SUCK A DICK AND WHILE YOURE AT WHY NOT GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER AS WELL  

MY PROCESS CONTINUES + SERIOUSLY THOUGH 

I am going to offend you and rip away at anything you might find sacred. So fuck off if you don’t fucking like it and smooches on the booboo. I’m a tad bit unique in the way that I think so you’re in for a mindbender. I have trouble reading my own shit but then I’m a multitudinous obfuscation.

Get a dictionary.

CHAPTER XY

FAILED SHOWS AND THE MAN WHO HAD TO SUCK COCKS TO TANK IT AND THE MOTHER HE WANTED TO FUCK

SO THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE GREAT MEN BEFORE ME (SEEING AS HOW I DID NOT FAIL AND I AM WOMAN) WHO FAILED/SUCCEEDED AT THIS FUCKT JOURNEY IN A MEANT TO BE FUCKT LIFE THAT WE ARE PREDISPOSITIONED TO LIVE IN A FUCKT UP WAY OF TRYING AND TRYING TO NO AVAIL UNTIL ONE DAY WE ARE GONE, STILL ALL IN THE HOPES OF HAVING SOMEONE “FEEL” US IN A SOUL AND SPARKLE DEEP CONNECTION KIND OF WAY THAT WE WERE NOT ABLE TO ACHIEVE IN LIFE BECAUSE OF THE FUCKT MANNER IN WHICH WE CAME INTO BEING AND ONTO THIS PLANET

NIKOLA TESLA + I WILL GET TO HIS MADNESS LATER IN THE PROGRAM + PROBABLY AFTER INTERMISSION

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE + HIS MADNESS WILL BE GOTTEN TO AS WELL + DEFINITIVELY SHEDDING LIGHT ON THE SITUATION OCURRING IN THEIR LIVES THAT MADE THEM GO BEAUTIFULLY MAD AND THE CLOSEST TO GOD THAT ANYONE HAS EVER BEEN UNTIL I CAME ALONG AND HELPED LUCIFER INTEGRATE HIS SHADOW, GOD.

YUP, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, GOD AND LUCIFER ARE EACH OTHERS SHADOW AND NOW THAT THEY’VE INTEGRATED AND HEALED THEIR PAST THEY’VE TRANSCENDED TO THE 1000TH OVER 3 DIMENSION FOUND HERE ON THE SUPPOSED NEW EARTH THAT NOONE CAN SEE AND I REALLY DON’T WANT TO.

IF YOU HAVENT NOTICED, I TRULY DESPISE SPIRITUALITY BECAUSE IT’S THE NEW AGE RELIGION THAT IS ATTEMPTING TO UPDATE THE SEVEN SINS AND THE RULES AND REGULATIONS FOUND IN THE FORMER BOOK OF “TOTALITARIANISM AT ITS HOLIEST” BOOK OF THOU “HIGHER PERSPECTIVE POWER”, USING WORDS LIKE FREQUENCY AND LIGHT AND LOVE. BITCHES, LETS GET THIS STRAIGHT. IN MY NOT SO HUMBLE OPINION, EMOTIONS CANNOT BE EQUATED WITH A FREQUENCY. EMOTIONS ARE MESSY AND CHAOTIC AND IRRATIONAL AS FUCK. IN OUR ATTEMPTS TO AVOID OUR EMOTIONAL “MIND, BODY, COMPLEX” AS WE ARE WONT TO DO, AS IS THE PATTERN AND UNCONSCIOUS RITUALISTIC CYCLE THAT WE PERPETUATE YEAR AFTER YEAR. WE HAVE FOOLED OURSELVES INTO THINKING THAT WE ARE ABOVE REACHING INTO THE DEPTHS OF OUR SOUL AND INNER DARKNESS WHICH IS THE MINOTAUR FOUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LABYRINTH.

