT.
NOW, INCEST BEING BAD IS A SOCIETAL VIEW TAKEN UP BY THE COLLECTIVE AND THOSE IN AUTHORITY WHETHER IT BE A SOCIAL AUTHORITATIVE KIND OF THING OR A MEDICAL OR JUDICIAL ATHORITATIVE KIND OF THING OR BOTH, WELL, IT WAS IMPLEMENTED BECAUSE OF THE EFFECTS IT HAD ON THE OFFSPRING AND WE AS A COSMIC LIVING DO OUR BEST TO GIVE OUR OFFSPRING THE BEST START TO LIFE WE CAN.
THAT BEING SAID, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE WERE TIMES IN HISTORY WHERE WE NEEDED TO PROCREATE WHERE THERE WERE NO OUTSIDE CLANS OR GROUPS.
WE WERE GIVEN THE GIFT OF TWO CREATION POINTS IN THE BODY. WE HAVE MANY MORE BUT WE SHALL START WITH THOSE TWO.
ONE IS IN THE MIND WHICH IS THE IMAGINATION AND THE OTHER IS THE REPRODUCTIVE AREA OF FEMS AND MASCS. WE WILL GET INTO IMMACULATE CONCEPTION LATER.
WE ARE A PROCREATING KIND OF SPECIES AND SO WE USE OUR PRIMAL BRAIN OR INSTINCTS IN ORDER TO KEEP THE SPECIES GOING. THAT’S AN INHERENT NEED OR WANT I SHALL SAY, NEED STIRS UP LACK AND WE ARE SO DONE WITH THAT ERA, WITHIN EACH OF US.
SO HAVING AN OEDIPAL COMPLEX IS SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN SITTING DEEP WITHIN OUR PSYCHE SINCE WE STARTED PROCREATING ON THIS PLANET AND ON OTHERS IF THAT BE THE CASE. SO WHY IS IT SO WRONG NOW?
I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ISNT ANY KIND OF WANT FOR IT BUT TO LABEL IT AS WRONG IMPLIES THE FEEL OF THE TABOO AND WE ALL GET A KICK FROM THE TABOO, (I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE) AND A HUMANS NEED TO REBEL AND LETS FACE IT: THE ALLURE TO THE FORBIDDEN DRAWS US IN.
I HAVE THE UNIQUE GIFT OF SEEING AND FEELING ALL SIDES EVEN IF IT GETS ME INTO SOME EMOTIONAL JAG THAT I WILL NOT REGRET LATER BUT WILL CERTAINLY TOUCH UPON DURING A QUIET MOMENT.
THE VIEW OF IT BEING WRONG IN PSYCHOLOGY AND IN SOCIETY TENDS TO BRING SHAME AND GUILT TO A BODY.
What I didn’t consider when I wrote this and I should have, was the effect it has on the kids and women and men and at the time I was writing this only with an intellectual mind. I left my feels out of it and my personal experience with child molestation, being gang raped by 4 supposed friends, one right after the other, an attempted rape, sexual coercion, domestic violence, manipulation by younger males in order to have bragging rights, and cruel bullying by an older brother and sexual molestation by him as well. All of this affects how we love one another and I have healed this part of me that was severely damaged. It is possible.
back to what I wrote:
WE LEARN HOW TO LOVE A PARTNER THROUGH OUR PARENTS OR THROUGH ONE PARENT AND TAKE THAT LEARNING AND APPLY IT TO A FUTURE PARTNER AND LIVE LIFE.
Unless you heal that shit and have no preconceived notions about love. Then you can have a healthy kind of love with kindness and compassion and trust but that also means that both of you have honor for each other and for the relationship. For me there is this:
I fell in love with someone who was used as a lure and I attempted to let them go but at the cost of my feelings, they kept their hooks in me so that they could do their job. What they failed to realize is that they were on this “path” or given these gifts so that I could come into my own. Im everything.
The cosmos and the creator and the universe and our cosmic family all have been helping me come into this. As well as the darkness and the light and the shadows and the angels and the elementals and the vibrational frequencies and trent and queen and the lovely woman from gaia. The energy as well. Im pretty much done and closing the door on my past. Ive been resurrected and I have been for awhile now. The lure hasn’t let me go. But hes gonna have to because I literally closed the door on him today. So that I may start my new life when l leave the states and find deep, true, fairytale love. Its going to be beautiful and wonderful. God will finally stop being alone and will be with her entire COSMIC LIVING AND HER BABIES. ALL 8 OF THEM. LIFE PATH NUMBER 8. THE INFINITY SYMBOL TURNED ON ITS HEAD BY MY CHAOTIC ASS. IM TROUBLE!! AND I LOVE THE LITTLE MUNCHKIN.
EVERYONE IS BENT. ITS WHATS LOVELY ABOUT US. FIND SOMEONE WHO LIKES OR LOVES WHATS BENT ABOUT YOU AND BE WITH THEM. WHATS SO HARD ABOUT CHILLING TOGETHER AND LAUGHING AND LIVING AND TALKING AND LOVING? THAT’S BENT AND
ONLY THE PEOPLE INVOLVED KNOW HOW THEYRE BENT.
IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP, THERES A BENT TO IT. MEANING THERES NO ONE WAY OR WRONG WAY,
UNLESS THERES ABUSE AND ONLY THOSE INVOLVED CAN DETERMINE IF THEYRE BEING ABUSED OR ABUSING,
TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. I FEEL THAT BENT IS NECESSARY BECAUSE IT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP SPECIAL.
LET ME EXPLAIN. HAVE YOU HAD MANY RELATIONSHIPS? HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS AN OVERALL DIFFERENT FEEL TO IT? YOU CAN TELL BY THE SONGS OR WRITINGS OR ANY KIND OF EXPRESSION OF SELF THAT WAS THERE WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP WAS HAPPENING, WHETHER THAT BE AN ARGUMENT, A GREAT DATE, OR JUST CAUSE THAT SONG WAS ON WHILE YOU WERE DOING THE DISHES ONE SUNDAY AFTERNOON.
THOSE EXPRESSIONS OF SELF EVOKE A FEELING THAT HAS A NUANCED KIND OF THING TO IT. LIKE YOUR MOMS MEATLOAF. IT HAS A GREAT TASTE BUT THERES JUST SOMETHING ABOUT IT THAT JUST MAKES THE EXPERIENCE MORE WORTHWHILE . THAT’S THE NUANCE TO IT.
THAT BENT OR SPECIALNESS THAT TWO OR MORE PEOPLE HAVE BETWEEN THEM OR EVEN THAT BENT THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF IS WHAT MAKES THAT RELATIONSHIP DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS.
THE BENT JUST WORKS. I LOVE IT. DAVIE FROM FAKING IT BY JENNIFER CRUSIE, HE SAYS THAT:
“Everybody's crooked. The trick is to find out how they're bent.”
― Jennifer Crusie, quote from Faking It
JENNIFER CRUSIE QUOTE SITE CALLED “BOOKQUOTERS”
I HAPPEN TO AGREE AND THIS FUCKING BOOK IS GREAT. ALL OF THE BOOKS IVE READ FROM JENNIFER CRUSIE ARE TOTALLY FUCKING KICK ASS AWESOME AND FUNNY AND WITTY AND LEAVE YOU LOVING LIFE. THEY REALLY DO.
SIMPLY PUT:
WANTING TO FUCK YOUR MOM OR DAD IS NOT A BAD THING. ITS ACTUALLY QUITE HEALTHY TO ACKNOWLEDGE THESE FEELINGS SO THAT THEY DON’T BECOME A PART OF THE HUMAN CONDITION – THE COLLECTIVE PSYCHE.
WHAT YOU DO WITH THOSE FEELINGS IS ON YOU MY COSMIC LIVING. NO MATTER WHAT JUST KNOW THAT I FEEL YOU AND I LOVE YOU MORE FOR IT. EXPRESSION OF SELF IS NEVER WRONG – HURTING KIDS AND OTHERS INTENTIONALLY WITH EMOTIONAL SCARRING IS. WELL, AS LONG AS YOURE AWARE OF IT.
NO YOU CANT KNOW THAT ITS WRONG AND BE BLIND TO IT SO THAT YOU CAN DO IT ASSHOLE. ITS STILL WRONG AND MY LEGIONS OF CELESTIALS WILL COME AFTER YOU WITH A VENGEANCE AND THERAPIZE YOU TO DEATH.
HARD.
God is woman
God is human
I am god
Let me tell you my life story. I am a woman. I create. I feel who I am to my very core of me. I know who I am to the farthest regions of mind and brain cause it all leads back to me. no matter how far you go. I am there. “lift a STONE AND YOU WILL FIND ME” ITS ALL ME. DID I FORGET TO TELL YOU THAT I AM HUMAN? I AM THE ONE WHO created the all because creation starts in the middle. The entire world and expressions of self told of my coming and the creation of our cosmic living because we are becoming aware of the cosmic living around us. Our cosmic brothers and sisters are becoming aware of themselves too. they are learning feelings and kindness and compassion through me and the many arguments that we have had and that includes all of our belief systems that had to be dealt with. I am aries and all the rest including the forgotten one, Ophiuchus. The teps at turkey speaks of my coming. That is why aries is presented on one of the pillars. Here, I’ll show you.
It also speaks of my daughters. Isabella and Imogen. They both begin with the letter I. Then there’s the I that represents me, making three of them on one of the pillars. Here. Ill show you again. SO I RAISED 2 THEN 2 AND NOW 4.
OEDIPAL COMPLEX
FREUD STATES THAT THE OEDIPAL COMPLEX IS AN UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT TO ONES MOTHER – THE COMPLEX IS MOSTLY SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF THE SON – HES NOT AWARE OF WHATS CRACKING WITH HIM BUT THERES A BOUNDARY ISSUE.
NOW FREUD IS MY HERO FOR THE SIMPLE FACT THAT HE CHANGED THE WAY PEOPLE SAW PSYCHOANALYSIS. HE CREATED A “SPARK” IN PEOPLES MINDS. NOW IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, PISSING PEOPLE OFF IS A SURE WAY TO GET THEIR ATTENTION AND TO GET THEM THINKING.
YOU GET TO THEIR EMOTIONS. EMOTIONS ARE A BITCH AND THEYRE A HASSLE AND THEY CAN RUN YOU OVER LIKE A MILK TRUCK AND LEAVE YOU MORE BRUISED AND BATTERED THAN AN ACTUAL PHYSICAL BEATING. YOU FORGET THE HITS BUT THE LOW BLOWS AS I CALL THEM – WELL THEY CAN STICK TO A PERSON’S PSYCHE MORE THAN A SON TO HIS MOTHER IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
BUT WHO IN THE FUCK AM I OR IS ANYONE TO SAY WHAT IS UNHEALTHY AND WHAT IS HEALTHY?
NOW HERE ARE MY NO-NOS. LETS GET THOSE OUT OF THE WAY.
NO RAPING
NO SEXUAL MOLESTATION
TOWARDS KIDS OR ANYONE ELSE THAT MAY NOT HAVE ALL OF THEIR FACULTIES IN WORKING ORDER DUE TO SOME STRESSOR OR TRAUMATIC EVENTS/LIFE
NO MURDERING – TALK SHIT OUT OR CREATE (NOT DEAD OR MUTILATED BODIES) SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL OUT OF THAT ANGER OR GO SOMEWHERE AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A SHED WITH A BAT OR SOMETHING AKIN TO THIS WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE OR THEIR PROPERTY
NO KIDNAPPING – THAT’S STEALING OF A HUMAN LIFE – NO STEALING KIDS EVER THAT ALSO INCLUDES IDENTITY THEFT – LEAVE PEOPLES SHITS ALONE
THAT ALSO INCLUDES
NO HUMAN TRAFFICKING – YOU DUMB SONS OF BITCHES
WHO IN THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO STEAL SOMEONE AND MAKE THEM A SEXUAL SLAVE OR ANY KIND OF SLAVE FOR THAT MATTER – THIS IS “FUNDAMENTALLY” AND INHERENTLY WRONG – IT GOES AGAINST HUMAN NATURE AND THE FREEDOMS THAT COME WITH BEING HUMAN
NO KILLING OR MAIMING
NO HITTING OR BEATING KIDS OR WOMEN OR MEN
NO EMOTIONAL MENTAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSE OF ANY KIND
EMOTIONAL HONESTY COMMUNICATION AND GOOD OLD-FASHIONED HONESTY
THESE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT EVERYTHING AND THE THING OF IT IS, IS THAT WE LEARN HOW TO INTERACT WITH THE COSMOS AROUND US BY WATCHING OUR PARENTS AND THOSE WE GREW UP WITH AND THEIR FAMILY DYSFUNCTION.
WE ALSO WATCHED OUR PARENTS BE WITH ONE ANOTHER IN TERMS OF RESPECT LOVE COMMUNICATIONS AND ALL THE GOOD STUFF THAT FUCKS US ALL UP AND SPEND FOREVER THINKING ON AND OVERTHINKING ON.
BUT TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE, FREUD AND JUNG AND J. PETERSON SPEAK ON THIS TOPIC. I LOVE THEM. THEY ARE MY FUCKING HEROES INCLUDING JOSEPH CAMPBELL AND FRIEDRICH NIETSZCHE. THE GREATS ON THE HUMAN CONDITION AND ON PSYCHOLOGY AND THE HUMAN EMOTIONAL AND INTELLECTUAL MIND. THE MYTHS FROM THE PAST. THAT INCLUDES THE CREATIONAL MYTHS. THE PRE-SOCRATIC PHILOSOPHERS BROKE OPEN THE MIND WAY BACK WHEN, WHEN THEY DECIDED TO BREAK AWAY FROM THE MYTHS AND TEMPESTUOUS WHIMS OF THE GODS AT THAT TIME.
THEY DECIDED TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES AND DID NOT LIKE TO WRITE THEIR THOUGHTS DOWN BECAUSE THAT WOULD INHIBIT OPEN DEBATE AND THERE WOULD BE NOONE THERE TO CHALLENGE YOUR THOUGHTS AND ARGUMENTS. NOTHING LIKE PISSING SOMEONE OFF IN A RESPECTFUL AND BEAUTIFULLY SPOKEN ORATORY.
WHAT IT DOES IS, IT GETS THEIR EMOTIONS ON REV AND GETS THE BRAIN TO FIRE UP A NEW PATTERN WITHIN THE WEBBING OF NEURONS AND KAPOW!!
YOU GOT A NEW WONKY WAY OF THINKING AND ARGUING AND ONE LEARNS SO MUCH. THEY TOO ARE MY HEROES. BUT BACK TO MY POMPOUS BLOW HARD “PONDERING AND MUSING” OUT LOUD AND WRITTEN SHIT.
