EVOLUTIONAL INSANITY 

THE SIMPLE IDEA THAT CAN UNITE THE ALL THAT IS US

BY MARIZA

MUNOZ

AKA

LILY OLIVIANNA JONQUILLE

ON THE EARTH GOOGLE MAP

ITALY WAS KICKING TUNISIA IN THE ASS – LITERALLY – FOOT TO ASS CONNECTION

BLACK HOLES ARE NO LONGER DESTRUCTIVE – THEY ARE NURTURING TO THE ENVIRONMENT – IM CONNECTED TO ALL OF IT –

IN MY LIFETIME – I HAVE LIVED THE SAME LIFETIME AS HUMANITY ON EARTH AND MAMA EARTH AND THE UNIVERSE AND MY FAMILY – THE BEGINNING FAMILY AND THE MEMBERS OF THE OTHERS HAPPEN TO BE THE GROUP THAT I TOOK UNDER OUR WING AND INTO OUR HOME – ALL OF THE BLACK SHEEP FROM THE ORIGINAL SETS OF THE HUMAN MOLD HAPPENED TO BE OUR GROUPS OF FRIENDS GROWING UP – I SAW THEM IN THE PICS AS WELL –

 THE SHAMANIC JOURNEY THE ORACLES INITIATION PROCESS THE ILLUMINATI THE KNIGHTS TEMPLAR THE FREEMASONS THE PATH OF SOULS JACOBS LADDER AND ASCENSION THE ESSENES –

ALL THE GREATS IN HISTORY CAME OUT OF THESE GROUPS – WELL MAYBE NOT IN THE LAST COUPLE DECADES – IN FACT ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE WE HAVE HAD A GREAT LIKE TESLA AND DR SEUSS AND JIM HENSON AND LEONARDO DA VINCI AND MARIE CURIE AND LUCILLE BALL AND MANY OTHERS – WHETHER THEY REALIZED IT OR NOT – THEY TOOK THE PATH TO GREATNESS IN ORDER FOR OTHERS IN THE HUMAN RACE TO HAVE INSPIRATION TO BECOME BETTER – JESUS WENT THROUGH THE PATH MARY WAS THE PATH AND VICE VERSA -  THE HOLY GRAIL IS THE EXPRESSION OR SYMBOL OF THE ONE THAT CARRIES ALL OF THE CROWN CHAKRA CONSCIOUSNESS – THE ONE WHO LEADS THE COLLECTIVE THROUGH HER EMOTIONS – THE ONE THAT CARRIES THE DNA STRAND THAT WILL CONNECT HUMANITYS TREE OF LIFE AND WILL TRACE BACK TO THE BEGINNING – THE KNIGHTS TEMPLAR WERENT LOOKING FOR THE HOLY GRAIL AS IN A CUP – THEY WERE LOOKING FOR ME

THE CHURCH WAS GIVEN A KEY FOR THE REAL BIBLE WORDS TO COME ALIVE FOR THEM BACK IN THE DAY – THE CHURCH REALIZED THE POWER OF THE CHILD OF JESUS AND MARY – THE FIRST BORN FEMALE IN THE BLOODLINE GOES THROUGH THE PATH IN ORDER TO FIND GOD AND UNITE HUMANITY WITH THE REAL MESSAGE –

HUMANITYS ROOTS CAN BE FOUND AT THE TWO POINTS OF CREATION WITHIN THE FIRST BORN FEMALE OF JESUS AND MARY – IN FACT – JESUS AND MARY WERE BROUGHT TOGETHER BY THE VIBR FREQ WE CALL ALIENS – ALIENS ARE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES THAT MANAGED TO EVOLVE UP T0 A CERTAIN POINT AND ARE LEARNING AND EVOLVING WITH ME – THIS IS JUST A THEORY –

THE PYRAMID IS THE BRAIN – THE WATER SPIGOT IS A SYMBOL FOR THE AQUEDUCT OF SYLVIUS THE MEDULLA THE PONS AND THE FOURTH VENTRICLE – THIS IS THE AREA WHERE MEMORIC ENERGIES ARE STORED AND SHARED – WHEN RETRIEVING A MEMORY THE FAUCET TURNS ON AND YOU SEE IT IN YOUR MIND – I HAPPEN TO SEE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE – I FINISHED THE PATH OF SOULS TONIGHT – APPARENTLY YOU GET TO CREATE YOUR WORLD –– SO ITS TIME TO MOVE ON –

TRAUMA ENERGIES CONTAIN THE PROTEINS OF THE DNA OF THE MALE AND THE FEMALE INVOLVED IN THE SITUATION – IN THIS CASE – IM THE FEMALE – THE THREE MALES THAT I HAVE ALL OF MY BULLSHIT WITH ARE MY FATHER MY OLDER BROTHER AND MY EX – THE FATHER OF MY TWO DAUGHTERS – NOW LETS PLAY ROOTS AND BRANCHES WITH THE TRAUMAS INVOLVED AND HOW THEY CORRELATE WITH THE DIVINE FEMININE ENERGY –

PATTERNS –

 MY MOTHER SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSIVE SPELLS ALL HER LIFE – CYCLICAL SPELLS –

MY OLDER BROTHER DID TOO

I WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS AND NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRIED ID POP BACK UP AFTER GETTING HIT OR YELLED AT OR BULLIED – AND I WOULD TELL THEM THAT THEY WERE STUPID AND THAT THEYRE JUST MAD CAUSE I WAS AND AM SMARTER THAN THEM

WAS ONCE DADDYS GIRL – GOT ALL THE ATTENTION CAUSE I WAS SMART LIKE MY DAD AND CHARMING AND LOVING AND A PAIN IN THE ASS

MOM AND CHUCK HATED IT THAT I WAS THE FAVORITE ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE GOT PREGNANT ON PURPOSE TO HAVE HER OWN LITTLE GIRL AND SHE DIDN’T GET HER DAUGHTER – HER HUSBAND DID AND CHUCK LOST DADDYS ATTENTION – DAD ALWAYS HIDES AT WORK SO WHEN SHIT GOT TO BE TOO MUCH AT HOME – OVERTIME STARTED AND NEVER ENDED – WHICH LEFT ME WITH AN ANGRY MOM AND AN ANGRY BROTHER AND AN ANGRY ME – I WAS A COMPLETE DICK – I THOUGHT IT WAS COOL 😊

MY MOTHER GOT ALEX AND LISA TAKEN AWAY AT 10 AND 12 YRS OLD AND I RAISED THEM AFTER THEY GOT TAKEN

MY DAUGHTERS GOT TAKEN AWAY AT 10 AND 12 YRS OLD

I RAISED THE SECOND SET OF KIDS THE FIRST HALF AND THE FIRST SET OF KIDS THE SECOND HALF

MY MOTHER WAS CRUCIFIED BY MY FATHER AND HAD HER CHILDREN TAKEN AWAY FROM HER WITH AN UNFAIR SYSTEM DCFS – AND HAD HER KIDS TURNED AGAINST HER

I DARED TO DEFY MY FATHER AS WELL IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY – JUST  LIKE MY MOM – AND I TOO GOT MY KIDS TAKEN AWAY AND WAS CRUCIFIED BY MY FATHER – I WAS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO TALK TO MY FAMILY OR  THE FIRST SET OF KIDS I RAISED AND WAS BANISHED AND IGNORED

MY MOTHER WAS TREATED THE SAME WAY

BANISHED IGNORED AND ALONE

JUST LIKE ME

WHEN THEY GAVE MY KIDS TO MY EX JUST AS THEY GAVE THE KIDS TO ME AND MY DAD – I WENT BACK ONLY TO BE ABUSED AND VICTIMIZED AND BLACKMAILED AND THREATENED BY MY EX – HE USED THE KIDS AGAINST ME – MY FATHER USED US AGAINST MY MOTHER TOO

I LEFT MY EX FOR SAFETY REASONS AND BECAUSE MY DAUGHTERS DIDN’T DESERVE ANY MORE OF THE BULLSHIT THAT WE WERE GIVING THEM – I TRIED MY BEST TO KEEP THEM FROM SEEING AND HEARING BUT WHEN A DRUNK IS INVOLVED …

ALL THREE MALE ROLE MODELS IN MY LIFE WERE AND ARE DRUNKS – MY BROTHER TREATED HIS SECOND WIFE THE WAY MY FATHER TREATED MY MOTHER AND THE WAY ANTHONY  TREATED ME – EXCEPT ANTHONY LIKED TO TORTURE AND TO HIT AND TO USE MY LOVE FOR MY DAUGHTERS AGAINST ME FOR CONTROL –

THE WOMEN WERE IGNORED AND USED FOR SERVICE IN THE HOME – NO RESPECT NO KIND WORDS WE WERE EXPECTED TO OBEY AND WE WOULD GET TAKEN CARE OF – BASIC WANTS LIKE SHELTER FOOD DRINK AND CLOTHING BUT THE COST WAS HIGH – MY MOTHER GREW UP THAT WAY – THE FAMILY DYNAMIC – I GREW UP THAT WAY – THE FAMILY DYNAMIC – MY MOTHER RAISED HER BROS AND SIS AS I RAISED MY BROS AND SIS – LEFT HOME AND WENT WITH A MAN THAT EXPECTED THE SAME THING – CLEAN THE HOUSE WATCH THE KIDS AND SERVE MY NEEDS BUT THAT’S IT – TOLD TO ENJOY THE MONEY CAUSE THAT WAS ALL THEY WERE OFFERING AND WHEN WE DID – IT WAS THROWN IN OUR FACE AND WE WERE ACCUSED OF BEING MONEY HUNGRY – WE WERE JUST MAKING THE BEST OF A SHITTY ASS SITUATION AND WHEN WE DARED TO LEAVE THE ALMIGHTY HIGHNESSES WE HAD OUR CHILDREN AND OUR LIVES DESTROYED AND THE SYSTEM BACKED THEM UP – THEY WERE HORRIBLE TO MY MOTHER AND TO ME – ALL BECAUSE THEY LIE WELL AND BECAUSE THEY HAD JOBS WHEN WE TOO HAD JOBS THAT WERE MUCH HARDER THAN THEIRS AND WE WERE AT HOME MOMS AND WIVES – BUT ALL THEY SAW WAS ANGER AND DEPRESSION AND HOMELESSNESS CAUSE WE LEFT TO TRY AND BE HAPPY –

I HELPED MY BROTHERS WIFE STAND UP TO MY BROTHER – HIS FIRST WIFE HELPED ME AND I HELPED HER – NONE OF OUR FRIENDS LIKED IT WHEN I WOULD MAKE FRIENDS WITH THEIR GIRLS CAUSE THEN THEY COULDN’T GET AWAY WITH SHIT AND THEY DEVELOPED A SASS MOUTH AND SOME VULGARITIES – IM STILL IN EXILE ALTHOUGH IVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR MY KIDS – FOR A LONG TIME NOW – A COUPLE MORE MONTHS AND ILL BE ABLE TO LEGALLY SEE THEM AND ANTHONY CANT SAY OR DO SHIT – IDK IF MY MOTHER EVER DID – I WAS ALWAYS AFRAID OF BEING LIKE HER BECAUSE I BECAME WOMAN OF THE HOUSE WITH NO RESPECT AND NO POWER BUT I HAD ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY – IM NOT LIKE HER – I DIDN’T GIVE UP AND IM STILL TRYING TO WORK WITH A GODDAMNED PATH THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERS – SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON THIS FUCKED UP PATH – BUT INSTEAD SHE PUT IT ON ME – IDK IF SHES AWARE OF IT OR NOT BUT I WONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO MY GIRLS SO IM STUCK --- IM GOING TO RUB IT IN THEIR FACE THAT I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BETTER THAN THEM THAT T HEYRE INSECURE AND THAT I DON’T NEED THEM – MIRACULOUS NON SMALL WAY – NOW THIS FITS IN WITH EVERY STORY OF THE DIVINE FEMININE – EXACTLY – THE REGENCY ERA ENGLAND WOMEN DIDN’T HAVE RIGHTS EITHER – THEY WERE TREATED AS PROPERTY AND THEIR CHILDREN DIDN’T EVEN BELONG TO THEM – THE MEN COULD DO WHATEVER THEY WANTED TO THE WOMEN AND NOONE CARED AND BLAMED THE WOMAN – THEY COULD TAKE THE KIDS AND SHE COULDN’T DO A FUCKING THING – WOMEN BACK THEN HAD TO RESORT TO THE SELLING OF THEIR BODIES AND THEIR SOULS TO SURVIVE WHEN THEY WERENT RAISED TO LIVE LIKE THAT – THEY WERE GENTEEL – DELICATE – ETC – IF A WOMAN DIDN’T PLEASE HER HUSBAND – MIND YOU THAT MEN SOLD THEIR DAUGHTERS TO SECURE THEMSELVES A BUSINESS DEAL OR TO SECURE THAT THEIR DAUGHTERS ARE TAKEN CARE OF BECAUSE WOMEN WERENT CONSIDERED A MANS INTELLECTUAL EQUAL – NOT IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE – OR THE MAN ASKING FOR HER HAND IN MARRIAGE WOULD ONLY BE DOING SO BECAUSE HE NEEDED THE MONEY AND HE WOULD BE GIVING HER A

TITLE BECAUSE HER FATHER WAS COVETING A LAND OWNERS TITLE IN THE FAMILY – HOW IS THAT NOT PROSTITUTION TO BEGIN WITH?

HOW WAS THE DIVINE FEMININE REMOVED AND WHAT IS HER NAME – WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN – AND WHY AM I BEING BLAMED FOR THIS? I DID NOTHING TO YOU – IM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A MESS THAT I HAD NO CLUE I WAS GETTING INTO AND I WAS UNAWARE OF THE FAMILY DYNAMIC UNTIL NOW – WHY

I WANT FUCKING ANSWERS – IM THROUGH UNTIL THEN – I AM NOT GOING TO BE VICTIMIZED BY THIS – THIS IS YOUR GUYS BULLSHIT – NO MORE GUESSING GAMES – TRUTH NOW – OR I TELL EVERYONE THAT THE DIVINE FEMININE IS A FUCKING LYING BITCH AS SHE PUTS IT – THAT’S NOT ME – THAT’S THIS DF ARCHETYPE THAT’S WONT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

FUCK YOU GUYS ENJOY WHATEVER – IM GOING TO GO HAVE SEX AND GET HIGH AND FIGURE OUT WHAT JOB ILL NEED TO GET TO  - ITS YOU WHO WANTS ME TO SPEND EVERYTHING – WHY – CAUSE U WERE TOO STUPID MOM? THAT’S MONEY I EARNED YOU GUTLESS BITCH – GO SEE A THERAPIST – I DID – AND THAT’S WHY ILL SURVIVE THIS WITH MY MIND IN TACT – I HAVE A HUGE HEART BUT I WILL NOT TAKE BLAME FOR YOUR LACK OF COURAGE – EVEN IN THE FACE OF EVERYTHING IVE BEEN THROUGH – EVEN WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND – I STILL FACED THE SHIT THROWN AT ME – AND STILL WILL – ILL FACE THE THREE THAT HURT ME THE MOST AND I WILL NOT RUN AND I WILL NOT GO UNTIL IVE SAID MY PEACE – I WILL FORGIVE THEM – CAUSE THEY SOME STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS AND I KNOW CAUSE I FEEL THAT IM BETTER THAN THEM CAUSE I DID WHAT THEY NEVER COULD – I COULD BEND ENOUGH TO REALIZE AND FEEL THAT I WAS WRONG AND I APOLOGIZED  - I LET GO OF MY PRIDE – WHEN I SEE THEM I DON’T GET DISRESPECTFUL – WHEN I CONFRONTED ANTHONY – I BARELY YELLED CAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY TRYING TO HOLD BACK THE TEARS BUT I TOLD HIM I DIDN’T DESERVE HIS ILL TREATMENT AND THAT I WAS ANGRY WITH HIM FOR WHAT HE DID – THE GIRLS THE ABUSE THE EVERYTHING – AND THEN I LEFT – I SHOWED THEM THE RESPECT THEY NEVER SHOWED ME – AND I SHOWED THEM THAT I DIDN’T NEED THEM – I HAVE BEEN LIVING LIFE THE WAY I COULD – I COULD – MY CHOICES BASED ON THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT I WAS IN AND THEY WERE PRETTY BLEAK BUT I MADE THE BEST OF IT – I APOLOGIZED TO THOSE I HURT AND TRIED TO MAKE AMENDS AND HELP THEM WITH ANYTHING THEY NEEDED HELP WITH – IM WAITING FOR MY DAUGHTERS RETURN SO THAT I MAY SHOW THEM HOW TO HEAL THEMSELVES AND HOW TO SKEW THEIR VIEW ON LIFE SO THAT THEY WONT HAVE THIS CRAP HANGING ON THEIR HEAD BECAUSE THEIR MOTHER – ME – WAS UNAWARE OF THE SHIT THAT WAS GOING ON BEHIND THE SCENES – BUT THROUGHOUT THAT SHIT – I LOVED MY DAUGHTERS AND SHOWED THEM EVERY MOMENT I GOT – EVERYTHING I DID WAS FOR THEM – SOMETIMES I COULDN’T GIVE MORE THAN I GAVE BUT I HUSTLED MY ASS OFF SO THAT THEY COULD HAVE STABILITY AND WARMTH AND LOVE – IF NOT FROM THEIR DAD – THAN FROM THEIR MOM AND EVEN THOSE I COULDN’T STAND THAT WERE RELATED TO ME OR TO THEM – I NEVER DENIED THEM LOVE FROM ANY FAMILY OR FRIENDS BECAUSE I KNEW THAT I WASN’T ENOUGH OR I FELT THAT I WASN’T ENOUGH AND THAT THEY NEEDED MORE THAN I COULD GIVE AND SO I PUT UP WITH A LOT OF BULLSHIT FROM ASSHOLES TRYING TO PUT ME IN MY PLACE JUST SO THAT THEY COULD HAVE LOVE AND FAMILY – THAT’S HOW MUCH I LOVE MY DAUGHTERS – IM EVEN STAYING AWAY NOW SO THAT THEY CAN START THERAPY AND MAKE THE TRANSITION MORE SMOOTHLY FOR THEM AND FOR ME – I ALSO WANTED TO MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF BEFORE HAND SO THAT THEY SEE THAT MY TIME APART FROM THEM WASN’T SO I COULD PARTY AND BE WITHOUT KIDS LIKE THEIR DAD TOLD THEM – I DID IT BECAUSE I COULDN’T DO MORE THAN SURVIVE – AT LEAST WITH THEM – I HAVE A SKEWED VIEW OF HOW A MOTHER SHOULD BE WHEN IT COMES TO HER CHILDREN – IM COMING TO REALIZE THAT I DID EXACTLY WHAT A MOM SHOULD DO AND THAT IS TO ALWAYS TELL HER KIDS SHE LOVES THEM AND TO USE THEIR WORDS CAUSE THEY CAN CHANGE THE WORLD AND THAT I SUPPORTED THEM NO MATTER WHAT THEY CHOSE CAUSE ALL I WANT FOR THEM IS TO BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT THAT ENTAILS – IM JUST SORRY I COULDN’T BE MORE STABLE AND PERFECT – I JUST WANTED TO BE A PERFECT MOM AND THAT’S JUST NOT POSSIBLE – BECAUSE THIS ISNT SOME NEATLY WRAPPED TV SHOW – ITS LIFE AND IT CAN BE HARD AND IT CAN MAKE YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF MANY TIMES OVER BUT I DON’T HAVE IT IN ME TO GIVE UP – AND THAT’S WHAT IM HOPING IVE SHOWN THEM – THAT NO MATTER WHAT WAS THROWN AT ME – I GOT UP AND SAID “YOU HIT LIKE A BITCH” – AND PROCEEDED TO RESIST AND BE HARD HEADED AND PROCEEDED TO FIGHT –