WE AS HUMAN BEINGS ARE STILL SCARED SHITLESS OF FACING HUMANITYS, “OUR FAMILY AS A WHOLE”, DEMONS THAT HAVE ACCUMULATED OVER THE CENTURIES SINCE WE FIRST AWOKE AS A SPECIES THAT CAME INTO MORE THAN JUST SURVIVAL INSTINCTS AND BEHAVIORS. THE SOPHISTICATE BRAIN IS WHAT AWOKE WITHIN US.

BY SOPHISTICATE, I MEAN, THAT WE WERE ABLE TO EXPRESS OURSELVES THROUGH THE CREATION OF ONE ANOTHER AND THE BEING CREATED BY ONE ANOTHER IN ORDER TO SELF EXPRESS OUR THOUGHTS, OUR TOGETHERNESS AS A FAMILY UNIT IN OUR OWN UNIQUE, INDIVIDUALISTIC EXPRESSION OF SELF, “COOL SHIT KIND OF” WAY.

AS FOR THE FORMING OF THE HUMAN CONDITION BEFORE THE EVOLUTIONAL KICKSTART IN OUR PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL MAKEUP THAT CAME FROM THE AWAKENING OF THE SELF AND THE IMAGINATION THAT WE HOLD WITHIN, WELL, ILL GET INTO THAT LATER AS WELL.

AKHENATEN + WHO I REALLY THINK IS AND WAS NEFERTITI AND IF THAT TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE, I WILL SO TAKE HER OFF THIS LIST AS SHES A FEMALE AND NOT SOME STUPID MALE THAT HAS KEPT WOMAN UNDER HIS BOOT SO AS TO KILL HER PERMANENTLY CAUSE SHE WAS IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE A BETTER HUMAN BEING AND LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD + SUCK IT ASSHOLES

(SARCASTIC CURTSY WITH A FLIPPED BIRD TO “BOOT” + THAT MEANS FUCK YOU BY THE WAY TO THOSE NEW TO THE COUNTRY)

CARL JUNG ALTHOUGH HE DID MAKE IT OUT OF THE ABYSS CAUSE HE HAD A WIFE AND KIDS TO CONTEND WITH AND ENJOY – A TIPPING OF THE HAT, KIND AND MASTERFUL SIR – I DO LOVE YOUR WORK AND HOPE THAT YOU REST IN PEACE WITH YOUR LOVED ONES – I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY READING THIS AS IM GOING TO ENJOY DENIGRATING EVERYTHING HELD SACRED TO HUMANITY.

ITS NOT LIKE HUMANITY EVER STOPS TO FEEL ANY EMOTIONAL HONESTY NOR WOULD THEY EVER GO INTO THEIR DEEPEST DARKEST PARTS OF THEIR TWISTED AND FUCKED UP LABRYNTHIAL PSYCHE AS THOSE OF US WHO LIVED AND WENT CRAZY THERE

AND ARE MANAGING TO EEK THE FUCK OUT OF THERE WHILE THE BITCH IS STILL BURNING AND COMING CRASHING INTO THE SIDEWALK IN AN IGNOMIOUS MANNER AND STYLE WITH YOUR LEGS HINGING OFF THE JOINTS AND YOUR MIND IN YOUR BACK POCKET WAITING TO BE PUT BACK INTO ITS OWN SOCKET WHICH HAS BEEN CHARRED AND BURNED BEYOND RECOGNITION AS YOUR SOUL AND HEART HAVE BEEN LIKE A KID TOASTING HIS FIRST SMORE IN THE FIRE.

BURNT THE FUCK UP.