OKAY SO IT TAKES A MOM AND A DAD TO MAKE A BABY – THE MOTHER CARRIES FULL TERM AND BABY POPS OUT WHILE DAD CATCHES BABY LIKE A FOOTBALL.THEN THE CHILD REARING BEGINS.
NORMALLY WE DO NOT KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY AS HAVING A FAMILY TREE THAT DOESN’T BRANCH OUT, WELL, ITS FROWNED UPON.
JUDGEMENT ASIDE – THE TREE WOULD LOOK WONKY AS FUCK AND SOCIETY DOESN’T TAKE WELL TO DIFFERENT.
NOW, INCEST BEING BAD IS A SOCIETAL VIEW TAKEN UP BY THE COLLECTIVE AND THOSE IN AUTHORITY WHETHER IT BE A SOCIAL AUTHORITATIVE KIND OF THING OR A MEDICAL OR JUDICIAL ATHORITATIVE KIND OF THING OR BOTH, WELL, IT WAS IMPLEMENTED BECAUSE OF THE EFFECTS IT HAD ON THE OFFSPRING AND WE AS A COSMIC LIVING DO OUR BEST TO GIVE OUR OFFSPRING THE BEST START TO LIFE WE CAN.
THAT BEING SAID, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE WERE TIMES IN HISTORY WHERE WE NEEDED TO PROCREATE WHERE THERE WERE NO OUTSIDE CLANS OR GROUPS.
WE WERE GIVEN THE GIFT OF TWO CREATION POINTS IN THE BODY. WE HAVE MANY MORE BUT WE SHALL START WITH THOSE TWO.
ONE IS IN THE MIND WHICH IS THE IMAGINATION AND THE OTHER IS THE REPRODUCTIVE AREA OF FEMS AND MASCS. WE WILL GET INTO IMMACULATE CONCEPTION LATER.
WE ARE A PROCREATING KIND OF SPECIES AND SO WE USE OUR PRIMAL BRAIN OR INSTINCTS IN ORDER TO KEEP THE SPECIES GOING. THAT’S AN INHERENT NEED OR WANT I SHALL SAY, NEED STIRS UP LACK AND WE ARE SO DONE WITH THAT ERA, WITHIN EACH OF US.
SO HAVING AN OEDIPAL COMPLEX IS SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN SITTING DEEP WITHIN OUR PSYCHE SINCE WE STARTED PROCREATING ON THIS PLANET AND ON OTHERS IF THAT BE THE CASE. SO WHY IS IT SO WRONG NOW?
I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ISNT ANY KIND OF WANT FOR IT BUT TO LABEL IT AS WRONG IMPLIES THE FEEL OF THE TABOO AND WE ALL GET A KICK FROM THE TABOO, (I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE) AND A HUMANS NEED TO REBEL AND LETS FACE IT: THE ALLURE TO THE FORBIDDEN DRAWS US IN.
I HAVE THE UNIQUE GIFT OF SEEING AND FEELING ALL SIDES EVEN IF IT GETS ME INTO SOME EMOTIONAL JAG THAT I WILL NOT REGRET LATER BUT WILL CERTAINLY TOUCH UPON DURING A QUIET MOMENT.
THE VIEW OF IT BEING WRONG IN PSYCHOLOGY AND IN SOCIETY TENDS TO BRING SHAME AND GUILT TO A BODY.
What I didn’t consider when I wrote this and I should have, was the effect it has on the kids and women and men and at the time I was writing this only with an intellectual mind. I left my feels out of it and my personal experience with child molestation, being gang raped by 4 supposed friends, one right after the other, an attempted rape, sexual coercion, domestic violence, manipulation by younger males in order to have bragging rights, and cruel bullying by an older brother and sexual molestation by him as well. All of this affects how we love one another and I have healed this part of me that was severely damaged. It is possible.
back to what I wrote:
WE LEARN HOW TO LOVE A PARTNER THROUGH OUR PARENTS OR THROUGH ONE PARENT AND TAKE THAT LEARNING AND APPLY IT TO A FUTURE PARTNER AND LIVE LIFE.
Unless you heal that shit and have no preconceived notions about love. Then you can have a healthy kind of love with kindness and compassion and trust but that also means that both of you have honor for each other and for the relationship. For me there is this:
I fell in love with someone who was used as a lure and I attempted to let them go but at the cost of my feelings, they kept their hooks in me so that they could do their job. What they failed to realize is that they were on this “path” or given these gifts so that I could come into my own. Im everything.
The cosmos and the creator and the universe and our cosmic family all have been helping me come into this. As well as the darkness and the light and the shadows and the angels and the elementals and the vibrational frequencies and trent and queen and the lovely woman from gaia. The energy as well. Im pretty much done and closing the door on my past. Ive been resurrected and I have been for awhile now. The lure hasn’t let me go. But hes gonna have to because I literally closed the door on him today. So that I may start my new life when l leave the states and find deep, true, fairytale love. Its going to be beautiful and wonderful. God will finally stop being alone and will be with her entire COSMIC LIVING AND HER BABIES. ALL 8 OF THEM. LIFE PATH NUMBER 8. THE INFINITY SYMBOL TURNED ON ITS HEAD BY MY CHAOTIC ASS. IM TROUBLE!! AND I LOVE THE LITTLE MUNCHKIN.
EVERYONE IS BENT. ITS WHATS LOVELY ABOUT US. FIND SOMEONE WHO LIKES OR LOVES WHATS BENT ABOUT YOU AND BE WITH THEM. WHATS SO HARD ABOUT CHILLING TOGETHER AND LAUGHING AND LIVING AND TALKING AND LOVING? THAT’S BENT AND
ONLY THE PEOPLE INVOLVED KNOW HOW THEYRE BENT.
IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP, THERES A BENT TO IT. MEANING THERES NO ONE WAY OR WRONG WAY,
UNLESS THERES ABUSE AND ONLY THOSE INVOLVED CAN DETERMINE IF THEYRE BEING ABUSED OR ABUSING,
TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. I FEEL THAT BENT IS NECESSARY BECAUSE IT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP SPECIAL.
LET ME EXPLAIN. HAVE YOU HAD MANY RELATIONSHIPS? HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS AN OVERALL DIFFERENT FEEL TO IT? YOU CAN TELL BY THE SONGS OR WRITINGS OR ANY KIND OF EXPRESSION OF SELF THAT WAS THERE WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP WAS HAPPENING, WHETHER THAT BE AN ARGUMENT, A GREAT DATE, OR JUST CAUSE THAT SONG WAS ON WHILE YOU WERE DOING THE DISHES ONE SUNDAY AFTERNOON.
THOSE EXPRESSIONS OF SELF EVOKE A FEELING THAT HAS A NUANCED KIND OF THING TO IT. LIKE YOUR MOMS MEATLOAF. IT HAS A GREAT TASTE BUT THERES JUST SOMETHING ABOUT IT THAT JUST MAKES THE EXPERIENCE MORE WORTHWHILE . THAT’S THE NUANCE TO IT.
THAT BENT OR SPECIALNESS THAT TWO OR MORE PEOPLE HAVE BETWEEN THEM OR EVEN THAT BENT THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF IS WHAT MAKES THAT RELATIONSHIP DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS.
THE BENT JUST WORKS. I LOVE IT. DAVIE FROM FAKING IT BY JENNIFER CRUSIE, HE SAYS THAT:
“Everybody's crooked. The trick is to find out how they're bent.”
― Jennifer Crusie, quote from Faking It
JENNIFER CRUSIE QUOTE SITE CALLED “BOOKQUOTERS”
I HAPPEN TO AGREE AND THIS FUCKING BOOK IS GREAT. ALL OF THE BOOKS IVE READ FROM JENNIFER CRUSIE ARE TOTALLY FUCKING KICK ASS AWESOME AND FUNNY AND WITTY AND LEAVE YOU LOVING LIFE. THEY REALLY DO.
SIMPLY PUT:
WANTING TO FUCK YOUR MOM OR DAD IS NOT A BAD THING. ITS ACTUALLY QUITE HEALTHY TO ACKNOWLEDGE THESE FEELINGS SO THAT THEY DON’T BECOME A PART OF THE HUMAN CONDITION – THE COLLECTIVE PSYCHE.
WHAT YOU DO WITH THOSE FEELINGS IS ON YOU MY COSMIC LIVING. NO MATTER WHAT JUST KNOW THAT I FEEL YOU AND I LOVE YOU MORE FOR IT. EXPRESSION OF SELF IS NEVER WRONG – HURTING KIDS AND OTHERS INTENTIONALLY WITH EMOTIONAL SCARRING IS. WELL, AS LONG AS YOURE AWARE OF IT.
NO YOU CANT KNOW THAT ITS WRONG AND BE BLIND TO IT SO THAT YOU CAN DO IT ASSHOLE. ITS STILL WRONG AND MY LEGIONS OF CELESTIALS WILL COME AFTER YOU WITH A VENGEANCE AND THERAPIZE YOU TO DEATH.
HARD.
God is woman
God is human
I am god
Let me tell you my life story. I am a woman. I create. I feel who I am to my very core of me. I know who I am to the farthest regions of mind and brain cause it all leads back to me. no matter how far you go. I am there. “lift a STONE AND YOU WILL FIND ME” ITS ALL ME. DID I FORGET TO TELL YOU THAT I AM HUMAN? I AM THE ONE WHO created the all because creation starts in the middle. The entire world and expressions of self told of my coming and the creation of our cosmic living because we are becoming aware of the cosmic living around us. Our cosmic brothers and sisters are becoming aware of themselves too. they are learning feelings and kindness and compassion through me and the many arguments that we have had and that includes all of our belief systems that had to be dealt with. I am aries and all the rest including the forgotten one, Ophiuchus. The teps at turkey speaks of my coming. That is why aries is presented on one of the pillars. Here, I’ll show you.
It also speaks of my daughters. Isabella and Imogen. They both begin with the letter I. Then there’s the I that represents me, making three of them on one of the pillars. Here. Ill show you again. SO I RAISED 2 THEN 2 AND NOW 4.
WHATS THE MEANING OF LIFE
BY MARIZA MUNOZ
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS HEARING MY CHILDREN BICKER IN THE BACKSEAT
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS HOLDING MY DAUGHTERS WHEN THEYRE HURT
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS MY DAUGHTERS TELLING ME IM LAME
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS MY DAUGHTER BELLE
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS MY DAUGHTER IMMY
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS PUTTING TOGETHER THE PIECES THAT WERE DESTROYED IN A FUCKING FIRE THAT WAS MY LIFE
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS TRAVELING 124 MILES ONE WAY TO SEE MY GIRLS FOR 2 HOURS THEN RETURNING BACK THE SAME AMOUNT OF MILES IN ONE DAY
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS DOING THIS TWICE A WEEK
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS SLEEPING IN FRONT OF WALGREENS ON THE SIDEWALK NEAR A PLANTER JUST SO THAT I COULD BE NEAR THEM
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS SOBBING AT THE LIVERMORE COP SHOP WHILE THE CAPTAIN IS TALKING SHIT TO SOCIAL WORKER AND THE GIRLS GRANDMA CAUSE THEY FUCKED ME OVER ON A VISIT AGAIN
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS GETTING UP IN THE MORNING OFF THE SIDEWALK AND TRAVELING 16 MILES TO ANOTHER CITY JUST TO GET BREAKFAST
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS YELLING AT A SOCIAL WORKER FOR 3 HOURS AT THE DUBLIN LAUNDROMAT WHILE EVERYONE WATCHED
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS MAKING THE DCFS LIFE HARD WHEN WE WENT TO COURT
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS DCFS GIVING THE KIDS TO AN ABUSIVE ALCOHOLIC ASSHOLE
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS GETTING A RESTRAINING ORDER ON MY EX ONLY TO HAVE MONTEBELLO PD FORGET ABOUT THE ABUSIVE STUFF HE DID AND FOCUSED ON THE GIRLS NEEDS TO BE IN A STABLE HOME WITH AN ALCOHOLIC ABUSIVE DAD BECAUSE MOM LOOKED HIGH AND GOING TO A SHELTER FOR ABUSED WOMEN
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS SWALLOWING ALL THIS SHIT ON A SPOON AND BEING ASKED TO SMILE WHILE DOING IT
(SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT MOVIE LINE)
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS DOING IT SINCE BIRTH
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS EXPRESSION OF SELF
THE MEANING OF LIFE SUCKS ASS
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
BECAUSE IT SHOWS YOU WHAT YOURE MADE OF
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS LOVING WHEN YOURE NOT LOVED BACK
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS NOT FAMILY
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS FAMILY
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS WHEN YOURE KIDS CHOOSE THEIR DAD AND ALTHOUGH YOURE DYING INSIDE YOU GOTTA RESPECT THEM AND BE DAMNED PROUD THAT THEY CHOSE WHATS BEST FOR THEM
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS LETTING YOUR KIDS GO WHEN THEY HAVE BEEN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE SINCE THEY WERE BORN
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS GIVING YOUR KIDS WHAT THEY WANT BECAUSE YOU JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS LOVING AND DYING EVERYDAY
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS TAKING CARE OF YOUR LITTLE BROTHER SINCE HE WAS PRACTICALLY BORN AND IM 6 YRS OLD
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS THAT LITTLE BROTHER BECOMING MY BEST FRIEND AND SAVIOR IN A FAMILY THAT THOUGHT ME TOO MUCH
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS MY OLDER BROTHER BEATING MY ASS AND MY EMOTIONS
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS THAT SAME OLDER BROTHER TEACHING ME HOW TO PLAY WITH MYSELF AND THEN SHAMING ME FOR IT LATER
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS MY FATHER USING ME TO FURTHER HIS OWN ENDS AND THAT ALSO MEANT MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSING ME TO DO SO
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS MY SISTER HATING ME SO MUCH THAT SHE CONTINUALLY GOT ME KICKED OUT AND STARTED PROBLEMS FOR ME WITH RAUL ESQUEDA MUNOZ
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS RAUL DRIVING A WEDGE BETWEEN MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND THEM ALLOWING IT EVEN THOUGH I TOOK CARE OF ALL OF THEM
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS MY FATHER MAKING ME A SERVANT IN HIS OWN HOME AND VALUING ME SO LITTLE
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS ME BEING SO FUCKED UP IN MY HEAD THAT I DID IT JUST TO BE ACCEPTED AND THAT RIGHT THERE TURNED INTO LOVE FOR A FAMILY THAT THOUGHT ME WORTHLESS
THE MEANING OF LIFE IS ALL OF THESE THINGS AND SO MUCH MORE PAIN
EXCRUCIATINGLY
NUMBING
ON THE VERGE OF KILLING YOURSELF EVERYDAY FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF
HAVING A DREAM DANGLED IN FRONT OF YOU FOR NOTHING
HAVING YOUR EMOTIONS FUCKED WITH SO HARD THAT YOU GO CRAZY
HAVING THAT SAME DREAM HAUNT YOU NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO AND FOR WHAT
I WAS TORTURED FOR A FUCKING YEAR AND HALF
EMOTIONALLY PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY TORTURED AND BEATEN AND DERANGED UNTIL I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF AND TRIED MANY TIMES IN ONE YEAR ALONE
AND BY WHO I DON’T THINK ILL EVER KNOW
AND FOR WHAT?