SO THIS DIVINE FEMININE NEEDS TO QUIT HER HURLING OF ACCUSATIONS AT ME BECAUSE I HAVE EMOTIONAL COURAGE AND COURAGE – STRAIGHT UP WOMAN BALLS – I CAN CRY NOW EVEN WHEN I DON’T KNOW WHY AND IM NOT ASHAMED – ITS ONLY MADE ME STRONGER – AND I LOVE WHO I AM TODAY – SMOKING AND ALL BECAUSE I PUT LOVE OF OTHERS IN THE SAME PLACE AS I PUT MYSELF – OTHERS STILL COME IN FIRST BY A TAD BIT BUT I COME IN A CLOSE SECOND AND THAT’S FUCKING IMPROVEMENT – IM NOT ALWAYS HAPPY GO LUCKY BUT IM BEING REAL – WITH MYSELF AND WITH OTHERS – IM HONEST WITH WHATS GOING ON – EVEN BY TELLING A FRIEND THAT I USED TO LOVE VERY MUCH THAT IT WILL NEVER BE MORE EVER CAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MAN ID NEVER EVEN MET AND STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THERES FEELINGS – CONFUSION HAS BEEN A BITCH – BUT FUCK IT – ALL I CAN DO IS BE ME – INSECURE SOMETIMES – HATING ON MY WEIGHT – AND THE FACT THAT I FEEL A THOUSAND YEARS OLD AFTER THIS JOURNEY AND CRAZIER THAN A BAT SOMETIMES AND DIRECTIONLESS AND EVERY OTHER GODDAMNED EMOTION – I EVEN TOLD THE FUCKING POPE OFF CAUSE HE PISSED ME OFF WITH HIS PRO LIFE BULLSHIT – I LECTURED HIM AND DARED HIM TO ARGUE SCRIPTURE WITH ME – I DON’T KNOW SCRIPTURE FOR SHIT BUT I GOT THE CREATORS MESSAGE RIGHT AND THAT HIS ASS DID NOT THAT IT WAS PROBABLY THE STUPID HAT HE WEARS – BUT IM ME – AND ILL ONLY EVER BE ME – AND IM HOPING THAT’S ENOUGH – EVEN FOR ME –

- LIVI

- FORMERLY KNOWN AS MARIZA

- SHE RAN OFF TO THE COSMOS CAUSE IT GOT TOO FUCKING CROWDED IN HERE WITH THE FUCKING UNIVERSE UP IN THIS BITCH – COSMOS IS THE NEW VACATION SPOT UP IN THE UNIVERSE – ITS LIKE THE DUBAI OF THE COSMOS – ALL COOL AND SHIT

-

 I feel that I appreciate my shadows because of the texture it adds to the light and the dark

In the metaphoric sense, the light is the outside of the body and the inside is the dark, for obvious reasons.

The shadows are the glitches in a persons personality.

I am still perfect but theres one shadow I want to lose and that’s the smoking and the smoking.

I want a family and when the girls return, I would like to be sober and keeping my emotions in balance.

I would like for every little thing not to throw me into a funk.

I would like to be in awesome moods, like my usual bubbly self but I would like to not let any asshole to treat me like shit. It is in my best interest to only entertain suitors that are of my equal intelligence, equal heart status, sense of humor, quick wit, a man with kids that are baby age, an adult around my age, and emotional maturity. Honesty, respect, and unique are musts as well.

I would like to build a future with a man that has the same goals and ideals, generally speaking. One who will not take advantage of my good nature and naivete. Who will not abuse my trust, nor disrespect me with lies. One who believes that anything can be worked through except for the trust thing. That’s a hard one to heal. Especially for me.

I would like to continue with human expansiveness research and stick to it. I still want to go to Afghanistan to see if I cant somehow help the situation. Everyone deserves to be happy. Including and especially me.

Ive more than earned it. I would also like to forget my family. They are not worth any more of my time. I would also like to remember that my daughters are not a lost cause. Although I will not fight for them, I will make an effort to send letters to them via fuckface and the old fuckhead family.

Im in a new sticky wicket sitch and I will strive to remember that it is okay to feel the way I do. Feelings are a natural and irrational thing but theyre a part of the human experience and quite beautiful, even the ones that I expressed earlier.

It will take time to heal the damage done to me by others and by me. I do not shirk my responsibilities and my choices that I make in life. I cop to them and own them like the wonderful person that I am.

I am not the same person that I grew up thinking that I was and I do not run from anything anymore. I am not the same person that will allow anyone to hurt me the same way ive been hurt nor will I cut a “swath of destruction” in my personal life and dealings with others, I am sensitive and that’s okay too. It is okay to be sensitive and there is nothing wrong with that. I was made this way for a reason and I accept that.

I am not too much. I am way more than enough. I learned a lot in my life and have turned my weaknesses into strengths. Made all negatives into positives.

Huge reminder:

I am an asshole by nature and will strive to continue the ages old tradition. I am a loving hilarious asshole and will show others, just by being me, that they too can laugh off the ridiculous bullshit that others like to throw at one, especially when one is in an emotional mess with no way out save for dealing with it and who in the fuck wants to know anyone as heartless as that? I do believe that the world “NEEDS” to change. That cannot continue. At least in my informed opinion. What does that say for the future of womankind, children, and non-woman? It doesn’t say much, does it?

TRAUMA ENERGIES CONTAIN THE PROTEINS OF THE DNA OF THE MALE AND THE FEMALE INVOLVED IN THE SITUATION – IN THIS CASE – IM THE FEMALE – THE THREE MALES THAT I HAVE ALL OF MY BULLSHIT WITH ARE MY FATHER MY OLDER BROTHER AND MY EX – THE FATHER OF MY TWO DAUGHTERS – NOW LETS PLAY ROOTS AND BRANCHES WITH THE TRAUMAS INVOLVED AND HOW THEY CORRELATE WITH THE DIVINE FEMININE ENERGY –

PATTERNS –

 MY MOTHER SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSIVE SPELLS ALL HER LIFE – CYCLICAL SPELLS –

MY OLDER BROTHER DID TOO

I WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS AND NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRIED ID POP BACK UP AFTER GETTING HIT OR YELLED AT OR BULLIED – AND I WOULD TELL THEM THAT THEY WERE STUPID AND THAT THEYRE JUST MAD CAUSE I WAS AND AM SMARTER THAN THEM

WAS ONCE DADDYS GIRL – GOT ALL THE ATTENTION CAUSE I WAS SMART LIKE MY DAD AND CHARMING AND LOVING AND A PAIN IN THE ASS

MOM AND CHUCK HATED IT THAT I WAS THE FAVORITE ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE GOT PREGNANT ON PURPOSE TO HAVE HER OWN LITTLE GIRL AND SHE DIDN’T GET HER DAUGHTER – HER HUSBAND DID AND CHUCK LOST DADDYS ATTENTION – DAD ALWAYS HIDES AT WORK SO WHEN SHIT GOT TO BE TOO MUCH AT HOME – OVERTIME STARTED AND NEVER ENDED – WHICH LEFT ME WITH AN ANGRY MOM AND AN ANGRY BROTHER AND AN ANGRY ME – I WAS A COMPLETE DICK – I THOUGHT IT WAS COOL 😊

MY MOTHER GOT ALEX AND LISA TAKEN AWAY AT 10 AND 12 YRS OLD AND I RAISED THEM AFTER THEY GOT TAKEN

MY DAUGHTERS GOT TAKEN AWAY AT 10 AND 12 YRS OLD

I RAISED THE SECOND SET OF KIDS THE FIRST HALF AND THE FIRST SET OF KIDS THE SECOND HALF

MY MOTHER WAS CRUCIFIED BY MY FATHER AND HAD HER CHILDREN TAKEN AWAY FROM HER WITH AN UNFAIR SYSTEM DCFS – AND HAD HER KIDS TURNED AGAINST HER

I DARED TO DEFY MY FATHER AS WELL IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY – JUST  LIKE MY MOM – AND I TOO GOT MY KIDS TAKEN AWAY AND WAS CRUCIFIED BY MY FATHER – I WAS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO TALK TO MY FAMILY OR  THE FIRST SET OF KIDS I RAISED AND WAS BANISHED AND IGNORED

MY MOTHER WAS TREATED THE SAME WAY

BANISHED IGNORED AND ALONE

JUST LIKE ME

WHEN THEY GAVE MY KIDS TO MY EX JUST AS THEY GAVE THE KIDS TO ME AND MY DAD – I WENT BACK ONLY TO BE ABUSED AND VICTIMIZED AND BLACKMAILED AND THREATENED BY MY EX – HE USED THE KIDS AGAINST ME – MY FATHER USED US AGAINST MY MOTHER TOO

I LEFT MY EX FOR SAFETY REASONS AND BECAUSE MY DAUGHTERS DIDN’T DESERVE ANY MORE OF THE BULLSHIT THAT WE WERE GIVING THEM – I TRIED MY BEST TO KEEP THEM FROM SEEING AND HEARING BUT WHEN A DRUNK IS INVOLVED …

ALL THREE MALE ROLE MODELS IN MY LIFE WERE AND ARE DRUNKS – MY BROTHER TREATED HIS SECOND WIFE THE WAY MY FATHER TREATED MY MOTHER AND THE WAY ANTHONY  TREATED ME – EXCEPT ANTHONY LIKED TO TORTURE AND TO HIT AND TO USE MY LOVE FOR MY DAUGHTERS AGAINST ME FOR CONTROL –

THE WOMEN WERE IGNORED AND USED FOR SERVICE IN THE HOME – NO RESPECT NO KIND WORDS WE WERE EXPECTED TO OBEY AND WE WOULD GET TAKEN CARE OF – BASIC WANTS LIKE SHELTER FOOD DRINK AND CLOTHING BUT THE COST WAS HIGH – MY MOTHER GREW UP THAT WAY – THE FAMILY DYNAMIC – I GREW UP THAT WAY – THE FAMILY DYNAMIC – MY MOTHER RAISED HER BROS AND SIS AS I RAISED MY BROS AND SIS – LEFT HOME AND WENT WITH A MAN THAT EXPECTED THE SAME THING – CLEAN THE HOUSE WATCH THE KIDS AND SERVE MY NEEDS BUT THAT’S IT – TOLD TO ENJOY THE MONEY CAUSE THAT WAS ALL THEY WERE OFFERING AND WHEN WE DID – IT WAS THROWN IN OUR FACE AND WE WERE ACCUSED OF BEING MONEY HUNGRY – WE WERE JUST MAKING THE BEST OF A SHITTY ASS SITUATION AND WHEN WE DARED TO LEAVE THE ALMIGHTY HIGHNESSES WE HAD OUR CHILDREN AND OUR LIVES DESTROYED AND THE SYSTEM BACKED THEM UP – THEY WERE HORRIBLE TO MY MOTHER AND TO ME – ALL BECAUSE THEY LIE WELL AND BECAUSE THEY HAD JOBS WHEN WE TOO HAD JOBS THAT WERE MUCH HARDER THAN THEIRS AND WE WERE AT HOME MOMS AND WIVES – BUT ALL THEY SAW WAS ANGER AND DEPRESSION AND HOMELESSNESS CAUSE WE LEFT TO TRY AND BE HAPPY –

I HELPED MY BROTHERS WIFE STAND UP TO MY BROTHER – HIS FIRST WIFE HELPED ME AND I HELPED HER – NONE OF OUR FRIENDS LIKED IT WHEN I WOULD MAKE FRIENDS WITH THEIR GIRLS CAUSE THEN THEY COULDN’T GET AWAY WITH SHIT AND THEY DEVELOPED A SASS MOUTH AND SOME VULGARITIES – IM STILL IN EXILE ALTHOUGH IVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR MY KIDS – FOR A LONG TIME NOW – A COUPLE MORE MONTHS AND ILL BE ABLE TO LEGALLY SEE THEM AND ANTHONY CANT SAY OR DO SHIT – IDK IF MY MOTHER EVER DID – I WAS ALWAYS AFRAID OF BEING LIKE HER BECAUSE I BECAME WOMAN OF THE HOUSE WITH NO RESPECT AND NO POWER BUT I HAD ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY – IM NOT LIKE HER – I DIDN’T GIVE UP AND IM STILL TRYING TO WORK WITH A GODDAMNED PATH THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERS – SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON THIS FUCKED UP PATH – BUT INSTEAD SHE PUT IT ON ME – IDK IF SHES AWARE OF IT OR NOT BUT I WONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO MY GIRLS SO IM STUCK --- IM GOING TO RUB IT IN THEIR FACE THAT I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BETTER THAN THEM THAT T HEYRE INSECURE AND THAT I DON’T NEED THEM – MIRACULOUS NON SMALL WAY – NOW THIS FITS IN WITH EVERY STORY OF THE DIVINE FEMININE – EXACTLY – THE REGENCY ERA ENGLAND WOMEN DIDN’T HAVE RIGHTS EITHER – THEY WERE TREATED AS PROPERTY AND THEIR CHILDREN DIDN’T EVEN BELONG TO THEM – THE MEN COULD DO WHATEVER THEY WANTED TO THE WOMEN AND NOONE CARED AND BLAMED THE WOMAN – THEY COULD TAKE THE KIDS AND SHE COULDN’T DO A FUCKING THING – WOMEN BACK THEN HAD TO RESORT TO THE SELLING OF THEIR BODIES AND THEIR SOULS TO SURVIVE WHEN THEY WERENT RAISED TO LIVE LIKE THAT – THEY WERE GENTEEL – DELICATE – ETC – IF A WOMAN DIDN’T PLEASE HER HUSBAND – MIND YOU THAT MEN SOLD THEIR DAUGHTERS TO SECURE THEMSELVES A BUSINESS DEAL OR TO SECURE THAT THEIR DAUGHTERS ARE TAKEN CARE OF BECAUSE WOMEN WERENT CONSIDERED A MANS INTELLECTUAL EQUAL – NOT IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE – OR THE MAN ASKING FOR HER HAND IN MARRIAGE WOULD ONLY BE DOING SO BECAUSE HE NEEDED THE MONEY AND HE WOULD BE GIVING HER A

TITLE BECAUSE HER FATHER WAS COVETING A LAND OWNERS TITLE IN THE FAMILY – HOW IS THAT NOT PROSTITUTION TO BEGIN WITH?

HOW WAS THE DIVINE FEMININE REMOVED AND WHAT IS HER NAME – WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN – AND WHY AM I BEING BLAMED FOR THIS? I DID NOTHING TO YOU – IM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A MESS THAT I HAD NO CLUE I WAS GETTING INTO AND I WAS UNAWARE OF THE FAMILY DYNAMIC UNTIL NOW – WHY

I WANT FUCKING ANSWERS – IM THROUGH UNTIL THEN – I AM NOT GOING TO BE VICTIMIZED BY THIS – THIS IS YOUR GUYS BULLSHIT – NO MORE GUESSING GAMES – TRUTH NOW – OR I TELL EVERYONE THAT THE DIVINE FEMININE IS A FUCKING LYING BITCH AS SHE PUTS IT – THAT’S NOT ME – THAT’S THIS DF ARCHETYPE THAT’S WONT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