JORDAN PETERSON

HE MADE IT AND IS DOING SOMETHING WITH IT + THANK YOU PETERSON FOR BEING MY HERO WHEN I NEEDED ONE + I CAN SEE THAT YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE SHAMAN MEANDERING, INITIATION INTO THE SECRET CLUB OF GREAT WOMEN AND GREAT MINDS AND SOULS, AWAKENING, JACOBS LADDER, THE ILLUMINATI AS THEY WERE AT THE BEGINNING BEFORE MANS PERVERSION OF WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE A PURE AND INTELLECTUAL GATHERING OF IDEAS AND PEOPLE + WE ARE ALL MEANT TO BE ON THAT MEANDERING BUT FEW OF US EVER COME INTO THE FEALIZATION OF BEING ON THIS FUCKED UP AND UNNECESSARY BROKE BACK ROAD + I TIP MY HAT TO YOU TOO KIND SIR +

MAY YOU ADORE YOUR WIFE AND LOVE HER LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER LOVED AND APPRECIATED THE GREAT LOVE OF HIS LIFE AS IM SURE THAT SHE WAS THERE FOR YOU WHILE THIS MADNESS WAS HAPPENING TO YOU AND SUPPOSEDLY FOR YOU + IM HAPPY YOU MADE IT OUT DUDE + THANK YOU FOR TUNING INTO MY RAINBOW AND SPARKLES + I REMINDED MYSELF TO LOOK INTO THE BELIEFS AND HISTORY OF ISLAM AS I WANTED TO PUT MYSELF IN AFGHANISTANS SHOES SO THAT I MAY FEEL WHY IT IS THAT THEY HATE THOSE AROUND THEM AND THEN I WATCHED PART OF THE TALK CALLED SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF ISLAM AND A CHANCE FOR PEACE + I LITERALLY LIVED THE REASON WHY THEY FEEL AS THEY DO + IMAGINE BEING A SMALL COUNTRY IN BETWEEN ONE HUGE ASS COUNTRY/AREA AND THEN ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU HAVE AN AREA IN WHICH THERE HAS BEEN RELIGIOUS UNREST AND ATROCIOUS ACTS TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER + CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THE ANCIENT PEOPLES TO BE STUCK IN THE CROSSFIRE WHILE ITS OLDER SIBLINGS WERE ANNIHILATING EACH OTHER WITHOUT REGARD TO THEM AND THEIR CLOSE PROXIMITY + KIND OF LIKE A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SITUATION WHERE MOM AND DAD ARE SO FUCKED UP AND PUTTING EACH OTHER THROUGH HELL THAT THEY DON’T REALIZE THE AMOUNT OF PAIN AND PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE THAT IS BEING DONE TO THEM BECAUSE OF CLOSE PROXIMITY MEANING THE FAMILY HOME + IF A COUNTRY IS CONSTANTLY BEING RAVAGED AND ITS PEOPLE AND THE LAND, OVER A SHITLOAD OF FUCKING YEARS, IS ALWAYS PICKING UP THE PIECES OF THOSE STUPID “WHOSE DICK IS BIGGER” FIGHTS + HAVING TO LIVE WITH DEFEAT AFTER DEFEAT DUE TO THE SIZE OF THE COUNTRY AND HAVING NOTHING LEFT BUT THEIR ANNIHILATED HOPES AND DREAMS OF A BETTER         THAT ANOTHER CANNOT TAKE AWAY FROM YOU? WOULDN’T YOU TAKE COMFORT IN THE TEACHINGS OF A PROPHET THAT PROMISES A BETTER WAY TO LIVE SO AS TO NOT BECOME LIKE THOSE WHO KILLED THEIR SOULS AND THE SOULS OF THEIR FAMILY, YEAR AFTER YEAR? A PROPHET WHO SPOKE OF EVERLASTING LOVE AND LIFE? ONLY TO FALL PREY TO THE HUMAN CONDITION AND GIVING IN TO THE SEETHING, BURNING ANGER THAT ONE FEELS AFTER BEING EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SEXUALLY ABUSED FOR SO LONG? CAN WE BLAME THEM FOR THEIR HATRED OF BIGGER COUNTRIES THAT ATTEMPT TO BULLY THEM? THAT ATTEMPT TO MAKE THEM CONFORM TO AN IDEAL THAT THEY HAVE NOT HAD A SAY IN? BEING A SURVIVOR OF MENTAL EMOTIONAL PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL ABUSE MY ENTIRE LIFE, I CAN FEEL WHERE THEY ARE COMING FROM AND I DO KNOW FIRSTHAND THAT WHEN WE HAVE THAT MUCH ANGER AND HATRED INSIDE FOR SO FUCKING LONG, THE FEEL AND ACT OF SUCH BRUTAL AND SWIFT PUNISHMENTS OF OTHERS WHO DEEM TO CONTINUE THEIR BEHAVIORS WITHOUT LEARNING, SEEMS JUSTIFIABLY SERENDIPITOUSLY PERFECT.