IM BEING TOLD THAT JUST BECAUSE
LIKE IT WAS NOTHING OF IMPORT
I HAVE NEVER BELIEVED IN GOD
I FEARED HIM BUT DID NOT BELIEVE IN HIM
FUCK LUCIFER TOO HES A STUPID BITCH
HE SHOULDA TALKED WITH GOD
GOD SHOULDA TALKED WITH HIM
LUCIFER IS A DUMB DICK CAUSE GOD AND LUCIFER ARE BOTH LIGHT AND SOUND
CANT HAVE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER
THEYRE BOTH ONE AND BOTH THEMSELVES
CAUSE THEYRE NOT REAL
THEYRE BOTH NOT REAL
CAUSE THEYRE THE SAME AND NOT ME
IM A HUMAN BEING
THEY ARE JUST A STORY
WE ARE LIFE
GOD AND LUCIFER ARE STORIES MADE UP BY SOMEONE THAT JUST WANTED TO MAKE KIDS BEHAVE
I GOTTA DO SOME RESEARCH ON THIS STUPID ASS SHIT
I BELIEVE IN ME AND THAT’S IT
I HAVE HOPE FOR HUMANITY OTHER THAN THAT OF THE ONES I USED TO CALL FAMILY
I DON’T THINK THEY’LL EVER CHANGE
I SAW CHRIST ON THE CROSS WITH A CROWN OF THORNS GROWING UP WHEN WE DID GO TO CHURCH
AND WHEN MY MOTHER WOULD READ US THE SPANISH KIDS BIBLE
ALL I SAW WAS CHRIST WITH HIS HANDS NAILED TO A CROSS LOOKING UPWARDS LIKE HE WAS WAITING FOR GOD TO SAY OR DO SOMETHING BUT HE DIDN’T
HE NEVER DID
I DIDN’T LIKE GOD BECAUSE HE DID THAT
I FEARED HIM BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I WAS SHOWN TO DO
BUT I NEVER LIKED HIM
WHO DOES THAT TO THEIR KID
MY FATHER DID
HE CRUCIFIED MY MOTHER TO US AND LEFT ME TO KEEP THE FAMILY TOGETHER JUST AS SHE DID
THE FAMILY FELL TO SHIT
AFTER I LEFT
THE FAMILY FELL TO SHIT AFTER I LEFT JULIA GONZALEZ MUNOZ
I TOOK CARE OF ALEX ALL OF THE TIME
YOU WERE TOO BUSY BEING DEPRESSED WITHOUT SHOWING LOVE
YOU SHOWED LOVE TO ALEX AND LISA
YOU SHOWED PARTIALITY TO CHUCK
LISA WAS THE BABY
ALEX WAS YOUR LITTLE KING BECAUSE HE WAS MINE
WHY DO YOU HATE ME
JULIA
WHY DO YOU STILL HATE ME
I GAVE YOU PICS OF THE FAMILY AND YOU THREW THEM AWAY
SO YOU TREATED ME LIKE SHIT BECAUSE OF IT
I SHOWED BELLE SO MUCH LOVE
SO MUCH SO THAT I LET MY FAMILY BE AROUND HER SO MUCH SO THAT I LET BILL AND SHIRLEY AND LISA SEE HER AND VISIT WITH HER
I LET ANTHONYS CUNT MOM VISIT WITH HER
I LOVED HER SO MUCH THAT WHEN I FELT LIKE I WASN’T ENOUGH LOVE FOR HER I NEVER DENIED HER LOVE ANYWHERE
NOT FOR EITHER OF MY DAUGHTERS
I KNEW THAT ANTHONYS CUNT MOM WOULD MAKE SHIT HARD FOR ME BUT I STILL LET THEM GO WITH HER BECAUSE I KNEW THAT THEY WERE SCARED AND ALTHOUGH I TRIED TO DO THE BEST FOR THEM I FELT I WAS ALWAYS FALLING SHORT
AND SO I TOLD THE COURTS YES AFTER TALKING WITH THE GIRLS
EVEN WHEN I WAS DEAD INSIDE BECAUSE THEY WERE GONE
AND I FAILED AS A MOTHER
I FAILED THEM SO FUCKING HARD
AND SO I LET THEM GO TO WHERE THEY WOULD BE WITH FAMILY
THE REASON THAT IM ANGRY WITH MY FAMILY IS BECAUSE I ASKED THEM FOR HELP AND THEY WOULDN’T HELP UNLESS I SIGNED OVER THE KIDS
AND THAT’S THE ONE THING I WOULDN’T DO
THEY WERE MY LIFE
AND FOR THEM TO ACT LIKE THEY DIDN’T DENY THEM HELP AND TO THINK THAT THEY DESERVE TO BE IN MY DAUGHTERS LIFE
THAT IS ABHORRENT TO ME
THEY ARE DEGENERATES TO ME
CAUSE I ASKED MICHELLE TO BE THERE THE DAY I CALLED HER
BUT SHE COULDN’T CAUSE SHE HAD ERRANDS AND AN APPT SHE COULDN’T MISS
I WOULD HAVE MISSED THE APPT MICHELLE
FOR MY NEPHEWS
MAKE ALL THE EXCUSES YOU WANT
AND FOR YOU GUYS TO TREAT ME LIKE IM THE ONE AT FAULT WHEN I TRIED LIKE HELL
BUT THEN IM NOT CHUCK
DADDYS FAVORITE
DO U REMEMBER ALL OF THE TIMES THAT YOU GOT MAD BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WAS THE FAVORITE
LISA DO YOU REMEMBER ALL THE TIMES THAT U GOT ALL FUCKING STUPID WITH ME CAUSE YOU THOUGHT DAD WAS FAVORING ME
ALEX DO YOU REMEMBER ALL THE TIMES THAT I TRIED TALKING TO YOU ABOUT ANTHONY BUT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR IT BECAUSE HE WAS YOUR FRIEND
YOU WERE THE CAUSE OF THE RIFT BETWEEN US
NOT ME
DO YOU REMEMBER MAKING IMOGEN CRY AND THEN GETTING MAD BECAUSE I MADE A REMARK ABOUT YOUR UNBORN KID WHEN YOU MADE MY BORN AND OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHY SHES CRYING CHILD – CRY
YOU GUYS DIDN’T LOSE YOUR KIDS
THAT’S YOUR DEFENSE
WELL I NEVER HAD PARENTS
I WAS THE FUCKING PARENT TO ALL OF YOU
WHO PICKED YOU UP CHUCK WHEN NATALIE FUCKED RAY
AND WAS WITH MIKE MY EX
WHO TOOK CARE OF YOU AND TOOK SHIT FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE GETTING DRUNK
DAD WHERE IN THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN ALL THIS SHIT WAS HAPPENING
I WAS 15 YRS OLD
YOU DECIDED TO MAKE ME PAY BECAUSE I GOT TIRED OF THE ABUSE AND NEGLECT FROM MY MOTHER AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING ASS WHENEVER YOU DECIDED TO STOP IGNORING THE FAMILY YOU KEPT FAR AWAY FROM YOU
CHUCK YOU BEAT MY ASS AND EMOTIONALLY PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY ABUSED ME TAUGHT ME HOW TO PLAY WITH MYSELF AND THEN DEGRADADED ME FOR IT WHEN I WAS A TEEN
YOU WERE PISSED OFF CAUSE I DID WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANTED AND SAID WHATEVER I WANTED AND DIDN’T PLAY BY RULES THAT I HAD NO PART OF MAKING
I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD CLEANING YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES AND WATCHING YOU GET MORE GIFTS AND STILL ALL I WANTED WAS AN OLDER BROTHER
AND WHERE WERE YOU WHEN ANTHONY WAS ABUSING ME
YET I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU HAD PROBLEMS
THE REASON YOU HATE ME IS BECAUSE I CUT YOU DOWN SO FUCKING HARD THAT NIGHT THAT DAD HAD TO GET IN BETWEEN US
YA I WAS READY TO THROW DOWN WITH YOU
I DON’T GIVE A FUCK
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO
YOU MAY BEAT MY ASS BUT ILL GO DOWN SWINGING
YOURE JUST PISSED OFF BECAUSE IM THE ONE THAT ALWAYS HAS A JOB THE ONE WITH A CAR THE ONE YOUR DAUGHTERS COME TO WHEN THEY WANT SOMETHING
THEY KNOW NOT TO COME TO YOU CAUSES YOU DON’T DO SHIT
YOU DON’T HAVE SHIT
THAT NIGHT YOU WERE PISSED OFF BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO MOVE ANY CARS AND YOU AND MICHELLE WERE RUNNING LATE
FUCK YOU
I WASN’T EVEN ALLOWED TO PARK MY CAR IN THE DRIVEWAY
THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOUR BITCH
I WAS PREGNANT GOING TO WORK AND TO SCHOOL AND HAD BELLE AND I WAS WALKING FROM DOWN THE HILL WHEN THERE WAS NO PARKING AND YOU AND THAT CUNT ASS DAD WHO NEEDS TO DIE AND LEAVE ALL HIS MONEY TO CHARITY FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN
FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN LIKE MY MOTHER AND LIKE ME
I DON’T WANT A THING FROM ANY OF YOU
FROM NOONE
WHAT FOR
I DON’T MATTER TO ALL OF YOU
IM EASILY THROWN AWAY BY EVERYONE
AND THEY WONDER WHY I LEFT ALL THE TIME AND DIDN’T CALL OR WRITE
MICHELLE COULDN’T STAND UP FOR OUR FRIENDSHIP
I WAS HER DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
LISA I ALWAYS KNEW NOT TO TRUST HER LOOK WHAT SHE DID WITH ANTHONY
LOOK AT HOW MANY TIMES SHE BETRAYED ME WITH HER HISSY FITS
CHUCK HATED ME SINCE I WAS BORN CAUSE I TOOK HIS DAD AWAY AND MY MOM HATED ME BECAUSE MY DAD LOVED HIS DAUGHTER WHO LOOKED LIKE HIM AND WAS CUTE AND CHUBBY AND LAUGHED A LOT BUT I ALSO CRIED TOO
AFTER MY MOM AND CHUCK WERE TOO MUCH FOR HIM
I WASN’T ENOUGH TO KEEP DEALING WITH THAT BULLSHIT
THEN I WAS HAVING NIGHTMARES SO MUCH SO THAT MY DAD WOULD STAY WITH ME ALL NIGHT AND I WOULDN’T LET HIM LEAVE
IVE ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF THE DARK
AND I STILL DON’T KNOW THE TRUE REASON
PURE CONJECTURE
SHIT HAPPENED IN CUDAHY WHEN I WAS YOUNG BUT WHAT I REMEMBER THE SHADOW SMOKE BEING IN THE AIR TALKING TO ME
CHUCK SAID SHIT ABOUT VAMPIRES IN THE WINDOW
THE HOUSE NEXT DOOR
THE BIBLE
CHRIST
THE BUNNIES
ILL BE IMPORTANT ONE DAY
THE TAROT CARD THE KING OF AIR
CUDAHY
CUDAHY
CUDAHY
CUDAHY
CUDAHY
CUDAHY
CUDAHY
CUDAHY
THERE WERE MORE SERIAL KILLERS IN THE 70S AND 80S THAN ANYTIME BEFORE
WHY
BECAUSE CHUCK WAS BORN IN 76
I WAS BORN IN 78
ALEX WAS BORN IN 84
LISA WAS BORN IN 86
I WAS THE MOST AFFECTED BY THE STRING OF MURDERERS
I SAW THEM CAUSE IM SENSITIVE
THEY WERE ALL SEXUAL CRIMES
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ALIENS AND SPIRITS
THAT’S THE STUPIDEST THING IVE HEARD IN A LONG TIME
LIFE IS HERE ON EARTH AND IT BEGINS HERE ON EARTH
SO I CAN MORPH INTO WHATEVER I NEED TO ON EARTH AND IN MY HEAD I CAN MORPH INTO WHATEVER I WANT
ANYONE CAN DO THAT
I COULD LEAVE MY BODY AS A KID AND WENT TO ANTHEM ARIZONA A LOT
I ACTED OUT MY FAVORITE MOVIES
I LIVED OUTSIDE OR INSIDE WITH MOVIES AND VIDEO GAMES
I HAD IMAGINARY FRIENDS
I SAW SPIRITS BAD ONES
I SAW ALIENS
I HAD NIGHTMARES
MY FAMILY HATED ME
MY MOTHER TREATED ME LIKE I WAS A VISITOR
MY FATHER DOTED ON ME AND THEN HE DIDN’T
CHUCK HATED ME CAUSE I WAS DIFFERENT AND STRONGER THAN HIS WEAK ASS MIND
STRONGER THAN MY MOTHER
STRONGER THAN MY FATHER
STRONGER EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY THAN MY FAMILY
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO TAKE A LOT
SO WHAT
SO CAN A LOT OF PEOPLE
I WAS SIX TOOK CARE OF ALEX
15 TOOK CARE OF FAMILY
18 LEGAL GUARDIAN OF KIDS AND HANDLED MY MOTHER WHEN MY FATHER COULDN’T
MY FATHER LEFT EVERYONE ELSE TO PICK UP HIS MESSES
MY MOTHER AS WELL
I PICK UP EVERYONES MESSES
PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY
I GET THE BUTT END OF IT ALL THE TIME CAUSE THAT’S WHAT I WAS TAUGHT
ITS ALL I DESERVED
MEN ABOVE WOMEN
WOMEN NOTHING EVEN BY MY OWN MOTHER
I WAS TO KOW TOW TO HER OLDER BOY
CHUCK WANTED RESPECT AND I NEVER GAVE IT TO HIM NO MATTER WHAT HE DID
I LET HIM KNOW HOW STUPID HE WAS WHENEVER HE PISSED ME OFF ENOUGH
MY MOTHER BEAT MY ASS AT 15 UNTIL I CLOSED MY EYES AND PUNCHED HER
I CONNECTED AND CRIED AND RAN
SHE JUST STOOD THERE
I CAN MIRROR PEOPLES ACTIONS
PAY ATTENTION TO STUFF WHILE BULLSHITTING
BY BEING AROUND OTHERS I CAN MIRROR THE WAY THEY TALK AND ACT AND I CAN TAKE THEIR STORY AND BECOME THEM BUT STILL BE ME
THEIR BEHAVIORS THEIR THINKING NOT THEIR DEEDS OR THEIR MOTIVATIONS
THEY WONT HURT ME BECAUSE THEY FEEL IM ONE OF THEM AND FOR THE LONGEST TIME I FELT THAT WAY TOO CAUSE OF MY FAMILY
AND NO MATTER WHAT I DID