FUCK YOU GUYS ENJOY WHATEVER – IM GOING TO GO HAVE SEX AND GET HIGH AND FIGURE OUT WHAT JOB ILL NEED TO GET TO  - ITS YOU WHO WANTS ME TO SPEND EVERYTHING – WHY – CAUSE U WERE TOO STUPID MOM? THAT’S MONEY I EARNED YOU GUTLESS BITCH – GO SEE A THERAPIST – I DID – AND THAT’S WHY ILL SURVIVE THIS WITH MY MIND IN TACT – I HAVE A HUGE HEART BUT I WILL NOT TAKE BLAME FOR YOUR LACK OF COURAGE – EVEN IN THE FACE OF EVERYTHING IVE BEEN THROUGH – EVEN WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND – I STILL FACED THE SHIT THROWN AT ME – AND STILL WILL – ILL FACE THE THREE THAT HURT ME THE MOST AND I WILL NOT RUN AND I WILL NOT GO UNTIL IVE SAID MY PEACE – I WILL FORGIVE THEM – CAUSE THEY SOME STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS AND I KNOW CAUSE I FEEL THAT IM BETTER THAN THEM CAUSE I DID WHAT THEY NEVER COULD – I COULD BEND ENOUGH TO REALIZE AND FEEL THAT I WAS WRONG AND I APOLOGIZED  - I LET GO OF MY PRIDE – WHEN I SEE THEM I DON’T GET DISRESPECTFUL – WHEN I CONFRONTED ANTHONY – I BARELY YELLED CAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY TRYING TO HOLD BACK THE TEARS BUT I TOLD HIM I DIDN’T DESERVE HIS ILL TREATMENT AND THAT I WAS ANGRY WITH HIM FOR WHAT HE DID – THE GIRLS THE ABUSE THE EVERYTHING – AND THEN I LEFT – I SHOWED THEM THE RESPECT THEY NEVER SHOWED ME – AND I SHOWED THEM THAT I DIDN’T NEED THEM – I HAVE BEEN LIVING LIFE THE WAY I COULD – I COULD – MY CHOICES BASED ON THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT I WAS IN AND THEY WERE PRETTY BLEAK BUT I MADE THE BEST OF IT – I APOLOGIZED TO THOSE I HURT AND TRIED TO MAKE AMENDS AND HELP THEM WITH ANYTHING THEY NEEDED HELP WITH – IM WAITING FOR MY DAUGHTERS RETURN SO THAT I MAY SHOW THEM HOW TO HEAL THEMSELVES AND HOW TO SKEW THEIR VIEW ON LIFE SO THAT THEY WONT HAVE THIS CRAP HANGING ON THEIR HEAD BECAUSE THEIR MOTHER – ME – WAS UNAWARE OF THE SHIT THAT WAS GOING ON BEHIND THE SCENES – BUT THROUGHOUT THAT SHIT – I LOVED MY DAUGHTERS AND SHOWED THEM EVERY MOMENT I GOT – EVERYTHING I DID WAS FOR THEM – SOMETIMES I COULDN’T GIVE MORE THAN I GAVE BUT I HUSTLED MY ASS OFF SO THAT THEY COULD HAVE STABILITY AND WARMTH AND LOVE – IF NOT FROM THEIR DAD – THAN FROM THEIR MOM AND EVEN THOSE I COULDN’T STAND THAT WERE RELATED TO ME OR TO THEM – I NEVER DENIED THEM LOVE FROM ANY FAMILY OR FRIENDS BECAUSE I KNEW THAT I WASN’T ENOUGH OR I FELT THAT I WASN’T ENOUGH AND THAT THEY NEEDED MORE THAN I COULD GIVE AND SO I PUT UP WITH A LOT OF BULLSHIT FROM ASSHOLES TRYING TO PUT ME IN MY PLACE JUST SO THAT THEY COULD HAVE LOVE AND FAMILY – THAT’S HOW MUCH I LOVE MY DAUGHTERS – IM EVEN STAYING AWAY NOW SO THAT THEY CAN START THERAPY AND MAKE THE TRANSITION MORE SMOOTHLY FOR THEM AND FOR ME – I ALSO WANTED TO MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF BEFORE HAND SO THAT THEY SEE THAT MY TIME APART FROM THEM WASN’T SO I COULD PARTY AND BE WITHOUT KIDS LIKE THEIR DAD TOLD THEM – I DID IT BECAUSE I COULDN’T DO MORE THAN SURVIVE – AT LEAST WITH THEM – I HAVE A SKEWED VIEW OF HOW A MOTHER SHOULD BE WHEN IT COMES TO HER CHILDREN – IM COMING TO REALIZE THAT I DID EXACTLY WHAT A MOM SHOULD DO AND THAT IS TO ALWAYS TELL HER KIDS SHE LOVES THEM AND TO USE THEIR WORDS CAUSE THEY CAN CHANGE THE WORLD AND THAT I SUPPORTED THEM NO MATTER WHAT THEY CHOSE CAUSE ALL I WANT FOR THEM IS TO BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT THAT ENTAILS – IM JUST SORRY I COULDN’T BE MORE STABLE AND PERFECT – I JUST WANTED TO BE A PERFECT MOM AND THAT’S JUST NOT POSSIBLE – BECAUSE THIS ISNT SOME NEATLY WRAPPED TV SHOW – ITS LIFE AND IT CAN BE HARD AND IT CAN MAKE YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF MANY TIMES OVER BUT I DON’T HAVE IT IN ME TO GIVE UP – AND THAT’S WHAT IM HOPING IVE SHOWN THEM – THAT NO MATTER WHAT WAS THROWN AT ME – I GOT UP AND SAID “YOU HIT LIKE A BITCH” – AND PROCEEDED TO RESIST AND BE HARD HEADED AND PROCEEDED TO FIGHT –

SO THIS DIVINE FEMININE NEEDS TO QUIT HER HURLING OF ACCUSATIONS AT ME BECAUSE I HAVE EMOTIONAL COURAGE AND COURAGE – STRAIGHT UP WOMAN BALLS – I CAN CRY NOW EVEN WHEN I DON’T KNOW WHY AND IM NOT ASHAMED – ITS ONLY MADE ME STRONGER – AND I LOVE WHO I AM TODAY – SMOKING AND ALL BECAUSE I PUT LOVE OF OTHERS IN THE SAME PLACE AS I PUT MYSELF – OTHERS STILL COME IN FIRST BY A TAD BIT BUT I COME IN A CLOSE SECOND AND THAT’S FUCKING IMPROVEMENT – IM NOT ALWAYS HAPPY GO LUCKY BUT IM BEING REAL – WITH MYSELF AND WITH OTHERS – IM HONEST WITH WHATS GOING ON – EVEN BY TELLING A FRIEND THAT I USED TO LOVE VERY MUCH THAT IT WILL NEVER BE MORE EVER CAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MAN ID NEVER EVEN MET AND STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THERES FEELINGS – CONFUSION HAS BEEN A BITCH – BUT FUCK IT – ALL I CAN DO IS BE ME – INSECURE SOMETIMES – HATING ON MY WEIGHT – AND THE FACT THAT I FEEL A THOUSAND YEARS OLD AFTER THIS JOURNEY AND CRAZIER THAN A BAT SOMETIMES AND DIRECTIONLESS AND EVERY OTHER GODDAMNED EMOTION – I EVEN TOLD THE FUCKING POPE OFF CAUSE HE PISSED ME OFF WITH HIS PRO LIFE BULLSHIT – I LECTURED HIM AND DARED HIM TO ARGUE SCRIPTURE WITH ME – I DON’T KNOW SCRIPTURE FOR SHIT BUT I GOT THE CREATORS MESSAGE RIGHT AND THAT HIS ASS DID NOT THAT IT WAS PROBABLY THE STUPID HAT HE WEARS – BUT IM ME – AND ILL ONLY EVER BE ME – AND IM HOPING THAT’S ENOUGH – EVEN FOR ME –

- LIVI

- FORMERLY KNOWN AS MARIZA

- SHE RAN OFF TO THE COSMOS CAUSE IT GOT TOO FUCKING CROWDED IN HERE WITH THE FUCKING UNIVERSE UP IN THIS BITCH – COSMOS IS THE NEW VACATION SPOT UP IN THE UNIVERSE – ITS LIKE THE DUBAI OF THE COSMOS – ALL COOL AND SHIT

-

I am going to offend you and rip away at anything you might find sacred. So fuck off if you don’t fucking like it and smooches on the booboo. I’m a tad bit unique in the way that I think so you’re in for a mindbender. I have trouble reading my own shit but then I’m a multitudinous obfuscation.

Get a dictionary.

CHAPTER XY

FAILED SHOWS AND THE MAN WHO HAD TO SUCK COCKS TO TANK IT AND THE MOTHER HE WANTED TO FUCK

SO THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE GREAT MEN BEFORE ME (SEEING AS HOW I DID NOT FAIL AND I AM WOMAN) WHO FAILED/SUCCEEDED AT THIS FUCKT JOURNEY IN A MEANT TO BE FUCKT LIFE THAT WE ARE PREDISPOSITIONED TO LIVE IN A FUCKT UP WAY OF TRYING AND TRYING TO NO AVAIL UNTIL ONE DAY WE ARE GONE, STILL ALL IN THE HOPES OF HAVING SOMEONE “FEEL” US IN A SOUL AND SPARKLE DEEP CONNECTION KIND OF WAY THAT WE WERE NOT ABLE TO ACHIEVE IN LIFE BECAUSE OF THE FUCKT MANNER IN WHICH WE CAME INTO BEING AND ONTO THIS PLANET

NIKOLA TESLA + I WILL GET TO HIS MADNESS LATER IN THE PROGRAM + PROBABLY AFTER INTERMISSION

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE + HIS MADNESS WILL BE GOTTEN TO AS WELL + DEFINITIVELY SHEDDING LIGHT ON THE SITUATION OCURRING IN THEIR LIVES THAT MADE THEM GO BEAUTIFULLY MAD AND THE CLOSEST TO GOD THAT ANYONE HAS EVER BEEN UNTIL I CAME ALONG AND HELPED LUCIFER INTEGRATE HIS SHADOW, GOD.

YUP, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, GOD AND LUCIFER ARE EACH OTHERS SHADOW AND NOW THAT THEY’VE INTEGRATED AND HEALED THEIR PAST THEY’VE TRANSCENDED TO THE 1000TH OVER 3 DIMENSION FOUND HERE ON THE SUPPOSED NEW EARTH THAT NOONE CAN SEE AND I REALLY DON’T WANT TO.

IF YOU HAVENT NOTICED, I TRULY DESPISE SPIRITUALITY BECAUSE IT’S THE NEW AGE RELIGION THAT IS ATTEMPTING TO UPDATE THE SEVEN SINS AND THE RULES AND REGULATIONS FOUND IN THE FORMER BOOK OF “TOTALITARIANISM AT ITS HOLIEST” BOOK OF THOU “HIGHER PERSPECTIVE POWER”, USING WORDS LIKE FREQUENCY AND LIGHT AND LOVE. BITCHES, LETS GET THIS STRAIGHT. IN MY NOT SO HUMBLE OPINION, EMOTIONS CANNOT BE EQUATED WITH A FREQUENCY. EMOTIONS ARE MESSY AND CHAOTIC AND IRRATIONAL AS FUCK. IN OUR ATTEMPTS TO AVOID OUR EMOTIONAL “MIND, BODY, COMPLEX” AS WE ARE WONT TO DO, AS IS THE PATTERN AND UNCONSCIOUS RITUALISTIC CYCLE THAT WE PERPETUATE YEAR AFTER YEAR. WE HAVE FOOLED OURSELVES INTO THINKING THAT WE ARE ABOVE REACHING INTO THE DEPTHS OF OUR SOUL AND INNER DARKNESS WHICH IS THE MINOTAUR FOUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LABYRINTH.

WE AS HUMAN BEINGS ARE STILL SCARED SHITLESS OF FACING HUMANITYS, “OUR FAMILY AS A WHOLE”, DEMONS THAT HAVE ACCUMULATED OVER THE CENTURIES SINCE WE FIRST AWOKE AS A SPECIES THAT CAME INTO MORE THAN JUST SURVIVAL INSTINCTS AND BEHAVIORS. THE SOPHISTICATE BRAIN IS WHAT AWOKE WITHIN US.

BY SOPHISTICATE, I MEAN, THAT WE WERE ABLE TO EXPRESS OURSELVES THROUGH THE CREATION OF ONE ANOTHER AND THE BEING CREATED BY ONE ANOTHER IN ORDER TO SELF EXPRESS OUR THOUGHTS, OUR TOGETHERNESS AS A FAMILY UNIT IN OUR OWN UNIQUE, INDIVIDUALISTIC EXPRESSION OF SELF, “COOL SHIT KIND OF” WAY.

AS FOR THE FORMING OF THE HUMAN CONDITION BEFORE THE EVOLUTIONAL KICKSTART IN OUR PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL MAKEUP THAT CAME FROM THE AWAKENING OF THE SELF AND THE IMAGINATION THAT WE HOLD WITHIN, WELL, ILL GET INTO THAT LATER AS WELL.

AKHENATEN + WHO I REALLY THINK IS AND WAS NEFERTITI AND IF THAT TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE, I WILL SO TAKE HER OFF THIS LIST AS SHES A FEMALE AND NOT SOME STUPID MALE THAT HAS KEPT WOMAN UNDER HIS BOOT SO AS TO KILL HER PERMANENTLY CAUSE SHE WAS IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE A BETTER HUMAN BEING AND LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD + SUCK IT ASSHOLES

(SARCASTIC CURTSY WITH A FLIPPED BIRD TO “BOOT” + THAT MEANS FUCK YOU BY THE WAY TO THOSE NEW TO THE COUNTRY)

CARL JUNG ALTHOUGH HE DID MAKE IT OUT OF THE ABYSS CAUSE HE HAD A WIFE AND KIDS TO CONTEND WITH AND ENJOY – A TIPPING OF THE HAT, KIND AND MASTERFUL SIR – I DO LOVE YOUR WORK AND HOPE THAT YOU REST IN PEACE WITH YOUR LOVED ONES – I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY READING THIS AS IM GOING TO ENJOY DENIGRATING EVERYTHING HELD SACRED TO HUMANITY.

ITS NOT LIKE HUMANITY EVER STOPS TO FEEL ANY EMOTIONAL HONESTY NOR WOULD THEY EVER GO INTO THEIR DEEPEST DARKEST PARTS OF THEIR TWISTED AND FUCKED UP LABRYNTHIAL PSYCHE AS THOSE OF US WHO LIVED AND WENT CRAZY THERE

AND ARE MANAGING TO EEK THE FUCK OUT OF THERE WHILE THE BITCH IS STILL BURNING AND COMING CRASHING INTO THE SIDEWALK IN AN IGNOMIOUS MANNER AND STYLE WITH YOUR LEGS HINGING OFF THE JOINTS AND YOUR MIND IN YOUR BACK POCKET WAITING TO BE PUT BACK INTO ITS OWN SOCKET WHICH HAS BEEN CHARRED AND BURNED BEYOND RECOGNITION AS YOUR SOUL AND HEART HAVE BEEN LIKE A KID TOASTING HIS FIRST SMORE IN THE FIRE.

BURNT THE FUCK UP.

JORDAN PETERSON

HE MADE IT AND IS DOING SOMETHING WITH IT + THANK YOU PETERSON FOR BEING MY HERO WHEN I NEEDED ONE + I CAN SEE THAT YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE SHAMAN MEANDERING, INITIATION INTO THE SECRET CLUB OF GREAT WOMEN AND GREAT MINDS AND SOULS, AWAKENING, JACOBS LADDER, THE ILLUMINATI AS THEY WERE AT THE BEGINNING BEFORE MANS PERVERSION OF WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE A PURE AND INTELLECTUAL GATHERING OF IDEAS AND PEOPLE + WE ARE ALL MEANT TO BE ON THAT MEANDERING BUT FEW OF US EVER COME INTO THE FEALIZATION OF BEING ON THIS FUCKED UP AND UNNECESSARY BROKE BACK ROAD + I TIP MY HAT TO YOU TOO KIND SIR +

MAY YOU ADORE YOUR WIFE AND LOVE HER LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER LOVED AND APPRECIATED THE GREAT LOVE OF HIS LIFE AS IM SURE THAT SHE WAS THERE FOR YOU WHILE THIS MADNESS WAS HAPPENING TO YOU AND SUPPOSEDLY FOR YOU + IM HAPPY YOU MADE IT OUT DUDE + THANK YOU FOR TUNING INTO MY RAINBOW AND SPARKLES + I REMINDED MYSELF TO LOOK INTO THE BELIEFS AND HISTORY OF ISLAM AS I WANTED TO PUT MYSELF IN AFGHANISTANS SHOES SO THAT I MAY FEEL WHY IT IS THAT THEY HATE THOSE AROUND THEM AND THEN I WATCHED PART OF THE TALK CALLED SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF ISLAM AND A CHANCE FOR PEACE + I LITERALLY LIVED THE REASON WHY THEY FEEL AS THEY DO + IMAGINE BEING A SMALL COUNTRY IN BETWEEN ONE HUGE ASS COUNTRY/AREA AND THEN ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU HAVE AN AREA IN WHICH THERE HAS BEEN RELIGIOUS UNREST AND ATROCIOUS ACTS TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER + CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR THE ANCIENT PEOPLES TO BE STUCK IN THE CROSSFIRE WHILE ITS OLDER SIBLINGS WERE ANNIHILATING EACH OTHER WITHOUT REGARD TO THEM AND THEIR CLOSE PROXIMITY + KIND OF LIKE A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SITUATION WHERE MOM AND DAD ARE SO FUCKED UP AND PUTTING EACH OTHER THROUGH HELL THAT THEY DON’T REALIZE THE AMOUNT OF PAIN AND PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE THAT IS BEING DONE TO THEM BECAUSE OF CLOSE PROXIMITY MEANING THE FAMILY HOME + IF A COUNTRY IS CONSTANTLY BEING RAVAGED AND ITS PEOPLE AND THE LAND, OVER A SHITLOAD OF FUCKING YEARS, IS ALWAYS PICKING UP THE PIECES OF THOSE STUPID “WHOSE DICK IS BIGGER” FIGHTS + HAVING TO LIVE WITH DEFEAT AFTER DEFEAT DUE TO THE SIZE OF THE COUNTRY AND HAVING NOTHING LEFT BUT THEIR ANNIHILATED HOPES AND DREAMS OF A BETTER LIFE + WOULDN’T YOU CLING TO THE ONE THING THAT ANOTHER CANNOT TAKE AWAY FROM YOU? WOULDN’T YOU TAKE COMFORT IN THE TEACHINGS OF A PROPHET THAT PROMISES A BETTER WAY TO LIVE SO AS TO NOT BECOME LIKE THOSE WHO KILLED THEIR SOULS AND THE SOULS OF THEIR FAMILY, YEAR AFTER YEAR? A PROPHET WHO SPOKE OF EVERLASTING LOVE AND LIFE? ONLY TO FALL PREY TO THE HUMAN CONDITION AND GIVING IN TO THE SEETHING, BURNING ANGER THAT ONE FEELS AFTER BEING EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SEXUALLY ABUSED FOR SO LONG? CAN WE BLAME THEM FOR THEIR HATRED OF BIGGER COUNTRIES THAT ATTEMPT TO BULLY THEM? THAT ATTEMPT TO MAKE THEM CONFORM TO AN IDEAL THAT THEY HAVE NOT HAD A SAY IN? BEING A SURVIVOR OF MENTAL EMOTIONAL PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL ABUSE MY ENTIRE LIFE, I CAN FEEL WHERE THEY ARE COMING FROM AND I DO KNOW FIRSTHAND THAT WHEN WE HAVE THAT MUCH ANGER AND HATRED INSIDE FOR SO FUCKING LONG, THE FEEL AND ACT OF SUCH BRUTAL AND SWIFT PUNISHMENTS OF OTHERS WHO DEEM TO CONTINUE THEIR BEHAVIORS WITHOUT LEARNING, SEEMS JUSTIFIABLY SERENDIPITOUSLY PERFECT.

IT JUST FEELS FUCKING GOOD TO GIVE THAT SHIT BACK TO THEM.

THAT BEING SAID, AS IVE BEEN ON THE SIDE OF BEING PUNISHED FOR IMAGINARY CRIMES BY THOSE THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE AND NURTURE US, I DO NOT CONDONE THE HURTING OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. I DO NOT CONDONE ANY ACTS OF VIOLENCE OR EMOTIONAL TORTURE TOWARDS ANY OF OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHO THEY THEMSELVES ARE HAVING A FUCKED-UP TIME OF IT. NOR DO I CONDONE THE CONTINUED UNCONSCIOUS BEHAVIORS OF THOSE THAT SEEK TO PUNISH OTHERS IN ANY WHICH, WAY OR FORM DUE TO ANY TRAUMAS THAT THEY THEMSELVES DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH.