IT JUST FEELS FUCKING GOOD TO GIVE THAT SHIT BACK TO THEM.

THAT BEING SAID, AS IVE BEEN ON THE SIDE OF BEING PUNISHED FOR IMAGINARY CRIMES BY THOSE THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE AND NURTURE US, I DO NOT CONDONE THE HURTING OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. I DO NOT CONDONE ANY ACTS OF VIOLENCE OR EMOTIONAL TORTURE TOWARDS ANY OF OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHO THEY THEMSELVES ARE HAVING A FUCKED-UP TIME OF IT. NOR DO I CONDONE THE CONTINUED UNCONSCIOUS BEHAVIORS OF THOSE THAT SEEK TO PUNISH OTHERS IN ANY WHICH, WAY OR FORM DUE TO ANY TRAUMAS THAT THEY THEMSELVES DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH.

FUCKING HANDLES BITCHES! QUIT BEING PUSSIES AND LOOK AT YOUR SHIT + TAKE A GANDER AT YOUR FUCKING ISSUES AND THOSE THAT YOU HAVE HURT AND TELL THE MOTHERFUCKERS OFF THAT HURT YOU + IF THEY VIOLATED YOUR PERSON IN ANY WAY + CALL THOSE COWARDS OUT AND PRESS CHARGES + IF THE LAW IS STILL AS STUPID AND FUCKED UP AS ALWAYS + LIKE ME + YOU GOTTA DEAL + GIVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE +

YOU AINT GOTTA DEAL WITH SHIT AND MY APOLOGIES FOR SPOUTING THAT BULLSHIT. BE FUCKING MAD AND CALL THEM ASSHOLES AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT. IM GOING TO SUE THE SHIT OUT OF LAW ENFROCEMENT AND TWO MAJOR DCFS OFFICES AND IM TAKING THAT MONEY AND GIVING IT TO A WORLD THAT NEEDS BETTER HOUSING AND CARE ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND MEN THAT HAVE SUFFERED AS WE HAVE.

LET ME GIVE YOU THE NEW DEFINITION OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE +

GIVING YOURSELF WHATEVER YOU WANT OR NEED IN ORDER TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOU AND GIVING YOURSELF WHATEVER YOU WANT IN ORDER TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT LIFE + BE IT A RECREATIONAL PARTAKING OF SUBSTANCES (WHY TAKE A PILL WHEN THE ACT OF PARTAKING (COULDN’T COME UP WITH ANOTHER WORD FOR PARTAKING SO PLEASE EXCUSE THE REDUNDANCY OF THE WORD PARTAKING) ILLEGAL DRUGS IS SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN POPPING A PILL + THAT’S FUCKING BORING), SEXUAL INTIMACY WITH CONSENTUAL AND ADULT PARTNERS, OR COMFORT EATING

+

WITHOUT JUDGMENT

AGAIN

 GIVING YOU WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT IN ORDER TO FEEL BETTER UNTIL YOU YOURSELF DEEM YOU NO LONGER NEED IT AND GIVING IT TO YOU WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND WITH THE KNOWING AND FEELING OF IT BEING A GESTURE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR YOURSELF