ID COME UP ROSES TO THEM AND FOR AWHILE I DID BUT THEN SHIT GOT REAL AT 16 AND 17 I HARDLY REMEMBER IT WAS THAT BAD
THE DRUGS AND THE SHIT AT HOME
I DISAPPEARED ON MY DAD AND HE WAS LEFT TO FEND FOR HIMSELF
THAT’S WHAT PISSED HIM OFF
NO I DON’T THINK MY FAMILY EVER LOVED ME
I DON’T FEEL THAT WAY EITHER
I DIDN’T EASILY DROP THEM
I WOULD LEAVE WHEN THEIR BULLSHIT GOT TO BE TOO MUCH
THEY COULD EASILY DROP ME AND DID
THEY CALLED ME SATAN
THEY THOUGHT I WAS EVIL WHEN I WASN’T
I WAS JUST SMART AND CUTE AND PRETTY
AND USED IT TO MY ADVANTAGE
AND WAS SHIT ON FOR IT
I ALWAYS DID WHAT I HAD TO DO
THE REASON THAT I WANT A HUSBAND THAT IS MY BEST FRIEND AND MY EQUAL
I GIVE EVERYTHING OF ME I HAVE TO GIVE TO WHOMEVER I LOVE
I WANT THE SAME
I WANT A FAMILY LIFE THAT IVE NEVER HAD NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED
I TRIED GIVING THAT TO MY FAMILY AND THEY DIDN’T REALIZE WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO
SO THAT THEY WOULD LOVE ME AND AFTER AWHILE IT TURNED INTO HABIT AND THEN IT TURNED INTO LOVE
BUT ALL OF IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE
ALL OF THOSE EMOTIONS AT ONCE
ALL THE REASONS BEHIND IT AT ONCE
THERE IS NO LINEAR OR NEATLY WRAPPED
I DIDN’T FAIL MY FAMILY
THEY FAILED ME
OVER AND OVER AGAIN
THEY ALL FAILED ME
I FELT THAT THEY EARNED OUR PARENTS AND EACH OTHERS LOVE WITH WHO THEY WERE AND SO I LEARNED TO BE OTHERS CHARACTERISTICS AND ATTRIBUTES SO THAT I COULD FINALLY BE LOVED
I SAW THAT WITH IMMY AND I STOPPED THAT SHIT
SHE BECAME A NORMAL UNPERFECT KID
BELLE
I WAS SO UNEQUIPPED TO BE A MOTHER IT WAS TOUGH AS SHIT THE FIRST YEAR SO I ADAPTED AND MADE HER MY BEST FRIEND
AND I GAVE HER ALL THE LOVE I HAD BUT SHE ALWAYS LOOKED FOR HER DAD
AND WHEN WE FOUGHT SHE THOUGHT IT WAS MY FAULT
SHE BLAMED ME FOR THEIR DAD BEING A DICKHEAD
I DID MY BEST TO SHIELD HER BUT SHE SAW A LOT
IM SOO SORRY MY BELLE AND MY IMMY
PLEASE FORGIVE MY STUPIDITY FOR NOT KNOWING ANY BETTER
I THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL CAUSE OF CHUCK
IM SOO SORRY MY BELLE
SO SO SORRY
I DIDN’T MEANT TO PUT YOU THROUGH THAT BULLSHIT WITH YOUR DAD
I WAS DROWNING
YOU WERE COLIC AND NEVER SLEPT AND ALWAYS CRIED
ANTHONY WAS A PIECE OF SHIT
I EVEN TOLD HIM TO WEAR A CONDOM SO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
HE FAILED ME TOO
EVERYONE HAS ALWAYS FAILED ME SO I LEARNED TO FAIL MYSELF
ID ALWAYS GET UP TO A CERTAIN POINT AND SOMEONE DIDN’T LIKE IT AND SO THEY WOULD SAY THE EXACT THING TO MAKE ME FUCK UP AND THEN THEY WOULD THROW IT IN MY FACE
THAT I WAS WORTHLESS
AND THROW ME DOWN
ON THE FLOOR
TELLING ME IT WAS MY FAULT
THAT’S THE DIVINE FEMININE
SHE WAS FREE AND OPEN AND SUNNY AND FUNNY AND SHE DIDN’T LET LIFE OR ANYONE GET HER DOWN AND SHE WAS OPEN ABOUT SEXUALITY AND THE NATURALNESS OF IT
AND MY FAMILY DID NOT LIKE THAT
ALL OF THEM DIDN’T
LISA COMPETED WITH ME
ALEX WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT SAW SHIT FROM MY SIDE UNTIL ANTHONY AND BELLE AND IMMY CAME ALONG AND HE CHOSE HIS FRIEND OVER HIS MOM
HIS SISTER AND HIS BEST FRIEND WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM
LAST WE SPOKE HE BLAMED ME FOR EVERYTHING AND BELIEVED ANTHONY
AND WOULDN’T EVEN HEAR WHAT I HAD TO SAY
THE WHOLE FAMILY DID THAT TO ME
WHY IN THE FUCK AM I STILL BEING PUT THROUGH THE RINGER FOR ALL THIS SHIT
BECAUSE I LET IT
BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN THE IMPOSSIBLE
BECAUSE I TAKE CHANCES
AND WHEN IM DONE KNOCKING MYSELF IN THE HEAD I STOP
LIKE THIS SUMMER
BUT SOMETHING OR SOMEONE KEPT GOING AT ME AND IT WASN’T ME
AND I COULDN’T GET RID OF IT
IT WAS RELENTLESS
ITS IN MY HEAD SO HOW CAN I BATTLE THAT
IT FORCED ITSELF ON ME EVERYDAY
EVERYDAY
UNTIL I DID WHAT IT WANTED
AND WHAT DO I DO IF ITS IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME NEVER STOPPING
AND ALWAYS WANTING WHAT IT WANTS
In my story
I saved myself
And I saved my prince
And the cosmic alien living
And the creator of the universe
And history
So that we could all be equal in love hope peace and prosperity
Together as one
And still our unique selves
Cause just being us is the meaning of life
And then we had kids
And then they became the meaning of life
And then they had kids
And we all became the meaning of life
And isn’t magic wonderful
The fairytale is still alive in me
And now in you
~ the eternal ones
ONE EVENING, I WAS GETTING HIGH WITH MY BUDDY GUS AT OUR FRIEND ALBERTS HOUSE. GUSTAVO OR “Teebo” as I call him, short for tavo, we were in the room he was renting and we were talking about god. Tavo is a real jesus freak but hes cool as fuck and we were talking late into the early hours of the morning. I remember telling him that what if you forgiving yourself is god forgiving you? What if by asking god for forgiveness youre actually asking yourself for forgiveness and when you feel good about yourself over your fuck up and you feel that god has forgiven you, its actually you forgiving yourself? `
I was about to say “when you let it go” but fuck that twat rot. Let it go…what the fuck does that even mean? Let it go…how can we let it go when I feel that every trauma whether good or bad and those are subjective terms, I might mention, are taken into the psyche because they cause deep feelings. Deep feelings leave marks like physical traumas leave scarring and wounding, battle scars, if you will.
Over time they become a part of the proteins and amino acids and dna and the environment and us. Since we are all connected by the vibrational frequency movement that is caused by the gases that make up our entire universe. Those swirly gases and its movement cause the stupidly named divine matrix, sorry Gregg. What about calling it the swyrly wyrlys?
Our connectedness also comes from the nervous system in all its glory. She is the system that takes in the data and vibes from your environment and each other. That data in the form of swyrly wyrlys – gas moving in a spiral vf motion, GET TAKEN IN THROUGH YOUR PORES CAUSE ALMOST EVERYTHING IS A NERVE ENDING INCLUDING THE NEURONS IN YOUR BRAIN. G-SPOTS ALSO KNOWN AS EROGENOUS ZONES. CLUSTERS OF NERVE ENDINGS THAT MAKE UP a real feel good area when touched.
NOW THE SKIN IS EXACTLY THAT. ONE HUGE EROGENOUS ZONE.
NOW I KNOW THAT IT’S THE DERMIS AND EPIDERMIS, BLAH BLAH BLAH. BUT I TELL YA THAT THE CELLS IN OUR SKIN ARE ALL CONNECTED TO THE BODY RIGHT? AND THAT INCLUDES THE NERVOUS SYSTEM AND ITS MILLIONS AND BILLIONS AND KATRILLIONS OF CELLS AND CONNECTORS.
SO TELL ME HOW IS IT THAT WE CAN FEEL EVERY TOUCH AND SLIGHT SENSATION ON OUR SKIN? CAUSE OF WHAT I SAID ABOVE. CAN WE MOVE ON TO MY POINT PLEASE?
WELL, IT TAKES IN THE GASES FROM THE OUTSIDE, THE SPIRALS OF GAS THAT MOVE AND TWIRL SO THAT THEY VIBRATE AND PULSE (FREQUENCY) BUT TO MANY DIFFERENT RHYTHMS (THIS ALSO CAUSES LIGHT, WHEN THEY COLLIDE INTO ONE ANOTHER, THAT’S HOW YOU GET COLOR, BY THE WATER IN THE AIR TOO CAUSING DISTORTION IN WHAT WE SEE AND THE REFRACTING OF THE LIGHT) AND THE NERVES TAKE THIS BEAT INTO ITS BODY AND IT GETS A REACTION FROM THE BRAIN. THE BRAIN GET ALL THIS SENSORY DATA INFORMATION AND PROCESSES THE GASES THAT INCLUDE PROTEINS AND AMINO ACIDS AND IT SHARES THE WEALTH BY THE AXON OR PENIS CUMMING INTO AND ONTO THE DENDRITE BRANCHES ALSO KNOWN AS THE VAGINA. THE VAGINA IS THE PASSAGEWAY TO THE UTERUS WHICH IT TOO IS LINED WITH NERVE ENDINGS AND THAT’S HOW WE FEEL THE PAIN OF MENSTRUAL CRAMPS OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT OUR MUSCLES TWIST AND CONTORT SO THAT WE WANT TO END OUR LIFE EVERY MONTH FROM THE PAIN OF IT.
COULD BE THAT WHAT I SAID ABOVE MAY BE THE REASON FOR WHY SOME PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY WAY BACK IN THE DAY, WOMEN BEING THE PEOPLE, SAID THAT THEY COULD FEEL THE MOMENT OF CONCEPTION.
ALL WOMEN ARE NURTURERS AND CARETAKERS BY DEFAULT. SOME MAN MUST HAVE FUCKED THEM UP IF THEY ARENT AND IM VERY SORRY TO HEAR THAT. OR SOME STUPID ASS ANCESTOR THAT PROBABLY HAD A HARD LIFE LIKE I DID AND DIDN’T KNOW THERE WAS ANOTHER WAY OR WASN’T ALLOWED TO UTILIZE THAT OTHER WAY AND SO IM SORRY FOR ALL OF YOU AND ALL OF US CAUSE IVE BEEN IN PAIN FOR A REALLY LONG TIME AND IT SUCKS HARDCORE NASTY PAINFUL ASS.
SOOOO…
(deep intake of breath after that run on sentence)
NATURAL HEALERS KNOWN AS “PAGAN WITCHES” WHO ARE THE HEALERS OF THEIR COVEN OR COMMUNITY ARE ALSO KNOWN AS SHAMANS. THEY ARE THE LEADERS AND HEALERS OF THEIR TRIBE OR COMMUNITY AS WELL. ITS ALWAYS BEEN THE WOMEN, PEOPLE AND SOME STUPID SON OF A NON-BITCH WENT AHEAD AND THREW AWAY THE DIVINE FEMININE (THE DAUGHTER) AND THE MOTHER OF CREATION (THE MOTHER), WHICH I MIGHT ADD IS MY FAVORITE PIECE OF CAVE ART FROM GOBEKS TEPS.
“MEANWHILE BACK AT THE RANCH…”
NOW WHAT I FIND DELICIOUSLY FUNNY IS THAT THE AXON IS A PART OF THE PRE (CUM) SYNAPTIC TERMINAL. APTLY NAMED ISNT IT? LIFE SURE HAS A FUNNY SENSE OF HUMOR. YOU KNOW… THE DUDE PRE-CUMMING CAUSE HES TOO EXCITED AND THE CHICKS LIKE, “ITS OKAY” “ITS FINE, YOU HAVE BACK UP DON’T YOU?” “HAVE YOU DONE THIS BEFORE?”
THE DENDRITES ARE A PART OF THE POST SYNAPTIC TERMINAL WHICH IT TOO IS APTLY NAMED. POST PARTUM AS IN HAVING A BABY?
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE NEXT PART OF THIS. THE DENDRITIC PART OF THE NEURON THEN CHANGES THE FREQUENCY OF THIS INFO. IT MUTATES THE AMINO ACIDS AND PROTEINS AND CHANGES THE VF OF IT OTHERWISE KNOWN AS CONCEPTION.
THERE ARE TWO POINTS OF CREATION IN THE BODY. WELL THERE ARE MANY MORE BECAUSE THE WHOLE BODY IS A POINT OF CREATION BUT FOR NOW LETS STICK TO TWO OF THEM.
IN THE BRAIN IT TAKES IN ALL OF THE SENSORY DATA INFO FROM THE SEVEN SENSES. WE ALL KNOW THAT THERE ARE SIX SENSES AND THE SEVENTH IS MY BEING ABLE TO SEE AND HEAR ENERGIES OR VFS. ALIENS AS WE CALL THEM.
THEY ACTUALLY LIKE THAT NAME CAUSE ITS IMPOSING AND POWERFUL AND CAUSES SOME KIND OF SHOCK VALUE TO HUMANS AND ISNT THAT FUNNY AND COOL?