FUCKING HANDLES BITCHES! QUIT BEING PUSSIES AND LOOK AT YOUR SHIT + TAKE A GANDER AT YOUR FUCKING ISSUES AND THOSE THAT YOU HAVE HURT AND TELL THE MOTHERFUCKERS OFF THAT HURT YOU + IF THEY VIOLATED YOUR PERSON IN ANY WAY + CALL THOSE COWARDS OUT AND PRESS CHARGES + IF THE LAW IS STILL AS STUPID AND FUCKED UP AS ALWAYS + LIKE ME + YOU GOTTA DEAL + GIVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE +

YOU AINT GOTTA DEAL WITH SHIT AND MY APOLOGIES FOR SPOUTING THAT BULLSHIT. BE FUCKING MAD AND CALL THEM ASSHOLES AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT. IM GOING TO SUE THE SHIT OUT OF LAW ENFROCEMENT AND TWO MAJOR DCFS OFFICES AND IM TAKING THAT MONEY AND GIVING IT TO A WORLD THAT NEEDS BETTER HOUSING AND CARE ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND MEN THAT HAVE SUFFERED AS WE HAVE.

LET ME GIVE YOU THE NEW DEFINITION OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE +

GIVING YOURSELF WHATEVER YOU WANT OR NEED IN ORDER TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOU AND GIVING YOURSELF WHATEVER YOU WANT IN ORDER TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT LIFE + BE IT A RECREATIONAL PARTAKING OF SUBSTANCES (WHY TAKE A PILL WHEN THE ACT OF PARTAKING (COULDN’T COME UP WITH ANOTHER WORD FOR PARTAKING SO PLEASE EXCUSE THE REDUNDANCY OF THE WORD PARTAKING) ILLEGAL DRUGS IS SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN POPPING A PILL + THAT’S FUCKING BORING), SEXUAL INTIMACY WITH CONSENTUAL AND ADULT PARTNERS, OR COMFORT EATING

+

WITHOUT JUDGMENT

AGAIN

 GIVING YOU WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT IN ORDER TO FEEL BETTER UNTIL YOU YOURSELF DEEM YOU NO LONGER NEED IT AND GIVING IT TO YOU WITHOUT JUDGMENT AND WITH THE KNOWING AND FEELING OF IT BEING A GESTURE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR YOURSELF

ONE THING THOUGH

NO RAPING NO KILLING NO SEXUAL MOLESTATION OF ANY KIND NO KIDNAPPING OR HUMAN TRAFFICKING AND NEVER EVER WILL THE HURTING AND ABUSING OF CHILDREN EVER BE TOLERATED IN A GLOBAL FAMILY SOCIETY + NOR SHOULD IT BE TOLERATED IN ONESELF + EVER

HAVE WE GOT THAT? OR DO WE NEED AN ASSKICKING IN THE FORM OF A BADGERING AND NAGGING “JIMINY CRICKET PSYCHOANALYST” WISHED UPON YOU BY THE ME AND THE UNAWARE SUBCONSCIOUS THAT HIDES THE BULLSHIT HUMANITY HAS BEEN CARRYING SINCE WE FIRST DEVELOPED THE IMAGINATION AND EVEN BEFORE THAT +

WHICH I MIGHT ADD + THE TEPS SITES IN TURKEY AND THE GOLDEN AGE OF EGYPT HAPPENED TO BE WHERE + SO FAR AS I KNOW + THE IMAGINATION BEGAN AND HUMANITYS WANTING NEED OF CREATING AND THE ABILITY TO EXPRESS IT OCCURRED +

THE MEANING OF LIFE, TO ME PERSONALLY, IS THE EXPRESSION OF SELF WITH A FUCKING FEELING ATTACHED TO IT CAUSE FEELINGS ARE WHAT MAKE THE MEANING WE SO CRAVE IN OUR COSMIC SOCIETY + WHATEVER MEANING ONE CONSCIOUSLY OR UNCONSCIOUSLY PUTS ON IT IS UP TO THE ONE OBSERVING IT (FUCKING PHYSICISTS + GOTTA LOVE THEM) AND OR EXPRESSING IT…

“THE” + “WHAT I CALL” +

“KICK ASS SPARKLES, FUCKING RAINBOWS AND GLITTERIED HUGS OF WOMAN Z” CHAPTER

ALRIGHT.

SO ON THIS MEANDERING OF PONDERANCES AND MUSINGS. WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A NARRATION OF MY FUCKED UP DYSFUNCTIONAL “MIND BODY COMPLEX” AS HEARD ON THE BRIAN SCOTT VIDS ON CHANNELINGS THAT HAVE NOT HAPPENED YET, HAVE HAPPENED, ARE HAPPENING AND WILL NOT HAPPEN AT ALL FROM THE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES (I DO SO LOVE IRONY. DON’T YOU?) THAT ARE THE UNIVERSES GLUE AND DIRECTIONAL CAMP COUNSELORS OF HUMANITY.

IN LAMENS TERMS,

THEY SHIT WHERE THEY ATE AND NOW HAVE TO FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO CALL HOME. SO THEYRE SUPPOSEDLY HERE TO HELP US TO THE NEW AGE NEW EARTH BULLSHIT TRANSCENDANCE TO THE RIDICULOUS DIMENSION.

BLAH BLAH BLAH…

FUCK ALIENS AND FUCK ALL THAT BULLSHIT

I MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY HIGH WHILE WRITING THESE NEXT PARAGRAPHS CAUSE IM OUT THERE BUT IT WAS OBVIOULSY NECESSARY IN ORDER TO PISS ME OFF SO FUCKING BADLY THAT IM GOING TO PUBLISH THIS SHIT WITH MY OWN MONEY AND IM GOING TO FUCKING SEND IT OUT TO MY LAWYERS AND THE PRESS AND DCFS AND IM GOING TO LET SHIT FLY – ILL BE THE MOST HATED PERSON BUT I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. IM DONE WITH BEING EVERYONES WHIPPING GIRL.

I LOVE ME FOR THIS EXACT REASON

PLEASE KEEP READING

DR SEUSS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITEST WRITERS OF ALL TIME. HE CAPTURES THE INNOCENT MISCHIEF FOUND IN THE OPEN AND TRUSTING ARMS AND MIND OF A CHILD.

IF US ADULTS COULD ONLY GO BACK TO A TIME WHERE CURIOSITY AND WONDER WERE OUR ONLY OBJECTIVES OR IN ADULT TERMS,  “PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE, SHORT AND LONG TERM, MANAGEABLE GOALS FOR THE DYSFUNCTIONAL ADULT STILL TRYING TO GET OVER THE CUTS AND SCRAPES OF THE EMOTIONAL MIND THAT WERE ATTAINED DURING THAT SAME PRE PUBESCENT ANTHROPOLOGICAL RITE OF PASSAGE ERA”.

RIDICULOUSLY WAXING POETIC ASIDE, WHEN DID WE FORGET TO HAVE FUN? MYSELF INCLUDED. IT SEEMS LIKE A LONG TIME AGO THAT I LAST FELT ALIVE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ENJOYED AN ICE CREAM CONE IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER THAT YOU GOT FROM THE ICE CREAM MAN THAT WOULD SPILL HIS MAGICAL LULLABY WHILE LAZILY CRAWLING UP YOUR BLOCK, AT A TIME WHEN IT ALL SEEMED SO SIMPLE, DYSFUNCTION ASIDE?

WHEN BUG BITES AND LICE WERE THE THINGS THAT YOUR MOM WOULD NAG AT YOU ABOUT WHILE YOU WERE RUNNING OUT THE BACK DOOR AFTER COMPLETING YOUR CHORES, ALL EXCITED OVER BEING ABLE TO PLAY WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS OUTSIDE THE GATED YARD? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THAT WE ALL ACTED OUT OUR FAVORITE MOVIES WHILE STANDING ON YOUR BED AND TRYING NOT TO BE ONE OF THOSE “MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED”?

CAUSE MOM ALWAYS SAID THAT “ONE WOULD FALL OFF AND BROKE HIS HEAD”.

I TRULY DO MISS THOSE DAYS.

I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I DID NOT TAKE THOSE DAYS FOR GRANTED. BUT THEN, HOW MANY OF US THINK IN THOSE TERMS AT THAT AGE? I DON’T KNOW ABOUT KIDS TODAY BUT WHEN I WAS GROWING UP IN THE 80’S, ALTHOUGH BULLIED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER BY MY OLDER BROTHER, LOOKING BACK, IM HOPEFULLY TELLING THE TRUTH IN SAYING THAT YOU COULDN’T GET ME DOWN FOR LONG. IM HOPING THAT I AM REMEMBERING CORRECTLY, THAT I WOKE UP EACH DAY BEING MY BRATTY, KNOW IT ALL, HOPEFUL SELF READY TO BE A DUMB DICK IF I DIDN’T GET MY WAY AND ALSO READY TO PUT AN IDIOT OLDER BROTHER IN HIS INTELLECTUAL KNUCKLE-DRAGGING PLACE.

I DID THAT OFTEN WHEN HE WASN’T BEING A STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE WITH MENTAL RETARDATION AND A FIST READY TO HIT OR ARMS STRETCHED OUT READY TO SHOVE ME OFF THE ROOF OF OUR HOUSE, OFF OF THE TOP FLOOR OF THE TREEHOUSE DOWN THE STREET, OR DOWN AN ONLY DIRT HILL BECAUSE SAN BERNARDINO, THE COUNTY NOT THE CITY, WAS DRY AND HOT AS FUCK DURING THE SUMMER, WITHOUT THE PIECE OF CARDBOARD WE WERE USING AS A DIRT SLED.

FOR ALL OF US, WE KNOW THAT OUR EXPERIENCES GROWING UP AS CHILDREN AND THE RELATIONSHIPS WE HAD WITH OUR FAMILY, WE KNOW THAT THEY SHAPED WHO WE ARE, WHO WE ARE GOING TO BECOME AND WHAT WE HAVE TO OVERCOME.

GROWING UP FOR ME WAS KIND OF LIKE SOME COOL ASS SCENES FROM THE SANDLOT AS WELL AS SOME MOMMY DEAREST EXPERIENCES SPRINKLED IN. I REALLY DO MISS THOSE DAYS IN COMPARISON TO MY LIFE LATELY. SUICIDAL DOES NOT EVEN BEGIN TO COVER IT. WHATS HAPPENING TO ME ALSO HAPPENED TO FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, CARL JUNG, NIKOLA TESLA, AKHENATEN, JORDAN PETERSON, JUST TO NAME A FEW.

AS I STATED EARLIER, YOU ARE BORN TO THIS. AS MY MOTHER WAS BEFORE ME AND AS EVERY FIRST DAUGHTER OF THE MATERNAL LINE HAS SINCE THE DAYS OF EGYPT AND THE DAYS OF THE TEPS SITES IN TURKEY. AS FAR AS I KNOW. I TOOK A DNA TEST AND FOUND THAT MY MATERNAL LINE GOES BACK TO THE INUIT PEOPLE, THE ANATOLIA PEOPLE, THE EGYPTIAN PEOPLE, THOSE OF WEST SIBERIA, HUNGARY, RUSSIA, THE BERING STRAIT, FRANCE, SPAIN, IRELAND, AND OTHER PLACES IN EUROPE AND IN INDIA NEAR TIBET.

I HAD ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT MY FASCINATION WAS WITH RELIGION, GOD, LUCIFER AND ALL THAT TWAT ROT. I DIDN’T BELIEVE IN IT AND UP UNTIL RECENTLY I DID NOT CARE.

SPIRITUALITY IS THE SAME AS RELIGION AND PURE BULLSHIT. I UNDERSTAND THE PURPOSE OF THE BELIEF SYSTEMS WE HAVE IN PLACE BUT I DON’T AGREE WITH THEM. THE UNIVERSE USED TO BE THE ONE I BELIEVED IN AS SHE IS A NATURAL WONDER THAT WE ALL SHARE AND KNOW IS THERE.

ID LIKE TO SAY THAT I STILL BELIEVE IN HER, JUST TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO OR “PRAY” TO BUT NOT ANY LONGER. I BELIEVE IN NOTHING NOW. NOT EVEN PEOPLE. I USED TO HAVE A TRUSTING ATTITUDE TOWARDS HUMANITY EXCEPT FOR THOSE THAT BELONG TO MUNOZ CLAN CAUSE THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THOSE FUCKERS, BUT NOW, SAD TO SAY,  I COULDN’T CARE LESS.

AND I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT CARING LESS.

ITS THEIR JUDGMENTS THAT A WOMAN CANNOT BE TRUSTWORTHY OR OF GOOD ETHICAL AND MORAL CHARACTER CAUSE SHE SMOKES CRYSTAL, THAT HAVE HELPED TO PUT ME IN THE SITUATION THAT I FIND MYSELF IN.

I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL OF MY CHOICES AND I HAVE YET TO FIND OTHERS WHO SHARE THE SAME UPSTANDING AND EXCELLENT CHARACTER THAT I FIND WITHIN MYSELF EVERYDAY OF EVERY MOMENT.

I TOO AM HUMAN AND I HAVE MY DAYS WHERE I FIGHT BACK. I WILL TRY TO EXPRESS WHAT LIFE HAS BEEN LIKE AS ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE BUT I KNOW THAT UNLESS SOMEONE HAS EXPERIENCED IT FIRSTHAND, IT WILL BE HARD TO DO.

THAT’S WHERE THE GREATS OF OUR TIME COME IN.

THEY WROTE THEIR EXPRESSION AFTER THEIR TRIP INTO “THE BATES MOTEL OF THE HUMAN ABYSS”, A REQUIRED WORK AFTER A CERTAIN POINT. AN EXPRESSION OF ALL THAT YOU HAVE LEARNED ON THE MOST ATROCIOUSLY PAINFUL AND SADOMASOCHISTIC TORTUROUS PIECE OF SHIT BITCH CUNT NOT EVEN A PATH BUT A BROKEN GLASS FILLED TRASH DUMP OF A “SON OF A MOTHERLESS WHORE” OF A YOU CANNOT EVEN CALL IT A PATH BUT BIG FAT PIECE OF A DOOKIE TURD.

THE ONE THE MEN WENT ON WERE EXPERIMENTS. THEY WERE EVALUATED AND DOCUMENTED EACH STEP OF THE WAY WITHOUT BEING GIVEN MUCH DIRECTION BY THE SUPPOSED “CANT CALL THEM GUIDES BUT THEY ARE AS BRIGHT AS A PAIR OF TESTICLES JUST HANGING THERE ALL OLD AND SAGGY NEXT TO A DUMB DICK THAT CANT GET IT UP” ASSHOLES.

THE REASON FOR THIS IS BECAUSE THEY HAD TO FIND OUT WHAT GOES WRONG WITH THE HUMAN BRAIN WHEN EXPANDED TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN. MEANING THE TIME THAT THE SOPHISTICATE BRAIN FIRST MADE ITS APPEARANCE ON THE SCENE.

I DOUBT THAT THESE MEN WERE EVEN AWARE OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO THEM. I WAS LUCKY. I HAD MY MOTHER AS A FOUNDATIONAL BRICK TO HOLD ONTO AS MY MIND SLOWLY BUT SURELY AND FAIRLY QUICKLY, WENT TO SHIT AND BEEN GONE ROUND THE BEND WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND WITHOUT A CHOICE IN THE MATTER.

MY MOTHER WAS ON HER RITE OF PASSAGE, INTO WHAT I DON’T KNOW. BUT HER LIFE WAS HARDER THAN MINE AND SHE COULDN’T GET OVER THE PAIN JUST AS I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO UNTIL NOW. AND ONLY BECAUSE I CHOSE TO. I CAN SWALLOW FEELINGS LIKE THE LOCAL EQUAL EXCHANGE ENERGY WORKERS FOUND ON THE STREETS AT NIGHT TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING THE BEST WAY THEY KNOW HOW.

I HAVE RESPECT FOR THESE WOMEN. THEY ARE JUST ATTEMPTING TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE THE PAST ABUSE AND MISTREATMENT OF WOMEN, NO. THAT’S NOT CORRECT. THE STRAIGHT UP MURDER OF THE FEMININE STILL RINGS IN OUR EARS AFTER BEING HIT ON THE SIDE OF THE FACE AND HEAD BY THE ONE WHO CLAIMS TO LOVE US. WHETHER THAT BE A FATHER, A BROTHER, A SPOUSE, A FRIEND, OR AN ENEMY.

WE WERE MURDERED A LONG TIME AGO BY THE MASCULINE AND HIS NEED FOR CONTROL AND POWER OVER THE FEMININE BECAUSE OF HIS DEEPSEATED FEARS AND INSECURITIES OVER THE WIDELY KNOWN AND SIMPLE FACT THAT WE ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN THEM. THAT SEGWAY BRINGS US TO THIS NEXT PART OF MY LIFES FAIRYTALE OF DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVE AND UNRELATABLE BLOOD SHARING HUMANS.

MY LIFES FAIRYTALE OF DYSFUNCTIONAL LOVE AND UNRELATABLE BLOOD SHARING HUMANS +

CHAPTER WHO IN THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE ME?

AS I WAS WORKING ON THE REQUIRED EXPRESSION, I CAME ACROSS PICTURES OF MY MOTHER AND FATHER ON THE INTERNET IN PLACES I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FIND THEM.

ON A STATUE IN EGYPT AND ON A DOOR OF ST GILES CHURCH IN LONDON.

I SHIT YOU NOT. I WAS TRIPPING THE FUCK OUT. LET ME SHOW YOU.

BELOW IS MY MOTHER. THIS IS WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE BEFORE MY FATHER AND HER LIFE KILLED HER SPARKLE.

JULIA GONZALEZ CISNEROS OF VAN NUYS CA

NEXT IS MY FATHER. THE SOULSUCKING SON OF A BITCH THAT I CANNOT BEAR TO SPEAK OF OR LET ALONE LOOK AT FOR FEAR OF CATCHING A BAD RAP OF THE ONE ASSHOLE THAT BEAT THE EVERLIVING SHIT OUT OF THE MOST COWARDLY PIECE OF DUNG TO EVER GRACE THIS PLANET RIGHT NEXT TO BOTH MY PIECE OF SHIT MOLESTING ASS MOTHERFUCKING GRANDFUCKS AND THEIR SONS AND NEPHEWS AND BROTHERS WHO BOTH MOLESTED ME AND ESPECIALLY MY MOTHER - MAY THOSE ASSHOLES ROT IN A SPECIAL HELL MADE FOR DEGENERATE FUCKASS PUNKS

RAUL ESQUEDA MUNOZ OF MADERA CA

MY LITTLE BROTHER ALEJANDRO GONZALEZ MUNOZ

AND HERE IS THE ONE THAT FUCKED ME UP THE MOST

THAT IS THE MIXTURE OF MY MOTHER AND FATHER ANTHROPOLOGICALLY SPEAKING.

AS YOU CAN OBVIOUSLY TELL, I TRULY DISLIKE THOSE I SHARE ASSHOLE BLOOD WITH.