ONE THING THOUGH

NO RAPING NO KILLING NO SEXUAL MOLESTATION OF ANY KIND NO KIDNAPPING OR HUMAN TRAFFICKING AND NEVER EVER WILL THE HURTING AND ABUSING OF CHILDREN EVER BE TOLERATED IN A GLOBAL FAMILY SOCIETY + NOR SHOULD IT BE TOLERATED IN ONESELF + EVER

HAVE WE GOT THAT? OR DO WE NEED AN ASSKICKING IN THE FORM OF A BADGERING AND NAGGING “JIMINY CRICKET PSYCHOANALYST” WISHED UPON YOU BY THE ME AND THE UNAWARE SUBCONSCIOUS THAT HIDES THE BULLSHIT HUMANITY HAS BEEN CARRYING SINCE WE FIRST DEVELOPED THE IMAGINATION AND EVEN BEFORE THAT +

WHICH I MIGHT ADD + THE TEPS SITES IN TURKEY AND THE GOLDEN AGE OF EGYPT HAPPENED TO BE WHERE + SO FAR AS I KNOW + THE IMAGINATION BEGAN AND HUMANITYS WANTING NEED OF CREATING AND THE ABILITY TO EXPRESS IT OCCURRED +

THE MEANING OF LIFE, TO ME PERSONALLY, IS THE EXPRESSION OF SELF WITH A FUCKING FEELING ATTACHED TO IT CAUSE FEELINGS ARE WHAT MAKE THE MEANING WE SO CRAVE IN OUR COSMIC SOCIETY + WHATEVER MEANING ONE CONSCIOUSLY OR UNCONSCIOUSLY PUTS ON IT IS UP TO THE ONE OBSERVING IT (FUCKING PHYSICISTS + GOTTA LOVE THEM) AND OR EXPRESSING IT…

“THE” + “WHAT I CALL” +

“KICK ASS SPARKLES, FUCKING RAINBOWS AND GLITTERIED HUGS OF WOMAN Z” CHAPTER

ALRIGHT.

SO ON THIS MEANDERING OF PONDERANCES AND MUSINGS. WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A NARRATION OF MY FUCKED UP DYSFUNCTIONAL “MIND BODY COMPLEX” AS HEARD ON THE BRIAN SCOTT VIDS ON CHANNELINGS THAT HAVE NOT HAPPENED YET, HAVE HAPPENED, ARE HAPPENING AND WILL NOT HAPPEN AT ALL FROM THE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES (I DO SO LOVE IRONY. DON’T YOU?) THAT ARE THE UNIVERSES GLUE AND DIRECTIONAL CAMP COUNSELORS OF HUMANITY.

IN LAMENS TERMS,

THEY SHIT WHERE THEY ATE AND NOW HAVE TO FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO CALL HOME. SO THEYRE SUPPOSEDLY HERE TO HELP US TO THE NEW AGE NEW EARTH BULLSHIT TRANSCENDANCE TO THE RIDICULOUS DIMENSION.

BLAH BLAH BLAH…

FUCK ALIENS AND FUCK ALL THAT BULLSHIT

I MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY HIGH WHILE WRITING THESE NEXT PARAGRAPHS CAUSE IM OUT THERE BUT IT WAS OBVIOULSY NECESSARY IN ORDER TO PISS ME OFF SO FUCKING BADLY THAT IM GOING TO PUBLISH THIS SHIT WITH MY OWN MONEY AND IM GOING TO FUCKING SEND IT OUT TO MY LAWYERS AND THE PRESS AND DCFS AND IM GOING TO LET SHIT FLY – ILL BE THE MOST HATED PERSON BUT I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. IM DONE WITH BEING EVERYONES WHIPPING GIRL.

I LOVE ME FOR THIS EXACT REASON

PLEASE KEEP READING

DR SEUSS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITEST WRITERS OF ALL TIME. HE CAPTURES THE INNOCENT MISCHIEF FOUND IN THE OPEN AND TRUSTING ARMS AND MIND OF A CHILD.