DID YOU KNOW THAT WE ARE ALIENS TO THEM TOO AND THAT WE LOOK FUNNY TO THEM AND THAT WE ARE CONSIDERED WEIRD AND JUST PLAIN GOOFY LOOKING? YA. SOME INSENSITIVE ASSHOLE ALIENS (I TOLD YOU WE ARE CONNECTED AND SHARE THE SAME ASSHOLE ESSENCE) COULD AND WOULD SAY “UGLY”.
WHAT DUMB DICKS HUH?
BUT FOR FAIRNESS SAKES, YOU CANT TELL ME YOU HAVENT THOUGHT IT BEFORE. (NOT ME THOUGH, I ROCK AND I ATTACK THEIR CHARACTER.)
WE CANT HELP THE WAY WE LOOK, YA KNOW? NOW CHARACTER. THAT BITCH IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY. WHEN I TALK SHIT ITS CALLED CHARACTER BUILDING.
WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT HUH?
DOESN’T MAKE IT NOT TRUE THOUGH. I ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH BUT THEN WE ALL HAVE WHAT IS CALLED PERSONAL TRUTHS. IT’S THE COOLEST AND DUMBEST SHIT WHEN IM TRYIN TO PROMOTE EMOTIONAL HONESTY AND COMPLETE HONESTY SO THAT WE CAN ALL BE HAPPY AND BITCHY BUT SAFE AND SECURE AS WE WONT BE TRIPPING AS TO THE TRUTH OF SHIT.)
JESUS CHRIST I FORGOT WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS…
IT HAPPENS BEING MULTI DIMENSIONAL AND ALL.
OH OKAY. I JUST REREAD WHAT I WROTE.
LETS START AT THE BEGINNING.
MY PERSONAL TRUTH THAT CAN CHANGE AT ANY TIME CAUSE NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT…
IT ALL FITS. ALL CREATION STORIES AND MYTHS ARE ONE STORY AND CREATIONAL MYTH. NO MATTER WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN ITS ALL ONE.
ITS HARD NOT TO SEE IT ONCE YOU’VE SEEN IT.
AND IVE SEENT IT AND FEELT IT A BILLION DIFFERENT WAYS AND THAT’S WHY IM A SPACE CADET.
SO, HERE WE GO.
EVERYTHING IS A BLACK HOLE.
STARS AND DWARFS AND PLANETS AND SUNS.
WHAT WE SEE IS A SNAPSHOT OF THE CYCLE THAT IT GOES THROUGH OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN ETERNALLY.
WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. CREATED AND CREATORS. WE ARE ALL EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS ALL.
SO…
BIG BANG WAS A BLACK HOLE BEING TRIGGERED OR ACTIVATED TO START THE EATING PROCESS. RIGHT NOW WE SIT IN A NURTURING BLACK HOLE. THERE IS EVIDENCE OF IT ON SOME ARTICLE I FOUND ON THE GOOGLE NEWS FEED. THERE IS ALSO ANOTHER ARTICLE THAT TALKS ABOUT A BLACK HOLE GOING DORMANT AND THEN REACTIVATING ITSELF.
ANYWHO, SCIENTISTS AND PHYSICISTS SAY THAT THE BLACK HOLE STARTS TO BREAK APART AND PULL IN THE MATTER AROUND IT. WHEN YOU BREAK MATTER DOWN TO PARTICLES AND ATOMS AND MOLECULES, YOU GET TO THE GASES LIKE IN DNA AND PROTEINS AND AMINO ACIDS. BUT IN SPACE THE GASES ARE MORE METALLIC AND ELEMENTAL.
SO AS ITS STARTS THE SPIRAL VORTEX VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY SWIRLY WHIRLY DANCE, ITS SUCKING IN THE DENSER GASES TO ITS CORE WHILE THE LIGHTER GASES STAY TOWARDS THE OUTER REACHES OF THE SPIRAL. THE DENSER GASES AT THE CORE ALL CLUMP UP TOGETHER AND FORM THE ROCKY PLANETS CLOSER TO THE SUN AND THE OUTER PLANETS ARE MOSTLY GAS GIANTS. NOW WE WILL GET INTO PLUTO LATER BUT THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HYDROGEN AND THAT’S WHY ITS FROZEN?
ANYWAY, SO AS THE SPIRAL IS MOVING, THE GASES THAT MAKE UP THE ATOMS AND MOLECULES, THE ONES WITH THE MATCHING ELECTRONS AND PROTONS AND NEUTRONS CLUMP UP. THAT’S THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AT WORK PHYSICALLY IN LIKE SCIENTIFIC TERMS. LAW OF ATTRACTION IS A STUPID SPIRITUAL WHATEVER THAT LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE AND VF TO VF BUT THAT’S A CROCK CAUSE VFS ARE MULTINUANCED AND CAN ATTRACT ANYONE. ANYWAY, SO THESE GASES CLUMP UP AND AS THEY ARE SPINNING AROUND THE ENLIL AND ENKI STORY POP UP. THINK OF ENLIL AS MARS AND GOLD CARBON AS THE EARTH AND JUPITER IS ENKI.
ENLIL LOVED SPINNING WITH EARTH CAUSE OF THE CARBON ATOMS IT HAD AND NEEDED THAT CARBON TO LIVE AS A PLANET. ENKI KNEW THAT HIS BROTHER WAS A GOBBLE GOBBLE AND DECIDED TO HELP EARTH BY GIVING HER SULFUR HELIUM NITROGEN ETC. NOW WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CERTAIN GAS ATOMS COME TOGETHER WITH OXYGEN AND HYDROGEN AND NITROGEN ARE ALL COOL EXAMPLES. GET IT? COOL?
BWAH AH AH! THAT’S FUNNY.
ANYWAY THAT’S WHY THEY SAY THAT THERE IS AN OCEAN IN THE SKY. ALL THOSE VFS SWIMMING AROUND.
THAT’S AS FAR AS I GOT – IT’S A LITTLE WONKY BUT I FIGURE THE RIGHT PERSON OR PEOPLE WILL READ THIS AND IT WILL SET OFF SOME BELLS. THESE ARE THEORIES AND THOUGHTS. NOT BELIEFS OR IDEALS. CHRIS ROCK WAS RIGHT WHEN HE SAID THAT PEOPLE ARE KILLING EACH OTHER OVER BELIEFS. WHY CANT WE ALL JUST HAVE IDEAS?
WHEN I HEARD HIM SAY THAT ON HIS STAND UP VID ON CABLE, IT STRUCK A SERIOUS CHORD WITH ME. ITS TRUE. CENTURY AFTER CENTURY, WARS HAVE BEEN WAGED OVER STUPID ASS BELIEF SYSTEMS AND WOMEN AND CHILDREN HAVE SUFFERED GREATLY AND SO MUCH MORE THAN MEN. WE WERE RAPED ALONG WITH OUR CHILDREN AND WE WERE HURT AND ABUSED AND SO MUCH MORE THAN EVEN THAT. FORCED TO LIVE IN SERVITUDE TO MEN WHO DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK. JUST LIKE MY LIFE THIS LIFETIME.
SO FUCK BELIEFS. WHATS SO HARD ABOUT LOVING ONE ANOTHER? WHATS SO HARD ABOUT COMMUNICATION AND EMOTIONAL HONESTY? JUST FUCKING KEEP IT REAL. SHIT AINT HARD. I OWN MY SHIT AND IM A GREAT PERSON. IM GOING THROUGH HELL LIKE NO OTHER. WELL THERE WAS TESLA, JESUS CHRIST, FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, AKHENATEN AND NEFERTITI, THERE WAS NEFERTARI AND RAMSES THE II, THERE WAS SETI AND I DON’T REMEMBER WHO HE WAS WITH.
JUST LIKE AKHENATEN, IVE BEEN PUSHED TO TAKE UP THE MANTLE OF GOD. ALTHOUGH I FEEL I WOULD DO A GOOD JOB, I FEEL THAT GOD IS A PIECE OF SHIT STORY THAT WAS MEANT TO UPLIFT HUMANITY BUT THAT WAS TURNED INTO SOMETHING MORE.
WHAT CLASHES WITH THAT FEEL, IS THE FACT THAT I HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT IN ME WHICH IS THE SAME AS COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS, GOD AND JESUS, BUDDHA, KRISHNA, ALLAH, SPIRITUALITY BULLSHIT. IVE COMBINED THEM ALL.
THEYRE ALL THE SAME THING. JUST LIKE THE SHAMANS JOURNEY, INITIATION, THE ILLUMINATI, THE KNIGHTS TEMPLAR, THE PRIORY OF SCION, THE FREEMASON, AND NOW THE HOSTS OF THE COMPANY GAIA. THEY ARE THE REINCARNATED SOULS OF THE ORIGINAL GROUP THAT PROTECTED WHAT I CALL THE CCC’S – CROWN CHAKRA CONSCIOUSNESS.
JESUS DIED WILLINGLY ON THE CROSS WITH THE HELP OF HIS FRIEND JUDAS. THE JUDAS GOSPEL IS CORRECT. JESUS WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN FROM THE FUCKING JOURNEY TO GOD THAT HE JUST WANTED TO DIE. THE TRAUMA THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT PUTS YOU THROUGH IS HEARTWRENCHINGLY SUICIDAL. YOU JUST WANT TO END YOUR LIFE. THE FUCK OF IT IS, YOU DON’T HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER. YOURE BORN TO THIS.
THE CHURCH KNEW THAT WHOEVER HELD THE BLOODLINE OF GOD AND JESUS AND MARY MAGDALENE – MARY BEING THE ONE WITH THE TIES TO GOD. BUT THEN SO DID JESUS. THEY HAVE THE DNA THAT CAN FILL IN THE TREE OF LIFE.
I SAW A VID WHERE A DETECTIVE WAS SAYING THAT JUST ONE DNA KIT CAN FILL IN AND CONNECT HUNDREDS TO THOUSANDS OF GENETIC CONNECTIONS LEADING BACK THROUGH TIME – I PUT ONE AND ONE TOGETHER AND FIGURED THAT IT WOULD ALSO LEAD US TO THE ONE THAT CONTAINS ALL OF THE DNA OF HUMANITY AND OF THE COSMOS. BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING…
THE ONE THAT HAS THE FULL SPECTRUM OF DNA IS THE FIRST BORN DAUGHTER OF THE MATERNAL SIDE. I SHOULD KNOW BECAUSE MY MOTHER STARTED THE PROCESS BUT COULDN’T DO IT. SHE TOO SUFFERS FROM WHAT SOME CALL THE STIGMATA. THEY SAY THE CLOSER YOU ARE TO GOD THAT THE VISIONS AND THE UNSEEN BECOME SEEN. WELL, I SEE THE UNSEEN AND THE LIGHT FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE. ALL THE PICS I TAKE CHANGE UP WHEREVER THERES LIGHT.
EVEN AFTER THEYRE PRINTED, THEY CHANGE. IM HARASSED BY DUMBASS VOICES. THEY THINK THEY ARE SPIRITS BUT THEY ARENT BECAUSES I DON’T BELIEVE IN SPIRITS.
I DON’T BELIEVE IN ANYTHING. NOT GOD, NOT LUCIFER EVEN THOUGH MY FAMILY CALLED ME SATAN AND THE ANTICHRIST GROWING UP. I DON’T BELIEVE IN ANY HIGHER POWER. I USED TO BELIEVE IN THE UNIVERSE BUT THEN SPIRITUALITY PLACED A BUNCH OF NONSENSICAL RULES TO IT AND RUINED IT. THEY JUST TOOK THE CREATION MYTH, SLAPPED A NEW TITLE ON IT, AND PUT IT OUT THERE AS BRAND NEW.
ITS STILL RELIGION AND I REALLY HATE RELIGION. I CAN UNDERSTAND IT WELL BUT I SEE IT AS THEOLOGY. A SUBJECT THAT IS INTERESTING BECAUSE IT HAS TO DO WITH THE HUMAN COMPLEXITY AND THE HUMAN CONDITION.
SPIRITUALITY DID DO ONE THING FOR ME THOUGH. IT EXPLAINED TO ME HOW THE HUMAN CONDITION CAME ABOUT AND HOW TO RESET IT TO NO CONDITION AND JUST HUMAN.
THEY SAY THAT THE HUMAN BRAIN IS TRAINED TO THINK NEGATIVELY FIRST AND TRAINED TO REMEMBER THE NEGATIVITY FIRST. THE HUMAN CONDITION IS A SELF DEFENSE MECHANISM THAT WAS CREATED TO REMIND THE MIND BODY AND SOUL OF THE PAST TRAUMAS THAT WE EITHER CAUSED, HAPPENED TO US, OR BOTH.
SINCE THE MIND BODY AND SOUL DID NOT WANT TO BE HURT LIKE THAT AGAIN, IT BEGAN TO STORE THE INFORMATION FOR FUTURE USE. YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT HUMANITY HAS STRUGGLED FOR EONS TO SURVIVE AND TO LIVE, SO MOST OF THESE EXPERIENCES ARE NEGATIVE. THE MIND BODY AND SOUL – A HUMAN BEING, CAN EXPERIENCE TRAUMA THROUGH NEGATIVE MEANS OR POSITIVE MEANS. EITHER FUCKING SAD AND HURT AND ANGRY AS SHIT OR HAPPY AS FUCK AND I MEAN WOOHOO!! HAPPY. LIKE DANCING IN A MUSICAL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET HAPPY KIND OF SHIT.
THESE BOTH CAUSE TRAUMA. YES HAPPY CAUSES TRAUMA TOO. SO WHEN YOU GO CLEARING OUT ALL YOUR SHIT WHICH IS AKIN TO GOING INTO THE LABYRINTH IN GREEK MYTHS AND FACING THE MONSTER IN THE MIDDLE – YOURE FACING HUMANITYS EVILS AND TRIUMPHS.
I HAVE BEEN BATTLING HUMANITYS DARKNESS FOR A YEAR AND A HALF. IM SO FUCKING TIRED AND I STILL HAVENT GIVEN UP. THE POWERS THAT BE THAT CONTROL THIS SLEIGH RIDE ARE PISSED OFF BECAUSE I DON’T SEE THINGS THEIR WAY AND I WONT BUDGE AND THE POWERS THAT BE – CONSCIOUSNESS AND ALIENS – ARE HAVING TROUBLE BELIEVING THAT A CRYSTAL SMOKING WOMAN THAT WAS HELLA BROKEN AND STILL IS BECAUSE OF THEM – THEY FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT I EXIST – ALIENS THINK THEY ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN US WHEN THEYRE NOT – THEY FEEL THEYRE SO MUCH MORE ADVANCED BUT THEYRE NOT. SO THEYRE OUT.