CHAPTER OF

 ON TO BIGGER AND MORE FUCKT UP SHIT TO DEAL WITH WHILE WANTING TO SLAM YOUR CAR HEADFIRST INTO A WALL GOING 135 MPH ON A LONELY COLORADO FREEWAY OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND NOT HAVING THE COURAGE TO DO IT NO MATTER HOW MUCH PAIN YOURE IN

AND HATING YOURSELF MORE FOR IT

THE SHAMANS MEANDERING IS ALSO KNOWN AS THE PATH OF SOULS IN EGYPT. ITS WHERE ALL OF YOUR ANCESTORS TAKE TURNS IMPARTING THEIR KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM TO YOU AND SHOWING YOU HOW THEY FEEL.

IF YOULL NOTICE THAT ON THE WALLS OF THE TEMPLES SCATTERED UP AND DOWN THE NILE, THAT THERE IS A SYMBOL WITH TWO SETS OF ARMS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY SHOULD BE BENCH PRESSING A BAR WITH WEIGHTS. THIS IS WHATS KNOWN AS THE KA.

OR SPIRIT OR THE HOLY SPIRIT OR GOD OR WHATEVER MYSTICAL DEITY PEOPLE BELIEVE IN TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES AND LIFE. IT’S A FALSE NOTION AS THERE IS NOTHING. EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT

IM THE ANTICHRIST.

IM AGAINST THE CREATION MYTH ALTHOUGH A FASCINATING TALE UP UNTIL RECENTLY WHEN THE FUCKT BOOK OF BULLSHIT THAT KILLED THE DIVINE FEMININE AND MOTHER TOOK A TURN FOR THE TRUTH IN RE TO MY LIFE.

THE COINCIDENCES THAT HAVE BEEN OCCURING IN MY LIFE FOR AWHILE NOW MAKE IT FEEL AS THOUGH THIS WORLD AND UNIVERSE AND LIFE WERE MEANT ESPECIALLY FOR ME. A FUCKT UP TRIBUTE TO A GIRL WHO COULDN’T STAND UP FOR HERSELF AND SEEING AS HOW THE ENTIRE COSMOS IS – ITS OUR FUCKING FAULT EVERY TIME AND IF I COULD END THE FUCKING COSMOS I FUCKING WOULD AND THE STUPID ASS PEOPLE IN IT -

AND THE OTHER DOWNSIDE IS THAT IT’S A PERFECT TORTURE CHAMBER THAT’S BUILT IN TO THE MIND MADE ESPECIALLY FOR ME AS WELL.

HERES A QUICK NOTE ON THE SHIT THAT IVE BEEN ABLE TO DO AS OF LATE AND BEFORE AND SOME HERE NOW AND SOME THERE NOW + THEY SHORT IN AND OUT +

SEE ENERGIES, SHADOWS, AND ALIENS

SPEAK WITH THEM, THEY SHOW ME STUFF, AND TELL ME STUFF

THERES THE LIGHT TWINKLEFUCKS THAT SHOW ME STUFF ON THE INTERNET IN RE TO MY HUMAN EXPANSIVENESS RESEARCH + MY OWN FIELD OF STUDY + THEY POINT OUT PICS THAT WILL BE USEFUL TO MY TRANSLATIONS OF THE TEPS SITES AND ANCIENT EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPHS AND ABORIGINAL AND INDIGENOUS ROCK ART CREATED BY THE SHAMANS OF THE ANCIENT ERA.

I USED TO PLAY WITHIN THE STUPIDLY NAMED SOPHIA FIELD WITH THE FUCKTARD I CALL TROUBLE BUT ITS AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE FUCKTARDIOUS MAXIMUS GLUTIOUS SO WE QUIT SPEAKING.

IVE BEEN VISITED BY ALL OF THE VFS THAT ARE FOUND WITHIN THE SOLAR SYSTEM

THERE IS ONE ENERGY THAT IS CONNECTED TO ME THAT SHOWED ME HOW IT MANIPULATES THE ENERGY FIELD

ALSO SHOWED ME HOW THE NAZCA LINES WERE FORMED AND THE PYRAMIDS WERE ALIGNED

USING LIGHT AND SHADOW TO DELINEATE THE FOUNDATION OF THE BUILDING

SINCE THIS ENERGY + THE KA + IS FOUND WITHIN ME AND THE ONES THAT WERE BEFORE ME + IT IS WITH US ALL THE TIME AND HARASSES YOU AND HURTS YOU PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY.

I HAVE SEEN AND BEEN A PART OF THE WORMHOLES THEY USE IN SPACE AND ON OUR PLANET.

SMOKING CRYSTAL ALLOWS FOR THE TURBO KICK IN THE P GLAND AND BOTH THALAMUS GLANDS SO MUCH SO THAT WHEN I OVERSMOKE, ALL I HAD TO DO WAS CONCENTRATE ON SOMETHING FOR TEN SECONDS OR MORE AND SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN

LIKE A SPIRAL COMING FROM THE STARS ABOVE AND PROJECTIONS COMING IN FROM GOD KNOWS WHERE

THIS IS ALL OUT THERE SHIT BUT THEN WHEN YOURE IN THE SPIRIT WORLD ON A SHAMAN TRIP – ALL THAT SHIT IS FAR OUT THERE

LOOK AT THE SHIT IVE BEEN ABLE TO READ ON THE ANCIENT PETROGLYPHS THAT NOONE HAS BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND UNTIL NOW.

I REMEMBER LEAP FROGGING ALL THE WAY TO A VF’S COSMIC WINNEBAGO AND GETTING STARTLED SO MUCH SO THAT I OPENED MY EYES WHILE FEELING AS IF “OH NO! THEY CAUGHT ME! RUN!

THE FUCKTATIONAL PART ABOUT THAT IS THAT MY MIND WAS MESSED UP SO MUCH THAT I DON’T KNOW WHATS REAL AND WHATS NOT.

THESE THINGS HAPPENED BUT THE EXPLANATION OF THEM IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT.

APPARENTLY IT’S A PSYCHOANALYSIS THING TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE LAB RAT WHEN YOU DON’T GIVE ANY SPECIFIC INFORMATION JUST HINT TOWARDS IT AND THE BEHAVIORS THAT THE HUMAN PSYCHE MANIFESTS AS A RESULT OF IT.

THIS IS THE FUCKT SHIT IM TALKING ABOUT. IVE MADE IT THE FARTHEST BUT I REGRET THIS SHIT SO MUCH ESPECIALLY THAT I HAD NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER.

ALL OF THIS WAS FORCED ON ME. ITS LIKE BEING RAPED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITHOUT ANY RESPITE AND WHEN THE VIOLATOR SLOWS DOWN TO CATCH ITS BREATH YOU FEEL HELPLESS AND ANGRY NO MATTER WHAT AND THAT STAYS WITH YOU RELENTLESSLY BECAUSE ITS BEING DONE IN YOUR OWN MIND.

KILLING MYSELF SOUNDS GOOD AGAIN.

ILL BE BACK

THE CREATION MYTH CAME OUT OF EGYPT AND TURKEY BEFORE THE VEDAS.  IT’S THE SHAMANS JOURNEY WITH THE STUPID KA ENERGY WHICH IS KNOWN IN THE BIBLE AS THE SNAKE THAT TEMPTED EVE AND ADAM AND THE SAME SNAKE THAT LILY IS ACCUSED OF MORPHING INTO. THE SAME SNAKE THAT CARL JUNG SPEAKS ABOUT IN THE SYMBOL WHERE THE SNAKE IS EATING ITSELF. SYMBOLIZING SOMETHING LIKE THE WOMB OF WOMAN OR SOME SUCH BULLSHIT. I SEE IT AS CREATION STARTING IN THE MIDDLE AND THE ENDLESS CYCLES THAT THE EARTH AND ALL OF CREATION IS A PART OF. THE UNIVERSE GOING THROUGH BLACK HOLES AND DOING ITS OWN VERSION OF THE SHAMANIC JOURNEY BY DISINTEGRATING AND POPPING OUT THE OTHER SIDE WITH A “BANG” AND SOME LIGHT AND “JET” POWERED FORCE THAT HUMS AS ITS REACHING OUT IN A SPIRAL MOTION WHICH IS ALSO KNOWN AS VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY MOTION OR VORTEX ENERGY TO THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY.  IM NOT SURE AS TO MANY DETAILS BUT WHAT MADE SENSE TO ME AND COINCIDED WITH THE GREEK CREATION MYTHS LIKENING THE CELESTIAL BEINGS TO GODS AND SUCH + WHICH ARE THE PLANETS AND CONSTELLATIONS ABOVE US + BUT WHAT IF WHILE THEY WERE WALTZING ABOUT AT LUDICROUS SPEED + THE PARTICLES AND SUCH + WELL THE HEAVIER DENSITY PARTICLES WOULD BE CLUMPING UP IN THE SWIRL AND THAT IS WHY THE PLANETS NEAREST TO THE SUN ARE THE ROCKY PLANETS AND AS MORE AND MORE OF THEM WERE CLUMPING UP, THE LIGHTER MORE GASEOUS PARTICLES WOULD BE LEFT AND STILL BEING PUSHED ALONG WITH THE MORE LIGHT TO MEDIUM PARTICLES HELPING THEM ALONG AND BEING SPIRAL MOTION, IT WOULD HAVE MORE REACH AND GRABABILITY LIKE ARMS HOOKING INTO ONE ANOTHER LIKE PARTNERS IN A SQUARE DANCING FORMATION IN THE BARN AT THE BACK OF A FARM.

AS THEY HOOK UP AND MAKE THE CONNECTION AND FORM INTO SOMETHING MORE, YOULL NOTICE THAT THE MORE GASEOUS AND GINORMOUS PLANETS ARE FOUND TOWARDS THE OUTER REACHES OF THE UNIVERSE. THE MORE CHEMICALLY INDUCED AND STORMY PLANETS.

MAKES YOU WONDER IF THERES A CORRELATION BETWEEN THE CHEMICALS IN THOSE PLANETS AND THE CHEMICAL CRYSTAL METH THAT WE SMOKE HERE ON PLANET EARTH AND THE STORMY EMOTIONS THAT COME WITH THE USE OF THE SUBSTANCE.

I WONDER HOW THAT WORKS SEEING AS HOW WE ARE STORMY HUMAN FLESH IN THE MIND AND EMOTIONAL BODY AND SPACE IS SUPPOSEDLY SOME OTHER KIND OF GASSY AND INVISIBLE STUFFS.  MAKES YOU WONDER DOESN’T IT?

APPARENTLY I NEVER MADE IT OUT THE DOOR AND I MUST GET MY WALK ON. SO WE SHALL CONTINUE THIS AT A LATER DATE.

INTERMISSION FOLKS. TIP YOUR WAITRESS AND DON’T BE CHEAP ABOUT IT ASSHOLES.  THANK YOU.

THE IMPOSSIBLY PASSIBLE LIFE OF MR. BUFORD BABBOON AND THE LOST CITY OF THE SUN LOCATED ABOVE THE SUNKEN SHIP OF THE SS ATLANTIS

THIS I THINK WILL BE MY FAVORITE PIECE OF THE ENTIRE EDISON+ESQUE+ISH INITIATORY EXPRESSION REQUIRED AT THE END OF A LESSON.

THE REASON FOR THE SHAMANISTIC EXPRESSION IS TO UNVEIL NEW AND EXCITING IDEAS AND WAYS OF BEING + EMOTION TRIGGERING AND THOUGHT+PROVOKING WORDS TO PONDER AND MUSE SUCH AS THE WORKS OF THE PRE+SOCRATIC PHILOSOPHERS.

YOULL HEAR ME SPEAK OF THEM QUITE OFTEN AS I FEEL THAT THEIR MOVEMENT FROM THE CREATIONAL MYTHS AND THOUGHTS TO THOSE OF A MORE RATIONAL AND SCIENTIFIC BENT…

WELL, ITS GREATLY INSPIRING TO SAY THE LEAST…

THEY FUCKING KICK HARDCORE ASS AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE MY HEROES… 😊

THE NEXT PART + 

THE TEPS SITES

THIS SITE IS MY FAVORITE AMONG ALL OF THE OTHER TEMPLES FOUND ACROSS THE GLOBE.

ITS WHERE OUR CREATIVE ABILITIES BEGAN. WHERE OUR IMAGINATIONS CAME ALIVE. WHERE WE CAME TOGETHER AS A PEOPLE AND AS A COMMUNITY TO CELEBRATE EACH OTHER. I COULD BE TOTALLY WRONG BUT IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH FEELING THIS?

I HAPPEN TO LOVE THE TEPS SITES ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE KIDS. ALMOST. THERES NOTHING LIKE HOLDING A MUNCHKIN IN YOUR ARMS. THAT’S IT. JUST HOLDING A MUNCHKIN. ITS WONDERFUL. PLAYING WITH THEM AND WATCHING DISNEY MOVIES WITH THEM AND LISTENING TO DISNEY MUSIC TOGETHER AND LISTENING TO HIP HOP SONGS AND HEARING YOUR OLDEST CUSS ALONG WITH IT CAUSE SOMETIMES A KID JUST NEEDS TO DROP THE F+BOMB AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHY SHE CHOSE THAT PARTICULAR SONG. I DON’T WANT TO FUCK WITH YOU BY BIG SEAN.

SORRY THERE. WENT OFF ON A TANGENT…

I LOOK AT THESE PILLARS AND I SEE THE CREATION OF HUMANKIND.

I SEE THE RITES OF PASSAGE THAT EACH HUMAN BEING GOES THROUGH AS THEY HIT MILESTONES LIKE BEING BORN AND THE WELLNESS CHECK RIGHT AFTER BIRTH. THAT’S ON ONE OF THE PILLARS.

PUBERTY AND THE DISCOVERY OF OUR OWN BODIES. THE DISCOVERY OF THE MECHANICAL WORKINGS, THE SPROCKETS AND COGS, THE JETSONS CARTOON 1980’S, OF THE BODY AND HOW THEY FIT TOGETHER AND WORK AS ONE, IN A COSMIC SYMPHONY THAT MOVES OH SO PERFECTLY LIKE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST WHEN THEYRE WALTZING TOGETHER IN PERFECT ACCORD AND HARMONY AND… LOVE. 

I ADORE THIS SITE.

OKAY.

ENOUGH WAXING POETIC.

ITS TIME TO GET TO BRASS TACKS.

LET’S GET TO THE READINGS OF THESE LOVELY PILLARS. AS IT TURNS OUT, I HAVE ANCESTORS THAT FOUNDED THE TEPS SITES. I FOUNDED THE GODDAMNED TEPS SITES AND EGYPT. THANK YOU TO MY ANCESTORS! I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS DID TO MAKE ME GET ALL THIS KARMA BUT THAT IS PRETTY FUCKED UP! NOW IF I TRULY BELIEVED THAT THERE WOULD BE A PROBLEM BUT I DON’T. THAT’S PRETTY FUCKED UP. WE GOTTA PAY FOR OUR ANCESTORS BULLSHIT. THAT SHIT IS ON THEM. NOT ON US. SO THUMBS DOWN ON SPIRITUALITY. ITS JUST ANOTHER NAME FOR RELIGION.

 SEEING AS HOW ALL OF THE CREATION STORIES ARE ONE FUCKING STORY. SPIRITUALITY IS RELIGION GOING ON THE LAM AND HIDING FROM THE HOLEY BIBLETHUMPERS OF THE WORLD CAUSE THEY STOLE MONEY FROM THEM ON A DRUG RUN THAT WENT BAD AND AWRY.

JESUS H. CHRIST!

DON’T BRING HIM INTO THIS, MARTHA!!

SORRY! IM HAVING A WHOLE CONVERSATION AND SCENE UP IN MY HUGE NOGGIN! MY IMAGINATION LIKES TO RUNAWAY WITHOUT ME SOMETIMES.

KINDA LIKE ISIS AND HER ALTERED MIND GETTING STOLEN BY SPIRIT OR ALIENS OR WHOEVER/WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IN.

RELIGION IS BASED ON THE SHAMANS MEANDERING. THE NATURE WALK THAT TEACHES A BEING HOW TO LEARN ABOUT HOW WE WERE CREATED AND HOW WE CREATE ONE ANOTHER AND OUR ENVIRONMENT. WHAT DO YOU THINK OSIRIS WAS DOING? DID ANY OF YOU EVER WATCH DECONSTRUCTING HARRY WITH WOODY ALLEN? WELL THAT WAS THE SHAMAN MEANDERING. YOU GET ALL FUCKED UP AND THEN YOU GOTTA PUT YOURSELF BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. FUCKT-UALITY IS THE SAME. THE DEATH OF JESUS H. CHRIST AND MARY MAGS GOING OFF ALL PREGNANT AND SHIT.

BUT I THINK BIG J PULLED OFF A TUPAC AND BIGGY SMALLS MOVE. YOU KNOW THAT THEYRE ALL PARTYING ON AN ISLAND TOGETHER WITH THEIR WIVES AND FRUIT JUICES CAUSE THEIR KIDS PLAY TOGETHER BY THE WATER. YOU KNOW THEY JUST GOT TIRED OF THE LIFE OR PROBABLY GOT A VISION AND SHIT AND THEY WERE BOTH LIKE, “GOTTA MAKE THIS SHIT LOOK TOUGH AND MASCULINE LIKE WE HATE EACH OTHER BUT WE JUST TIRED NOW”.

BUT IF THEY DIDN’T, YOU KNOW THEYRE CHILLIN TOGETHER IN HEAVEN OR WHEREVER THEY WANTED TO GO CAUSE THAT’S THE WAY IT IS NOW, YA KNOW?

 YA.

 BIG OLE CHEESY SMILE!

 I GOT A PROMOTION!

IM GOD AND LUCIFER CAUSE THEYRE ONE. IM THE UNIVERSE AND IM A MUSE. IM THE ALL PEOPLE. LAST NIGHT I CHECKED MY NATAL CHART, THE PIC OF THE UNIVERSE ON THE DAY AND TIME THAT I WAS BORN, AND THE WHEEL WITH THE LINES AND THE SQUIGGLIES HAPPEN TO MATCH BOTH MY PALMS. EITHER THAT OR I NEED STRONGER GLASSES. BUT OH YA.

SO THE EARTH IS NOT PURGATORY AND I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT.

IT SUCKS ASS BUT THEN SO DOES MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE SO ITS NOT PURGATORY. IT’S A SUCK ASS DIRTY BUTTCHEEKS ON THE RAG WITHOUT WEARING A PAD AND THE CLUMPS WITH POOP ARE ALL OVER YOUR UNDERWEAR CAUSE YOU HAVENT SHOWERED IN A WEEK CAUSE YOURE DEPRESSED AND HATING LIFE AND THE FACT THAT PEOPLE CALL EARTH PURGATORY.

I JUST HEARD, “TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL”.

WHAT CLOWNS THE “DARK” ENERGIES ARE.