IF US ADULTS COULD ONLY GO BACK TO A TIME WHERE CURIOSITY AND WONDER WERE OUR ONLY OBJECTIVES OR IN ADULT TERMS,  “PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE, SHORT AND LONG TERM, MANAGEABLE GOALS FOR THE DYSFUNCTIONAL ADULT STILL TRYING TO GET OVER THE CUTS AND SCRAPES OF THE EMOTIONAL MIND THAT WERE ATTAINED DURING THAT SAME PRE PUBESCENT ANTHROPOLOGICAL RITE OF PASSAGE ERA”.

RIDICULOUSLY WAXING POETIC ASIDE, WHEN DID WE FORGET TO HAVE FUN? MYSELF INCLUDED. IT SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME AGO THAT I LAST FELT ALIVE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ENJOYED AN ICE CREAM CONE IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER THAT YOU GOT FROM THE ICE CREAM MAN THAT WOULD SPILL HIS MAGICAL LULLABY WHILE LAZILY CRAWLING UP YOUR BLOCK, AT A TIME WHEN IT ALL SEEMED SO SIMPLE, DYSFUNCTION ASIDE?

WHEN BUG BITES AND LICE WERE THE THINGS THAT YOUR MOM WOULD NAG AT YOU ABOUT WHILE YOU WERE RUNNING OUT THE BACK DOOR AFTER COMPLETING YOUR CHORES, ALL EXCITED OVER BEING ABLE TO PLAY WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS OUTSIDE THE GATED YARD? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THAT WE ALL ACTED OUT OUR FAVORITE MOVIES WHILE STANDING ON YOUR BED AND TRYING NOT TO BE ONE OF THOSE “MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED”?

CAUSE MOM ALWAYS SAID THAT “ONE WOULD FALL OFF AND BROKE HIS HEAD”.

I TRULY DO MISS THOSE DAYS.

I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I DID NOT TAKE THOSE DAYS FOR GRANTED. BUT THEN, HOW MANY OF US THINK IN THOSE TERMS AT THAT AGE? I DON’T KNOW ABOUT KIDS TODAY BUT WHEN I WAS GROWING UP IN THE 80’S, ALTHOUGH BULLIED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER BY MY OLDER BROTHER, LOOKING BACK, IM HOPEFULLY TELLING THE TRUTH IN SAYING THAT YOU COULDN’T GET ME DOWN FOR LONG. IM HOPING THAT I AM REMEMBERING CORRECTLY, THAT I WOKE UP EACH DAY BEING MY BRATTY, KNOW IT ALL, HOPEFUL SELF READY TO BE A DUMB DICK IF I DIDN’T GET MY WAY AND ALSO READY TO PUT AN IDIOT OLDER BROTHER IN HIS INTELLECTUAL KNUCKLE-DRAGGING PLACE.

I DID THAT OFTEN WHEN HE WASN’T BEING A STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE WITH MENTAL RETARDATION AND A FIST READY TO HIT OR ARMS STRETCHED OUT READY TO SHOVE ME OFF THE ROOF OF OUR HOUSE, OFF OF THE TOP FLOOR OF THE TREEHOUSE DOWN THE STREET, OR DOWN AN ONLY DIRT HILL BECAUSE SAN BERNARDINO, THE COUNTY NOT THE CITY, WAS DRY AND HOT AS FUCK DURING THE SUMMER, WITHOUT THE PIECE OF CARDBOARD WE WERE USING AS A DIRT SLED.

FOR ALL OF US, WE KNOW THAT OUR EXPERIENCES GROWING UP AS CHILDREN AND THE RELATIONSHIPS WE HAD WITH OUR FAMILY, WE KNOW THAT THEY SHAPED WHO WE ARE, WHO WE ARE GOING TO BECOME AND WHAT WE HAVE TO OVERCOME.