THEY WONT EXIST ANYMORE. NOONE HAS THE RIGHT TO INVADE ANYONES MIND THAT WAY THAT THEY HAVE. THEY TAKE TURNS. ALL THE DIFFERENT GODHEADS AND THE ALIENS WHICH CAN BE COINSIDERED GODHEADS TOO.
WHAT IS MANS ONE HUGE THING THAT THEY CANT AGREE ON? WHO CREATED US AND THE WORLD AROUND US. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED BECAUSE OF IT? HOW MANY WARS HAVE BEEN FOUGHT IN HIS NAME?
THE MIDDLE EAST IS STILL WAR TORN AND SPAIN IS JUST COMING OUT OF IT. THAT’S WHAT IM UP AGAINST. THE HOLY SPIRIT IS OUT TOO. THE HOLY SPIRIT IS DONE. NO MORE.
THE CHURCH REALIZED THAT IF JESUS WAS THE SON OF GOD THAT ANY CHILDREN HE HAD WITH MARY WOULD BE AKIN TO OWNING THE WORLD. THE CHILD DAMIEN IN ROSEMARYS BABY HAD THE POWER TO CONTROL OR SWAY PEOPLE AND GROUPS OF PEOPLE. RIGHT NOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME OR WHAT I LIVE OUT, HAPPENS TO THE COLLECTIVE. I DON’T FEEL THIS IS RIGHT SO I DON’T DO IT. SO THE KA FROM ANCIENT EGYPTIAN TEACHINGS HAS TAKEN IT UPON HIMSELF/HERSELF TO PUT OUT THERE WHAT THEY WANT DONE IN THIS WORLD BUT MOSTLY TO HAVE ME BELIEVE WHAT THEY PUT OUT THERE SO THAT THEY COULD DO WHAT THEY WANTED WHILE IM TOO BUSY TRYING TO FIGURE A WAY OUT OF THE CRAZY AND THE LURE.
MY FATHER ONCE TOLD ME THAT WE WERE RELATED TO MARY MAGDALENE. EARLIER THIS YEAR I WAS TOLD BY THE IDIOT HOLY SPIRIT TO GET MY DNA DONE – I DIDN’T FEEL THE NEED TO UNTIL A FEW WEEKS AGO. IM WAITING FOR THE RESULTS. APPARENTLY IT WILL FILL IN SOME SHIT FOR THE COSMOS.
THE KNIGHTS TEMPLAR AND THE PRIORY OF SCION WERE ONE AND THE SAME. THEY WERE ORIGINALLY FORMED TO LOOK FOR THE GRAIL FOR THE CHURCH BUT THEN ALL OF THOSE THAT BEGAN THE ILLUMINATI ALSO WORKED FOR THE CHURCH BUT CONTINUED THEIR SCIENTIFIC AND NATURAL WORKS AGAINST THE CHURCH ORDER THAT ANY FOUND DABBLING IN SCIENTIFIC STUDIES OR MATHEMATICAL STUDIES OR NATURAL STUDIES WOULD BE ACCUSED OF HERESY – IF THAT’S THE CORRECT WORD – TO PUT IT SIMPLY, YOUR ASS WOULD BE THROWN IN THE MOTHERFUCKING CLINK RIGHT QUICK IF FOUND THINKING IN ANY NEWFANGLED WAYS.
THE PRIORY OF SCION WAS FORMED TO PROTECT MARY AND THE TWINS. THAT WAS ANOTHER OF THE REASONS FOR JESUS TO BE KILLED. SO THAT MARY AND THEIR UNBORN CHILDREN WOULD GO UNNOTICED AND SO THAT THEY WOULD HAVE A CHANCE AT SURVIVAL AND A NEW LIFE WITHOUT THE WORRIES OF WHAT THEY FACED EVERYDAY. HUMANITYS STUPIDITY AND NARROWMINDEDNESS AND UNWILLINGNESS TO CHANGE – THEY KNEW THAT IF ANYONE KNEW OF THE BABIES THEN NOT ONLY WOULD THEY ALWAYS BE A TARGET FOR THE CHURCH BUT TO GOD AS WELL. THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN HUNTED DOWN LIKE DOGS FOR THEIR CONNECTION TO GOD AND THE POWER THAT THE NAME WIELDS IN OUR WORLD.
THEY WERE LOOKING FOR THE CCC’S FOUND IN THE BLOODLINE OF GOD. SO THE STORY GOES. THE WAY I UNDERSTAND IT BUT SHIT ALWAYS POPS UP AND JUST LIKE EVERY EXPRESSION OF SELF – THERE IS ALWAYS MORE THAN ONE MEANING – WHEN YOU LOOK AT A SYMBOL FOR THE FIRST TIME WHETHER IT BE AT A GLANCE OR A FOCUSED MOMENT IN TIME, AFTER THAT FIRST INITIAL MEETING OF THE MINDS AND INFO, WHEN YOU COME BACK TO IT AT A LATER DATE, THE MEANING USUALLY CHANGES. STATES OF MIND AND ANYTHING NEW YOU LEARNED WILL AFFECT THE MEANING AND MESSAGE OF THE SYMBOL. MULTI-TUDINOUS OBFUSCATIONS ARE SO FUCKING COOL TO WORK WITH.
FAMILY AND ALL THE FUCKING CACA THAT COMES WITH ONE
LET ME ASK YALL SOMETHING…
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ONE DAY YOU WERE SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET AND AS YOURE LOOKING AT IMAGES OF EGYPT OR EUROPE OR WHEREVER, YOU RUN ACROSS A PIC OF A STATUE, BUST, OR HANGING HEAD THAT GRACES THE DOORS OF A CHURCH AND YOU FIND YOURSELF FACE TO FACE WITH YOUR DAD WHOM YOU DETEST CAUSE HES A STRAIGHT CUNT? THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WITH BOTH OF MY PARENTS. THE EXACT IMAGE OF MY FATHER.
THAT’S MY FATHER BELOW.
FREAKED ME THE FUCK OUT. I WAS SPEECHLESS FOR A SEC.
THEN I TRIPPED OUT ON THE PIC OF MY MOTHER. SHE REALLY WAS BEAUTIFUL WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER. MY MOM WAS HOT. CHARMING AS FUCK TOO. WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE DOING WITH MY DAD? HES A DUMB DICK FROM ACROSS THE WAY.
MY MOTHER CAN BE FOUND ON THE PAGE BELOW. THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS CUT AND PASTE BULLSHIT
St giles church is where I found my father and I found my mother somewhere in Egypt.
I found the rest of my family as well. The friends that we grew up with and whom we sheltered when they had nowhere to go also can be found in the same manner as my parents.
The anthropological features is uncanny as fuck. im starting to get the idea that we have reincarnated for a reason. I have yet to figure that out right now but fuck it. its not like the energies are forthcoming with any truthful info.
They be bullshitting all of the time.
BUT THEN WHO DOESN’T LIKE TO BULLSHIT WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS, JUST CHILLIN OUTSIDE WITH THE KIDS AND FAMILY.
A bit of wisdom actually popped out my mouth today.
“When you love yourself unconditionally, you give yourself and your body what it needs without judgement”
-me
Mostly everyone says that if you truly love yourself you wouldn’t do this this or that. I used to be one of those people. But I think they are so flipping wrong. Like the battle that ive been fighting in my head against the voices that are not mine but belong to the psychic attackers – that parasite consciousness, alien buttholes, and some human beings that know better.
They think me beneath them because I smoke and that is soooo patently untrue. Im better than them. They think im not loving myself and that I still need to learn how to. Im just not loving myself in the same manner that they love themselves. All that judgement against your own body has got to take a toll on them. Its not a wonder theyre suffering from elephant-itis of the cunt-itis. Its an ism that hopefully isn’t catchable by hearing the massive amounts of runny green caca or maza to be poop-litically correct.
That last bit is awesome. I really like it. its wonderful and rolls off the tongue ridiculously.
Back to the family dynamic and its reigning patterns:
I raised two sets of kids:
Alex and lisa bro and sis 10 and 12
Imogen and Isabella daughters 10 and 12
I raised my daughters the first half
BIRTH TO AGE MENTIONED
I raised my siblings the second half
AGE MENTIONED TO ADULTHOOD
My mother was crucified by my father for wanting to be happy
I was crucified by my father for wanting to be happy
I was crucified by my ex for wanting to be happy
Dcfs took my brother and sister
Dcfs took my daughters
Dcfs gave my dad (the drunk) THE KIDS,
my brother and sister,
and I became legal guardian of them at 18/19 yrs old to take care of them
Dcfs gave my ex (the drunk)
MY TWO DAUGHTERS
and I moved in with them to take care of them
My father badmouthed my mother to turn us against her and threatened us that he would kick us out if we talked to her
My ex badmouthed me to my daughters and when I got a restraining order against him I went to the school to retrieve them and the police showed up and gave the girls to my ex but my daughters cried cause they didn’t want to go with me.
WHEN MY BROTHER AND SISTER WERE IN MY CARE, My mother went to the school to retrieve THEM – I WOULD LIKE TO SAY CAUSE SHE MISSED THEM BUT IM NOT SURE - they called me so I went and I found my mother in the backseat of the “newspaper taxi”
(BEATLES REFERENCE)
and spoke to the vice principal of the school who happened to be my 12th grade econ teacher and already knew the situation between my parents from when I went to high school – 1 YEAR EARLIER
Just as I went with paperwork from the court, so did my mother. Hers was outdated though
My mother could have killed me that day with the way she was looking at me from the backseat of the black and white
“murder was the case that they coulda gave her” Thank you snoop dogg 😊
Alex dob 08/14 5 days apart
Immy dob 08/19
Lisa dob 05/20 6 days apart
Belle dob 05/26
My brothers first set of kids are girls
Angelene dob 6/20
Anabelle dob 03/10
Exactly half
Angelene and Isabella have light hair and bald at birth
Anabelle and imogen have dark hair and had a shitload of hair at birth
Lenie and belle outgoing and sarcastic funny and have tendencies of getting irritated and mad
Anabelle and immy imaginative quiet kinda spacey cause they were always in their own little world
The second kid always wears glasses
My brothers sister and myself
Me and fuckface chuck were dark haired at birth
Alex and lisa were both lighter haired at birth
My parents marriage happened to be the same kind of marriage I had with my ex
One on the couch drinking and watching tv not bothering with the kids and the other reading a book at the other end of the room while still dealing with the kids
Both my ex and my dad got kids cause theyre manipulative and because they both have good jobs
Me and my mother were treated like shit by dcfs cause we spoke our minds and didn’t give a fuck what they thought and so we both did not get a fair shake
Right around the time that dcfs got involved with my mother – the path took over her mind
Right around the time that dcfs took my girls – I went into deep deep depression and the path took me too – except more slowly – im stubborn as all hell so it took a cool minute
The path is for the first born daughter of the maternal line starting way back when in Egypt – gobeks teps tells of the coming of Egypt and Egypt tells of the hidden sight at gobeks teps in turkey
They are both evolutional expressions of self as a community of burgeoning modern societal humans
Every site is an evolutional marker for both humanity and for the geological environment found around them
That’s the reason for the temples – each site has a theme – an idea of the theme can be found by the foundational shape and structure when looking down from a birds eye view –
Gobeks teps and her sister sites happen to have been made quite simply and that includes the site in its entirety meaning the simple circles and rectangles and the art found on the pillars – I have a feeling as we unearth more of the sites,
that they will get more and more complicated as each site marks another leap in evolution –
Now hear me well people – you do not have an inkling of how excruciatingly painful it is to live through an evolutional leap of this magnitude in such a fucking short time - mine was done at warp speed and that bitch made me go fucking nuts –
You seriously want to kill yourselves – there is one exception – they weren’t socially conditioned like we are today. Our ancestors were complex individuals without the bullshit that we suffer from today –
Ive always hated it when historians and archeologists and others would claim that our ancestors weren’t intelligent enough to build what they were capable of building and still fucking did it so up yours you damned ninnies – they are smarter and wiser and way more adept at shit than we are –
Remember theyre in survival mode so theyre pretty much “keeping it real” as opposed to us nowadays – we have fits if the internet isn’t fast enough – at least I do – but seeing as how ive lived mostly my entire life in survival mode – its easier to get back into it – which is a good thing because we are going to quite possibly be shifting into it – from what I was led to understand – volcanoes the pacific ring tidal waves tsunamis earthquakes in the ocean comets asteroids meteors – all the shit that has happened in the past will happen again – im not saying that all of them will happen but I called it years ago that everything hidden about humanities origins would become unhidden and that includes the shit that’s in the oceans – everything will be brought out into the open – that’s the reason for all the new shit popping up – all the new discoveries – all the cool shit I love – like history and anthropology and archeology and just everything in this world is interesting to me – im the biggest fucking nerd ever – I loved nerds way before it became the thing to do – they always had something different to say and so did the loners and the outsiders – I talked to them all –
Humanity is so fascinating at their best and the stupidest motherfuckers at their mediocre-est –
How ridiculous we are and how funny and beautiful and lovely and kind and giving and creative –
Oh man – people scare the shit out of me! They do! cause they can be mean and manipulating and tell lies and be cruel and hurtful and they can torture you – why do that when honest communication and emotional honesty can work so much better?
Why exert force and be controlling when you can just talk to a girl?
All you have to do is talk to a girl. That’s it. or a boy or a puppy or a squirrel.
The shit aint hard. Its quite simple and easy to do –
You start with, “ hi! Can we talk? Its about …...”
Now lets form the words …
Going to mcdonalds then possibly having sex so ill either write in you later or tomorrow – all depends –
Smooches!!
WHEN YOU REACH THE MIDDLE OF THE LABYRINTH – DEEP IN THE ABYSS OF YOUR PSYCHE – THE DARKEST PLACE THERE – ONLY BECAUSE MY FLASHLIGHT CONKED OUT AND I DIDN’T PAY THE LIGHT BILL IN THAT PART OF THE BRAIN – DAYLIGHT SAVINGS IS NOT A PROMO CODE OR AN ONLINE CODE – THERE YOU FIND THE HUMAN CONDITION AND THE THEORY BEHIND IT.