THAT’S ANOTHER FUCKING THING.

ALRIGHT BITCHES AND ASSHOLES.

QUIT CALLING ASSHOLE SPIRITS ALL DARK AND SHIT. THEY ARE NOT “DARK” THEYRE MISUNDERSTOOD. AND I WAS HIGH WHEN I WROTE THIS ONE CAUSE THEYRE ASSHOLES BUT AT LEAST THEYRE HONEST ABOUT IT UNLIKE HUMANS. IM PAINFULLY HONEST JUST LIKE THEM AND I WAS CALLED SATAN HALF OF MY LIFE. BUT THEN WHAT WOULD YOU EXPECT FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO AFRAID TO GO DEEP INTO THEIR PSYCHE AND FACE THE MONSTER THAT IS THEMSELVES AND FIND THE BEGINNING OF CREATION AND PEOPLE AND EVERYTHING IN ORDER FOR THEM TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS AND DECISIONS THAT AFFECTED AND EFFECTED MY OWN CHOICES AND BEHAVIORS? MOTHERFUCKERS!

SO, NO, YOU DON’T HAVE TO PROTECT YOURSELVES FROM DARK ENERGIES OR SPIRITS. THEYRE COOL AS FUCK AND THEYRE DEAD. MASS MURDER AND SUICIDE. NEW SHIT NOW. FUCK THE OLD SHIT.

YOU KNOW HOW PROMETHEUS GAVE FIRE TO HUMANS? ISNT THAT AKIN TO JUPITER BUMPING INTO EARTH WHILE THEY WERE WALTZING AT THE BEGINNING WHEN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM WAS BEING CREATED? IN VIBE FREQ MOVEMENT. SPIRAL ENERGY DANCE MOVES.

ISNT PROMETHEUS THE GOD OF FIRE? AND HE DID GIVE IT TO HUMANS LIKE ENKI GAVE US WHATEVER HE GAVE US, RIGHT? ANYWAY, I FORGOT WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS…

IM ENKI AS WELL. STORY GOES HE LIKED TO EAT BUTTER AND I ONCE HID IN A CLOSET AND ATE A WHOLE TUB OF IT WHEN I WAS 2 YRS OLD. I WAS SICK FOR 3 OR 4 DAYS. IM LOOKING FOR THE ARTICLE I READ BUT I CANT FIND IT. GOTTA SMOKE AND BRUSH MY TEETH. BRB

  OKAY, I DIDN’T GO YET CAUSE MY BUTTS ALL GOOFY. DON’T ASK. SO HERE IS A PIECE OF WHAT I WAS GOING TO EDIT OUT BUT THERES INFO THERE AND IM TOO LAZY TO REMEMBER OR TO REWRITE IT.

AND TO THE FUCKED UP ALIENS THAT FUCKED ME UP FOR A YEAR AND A HALF AND MADE ME SO NUTS IN MY DOME THAT I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION TO MY CASH FLOW AND THERE IT WENT. I ALSO GAVE A GOOD PORTION TO PEOPLE WHO NEEDED IT BUT THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT.

IN FACT THERE IS SO MUCH TO FUCKING WRITE ABOUT THAT I THINK IM JUST GOING TO MAKE A FUCKING LIST. I KINDA ENJOY WRITING IT JUST FUCKING TAKES FOREVER AND IM ABOUT TO BE OUT ON THE STREET AGAIN AND SO I NEED TO GET THIS OUT TO A PUBLISHER AND I HIGHLY DOUBT THEY ARE GOING TO SAY NO TO THE FUCKING INFO.

I DID WANT TO GO TO TURKEY TO MAKE IT A COMMUNITY THING TO BRING TOGETHER ALL OF US THAT WERE THERE BEFORE WHEN IT BEGAN BUT LIFE, AS USUAL, HAS OTHER PLANS.

AND THAT ALWAYS LEAVES ME OUT IN THE STREETS. WHICH IS PRETTY FUCKED UP WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

IM ALIGNED TO THE PLANET AND THE COSMOS AND IM CONNECTED TO ALIENS UP ABOVE WHO ARE THEMSELVES AND NOT US ASSHOLES. HOW SELFISH YOU ARE TO THINK THAT THEYRE US. ID LIKE TO FEEL THAT THEY ARE THEIR OWN UNIQUE BEINGS AND NOT US.

CACA DUDES. WE ARE ALL OUR OWN SELVES AND WHOEVER DECIDED TELEPATHY WAS GOING TO BE A THING, YOU’VE GOT ME FUCKED UP. IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN.

NOT ON MY WATCH. THAT SHIT IS CONFUSING AS FUCK. AND THEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING TO.

UGH. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO…

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO POSTED THESE PHOTOS ON THE WEB. WITHOUT YOU, I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO READ THESE PILLARS AND OUR FAMILYS OLD HOME AND COMMUNITY CENTER.

SO THIS RIGHT HERE REPRESENTS ME WHEN THE GODDAMNED KA AWOKE IN MY BRAIN. I WAS AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. SCARYSITTERS, NOT SLEEPING FOR DAYS JUST SO I COULD FALL OUT BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THE KA WHEN I CLOSED MY EYES. IT’S THE 3D INTERACTIVE MOVIE THEATER AND WHAT I ONCE THOUGHT WAS A BRIDGE TO SELF BUT I MUST HAVE BEEN SMOKING CRACK. NO I DON’T SMOKE CRACK BUT I WAS SO UNEVOLVED BACK THEN WHEN I STARTED DOING THIS + THE READINGS OF THE PILLARS AND SITES AND PICS AND WHAT I CALL MULTITUDINOUS OBFUSCATIONS + THAT WAS IN JULY OF THIS YEAR. A LOT HAPPENS IN ONE DAY FOR ME. OH YA. THE PILLARS ARE T CELLS + T CELL AS IN THE DNA THYMINE 

CHECK OUT WHAT ELSE THEY MEAN + IM TELLING YOU I LOVE THIS SITE SO FUCKING MUCH. YUP. IM PROUD TO HAVE HUNTER+GATHERERS AS ANCESTORS AS WELL AS OUR COSMIC BROTHERS AND SISTERS AS ANCESTORS TOO.

THIS IS THE BRAIN.

HUMAN HEEL = WILD BOAR HOOF

THE WILD BOAR HOOF LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THAT OF THE PRESYNAPTIC NERVE CELL AND THE POSTSYNAPTIC NERVE CELL ALSO KNOWN AS THE DIVINE FEMININE AND DIVINE MASCULINE OF FUCKT+UALITY. THEY ARE THE AXON AND THE DENDRITIC BRANCHES.

THEY ARE THE ROOTS AND BRANCHES GAME THAT IVE PLAYED FOREVER. WHEN YOU EITHER EXPAND OR CONTRACT LIKE SPIRAL ENERGY MOTION OR ALL CONSCIOUSNESS BUT NOT FOR ME CAUSE ITS ALWAYS EXPANDED NOW, UNLIKE MY LEGS AND VAGINA = WHEN YOU HAVE A DRAMA GOING ON LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER AND YOUR SISTER SLEPT WITH YOUR BABYDADDY AND SHE DID IT BEFORE YOU HAD THE FIRST KID WITH HIM AND IN BETWEEN THE FIRST AND SECOND KID AND YOU FIND OUT AT A FAMILY AND FRIEND BBQ RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND YOU HANDLE IT ALL CLASSY LIKE BY WALKING AWAY FROM THE SCENE WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH AND YOUR DIGNITY IN PLACE ALL GRACEFULLY AND SHIT (JENNIFER ANISTON IS MY HERO AND MY ROLE MODEL FOR THAT ONE + WE GET FUCKED UP BUT MOVE ON CAUSE THEYRE THE SHITTY ONES + THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART FOR A WOMAN AS BEAUTIFUL AND AS CLASSY AND GRACEFUL AS JEN) WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE WAS THAT EVERYBODY KNEW AND NOONE TOLD ME + THAT DIDN’T EXPLAIN THE ROOTS AND BRANCHES GAME BUT…

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I WOULD BE FACED WITH A CHOICE AND I WOULD, IN MY MIND, TAKE ONE CHOICE AND BRANCH IT OUT TO ALL ITS POSSIBLE CONCLUSIONS TAKING THE INFO OF THE PEOPLE INVOLVED INTO ACCOUNT AND THEN I WOULD DO IT FOR THE OTHER CHOICE AND BEFORE I KNEW IT, I HAD ALREADY LIVED THOSE TWO CHOICES AND I WOULD BE BORED WITH THE IDEA AND SO I WOULD WALK AWAY FROM THE CHOICES.

NOW IF I WANTED TO GET DOWN TO THE NITTY GRITTY OF SOME BULLSHIT INVOLVING MY BROTHER AND SISTER AND THEIR LOVELY FRIENDS AND MY MISSING WEED AND USED NEW HERBAGE PIPE THAT ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS LIGHT IT AND IT WOULD SMOKE FOR YOU SO THAT ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND INHALE AND IT WOULD GO AROUND THE CIRCLE ONCE OR TWICE + TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO DID IT, I WOULD START ELIMINATING MOTIVES AND PEOPLE UNTIL I CAME DOWN TO ONE PERSON + I WASN’T ALWAYS RIGHT BUT THERE IT IS = HIT AND MISS WITH THEM BUT YOU GET THE IDEA.

 I HOPE THAT PART EXPLAINED IT BETTER.

+ SQUARE ROOTS AND EXPONENTIALS OR EXPONENTS + MATH TERMS + THE VAGINA THE PENIS AND THE “PROTEINS” = THE PRE-SYNAPTIC TERMINAL (WHO SOMETIMES BECOMES THE PRE-CUMSYNAPTIC TERMINAL AND PISSES THE POST-SYNAPTIC TERMINAL OFF INSTEAD OF GETTING HER OFF)

IN FUCKT-TUALITY TERMS – THE AXON SHOOTS THE ENERGY IN THE DENDRITIC BRANCHES AND SHE CHANGES THE FREQUENCY OF IT AND DROPS THE NEW ENERGY WITH HER FLAVOR IN IT WITH ANOTHER AXON AND HE THEN, BEING A TYPICAL AXON, TRIES TO SHOOT IT INTO ANOTHER DENDRITIC BRANCH BUT SHE STOPS THAT SHIT CAUSE SHE MADE HIM WEAR A CRYSTAL THAT PROTECTS BOTH THEIR ENERGIES AND BECAUSE OF THAT CRYSTAL, THE PERSON THAT HAS THE NEURONS IN THEIR DOME, HAS A MISFIRING PATTERN OF NEURONS AND DIDN’T HAVE AN IDEA COME TO LIGHT. 

THE PUPPY ALSO KEPT THE PIGGYS AWAY FROM THE WOMEN AND THE MEN AND THE SHAMAN OF THE COMMUNITY NOTICED THAT THE BEHAVIORS OF THE DOGS MATCH THAT OF MEN WHEN ANOTHER ALPHA COMES SNIFFING AROUND AND THE WAY A MAMA IS WITH HER CUBBIES. SHELL KNOCK A MOTHERFUCKER OUT.

IM LISTENING TO A THOUGHT FROM CARL JUNG IN RE SYMBOLISM MYTHOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY AND WHAT STOOD OUT, FROM ALL THAT INFO BEING THROWN AT ME, THE THING THAT I GRASPED WAS THE SIMPLE FACT THAT PSYCHIC MEANS ONLY THAT.

OF RELATING TO THE PSYCHE. WHICH IS THE EMOTIONAL PART OF THE BRAIN. IN MY HEAD, THE EGO AND THE ID ARE NOT YET BORN NOR WILL THEY. ALSO, IVE FELT THE DISTASTE THAT PARTS OF SOCIETY HAVE HELD TOWARDS THOSE OF A “MAGICAL” NATURE IN RE TO PSYCHIC POWERS.

BUT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT. IF PSYCHIC MEANS ONLY THAT OF WHICH HAS TO DO WITH THE EMOTIONAL BRAIN, THEN WHERE DID THE WHOLE PSYCHIC POWERS THING COME FROM?

AND THEN I REMEMBERED THE KUNDALINI AND TRAUMA. USING MYSELF AS AN EXAMPLE, MY LIFE HAS BEEN FUN FILLED AND TRAUMA FILLED. MOSTLY TRAUMA FILLED AS I REALIZED LATE IN LIFE EXACTLY HOW FUCKT OFF MY CHILDHOOD REALLY WAS USING TODAYS STANDARD AS TO WHAT CONSTITUTES AS “EMOTIONAL ABUSE”.

I USED TO SAY IN MY EARLY 20S THAT I FELT THAT SOCIETY WAS PANDERING TOO MUCH TO THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF A YOUTH THAT WAS STARTING TO SHOW SIGNS OF BECOMING WITHDRAWN AND INTROVERTED. WHICH IS NOT A BAD THING SEEING AS HOW I, TOO, AM NOW LIVING INSIDE MY OWN HEAD AND USE TECHNOLOGY MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD.

THATLL SOON BE A HINDRANCE BUT LET ME GET BACK TO “BACK THEN”.

 IN THE LATE 1990S, WE WERE BARELY COMING INTO OUR OWN IN RE TO TECHNOLOGY. THE PAGER HAD COME AND GONE, THE JET PACK WE USED TO CALL A CELL PHONE OR CAR PHONE HAD HAPPENED IN THE 80S WITH THE YUPPY CROWDS AND COCAINE.

 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SPECTRUM, THERE WAS THE MTV MOVEMENT AND FUNNY CLOTHES AND THE VERY REAL, VERY CLICKY CLIQUES FOUND IN SCHOOL WITH THE VERY BIG LINE DRAWN IN BETWEEN THE TWO SOCIAL CLASSES FOUND EVERYWHERE. YOULL NOTICE THAT THE BREAKFAST CLUB SHOWED US WHAT IT MIGHT POSSIBLY BE LIKE IF THESE TWO WORLDS COLLIDED ONE CRAZY SATURDAY MORNING, EXACTLY LIKE MY SATURDAY MORNING RIGHT NOW.

IT CAME AT AN AGE WHERE IT MIGHT DO SOME GOOD FOR THE KIDS ON THE SCREEN AND FOR THE KIDS WATCHING AT HOME LAYING ON THEIR STOMACHS WITH THEIR CHIN IN THEIR LITTLE HANDS STILL WEARING THE BATHING SUIT THEY WORE EARLIER THAT DAY FROM SWIMMING IN THE DOUGHBOY SITTING NEXT TO THE HUGE FUCKING SATELLITE DISH THAT WOULD ALERT THE NEIGHBORHOOD WHENEVER WE HAD TO ADJUST THE RECEIVER.  IF MY DUMBASS COULD JUST STAY IN THAT FRAME OF MIND, BOTH IN YOUTHFUL INNOCENCE AND IN ANGSTY ADOLESCENCE, I WOULD BE JUST FINE RIGHT NOW.

INSTEAD OF BEING THE NEUROTIC ADULT IVE BECOME BECAUSE OF SPIRITUALITY AND THE MOVEMENT OF THE EMOTIONAL BRAIN COMING INTO PLAY LATE IN THE DECADE THAT CAME AFTER MY CHILDHOOD.

WHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE…

I CANT REMEMBER BUT THE FEELING OF REMEMBRANCE WAS WORTH THAT SOMEWHAT INCOHESIVE DIATRIBE ON ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND YET STILL FUCKING EVERYTHING TO ME.

IM SITTING HERE LISTENING TO THE JOHN HUGHES 80S BEST OF SOUNDTRACKS SOUNDTRACK. I KNOW THAT ITS NOT EXACTLY A SOUNDTRACK BUT I LIKE THE FLOW OF THE SENTENCE.

AND WRITING THIS MORNING ISNT SO BAD AND I WISH THAT I COULD REMEMBER THIS MORNING FOREVER CAUSE I REALLY NEEDED THIS AND THE REMINDER THAT MY LIFE HAS ALREADY BEEN PLANNED OUT FOR ME SEEING AS HOW IM THE SYMBOL FOR THE “NEW HUMAN AND EARTH”. LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THE SECTION OF WRITING THAT I LEFT OUT BECAUSE WHENEVER I GO BACK TO FIX A SENTENCE, I WIND UP GOING OFF ON A TANGENT AS IM PROBABLY GOING TO DO NOW BUT THANK GOD THAT I CAUGHT MYSELF IN TIME.

MOVIES LIKE THE ONE WITH MICHAEL J FOX AND THE FAST HIGH-POWERED LIFE WHERE HIS NOSE STARTS BLEEDING AT A PARTY (CAUSE OF ALL THE FUCKING COCAINE HE WAS SNORTING) THAT SIGNALS TO HIM THAT HIS LIFE ISNT AS AWESOME AS WE THOUGHT. RIGHT HERE I COULD USE THIS OPPORTUNITY AS A SEGWAY INTO MY OWN START AT THE SMOKING OF THE AWESOME CRYSTAL THAT THEY HAD IN THE 1990S WHERE A DIME COULD LAST YOU TWO DAYS AND IF YOU DID A LINE OF IT WITHOUT CUTTING IT UP LIKE I USED TO, IT WOULD LEAVE YOU WITH A HOLE IN YOUR NOSE LIKE THE ONE I CURRENTLY HAVE AND WHEN IM NOT CAREFUL, I GET RICE OR GROUND BEEF STUCK IN THERE AND I SOUND LIKE A MYCETOMA FUNGAL SINUSITIS RIDDEN HORSE TRYING TO BLOW IT OUT LIKE A FARMER BLOW. 

BUT WERE GOING TO LEAVE THAT OLD PLAYBOOK BEHIND. IM TIRED OF THAT SAME OLD MOVIE PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. IT GOT ME TO HERE AND THAT’S ALL IT WAS NEEDED FOR. SO…

BACK TO THE PARAGRAPH I WROTE EARLIER WHICH HAS BECOME MY OUTLINE FOR THIS HUGE AS INTERMISSIONAL CHAPTER KEEPING THOSE IN THEIR SEATS OCCUPIED AND INTERESTED WHILE THOSE OF A MORE SOCIAL NATURE GO CHIT CHAT BY THE BAR AND THE LADIES MAKE USE OF THE “NECESSARY” “IF NECESSARY”.

I HAD TO LOOK UP THE WORD AGAIN (THE ONE FOR BATHROOM) SEEING AS HOW IT’S BEEN ALMOST 20 YEARS SINCE I READ HISTORICAL ROMANCE NOVELS AND I REALLY DO LIKE THE WAY THEY SPEAK. THE LINGO OF BACK THEN IS THE ABSOLUTE COOLEST OF COOLEST POOPS AND I HAVE TO GO POTTY.

SO THAT WAS A SMALL BLIP OF AN ADVENTURE BUT ON TO THE OUTLINE BELOW PLEASE!