GROWING UP FOR ME WAS KIND OF LIKE SOME COOL ASS SCENES FROM THE SANDLOT AS WELL AS SOME MOMMY DEAREST EXPERIENCES SPRINKLED IN. I REALLY DO MISS THOSE DAYS IN COMPARISON TO MY LIFE LATELY. SUICIDAL DOES NOT EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT. WHATS HAPPENING TO ME ALSO HAPPENED TO FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, CARL JUNG, NIKOLA TESLA, AKHENATEN, JORDAN PETERSON, JUST TO NAME A FEW.

AS I STATED EARLIER, YOU ARE BORN TO THIS. AS MY MOTHER WAS BEFORE ME AND AS EVERY FIRST DAUGHTER OF THE MATERNAL LINE HAS SINCE THE DAYS OF EGYPT AND THE DAYS OF THE TEPS SITES IN TURKEY. AS FAR AS I KNOW. I TOOK A DNA TEST AND FOUND THAT MY MATERNAL LINE GOES BACK TO THE INUIT PEOPLE, THE ANATOLIA PEOPLE, THE EGYPTIAN PEOPLE, THOSE OF WEST SIBERIA, HUNGARY, RUSSIA, THE BERING STRAIT, FRANCE, SPAIN, IRELAND, AND OTHER PLACES IN EUROPE AND IN INDIA NEAR TIBET.

I HAD ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT MY FASCINATION WAS WITH RELIGION, GOD, LUCIFER AND ALL THAT TWAT ROT. I DIDN’T BELIEVE IN IT AND UP UNTIL RECENTLY I DID NOT CARE.

SPIRITUALITY IS THE SAME AS RELIGION AND PURE BULLSHIT. I UNDERSTAND THE PURPOSE OF THE BELIEF SYSTEMS WE HAVE IN PLACE BUT I DON’T AGREE WITH THEM. THE UNIVERSE USED TO BE THE ONE I BELIEVED IN AS SHE IS A NATURAL WONDER THAT WE ALL SHARE AND KNOW IS THERE.

ID LIKE TO SAY THAT I STILL BELIEVE IN HER, JUST TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO OR “PRAY” TO BUT NOT ANY LONGER. I BELIEVE IN NOTHING NOW. NOT EVEN PEOPLE. I USED TO HAVE A TRUSTING ATTITUDE TOWARDS HUMANITY EXCEPT FOR THOSE THAT BELONG TO MUNOZ CLAN CAUSE THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THOSE FUCKERS, BUT NOW, SAD TO SAY,  I COULDN’T CARE LESS.

AND I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT CARING LESS.

ITS THEIR JUDGMENTS THAT A WOMAN CANNOT BE TRUSTWORTHY OR OF GOOD ETHICAL AND MORAL CHARACTER CAUSE SHE SMOKES CRYSTAL, THAT HAVE HELPED TO PUT ME IN THE SITUATION THAT I FIND MYSELF IN.

I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL OF MY CHOICES AND I HAVE YET TO FIND OTHERS WHO SHARE THE SAME UPSTANDING AND EXCELLENT CHARACTER THAT I FIND WITHIN MYSELF EVERYDAY OF EVERY MOMENT.

I TOO AM HUMAN AND I HAVE MY DAYS WHERE I FIGHT BACK. I WILL TRY TO EXPRESS WHAT LIFE HAS BEEN LIKE AS ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE BUT I KNOW THAT UNLESS SOMEONE HAS EXPERIENCED IT FIRSTHAND, IT WILL BE HARD TO DO.

THAT’S WHERE THE GREATS OF OUR TIME COME IN.

THEY WROTE THEIR EXPRESSION AFTER THEIR TRIP INTO “THE BATES MOTEL OF THE HUMAN ABYSS”, A REQUIRED WORK AFTER A CERTAIN POINT. AN EXPRESSION OF ALL THAT YOU HAVE LEARNED ON THE MOST ATROCIOUSLY PAINFUL AND SADOMASOCHISTIC TORTUROUS PIECE OF SHIT BITCH CUNT NOT EVEN A PATH BUT A BROKEN GLASS FILLED TRASH DUMP OF A “SON OF A MOTHERLESS WHORE” OF A YOU CANNOT EVEN CALL IT A PATH BUT BIG FAT PIECE OF A DOOKIE TURD.