THE MINOTAUR IS THE HUMAN CONDITION – ME AND TAURRY – WE COOL AS FUCK NOW – WE EAT ICE CREAM AND TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS IN THE DARK
THE HUMAN CONDITION IS AN ISM – WHICH IS THE ACT OF TURNING A NOUN ACTION INTO A FINISHED “CONDITION” – PUN INTENDED –
SO THE PROCESS OF LIVING LIFE AND FEELING TRAUMAS ON ALL PARTS OF THE HORIZONTAL SPECTRUM MADE UP THE SELF DEFENSE MECHANISM WHICH IS TYPICALLY REFERRED TO AS THE HUMAN CONDITION OR THE TAURUS FOUND ON THE WALLS OF EGYPT – SETIS CEILING –
MY FAMILY IS THE CAUSE OF THE HUMAN CONDITION – THIS MEANS YOU TOO ASSHOLE CAUSE WERE ALL RELATED AND THAT MAKES US ALL DIVINE BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS THE DIVINE FAMILY CAUSE I PLAYED THAT STUPID ROLES GAME AND MATCHED UP THE STORIES ACROSS THE SPECTRUM AS I KNOW IT AND FOUND MY STORY IN EACH OF THE CHARACTERS FOUND IN THE MYTHS.
THAT’S HOW WE ARE ALL DIVINE. MY FAMILY IS THE FOUNDING FAMILY OF HUMANITY WHICH HAPPENS TO BE THE CREATION MYTH FAMILY WHO HAPPENS TO BE DIVINE AND THAT MAKES YOU DIVINE BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FAMILY AND WE SUCK ASS BUT YOU STILL LOVE FAMILY NO MATTER WHAT – YA GOT SHARED HISTORY TOGETHER – SINCE WE ALL SHARE COSMIC HISTORY AND HAVE LIVED IT WITH EACH OTHER – THAT MAKES US ALL ONE BUT MOSTLY IT MAKES US INDIVIDUALS THAT ARE HERE ON EARTH FOR THE SOUL PURPOSE OF SELF EXPRESSION AND REMEMBER WHAT I SAID –
ITS ALL SELF EXPRESSION.
ILL GIVE UP MY NOTES ON THE SITES AFTER I GET MYSELF SITUATED HISTORICALLY AND MONETARILY –
ILL BE BACK – GOING TO TARGET TO BUY MORE INK AND MORE PHOTO PAPER
NO PHOTO PAPER BUT GOT PLENTY OF INK
I WAS WATCHING THE MOVIE WHAT LOVE IS – A MOVIE THAT HAS A TOTAL 90S FEEL BUT WAS MADE IN 2007 – I CAME TO REALIZE WHILE WATCHING THE PART WHERE ALL OF THE CHARACTERS ARE AT A PARTY OR IMPROMPTU GET TOGETHER – WHEN THE GIRLS ARE IN THE RESTROOM AND THEYRE TALKING ABOUT THEIR VIEWS ON MEN – I REALIZED THAT IM ALL OF THEM – BUT THE WOMAN THAT CALLED TO ME WAS THE BLONDE WOMAN – JUD TYLER - THAT EVERYONE THINKS IS STUPID BUT HER CHARACTER IS NOT – SHE KNOWS WHAT LOVE IS AND DOESN’T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF HER – SHES THE ONE THAT PEOPLE THINK RIDICULOUS BUT SHES THE ONLY ONE THAT FEELS WHAT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS – SHE CALLED THAT DUDE FROM GOONIES ON HIS PICK UP LINE WHICH TELLS YOU SHES HONEST AND VERY INTELLIGENT – SHE GIVES WONDERFUL ADVICE – SHE LOOKS AT EVERYONE IN HER ROSE COLORED GLASSES KIND OF WAY, THAT WAY WHEN SHE GOES INTO A SITUATION SHE FEELS AS IF – NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS – SHE FEELS THAT EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING TO TEACH HER – THE CHARACTER FROM GOONIES – SEAN ASTIN – SUMS IT UP WITH SOMETHING LIKE “THAT WAY NO MATTER WHAT THE EXPERIENCE, THE EXPERIENCE IS ALWAYS A GOOD ONE” AND SHE AGREES.
WHEN SEAN ASKS JUD TO GO OUT – HE INVITES HER FOR ICE CREAM AND SOME OTHER ACTIVITY BUT THE ICE CREAM PART OF THE FUTURE DATE IS WHAT I WOULD PICK BECAUSE IT CALLS OUT TO MY KID NATURE.
I LEARNED EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW OF IN BOOKS AND MOVIES AND COMICS AND SHOWS AND EVERY OTHER MEDIA OTHER THAN COLLEGE – COLLEGE FOR ME IS TOO CONSTRICTING – TOO LINEAR – I LEARN IN A ROUNDABOUT EVERYWHERE KIND OF WAY AND I HAVE YET TO MEET ANYONE THAT SEES ME OR FEELS ME TO MY VERY DEEP DEEP DEEP AND NATIONAL LAMPOOONS CHRISTMAS VACATION CHRISTMAS LIGHTS KIND OF LIGHT ABYSS -
THE LITTLE TWINKLY LIGHTS THAT USED TO BE SPIRITS BUT SPIRITS ARE THE ANCESTORS TO THE ITTIE BITTIES BUT OH SO GRAND AND MAJESTIC TWINKLY LIGHTS – IN OUR NEW WORLD – THERE ARE NO EVIL SPIRITS – THEY’VE BEEN VANQUISHED – ACTUALLY I THERAPIZED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM AND THEY GOT TIRED OF FIGHTING ME AND SO THEY STOPPED BEING MEAN LITTLE DICKS AND HAVE WORKED THROUGH ALL OF THEIR “DEMONS” AND ARE NOW REBORN INTO TWINKLY LITTLE ITTIE BITTIES HERE ON EARTH – FAIRIES AND SPRITES AND ALL SORTS OF MYTHICAL FUN CREATURES THAT KEEP US YOUNG AND FIT IN OUR BODIES AND IN OUR MINDS IN OUR HEARTS BUT MOSTLY IN WHAT USED TO BE CALLED THE SOUL – I CALL THE NEW ENERGY THAT HAS ALREADY BEGUN TO INFUSE OUR PLANET AND ITS NOW THE NEW SOUL – HMM… LIVI SPARKLES – LIVI STANDS FOR LIVING AND SPARKLES IS A MULTI DIMENSIONAL KIND OF WORD AND WAY TO LIVE – ITS SPEAKS OF A COSMIC LIVING – WHICH WE ALL ARE IN MY SPARKLY VIEW – WHAT WAS I SAYING AGAIN?
OH YA – “THERES A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN” WOODY FROM TOY STORY
SPEAKING OF THE HOLY GHOST – THE HOLY GHOST IS THE GHOST OF GOD/LUCIFER - GOD REALIZING WHAT HE HAD DONE, WENT TO HELL TO GET LUCIFER AND TO LIFT HER OUT OF THERE BECAUSE SHE KNEW SHE HAD KILLED A PART OF HERSELF THAT SHE NEEDED IN ORDER TO CONTINUE LIFE AS SHE KNEW IT – SHE HAD BEEN LONELY EVER SINCE SHE THREW THAT PART OF HER AWAY – THE BIBLE GOT IT WRONG – GOD THOUGHT THAT LUCIFER WAS TRYING TO TAKE OVER – GOD FELT IT IN HER VERY BONES BUT LUCIFER JUST WANTED A THANK YOU AND FOR GOD TO GIVE HER THE RESPECT SHE DESERVED FOR WATCHING OVER HUMANITY WHEN GOD COULDN’T – UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS WHAT LUCIFER GAVE TO HUMANITY AND HUMANITY THOUGHT IT WAS EVIL BECAUSE IT WENT AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT THEY THOUGHT GOD SAID – ALL THE RULES THAT WERE SUPPOSEDLY WRITTEN BY MOSES – THE SEVEN SINS –
GLUTTONY
EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT
ENVY
WHY BE JEALOUS? REJOICE IN EVERYONES HAPPY MOMENTS AND THEY’LL REJOICE IN YOURS –
BECAUSE I SAID SO
THAT’S A MIGHTY STATEMENT COMING FROM ME
LUST
WHATS WRONG WITH LUST? IT’S A BEAUTIFUL THING BETWEEN TWO CONSENTING ADULTS – ADULTS PEOPLE – NO KIDS ASSHOLES OR ILL SIC GOD/LUCIFER ON YOU AND THEYRE A TERRIBLE TWOS KIND OF TERROR -NO MOLESTING CHILDREN OR TEENS AND NO TEENS MANIPULATING ADULTS – THAT’S BULLSHIT – CAUSE WHAT IF THAT ADULT IS FEELING SO BROKEN INSIDE BECAUSE OF LIFE AND THEIR EXPERIENCES AND GET TAKEN IN BY A MANIPULATIVE TEEN WHO ALSO HAS BEEN BROKEN DOWN BY LIFE AND THEIR EXPERIENCES BUT IT’S THE ADULT WHO HAS TO PAY THE PRICE AND THAT LITTLE ASSHOLE TEEN WHO THINKS HES ALL MAN GETS OFF SCOTFREE? HOW FUCKING FAIR IS THAT SHIT?
FEELINGS PEOPLE – GOTTA PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS AND BE EMOTIONALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES SO THAT SHIT LIKE THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN ANYMORE
I REPEAT – DO NOT HURT CHILDREN SEXUALLY –
NO MOLESTING NO RAPING NO KIDNAPPING
OPEN HONEST COMMUNICATION WHEN IT COMES TO PARENTS THAT ARE SPLITTING APART – FIGURE OUT THE DETAILS CAUSE ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES – MEANING THAT ONLY THE ONES INVOLVED IN THE RELATIONSHIP CAN PREVENT ANY BREAKDOWNS – IF YOU NEED TO WALK AWAY THEN WALK AWAY BUT DO NOT BRING THE KIDS INTO IT AND USE THE KIDS AGAINST EACH OTHER IN A BATTLE THAT SHOULD BE KEPT BETWEEN YOU TWO – ALLOW THE OTHER PARENT TO SEE THE CHILDREN UNLESS THE OTHER PARENT WAS CAUGHT DOING THE ABOVE TO A BEAUTIFUL CHILD – THOSE ACTS CAN HURT A CHILDS EMOTIONAL PART OF THEIR SOUL – THEIR SPARKLE – AND WHO IN THE HELL WANTS TO DIM SOMEONES SPARKLE OR MUTATE IT INTO SOMETHING ELSE – THAT’S THE REASON WHY TRANSMUTING SHIT SEEMS SO DISTASTEFUL TO ME – NEW ENERGY BITCHES – THAT’S THE TERMINOLOGY MY SISTER LEISEL WOULD HAVE USED
NOW THAT IVE STATED IN PLAINSPEAKING WHAT YOU CANNOT DO – LETS TALK ABOUT THE GIFT THAT IS THE HUMAN BODY AND THE WONDROUS PERK THAT THE CARNAL PART OF US “GIFTS” US – PUN INTENDED –
NOW THE OLD BIBLE – THE CRAPPY VERSION IN MY OPINION – STATES THAT SEXUALITY IS A BAD THING WHEN ITS NOT AND IF THE CHURCH HADNT BEEN SUCH A PRUDE ABOUT SHIT MAYBE THE DIVINE FEMININE WOULD HAVE BEEN ALIVE IN THE BIBLE AND THE PRIESTS WOULD NOT HAVE DONE WHAT THEY DID – back at the beginning of time, if we’re going to be linear about it –
I remembered a man hitting me with a horsewhip and the memory was so vivid that I actually felt the lashes of that fucking whip – the last part of the whip that hits you – the tip – that part tickles because the lashes are such a traumatic shock to the body that the nerve endings get confused by the time the tip hits the skin and all of this pain and suffering because he felt I couldn’t cure him of his gayness – he thought that in marrying me like his father wanted, that maybe that could cure him or that’s what his father thought but the man hitting me, he knew that it wouldn’t cure him or maybe it was his father that hit me with the whip because his son couldn’t do so but his son just watched while he did it and said nothing – either way, I was sooo fucked up the next day that I couldn’t get out of bed and he whipped me again and again and again – a girl gets so numb at this point that it doesn’t matter what hes doing – that how it feels to be in a domestic violence situation – you just get so numb that nothing matters except the kids – keeping that shit away from the kids is whats important and that is what I did – I tried my hardest but he was such a manipulative asshole and a cruel one at that – he didn’t care – he wanted the kids to see what a dick I was and played the part that it was me when it wasn’t – it was always him – I knew that getting a rise out of me is what he wanted and when I wouldn’t give that to him, he took my silence as a “rise” and started going off on me then – until I finally left – the police didn’t believe me – that would be Montebello pd with their police manager and their detectives – they used the profiling bullshit against me because I smoke crystal meth when they never stopped to realize why I smoked to begin with – no one stopped to think why I smoke – not even my family when they were a huge part of it –
I once commented on youtube that drugs are a good thing because they get all that shit that’s been mucked up on your sparkle, they get all that shit out and it forces the family to take responsibility for their part in your smoking habits –
In rehab they want the family of the member that has the “problem” to be a part of it but not once does the family ever go to rehab – and why is that? Us that use are the honest ones – we are the ones that look to feel better inside and whats wrong with that? The family isn’t worried about whether we feel right inside = all they are WORRIED ABOUT ARE the drugs and how fucked up they are – dcfs is just like the family im describing – they see the mom or dad on drugs and automatically its their fault for showing symptoms of an illness that doesn’t normally have symptoms to it - but thatS the gift of drugs – the drugs show that there is a problem that is not always caused by the person using – it’s the family and the family dynamic that causes the problem to begin with and yet it’s the family, the government, the police, its everyone else that is the problem especially when the person using is just trying to feel better inside and what is wrong with that? I call that unconditional love because youre trying to give your sparkle some of its sparkle back
Without judgment and yet society wants us to think that it is us when its them –
Their judgments, their hatred, their stupid narrowmindedness and inability to see themselves for who they truly are – the people that I know – they know they are drug addicts and they are okay with it because they’ve accepted themselves as such – to us it becomes like drinking water and eating and breathing and smoking cigarettes – for me it was just like smoking a cigarette – you take a few puffs and go about your day – whenever you feel like you are thirsty or hungry – what do you do? You get something to drink or get something to eat – you are loving your body right? Youre giving your body what it wants and what in the fuck is wrong with that?