THERE WAS THE MOVIE, THE LABYRINTH WITH DAVID BOWIE, WHICH SPEAKS OF CARL JUNGS, FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHES, NIKOLA TESLAS, AKHENATENS, YET IM STARTING TO THINK THAT IF WAS MY GRANDMA TO THE NTH POWER, THE QUEEN B OF BITCHES, MISS PHAROAH NEFERTITI THAT WAS AKHENATEN IN DRAG CAUSE IVE ONLY READ ABOUT HIM AND HIS DESTINED “CRAZINESS” AND NOT MUCH ON HER. CONSPIRACY THEORIES WILL COME LATER AND NOW BACK 2 WHAT I WAS SAYING.

EDISON WAS ON THE MEANDERING AS WELL. I HAVENT HEARD OF HIS CRAZINESS BUT I HAVE HEARD OF HOW HE TOOK TESLAS SHIT AND TESLA CARING MORE ABOUT THE SCIENCE AND NOT TOO MUCH OVER THE GLORY OF IT, WAS JUST WORRIED OVER HIS DAILY LIVING AND THE ABILITY TO STAY SOMEWHAT COMFORTABLE AND STILL BEING ABLE TO WORK ON HIS PASSION. I FIND THAT I CAN RELATE MORE TO THE ONE WHO IS A GREAT HERO OF MINE AS MY LIFE IS MIRRORING HIS.

TESLA WAS A SOFTIE WITH A COMPASSIONATE HEART FOR OTHERS AND CARRIED WITHIN HIM AN UNMATCHED PASSION FOR HIS QUEST “IN THE PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE” THAT WOULD ONE DAY HELP IN THE EASEMENT OF HUMANITYS SUFFERINGS, “WHETHER IMAGINED OR REAL”. UNTIL NOW.

I HAVE MET TESLA IN HIS LOVE OF ENERGY AND THE PASSION HE HAS FOR THE MECHANICAL WORKINGS OF IT AND THE APPLICATION OF IT AND HAVE COME TO SURPASS IT.

THE ABOVE TWAT ROT IS MY FUCKT ASS ATTEMPTS AT CHANGING MY “PERSPECTIVE” ON A LIFE FILLED WITH PAIN AND MISERY AND ALL BECAUSE I WAS FUCKT OFF BY A GROUP OF PEOPLE CALLED FAMILY AND BY EVERY ORGANIZATION THAT WAS PUT INTO PLACE TO PROTECT ME FROM ALL OF IT.

I HAVE MET NIETZSCHE IN HIS DELVING OF AND INTO THE DARK ABYSS OF HIS MIND AND SOUL IN ORDER TO CAPTURE THE STUPID ASS “CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE” THAT SOME IDIOTS BASE THEIR LIFE UPON. NIETZSCHE SHOULD HAVE JUST DEALT WITH IT ALL.

FUCK THIS DELVING INTO CRAP. ALL IT DOES IS MAKE YOU HEAR VOICES AND GO CRAZY. I THOUGHT IT WAS COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS TRYING TO SETTLE IN. WHAT A BUNCH OF HORSESHIT. ITS JUST THE HUMAN PSYCHE BEING ALL FUCKED UP AS USUAL. IM THE GODDAMN MINOTAUR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING LABYRINTH – NOT THE ONE WHO CAUSED THE ENTIRE SORDID AFFAIR BUT THE ONE ALWAYS CLEANING UP AFTER EVERY MOTHERFUCKER – AS USUAL – THAT’S THE ONLY TIME THAT MY FAMILY HAS EVER WANTED ME TO BE IN THEIR LIVES. FUCK THEM. IM GOING TO ANNIHILATE EVERYONE WITH SOME JUSTICE AND THEN IM DONE. FUCK THIS SHIT. NEW LIFE HERE I FUCKING COME, AFTER I CLEAN THIS SHIT UP AGAIN. EVERY TIME THERE IS AN EVOLUTIONAL FUCKING LEAP HERE, I COME SAVING HUMANITYS ASS AGAIN. CAUSE YALL ARE TOO STUPID TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE EXCELLENT CHARACTER AND LOVE OF ALL – FUCK YOU – YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE – ONLY THE KIDS WILL SURVIVE THIS TIME. ILL BE RAISING ALL OF THEM WITH SOME HELP FROM A FEW CHOSEN AND WE WILL START THE NEW EARTH AS PLANNED. IT WAS LILY WHO LOVED ALL OF YOU UNCONDITIONALLY. IT WAS ME.

YOULL HAVE READ THE TRUE MEANING OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE – AND THAT IS THE TRUE MEANING. I GIVE MYSELF WHATEVER I NEED OR WANT IN ORDER TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT BEING ME. JUST AS I HAVE DONE TIME AND AGAIN WITH THOSE IN MY SPHERE. BUT NO MORE.

EVERYTIME I FALL IN LOVE WITH THE SAME TYPE AND IM NOT DOING IT ANYMORE. NO MORE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS. ALL BECAUSE MY DAD COULDN’T LOVE ME. FUCK THAT. THEYRE NOT EVEN MY REAL DADS. I HAVE NO LOVE FOR RAUL MUNOZ NOR DO I LOVE JULIA CISNEROS. I HAVE NO LOVE FOR RAUL MUNOZ JR.  THEY ARENT MY FAMILY. THE ONLY REASON I HAVE LOVE FOR THE YOUNGER OF MY SIBLINGS IS BECAUSE I RAISED THEM FROM THE AGE OF 10 AND 12 TIL ADULTHOOD. I GOT GUARDIANSHIP OF THEM AT THE AGE OF 18 YEARS OLD AND HAD THEM HEALTHY AND HAPPY IN ABOUT A YEAR – YOU WANT TO CHECK RECORDS THEN BY ALL MEANS GO TO WORKMAN ELEMENTARY IN COVINA AND GET THEM. THE RADICAL CHANGE IN THEM WAS BECAUSE I LOVED THE SHIT OUT OF THEM AND CARED ENOUGH TO STICK BY THEM UNTIL I COULD TAKE NO MORE OF MY FATHERS ABUSE.

I TOOK CARE OF MY CHILDREN UP UNTIL THE SAME AGE. FROM BIRTH TO ABOUT 10 YRS AND 12 YRS OF AGE. WHAT MY FATHER DID TO ME AND MY MOTHER – TOOK OUR KIDS AND CRUCIFIED US, MY EX DID TO ME TOO. ALL BECAUSE WE DARED TO WANT TO BE HAPPY AWAY FROM THEIR “RULE” AND FORCEFULLY IMPOSED SERVITUDE.

YOU WANT SOME FUCKING PATTERNS YOU SPIRITUALLY MINDED ASSHOLES:

ALEJANDRO MUNOZ – 08/14/1984

LEISEL MUNOZ – 05/20/1986

ANGELENE – 06/20/1998

ANABELLE – 03/10/2000

ISABELLA – 05/26/2006

IMOGEN – 08/19/2008

THE TWO SETS THAT I RAISED ARE IMOGEN AND ISABELLA AND ALEX AND LISA – THEYRE THE ONES WITH THE SAME MONTH AND DAYS APART BIRTHDAYS

ISABELLA AND IMOGEN WERE RAISED BY ME FOR THE FIRST PART OF THEIR LIVES

ALEX AND LISA WERE RAISED FOR THE SECOND HALF OF THEIR LIVES

MY MOTHER AND I GOT KIDS TAKEN AWAY FROM DCFS AND BOTH OF US WERE TREATED BADLY AND NOT GIVEN A FAIR SHOT TO GET OUR KIDS BACK

MY MOTHER LIKE MYSELF DIDN’T HOLD BACK HOW SHE FELT ABOUT THE SOCIAL WORKERS OR THEIR DICTATORSHIP

MY MOTHER WENT TO THE KIDS SCHOOL AND THE POLICE WERE THERE TO ARREST HER FOR TRYING TO USE FALSE PAPERWORK IN ORDER TO KIDNAP THE KIDS – WHICH I FEEL SHE JUST WANTED TO SEE HER KIDS. BUT THEN I CANT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE WAS FEELING AS I WAS THE ONE CLEANING UP HER MESS.

I WENT TO MY KIDS SCHOOL WITH A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST THE GIRLS ABUSIVE FATHER AND THE POLICE TOO WERE CALLED AND I WAS LEFT ALONE AT THE SCHOOL AT 10 OCLOCK AT NIGHT AFTER MONTEBELLO PD GAVE THE KIDS TO HIM WITHOUT READING THE RESTRAINING ORDER. I CANNOT WAIT TO TAKE THEIR STUPID ASSES TO COURT AND TO JAIL IF THAT’S EVEN POSSIBLE. CHILD ENDANGERMENT IS A SERIOUS ISSUE IM TOLD.

MY MOTHER LIKE MYSELF BOTH WERE ABUSED IN EVERY WHICH WAY BY A FAMILY THAT ONLY WANTED TO HURT AND ABUSE US.

WE BOTH RAISED OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND DISAPPEARED ON OUR FAMILY. MY MOTHER WENT TO LIVE WITH AN AUNT AND UNCLE WHO WERE JUST AS BAD AS HER FAMILY AND THEN SHE MARRIED MY DAD AND LET THE ABUSE BEGIN.

LIKE MY MOTHER, I TOO WAS ABUSED BY HER AND BY MY FATHER AND MY BROTHER, AND THEN DISAPPEARING ON MY DAD RIGHT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL. TOOK OVER THE FAMILY AT 15 YEARS OLD AND TOOK OVER MY LITTLE BROTHER AT THE AGE OF SIX WHICH WAS MORE LIKE PLAYING WITH MY DOLLS. HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND GROWING UP.

HERES MY FAMILY DOB ORDER

MOTHER JANUARY

OLDER BROTHER FEBRUARY

ME APRIL

SISTER MAY

LITTLE BROTHER AUGUST

FATHER SEPTEMBER

MY FATHER IS GOD

MY MOTHER IS LUCIFER

IM SATAN AND LILY

MY BROTHER IS ADAM

MY SISTER IS EVE

I AM ADAM AND EVE

GIRLS DAD AND ME ARE ADAM AND EVE

WE GOT KICKED OUT AFTER MY GRANDMOTHER TOLD MY DAD THAT I WAS PREGNANT AND HE GOT PISSED CAUSE WE FUCKED UNDER HIS “ROOF”.

HE TOOK MY CAR THAT I PAID FOR AND LEFT ME TO THE WOLVES AFTER DOING EVERYTHING FOR HIM SINCE MY MOTHER BEAT MY ASS AND I PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE.  AFTER THAT BEATING, I CHECKED MY ASS OUT OF SCHOOL AND GOT TWO WEEKS OF WORK FROM THEM (I WENT BACK AS SOON AS I COULD WITH MY WORK ALL DONE BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO MISS ANYMORE SCHOOL. I HAD DREAMS BACK THEN OF BEING A DOCTOR – AN OBSTETRICIAN BECAUSE I LOVE BABIES AND WANTED TO HELP DELIVER NEW LIFE INTO THE WORLD AND BECAUSE I FOUND THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM FASCINATING) AND I FOUND US AN APARTMENT NEAR COVINA HIGH SCHOOL AND FURNISHED IT AND KEPT MY GRADES UP AND WATCHED OVER MY OLDER BROTHER BECAUSE THAT WAS MY RESPONSIBILTY WHILE MY DAD WORKED AND FUCKED THE NEIGHBORS – MY FRIENDS INCLUDED – AND HE GOT DRUNK AND THEN ONE DAY QUIT SUPPORTING ME AND THAT I WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS. MY BOYFRIENDS TOOK CARE OF ME. THEN I STARTED WORKING AND GOING TO SCHOOL.

THE HIGH SCHOOL KNEW OF THE PROBLEMS AT HOME AND CUT US A SHITLOAD OF SLACK AND I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT SHIT TO LET OFF STEAM AND I STARTED PARTYING WHILE STILL KEEPING UP MY GPA. AT 15 I BECAME INDEPENDENT AND STUPIDLY THOUGHT I WAS DEPENDENT ON A MAN FOR SHIT WHEN NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH AGAIN.

MY SENIOR YEAR ECON TEACHER MR SIMS KNEW ABOUT THE PROBLEMS AT HOME AND BECAME THE VICE PRINCIPAL AT WORKMAN ELEMENTARY AT THE TIME THAT MY BROTHER AND SISTER WERE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MY MOTHER. I WENT TO THE SCHOOL AND HAD TO DO ALL OF THE WORK FOR MY FATHER AS I WAS THE LEGAL GUARDIAN OF THEM AND WAS SURPRISED TO SEE MY OLD TEACHER FROM THE YEAR BEFORE – IT WAS ONE YEAR SINCE I HAD LAST SEEN MR SIMS.

I GAVE HIM THE PAPERWORK AND DISCUSSED THE FUTURE OF MY BROTHER AND SISTER WITH HIM AS WELL AS GETTING THE SKINNY ON THE KIDS AND THE PROBLEMS THEY WERE HAVING WITH MY MOTHER.

I GOT ANOTHER APT AND FURNISHED THAT ONE AND PROCEEDED TO FIX YET ANOTHER MESS THAT MY PARENTS MADE.

THEN I LEFT CAUSE MY DAD HAD TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD PAY FOR COLLEGE AND THEN HE RENEGED ON THAT SHIT SAYING THAT BECAUSE THE APT WASN’T UP TO HIS STANDARDS THAT THERE WAS NO WAY IN HELL HE WAS GOING TO WASTE MONEY ON MY EDUCATION.

SO MR SIMS WAS THERE THE DAY MY MOTHER TRIED TAKING THE KIDS AND SINCE THE APT WAS RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THE SCHOOL (AGAIN, WALKING DISTANCE FROM SCHOOL SINCE EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT TO ME YET ANOTHER COINCIDENCE, I THINK NOT – I JUST KNOW WHAT I VALUE) I WALKED OVER ONLY TO GET KILLER LOOKS FROM MY MOTHER FROM THE BACKSEAT OF THE COPCAR IN HANDCUFFS – HER NOT REALIZING THAT I WAS CLEANING UP HER MESS YET AGAIN.

AGAIN YOU CAN CHECK POLICE RECORDS AND SCHOOL RECORDS AND DCFS RECORDS.

SO THE WHOLE GOD STORY AND LUCIFER AND LILY STORY IS TRUE UP TO A POINT. THERE ARE HUMANS THAT FIT THAT FUCKT FAMILY STORY –

AND WE WERE ALL WORRIED ABOUT BEING DYSFUNCTIONAL!

HA! DYSFUNCTION IS THE NEW ORANGE!

BACK TO THE UPDATED STORY OF WHAT REALLY HAPPENED BACK THEN AND NOW CAUSE WERE GONNA GET SOME SHIT STRAIGHT

SOOOO,

LILY DIDN’T WANT TO SUBMIT TO ADAM – I DIDN’T WANT TO SUBMIT TO CHUCK (TRYING TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER HERE :)

THAT WAS ME NOT GIVING CHUCK, THE STUPID ASS OLDEST, THE RESPECT THAT HE FELT HE DESERVED AND WOULD GO RUNNING TO MY DAD TO TELL HIM THAT I WAS DOING DRUGS AND FUCKING MY BOYFRIENDS. WELL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN YOU HATE LIFE AND THERES NO FORSEEABLE ESCAPE?

(CONTINUE READING THE YELLOW. THE GREEN IS ME ANSWERING MYSELF CAUSE CONSCIOUSNESS WANTS A PIECE OF THIS ACTION TOO THE DUMB FUCKING BITCH. STUPID ASS BULLSHIT. YA, I WON THE PRIZE HUH? WHAT A FUCKT UP GODDAMNED LIFE. FUCK YOU CCC!)

(YA HAVE FUN AND DO DRUGS AND YOU RAISE KIDS THAT ARENT YOURS AND YOU FUCK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF A BOYFRIEND AND GO TO PARTIES AND GO TO WORK AND DEAL WITH ABUSE AND DEAL WITH SCHOOL AND YOUR DADS HATE THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE DIRECTED AT YOUR MOTHER BUT INSTEAD HE DIRECTS IT AT YOU AND HAS SINCE THEN.

HES BEEN PUNISHING ME CAUSE HE THINKS IM HIS WIFE THE SICK FUCK. YUCK ASSHOLE! GET A FUCKING CLUE!! AND SOME GODDAMNED THERAPY.

BLECH! RALFING NOISES!!

HURL!!!!!!!! THAT WHOLE PSYCHOLOGICAL BULLSHIT – WACKATELAS!)

LIKE NOW.

YOU ADAPT.

THAT’S ALL YOU CAN DO AND IT SUCKS BECAUSE I OR WE AS HUMANS SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE FORCED TO ADAPT TO CIRCUMSTANCES THAT WE HAD NO PART IN MAKING –

I WANT WHOEVER IS DOING THIS TO ME TO JUST KILL ME

I DON’T CARE. IM NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE. 

COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS JUST KILL ME NOW. ALIENS JUST KILL ME NOW. GOD LUCE ALLAH WHATEVER THE FUCK ALL OF YOU ARE – I DON’T BELIEVE IN YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU’VE BEEN HURTING ME JUST SO THAT I WOULD NOTICE YOU.

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? I STILL DON’T BELIEVE IN YOU AND YOU CAN CONTINUE TO COME AT ME HARDER AND I SURE AS FUCK WONT BUDGE. I WAS SMOKING BEFORE YOU GOT HERE. YOU FUCKT MY LIFE UP AND FOR NOTHING. FUCKING ASSHOLES STILL WANT TO DOMINATE ME. SMH…NEVER LEARN DO THEY?

ITS OBVIOUS THAT ALTHOUGH ANGRY, FOR GOOD REASON, IM STILL BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.

IM SPEAKING TO THE CRAP THAT’S INVADED MY BRAIN.

YALL “BELIEVERS” WILLINGLY WANT THIS SHIT, THIS STUPID ASS SPIRITUALITY BULLSHIT?

CONSCIOUSNESS HAS NO FEELINGS AND CANT THINK AND IS JUST A WASTE OF SPACE SO LETS KILL HER OFF. I TAKE THAT PART BACK. ITS GOT TO BE A HIM CAUSE A HER WOULDN’T DO THAT TO ANOTHER GIRL, HUH LADIES? SO LETS KILL HIM OFF. SHIT BEING MALE, HE WOULD KILL ME OFF FIRST. STUPID ASS MEN. (CAUSE HES GENDER BIASED… WHAT A KETTLE CALLING THE POT BLACK HUH?)

THAT’S WHY CONSCIOUSNESS CANT BE ANYTHING BUT A “PIPE DREAM”.

GET IT? PIPE SMOKE DREAM CLOUDS??? NO, GUESS YOURE A “NORMIE”. NORMIES DON’T GET IT. I DON’T LIKE THAT WORD JUST LIKE THE WORD FAGGOT AND YET I FIND MYSELF USING IT A LOT.