THE ONE THE MEN WENT ON WERE EXPERIMENTS. THEY WERE EVALUATED AND DOCUMENTED EACH STEP OF THE WAY WITHOUT BEING GIVEN MUCH DIRECTION BY THE SUPPOSED “CANT CALL THEM GUIDES BUT THEY ARE AS BRIGHT AS A PAIR OF TESTICLES JUST HANGING THERE ALL OLD AND SAGGY NEXT TO A DUMB DICK THAT CANT GET IT UP” ASSHOLES.

THE REASON FOR THIS IS BECAUSE THEY HAD TO FIND OUT WHAT GOES WRONG WITH THE HUMAN BRAIN WHEN EXPANDED TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN. MEANING THE TIME THAT THE SOPHISTICATE BRAIN FIRST MADE ITS APPEARANCE ON THE SCENE.

I DOUBT THAT THESE MEN WERE EVEN AWARE OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO THEM. I WAS LUCKY. I HAD MY MOTHER AS A FOUNDATIONAL BRICK TO HOLD ONTO AS MY MIND SLOWLY BUT SURELY AND FAIRLY QUICKLY, WENT TO SHIT AND BEEN GONE ROUND THE BEND WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND WITHOUT A CHOICE IN THE MATTER.

MY MOTHER WAS ON HER RITE OF PASSAGE, INTO WHAT I DON’T KNOW. BUT HER LIFE WAS HARDER THAN MINE AND SHE COULDN’T GET OVER THE PAIN JUST AS I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO UNTIL NOW. AND ONLY BECAUSE I CHOSE TO. I CAN SWALLOW FEELINGS LIKE THE LOCAL EQUAL EXCHANGE ENERGY WORKERS FOUND ON THE STREETS AT NIGHT TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING THE BEST WAY THEY KNOW HOW.

I HAVE RESPECT FOR THESE WOMEN. THEY ARE JUST ATTEMPTING TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE THE PAST ABUSE AND MISTREATMENT OF WOMEN, NO. THAT’S NOT CORRECT. THE STRAIGHT UP MURDER OF THE FEMININE STILL RINGS IN OUR EARS AFTER BEING HIT ON THE SIDE OF THE FACE AND HEAD BY THE ONE WHO CLAIMS TO LOVE US. WHETHER THAT BE A FATHER, A BROTHER, A SPOUSE, A FRIEND, OR AN ENEMY.

WE WERE MURDERED A LONG TIME AGO BY THE MASCULINE AND HIS NEED FOR CONTROL AND POWER OVER THE FEMININE BECAUSE OF HIS DEEPSEATED FEARS AND INSECURITIES OVER THE WIDELY KNOWN AND SIMPLE FACT THAT WE ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THEM. THAT SEGWAY BRINGS US TO THIS NEXT PART OF MY LIFES FAIRYTALE OF DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVE AND UNRELATABLE BLOOD SHARING HUMANS.

MY LIFES FAIRYTALE OF DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVE AND UNRELATABLE BLOOD SHARING HUMANS +

CHAPTER WHO IN THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE ME?

AS I WAS WORKING ON THE REQUIRED EXPRESSION, I CAME ACROSS PICTURES OF MY MOTHER AND FATHER ON THE INTERNET IN PLACES I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FIND THEM.

ON A STATUE IN EGYPT AND ON A DOOR OF ST GILES CHURCH IN LONDON.

I SHIT YOU NOT. I WAS TRIPPING THE FUCK OUT. LET ME SHOW YOU.

BELOW IS MY MOTHER. THIS IS WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE BEFORE MY FATHER AND HER LIFE KILLED HER SPARKLE.