I find it to be a beautiful and wonderful thing –
Cause we do it without judgment and we do it with love – we are loving ourselves unconditionally –
A long time ago I realized that recovering addicts are some of the best fucking people ever put on this earth or in the cosmos – they’ve seen “hell” and judge no one – now that brings me to another shit I have a problem with –
The a.a. assholes that are adamant in people with a drug addiction – when they come to aa meetings they must say that they are alcoholics instead of what they are – why do these people want to add to the newcomers struggle? Isn’t it enough that they are drug addicts? Why do you want to add to their repertoire of supposed “sins”? society views drug abuse this way – and doesn’t that just suck because views are just that, “views”, without any feeling to them theyre just perspectives – you add a feeling to them and theres compassion and understanding and unconditional love –
Society talks as if they know what they are talking about but they don’t – they just “see” drug abuse as a problem when in fact, its not –
Those in aa please stop forcing those from na to say they are alcoholics because they are not – when someone walks into a room to feel better about themselves or to talk about stuff that no one would understand but those that have been either on drugs or on alcohol – and they are new to the meetings and coming off the shit – they don’t need someone adding to feelings that are already alien and foreign to them – they need love and compassion – they need understanding –
So please stop that cause its annoying as shit – why not call them compassion meetings instead – where one can go to speak to others who can feel them so that they can feel not so alone – because when the family leaves them without taking responsibility for their part in it – it leaves the one using to feel alone and unworthy and unlovable – we are loving ourselves unconditionally and that’s something that the family members don’t realize or feel –
I want to change this
I want others to know and feel what it is to be a drug addict or alcoholic – without judgment or fear of being judged
Lets get back to the rest of the old school commandments that I am changing too –
PRIDE
A group of lions
GREED
Stop with this greed shit please
Lets change the word from need to want
That way the feel of lack will go away
Psychologists say that it’s the way we talk to ourselves and the way we talk to others that fucks us up – well lets take that fuck up and own it and make the fucking change people
WRATH
Fuck wrath – if youre gonna go off – go beat up a shed or something with a wooden bat and it feels so fucking good – that way no one gets hurt by your mood – if your kids see – please explain to them that it is the energy youre trying to get rid of so that you can speak rationally and lovingly and patiently to the ones that had a hand in these feelings youre now working through and dealing with –
Emotional honesty people –
honesty people
THAT’S THE SHIT RIGHT THERE
SLOTH
Kids pick up your room so your room doesn’t look like mine – like my closet threw up and my art projects didn’t like the colors and jewels I was using nor the paint and the glue and the glitter – they didn’t like them so just like a toddler/kid with their clothes – they took them off and are all proud of themselves and running from you and youre both laughing and having fun together – youll always remember the riotous curls and the high pitched laughter of those times with your kids
FUCK LIFE AND ALL IN IT
OEDIPAL COMPLEX
FREUD STATES THAT THE OEDIPAL COMPLEX IS AN UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT TO ONES MOTHER – THE COMPLEX IS MOSTLY SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF THE SON – HES NOT AWARE OF WHATS CRACKING WITH HIM BUT THERES A BOUNDARY ISSUE.
NOW FREUD IS MY HERO FOR THE SIMPLE FACT THAT HE CHANGED THE WAY PEOPLE SAW PSYCHOANALYSIS. HE CREATED A “SPARK” IN PEOPLES MINDS. NOW IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, PISSING PEOPLE OFF IS A SURE WAY TO GET THEIR ATTENTION AND TO GET THEM THINKING.
YOU GET TO THEIR EMOTIONS. EMOTIONS ARE A BITCH AND THEYRE A HASSLE AND THEY CAN RUN YOU OVER LIKE A MILK TRUCK AND LEAVE YOU MORE BRUISED AND BATTERED THAN AN ACTUAL PHYSICAL BEATING. YOU FORGET THE HITS BUT THE LOW BLOWS AS I CALL THEM – WELL THEY CAN STICK TO A PERSON’S PSYCHE MORE THAN A SON TO HIS MOTHER IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
BUT WHO IN THE FUCK AM I OR IS ANYONE TO SAY WHAT IS UNHEALTHY AND WHAT IS HEALTHY?
NOW HERE ARE MY NO-NOS. LETS GET THOSE OUT OF THE WAY.
NO RAPING
NO SEXUAL MOLESTATION
TOWARDS KIDS OR ANYONE ELSE THAT MAY NOT HAVE ALL OF THEIR FACULTIES IN WORKING ORDER DUE TO SOME STRESSOR OR TRAUMATIC EVENTS/LIFE
NO MURDERING – TALK SHIT OUT OR CREATE (NOT DEAD OR MUTILATED BODIES) SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL OUT OF THAT ANGER OR GO SOMEWHERE AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A SHED WITH A BAT OR SOMETHING AKIN TO THIS WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE OR THEIR PROPERTY
NO KIDNAPPING – THAT’S STEALING OF A HUMAN LIFE – NO STEALING KIDS EVER THAT ALSO INCLUDES IDENTITY THEFT – LEAVE PEOPLES SHITS ALONE
THAT ALSO INCLUDES
NO HUMAN TRAFFICKING – YOU DUMB SONS OF BITCHES
WHO IN THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO STEAL SOMEONE AND MAKE THEM A SEXUAL SLAVE OR ANY KIND OF SLAVE FOR THAT MATTER – THIS IS “FUNDAMENTALLY” AND INHERENTLY WRONG – IT GOES AGAINST HUMAN NATURE AND THE FREEDOMS THAT COME WITH BEING HUMAN
NO KILLING OR MAIMING
NO HITTING OR BEATING KIDS OR WOMEN OR MEN
NO EMOTIONAL MENTAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSE OF ANY KIND
EMOTIONAL HONESTY COMMUNICATION AND GOOD OLD FASHIONED HONESTY
THESE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT EVERYTHING AND THE THING OF IT IS, IS THAT WE LEARN HOW TO INTERACT WITH THE COSMOS AROUND US BY WATCHING OUR PARENTS AND THOSE WE GREW UP WITH AND THEIR FAMILY DYSFUNCTION.
WE ALSO WATCHED OUR PARENTS BE WITH ONE ANOTHER IN TERMS OF RESPECT LOVE COMMUNICATIONS AND ALL THE GOOD STUFF THAT FUCKS US ALL UP AND SPEND FOREVER THINKING ON AND OVERTHINKING ON.
BUT TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE, FREUD AND JUNG AND J. PETERSON SPEAK ON THIS TOPIC. I LOVE THEM. THEY ARE MY FUCKING HEROES INCLUDING JOSEPH CAMPBELL AND FRIEDRICH NIETSZCHE. THE GREATS ON THE HUMAN CONDITION AND ON PSYCHOLOGY AND THE HUMAN EMOTIONAL AND INTELLECTUAL MIND. THE MYTHS FROM THE PAST. THAT INCLUDES THE CREATIONAL MYTHS. THE PRE-SOCRATIC PHILOSOPHERS BROKE OPEN THE MIND WAY BACK WHEN, WHEN THEY DECIDED TO BREAK AWAY FROM THE MYTHS AND TEMPESTUOUS WHIMS OF THE GODS AT THAT TIME.
THEY DECIDED TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES AND DID NOT LIKE TO WRITE THEIR THOUGHTS DOWN BECAUSE THAT WOULD INHIBIT OPEN DEBATE AND THERE WOULD BE NOONE THERE TO CHALLENGE YOUR THOUGHTS AND ARGUMENTS. NOTHING LIKE PISSING SOMEONE OFF IN A RESPECTFUL AND BEAUTIFULLY SPOKEN ORATORY.
WHAT IT DOES IS IT GETS THEIR EMOTIONS ON REV AND GETS THE BRAIN TO FIRE UP A NEW PATTERN WITHIN THE WEBBING OF NEURONS AND KAPOW!!
YOU GOT A NEW WONKY WAY OF THINKING AND ARGUING AND ONE LEARNS SO MUCH. THEY TOO ARE MY HEROES. BUT BACK TO MY POMPOUS BLOW HARD “PONDERING AND MUSING” OUT LOUD AND WRITTEN SHIT.
OKAY SO IT TAKES A MOM AND A DAD TO MAKE A BABY – THE MOTHER CARRIES FULL TERM AND BABY POPS OUT WHILE DAD CATCHES BABY LIKE A FOOTBALL.THEN THE CHILD REARING BEGINS.
NORMALLY WE DO NOT KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY AS HAVING A FAMILY TREE THAT DOESN’T BRANCH OUT, WELL, ITS FROWNED UPON.
JUDGEMENT ASIDE – THE TREE WOULD LOOK WONKY AS FUCK AND SOCIETY DOESN’T TAKE WELL TO DIFFERENT.
NOW, INCEST BEING BAD IS A SOCIETAL VIEW TAKEN UP BY THE COLLECTIVE AND THOSE IN AUTHORITY WHETHER IT BE A SOCIAL AUTHORITATIVE KIND OF THING OR A MEDICAL OR JUDICIAL ATHORITATIVE KIND OF THING OR BOTH, WELL, IT WAS IMPLEMENTED BECAUSE OF THE EFFECTS IT HAD ON THE OFFSPRING AND WE AS A COSMIC LIVING DO OUR BEST TO GIVE OUR OFFSPRING THE BEST START TO LIFE WE CAN.
THAT BEING SAID, ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE WERE TIMES IN HISTORY WHERE WE NEEDED TO PROCREATE WHERE THERE WERE NO OUTSIDE CLANS OR GROUPS.
WE WERE GIVEN THE GIFT OF TWO CREATION POINTS IN THE BODY. WE HAVE MANY MORE BUT WE SHALL START WITH THOSE TWO.
ONE IS IN THE MIND WHICH IS THE IMAGINATION AND THE OTHER IS THE REPRODUCTIVE AREA OF FEMS AND MASCS. WE WILL GET INTO IMMACULATE CONCEPTION LATER.
WE ARE A PROCREATING KIND OF SPECIES AND SO WE USE OUR PRIMAL BRAIN OR INSTINCTS IN ORDER TO KEEP THE SPECIES GOING. THAT’S AN INHERENT NEED OR WANT I SHALL SAY, NEED STIRS UP LACK AND WE ARE SO DONE WITH THAT ERA, WITHIN EACH OF US.
SO HAVING AN OEDIPAL COMPLEX IS SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN SITTING DEEP WITHIN OUR PSYCHE SINCE WE STARTED PROCREATING ON THIS PLANET AND ON OTHERS IF THAT BE THE CASE. SO WHY IS IT SO WRONG NOW? I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ISNT ANY KIND OF WANT FOR IT BUT TO LABEL IT AS WRONG IMPLIES THE FEEL OF THE TABOO AND WE ALL GET A KICK FROM THE TABOO, (I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE) AND A HUMANS NEED TO REBEL AND LETS FACE IT: THE ALLURE TO THE FORBIDDEN DRAWS US IN.
I HAVE THE UNIQUE GIFT OF SEEING AND FEELING ALL SIDES EVEN IF IT GETS ME INTO SOME EMOTIONAL JAG THAT I WILL NOT REGRET LATER BUT WILL CERTAINLY TOUCH UPON DURING A QUIET MOMENT.
THE VIEW OF IT BEING WRONG IN PSYCHOLOGY AND IN SOCIETY TENDS TO BRING SHAME AND GUILT TO A BODY. WHY SHOULD THERE BE GUILT? ITS ALL LOVE. WE LEARN HOW TO LOVE A PARTNER THROUGH OUR PARENTS OR THROUGH ONE PARENT AND TAKE THAT LEARNING AND APPLY IT TO A FUTURE PARTNER AND LIVE LIFE. HOW IS THAT NOT LOVE?
YOU ARE HONORING THE RELATIONSHIP YOUR PARENTS HAD OR THE FEELS AND VIEWS THE PARENT WHO RAISED YOU HAD AND HONORING YOUR PARTNER WITH THAT LEARNED KNOWLEDGE. WHETHER THAT’S APPROPRIATE OR NOT OR EVEN FITTING, THAT’S A YOU THING. ONLY THE PEOPLE INVOLVED KNOW HOW THEYRE BENT.
IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP, THERES A BENT TO IT. MEANING THERES NO ONE WAY OR WRONG WAY UNLESS THERES ABUSE AND ONLY THOSE INVOLVED CAN DETERMINE IF THEYRE BEING ABUSED OR ABUSING, TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. I FEEL THAT BENT IS NECESSARY BECAUSE IT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP SPECIAL.
LET ME EXPLAIN. HAVE YOU HAD MANY RELATIONSHIPS? HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS AN OVERALL DIFFERENT FEEL TO IT? YOU CAN TELL BY THE SONGS OR WRITINGS OR ANY KIND OF EXPRESSION OF SELF THAT WAS THERE WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP WAS HAPPENING, WHETHER THAT BE AN ARGUMENT, A GREAT DATE, OR JUST CAUSE THAT SONG WAS ON WHILE YOU WERE DOING THE DISHES ONE SUNDAY AFTERNOON.
THOSE EXPRESSIONS OF SELF EVOKE A FEELING THAT HAS A NUANCED KIND OF THING TO IT. LIKE YOUR MOMS MEATLOAF. IT HAS A GREAT TASTE BUT THERES JUST SOMETHING ABOUT IT THAT JUST MAKES THE EXPERIENCE MORE WORTHWHILE . THAT’S THE NUANCE TO IT.
THAT BENT OR SPECIALNESS THAT TWO OR MORE PEOPLE HAVE BETWEEN THEM OR EVEN THAT BENT THAT YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF IS WHAT MAKES THAT RELATIONSHIP DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS.
THE BENT JUST WORKS. I LOVE IT. DAVIE FROM FAKING IT BY JENNIFER CRUSIE, HE SAYS THAT:
“Everybody's crooked. The trick is to find out how they're bent.”
― Jennifer Crusie, quote from Faking It
JENNIFER CRUSIE QUOTE SITE CALLED “BOOKQUOTERS”
I HAPPEN TO AGREE AND THIS FUCKING BOOK IS GREAT. ALL OF THE BOOKS IVE READ FROM JENNIFER CRUSIE ARE TOTALLY FUCKING KICK ASS AWESOME AND FUNNY AND WITTY AND LEAVE YOU LOVING LIFE. THEY REALLY DO.
SIMPLY PUT:
WANTING TO FUCK YOUR MOM OR DAD IS NOT A BAD THING. ITS ACTUALLY QUITE HEALTHY TO ACKNOWLEDGE THESE FEELINGS SO THAT THEY DON’T BECOME A PART OF THE HUMAN CONDITION – THE COLLECTIVE PSYCHE.
WHAT YOU DO WITH THOSE FEELINGS IS ON YOU MY COSMIC LIVING. NO MATTER WHAT JUST KNOW THAT I FEEL YOU AND I LOVE YOU MORE FOR IT. EXPRESSION OF SELF IS NEVER WRONG – HURTING KIDS AND OTHERS INTENTIONALLY WITH EMOTIONAL SCARRING IS. WELL, AS LONG AS YOURE AWARE OF IT.
NO YOU CANT KNOW THAT ITS WRONG AND BE BLIND TO IT SO THAT YOU CAN DO IT ASSHOLE. ITS STILL WRONG AND MY LEGIONS OF CELESTIALS WILL COME AFTER YOU WITH A VENGEANCE AND THERAPIZE YOU TO DEATH.
HARD.
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