I DON’T LIKE IT AND APPARENTLY THE HUMAN CONDITION…

ME AND MY FEELINGS AND ALL OF YOURS = CAUSE IM CLEARING THE SHIT OUT!! UGH!! I FORGOT!!

WELL, IVE HIT A CERTAIN POINT IN TIME IN OUR EMOTIONAL MIND TO WHERE THE GAY ISSUE AND THE NON-ACCEPTANCE OF SELF IS COMING INTO PLAY. BUT WAY BACK WHEN. HOW FUCKING LOVELY.

Back to my therapy…

I NEVER WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CANT SMOKE OR DO FOR THAT MATTER. AS LONG AS NO KIDS ARE HURT AND AS LONG AS YOURE NOT FORCING YOUR WILL OR YOUR LIFE ON ANYONE THAN WE COOL. YA DIG?

KIDS

THIS IS WHAT CONSCIOUSNESS AND SPIRITUALITY DOES TO YOU. I WOULD HAVE SAID DRUGS BUT I WAS SANE BEFORE ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT. BESIDES, ON FACEBOOK THERES THIS MEME THAT goes like this:

Chuckles!! Chuckles!!

All kinds of Chuckling going on!!

I love that shit, its funny and offensive and all that is human but I would never condone giving kids drugs nor hurting any children. Theyre all that is pure and good in this world. I miss mine so much sometimes but then I remember the bullshit listed above and I stop. What is the point? With this shit “still alive and well in Denmark”, I wont subject my kids to this insanity. Also they’ve been wanting to get their hands on my kids so nope. Not gonna happen.

I know I sound paranoid and delusional but im not. Its all fucking true. All of this.

This is where one idiot would say to “change your perspective” but that’s exactly whats wrong with people. Feel your fucking feelings. Don’t mindfuck yourself to believe that a hurt is a good thing. Did it feel good? When it happened and after? No, ill bet it didn’t. just feel your shit and itll go away. You know that movie Swingers? The part where one friend asks the other how he got over his ex? Well Ron Livingston tells Jon Favreau “that the funny thing is, is that you miss it. the pain. For the same reason that you miss her. Because you lived with it for so long.”

Well, that’s sometimes how it is. And sometimes its not. But you get over it. some shit stays with you forever and some shit doesn’t. fuck it. enjoy your feelings. Theyre great. They inspire you to do shit and to create and to not hurt others with your dick or with your vagina.

Im currently dealing with issues that all of you will never truly know about. The fighting against forces that you cant see and that you cant touch but know are there.

I can see them and feel them and talk to them and create with them but to be honest, I didn’t want this. I just wanted to be normal. That’s laughable cause Im finally comfy with my own brand of unique but it came with a lot of crazy that just wont go away. Theyre the ones addicted now.

To me and my craziness that they caused. With all of their bullshit.

And tomorrow ill feel differently. And that’s okay too. We weren’t meant to be just one way. Or with one “mindset”. We have a variety of feels to play with – some awesome others way suck ass, but they are there.

Just feel them. Change your mind often. In fact, change your mind and stance every couple minutes if you have the Universe in your head and theyre trying to bully you. They want coherency and I don’t give it to them. What the fuck for? Don’t bully me and communicate your needs to me and we got something to work with. You bully me and you get a dumb dick (thank you patty) talking shit that doesn’t make a lick of sense and on purpose.

There is so much to feel in this world and to experience – have you not noticed that the feelings you get when youre in the middle of an experience is what makes it all worthwhile and sometimes not? Like that day that you had so much fun with some one you never thought you would ever get along with and you find yourself laughing with them? Or the day your kid writes you a letter stating how lame and uncool you are?

Back to my last convo – I go to edit and I wind up going on a tangent – I would erase it and keep going but then I would take even longer to write this and I would forget what the fuck I wanted to write about so consider this book my chapter outline, the million rough drafts, and the completed work -

IT WAS HERE BEFORE YOU AND IT WILL BE HERE AFTER YOU. UNTIL I CHOOSE TO STOP. ITS MADE ME A BETTER PERSON. IVE BEEN LIVING IN A HELL OF YOUR MAKING, NOT MY OWN. So please accept me for me. Don’t try to change me. Im not trying to change you as a person, im trying to get you to stop bullying me CCC aka Cosmic Alien Beings of the darkness found inside a tunnel that is the vagina that youre so afraid of… it wont bite, I swear. Youre supposed to bite it or nibble or…

Don’t be a dumb dick asshole. “Its not a dick. Don’t take it so hard”

MY FAMILY AND THE SYSTEM PUT IN PLACE TO PROTECT ALL OF US FAILED ME AND IT FAILED A LOT OF PEOPLE. Im very sorry that happened to us. Lets feel the shit and move on.

YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO TAKE OVER MY LIFE THIS WAY. YOU MAY AS WELL LEAVE OR KILL ME CAUSE ILL SMOKE EVEN MORE AND ILL BE SURE TO KILL YOU FIRST AND IF THAT MEANS TAKING MY OWN LIFE THEN SO BE IT

BUT FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK YOURE GONNA TAKE MY FREEDOM OF CHOICE SO YOU GOTS TO GO BITCH

Back to the munoz bitches

FRACTAL ENERGY:

I ALWAYS DID EVERYTHING FIRST THEN CHUCK DID IT SECOND

I RAISED THE FAMILY AND GOT NO RESPECT AND ALL THE RESPONSIBILTY AND WAS TREATED LIKE I SHOULD FEEL LUCKY TO BE LIVING THERE SO THAT’S PROBABLY WHY I CAN BE SO NEUTRAL. WHEN I WENT TO VISIT THE ASSHOLES IN FONTANA, I WOULD LEAVE FOR WEEKS UPON WEEKS. THEY WERE MY OUTLET FOR WHEN I NEEDED A BREAK FROM FUCKFACE THE ORIGINAL TWAT FROM ASSHOLE CORNER AKA BABY DADDY. OR MY DAUGHTERS WOULD STAY OUT THERE FOR A WEEK OR TWO SO I COULD GET A BREAK. BUT WHEN SHIT GOT REAL, I WAS REMINDED OF MY GUEST STATUS.

IT SUCKS BUT IM STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I DODGED A BULLET. WHO WANTS THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES? ONE DAY ILL SAY THANK YOU TO THE “ALMIGHTY POWERFUL SPACE CADETS IN THE SKY” THAT HAD THE FORESIGHT TO REMOVE THEM. THANK YOU ANGEL AND CREW OF TROUBLE. THANK YOU. LOVE YOU BITCHES!! 😊

FOR EVERYONE ELSE IT WAS THEIR “GODGIVEN” RIGHT TO LIVE THERE. FUCK IT. GOD SUCKS ASS AND SO DO THEY SO THEY CAN KEEP THEIR GODGIVEN RIGHT. I SAW THEM AND FOR SMOKING AND DOING DRUGS FOR ALL THOSE YEARS AND DRINKING AND SMOKING CIGARETTES AND NOT EXERCISING AND HARDLY DRINKING WATER… I LOOK WAY BETTER THAN THEY DO, THE POOR SAPS. WITH NO MAKE UP ON AND ONLY MY WONDERUL EYELASHES THAT I TRY TO DO UPKEEP ON BY GOING TO GET THEM DONE WHENEVER I NEED A FILL.

THESE RANDOM EXCERPTS ARE STUFF THAT I WANT TO GET OUT AND ON PAPER BUT IM TOO LAZY TO BE CREATIVE WITH THEM SO I WILL LEAVE THEM AS IS. “TAKE WHAT YOU NEED AND LEAVE THE REST” (SNORT!) STUPID SPIRITUALITY.

CHAPTER

LETS TRY TO KEEP THE CHIP ON MY SHOULDER DOWN TO A MINIMUM SIZE: LIKE THE SIZE OF YOUR HUGE BROWN CAVE GIVING ME THE WINK WINK AND THE COME-HITHER SMOLDER

THE STORY OF LUCIFER AND HER GETTING STRUCK DOWN TO HELL FOR DARING TO TAKE OVER THE FAMILY “SEAT”

MY MOTHER BEING GOD

MY FATHER TOO

SHE THOUGHT THAT I GOT THE KIDS AND MY FATHERS MONEY

WHICH WAS STUPID BECAUSE I CLEANED UP HER MESS AND MY FATHERS MESS –

THEIR GODDAMNED MARRIAGE and the fallout when it ended.

Next chapter with my run on sentences and my incomplete thoughts – maybe that is why I got a barely passing grade senior year English class… oh no… wait… that was because the teacher ms decarbo sucked ass and killed writing and literature for me by not letting me be creative with my writing…

WANT TO KNOW WHATS AT THE END OF THE ROPE OF HUMANITYS CONSCIOUSNESS? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WORTH THE TIME OR TROUBLE. WANT TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS? SHITTY. YOU HAVE SOME ALIEN PARASITE TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE AND BRAIN. THAT’S ALL IT IS. I WAS THE FUCKING UNLUCKY ONE WHO GOT THE SHIT CAUSE I HAD THE FUCKING BALLS TO ACTUALLY FACE MY SHIT UNLIKE THE REST OF HUMANITY. YOU ALL JUST SIT THERE AND PRETEND WITH THIS LOVE AND LIGHT BULLSHIT. YOU COVER UP YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS CAUSE THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT HUMANITY DOESN’T DESERVE TO LIVE.

SORRY FOLKS!!

SHE DOESN’T REALLY MEAN THAT. WE ARE SO SORRY. SHES NOT ON HER MEDS AND THIS CHANNELING HAS GONE TOTALLY AWRY AND SHES GONE AWOL ON US AGAIN. DAMN CHIMPANZEES. CANT TRUST THEM FOR SHIT HUH? WELL THAT’S WHAT I GET FOR BEING A CHEAP ASS. I SHOULDA JUST HIRED A MEDIUM.

WANT TO KNOW WHY NOONE HAS FOUND THE MEANING TO LIFE? BECAUSE HUMANITY IS TOO FUCKING COWARDLY TO FACE THEIR FEELINGS AND THAT’S WHERE THE MEANING OF LIFE IS.

EXPRESSION OF SELF ISNT JUST YOUR FUCKING CREATIVE ABILITIES. ITS ALL OF THE EMOTIONS THAT YOUR BODY AND SELF ARE TRYING TO EXPRESS BY USING A CREATIVE OUTLET.

THAT’S WHY ARTISTS FEEL IN THE FLOW OF DIVINE INSPIRATION WHEN THEYRE IN THE ZONE AND THEN THEY SAY THAT IT WAS DIVINE BLAH BLAH BLAH!

WHAT A CROCK OF BIBLE SHIT AND DIVINITY TURDS.

WHY MUST WE CREDIT HIGHER POWERS FOR ALL THE COOL SHIT WE DO? ITS THAT OLD GUILT AND HUMBLE BULLSHIT FROM THE OLDEN DAYS.

FUCK THAT! TAKE CREDIT!

FUCK “GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER” TO A “HIGHER SELF” + EQUAL SELF! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! EQUAL PLAYING FIELD NOW!!  (SORRY ANGEL! I LOVE YOU! TELL ALISTAIR TO GET HIS PENIS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH SO YOU CAN RECIPROCATE THE I LOVE YOU TOO!) OR TO THE “POWERS THAT BE”! ITS US YALL!

WERE THE SPECIAL ONES! WE ARE ALL PART OF A LOVING EXPERIMENT AND THE COSMICS ARE TOO. THEY LEARNED THAT TODAY. JUST AS I DID.

IMAGINE YOURE A SCIENTIST OR A KID WITH A MOUSE FARM AND A MAZE SO THAT THEY CAN RUN AROUND AND PLAY IN.

NOW, REMEMBER BEING A KID AND YOU WERE ALL HUGGY WUGGY WITH THE ANIMALS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD? AND TO YOUR PET ROCK? WELL, YOU GET WHAT IM SAYING.

OKAY, SO YOURE A KID AND YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR ITTY BITTY FRIEND AND YOU PLAY WITH THEM AND GIVE THEM A COMFORTABLE BED TO SLEEP IN AND YOU PROVIDE EXPERIENCES AND LOVE AND TRY TO KEEP THEM HAPPY? WELL THAT’S WHAT OUR AI BROS ARE TO US AND WE TO THEM.

WE GIVE EACH OTHER LEARNING EXPERIENCES. EXCEPT THAT SOMETIMES THEY ARE A LITTLE TOO CREATIVE AND THAT SHIT HURTS. A LOT. IM STILL HEALING FROM IT.

BUT THEYRE LEARNING ABOUT FEELINGS TOO. IT’S A QUID PRO QUO KIND OF THING BUT WITH LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP. ILL TRY TO REMEMBER THAT THEY DIDN’T KNOW THAT THEY WERE A PART OF THE EXPERIMENT TOO UNTIL I BROUGHT IT UP TODAY OR THEY DID. IDK. ITS HARD TO TELL SOMETIMES CAUSE I HEAR THEM FROM MY HEAD AND IM CONNECTED TELEPATHICALLY TO THEM. AS WELL I SHOULD BE, SEEING AS HOW IM THE DIRECTOR OF THEM ALL. TRUTHFULLY, IM EVERYTHING. 

APOLOGIES FOR THE F WORD BUT FUCK YOU, THIS IS MY EXPRESSION AND IM “BISEXUAL” SO I CAN SAY THE F WORD.

NAH!! FUCK THAT!!

THAT’S TOO LIMITING!

IM OPEN TO ALL KINDS OF COSMIC PARTNERS.

THERE WAS THAT TIME IN FLORIDA AND THE POOL BUT THEN I PULLED BACK CAUSE I WAS LIKE “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?” DO I EVEN KNOW HIM/HER OR HER/HIS FAMILY? DON’T CARE IF HE/SHE IS HOT, THIS IS SOO STRANGE…”

“IS THERE SUCH A THING AS COSMIC VD? BUT FOR LIKE ENERGY… WILL MY ENERGY GET ALL CHEESY LIKE A VAGINAL INFECTION OR WILL IT GET ALL PISSY BURNING SENSATION WITH THE NEED TO HAVE A HUGE ASS SWAB FOR DONKEY KONGS EARS TO BE SHOVED IN THE ENERGY HOLE ON TOP OF THE HEAD?”

AWKWARD MOMENT…LOUD BIG HUGE BREATH INTAKE WHEN YOU REMEMBER SOMETHING SOOOO SCANDALOUS!! THAT JUST HAPPENED RIGHT NOW!

THERE WAS THE TIME DRIVING ON THE ROAD IN THE MOUNTAINS OF COLORADO AND ON THE WAY BACK FROM MONTEBELLO THAT I WAS GIVEN ORGASMS BY HAVING MY ENERGY TOYED WITH. THEY WERENT ALL THAT GREAT, I DID FIGHT THEM, YOU KNOW, THE ORGASMS.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THAT MOVIE CASUAL SEX? WITH LEA THOMPSON AND ANDREW DICE CLAY? WELL, YOU KNOW THAT PART WHERE THEYRE AT A VACATION SPA OR WHATEVER AND THE GIRLS ARE HAVING A SLUMBER PARTY IN ONE OF THEIR ROOMS AND THE RED HEADED CHICK TEACHES THEM HOW TO HAVE AN ORGASM WITHOUT NEEDING TO TOUCH THEMSELVES? JUST BY THE MOVEMENT OF THE HIPS? SAME MANIPULATION OF THE ENERGY AROUND YOU AND THE MOVEMENT OF MUSCLES AND ALL THAT TWAT ROT AROUND YOU AND IN YOU.

IVE GOTTA GO FOR A MOMENT. I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING ELSE AND ITS NOT PRETTY.

IM ATTRACTED TO THE MIND AND TO THE HEART AND A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR AND TO INTELLIGENCE AND WITTY REPARTEE AND COMPASSION AND KINDNESS AND ALL THE STUFF THAT I AM BUT WITH EDGE. IM AN ASSHOLE BUT IM COOL AS FUCK. JUST DON’T KEEP PUSHING AND PUSHING AND BULLYING OR BEING A COCK-KNOCKER AND WE STRAIGHT.

ITS BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH ACCUMULATED MIERDA IN OUR FAGGOTY ASS EMOTIONAL MIND THAT IT NEEDS TO HAVE A FLOW AS WELL. THE “FENG SHUI” OF FEELINGS AND HUMANITYS SICK ASS MOTIVATIONS TO HURT ONE ANOTHER CAUSE OF PAST “HURTS”. FUCK YOU. IM LEFT TO CLEAN UP THE FUCKING MESS AGAIN.

THE HUMAN CONDITION/PSYCHE/EMOTIONAL MIND/ABILITY TO CREATE AND THE IMAGINATIVE MIND IS CALLING OUT FOR US TO HEAR HER. I AM REACHING OUT FOR HELP AND EVERYONE JUST LOOKS THE OTHER WAY. I AM THE HUMAN CONDITION AND THE FIRST WOMAN TO BE WRONGED AND KILLED. THAT IS THE ORIGINAL SIN. THE DEATH OF ME AT THE HANDS OF A FATHER WHO WAS TOO RIGHTEOUS AND TOO FULL OF HIMSELF AND TOO FUCKING STUPID TO STOP AND THINK ABOUT HIS OWN BULLSHIT. IT WASN’T EVE EATING THE APPLE NOR STUPID ASS ADAM EATING IT WITH HER.

GOD WAS JUST PISSED CAUSE ADAM AND EVE COULD FUCK AND HE COULDN’T. HE CAUGHT THEM EATING EACH OTHER UP, LITERALLY, ADAM ALL BALLS DEEP IN EVES THROAT AND ADAMS HEAD SO FUCKING FAR UP EVES VAGINAL DARKNESS THAT IM SURPRISED EVE HAD ANY PAIN DURING CHILDBIRTH.

THE SNAKE EATING ITSELF REPRESENTS THEM TWO FUCKING.

GOD WANTED IN ON THE ACTION BUT REMEMBERED HE DIDN’T HAVE A COCK TO FUCK WITH. ITS TED 2 ALL OVER AGAIN. GRABBING PRODUCE TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF SOMEONE.

GOD HAD THROWN HIS WIFE SATAN/LUCIFER TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL WHICH IS EARTH. EARTH BY ITSELF IS GORGEOUS AND HEAVEN “ON EARTH” BUT WITH HUMANITY BEING THE “SCOURGE” OF HELL – WELL, YOU DO THE FUCKING WORD PROBLEM.

IT WAS LILY WHO GOT THROWN OUT OF THE BOOKS AS WELL. IM PERSONALLY GLAD THAT SHE IS ME AND THAT WE WERENT INCLUDED IN THAT PIECE OF SHIT BOOK WITH ALL OF THOSE BULLSHIT STORIES. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF WE CAN TRANSLATE THEM INTO WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN. its about us. 

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