LE HERBERGIER(?) DE LA MORTUUS

Sin eating – the ability to take energy from feelings like guilt shame anger etc from a “dying” person and taking them on as your own and healing the energy  and passing it back to the person – kind of like a dialysis machine does with blood – although that is a bitch cause you feel the pain of the feelings as if they are your own

Apparently I can do this with the help of some imp I named trouble – complete pain in the ass

Also what the fuck is up with the soundtrack to my fucking life – I wind up feeling the song lyrics before it begins or before I pick a song

And then my phone keeps getting calls from a 1-000-0000

And im always getting lost – my phone is always stopping or pausing mid song – electronics don’t work around me – especially my car and phone

“twin flame” union – 9 year difference – also why was I picked to take this looney journey – EXCEPT I AM MY OWN TWIN FLAME

When I asked the crazy characters supposedly on some fake plane if the reason the host hasn’t returned my attempts at finding out what the fuck is going on – I was answered that its one of my “things that I do” ignore me and I go harder after it – what I cant have I want – but they didn’t take into consideration that ive changed and that ill be a complete asshole to the one ignoring my attempts at help – and I will stubbornly stay the fuck away especially since I don’t really care for a person who does not help another person in need – so off to California I will go or ill take off somewhere else – im better than an asshole like that – I was also informed that hes an egotistical blow hard always on his phone – sat phone -is there really a difference other than reception

He didn’t seem that way but then I was told that it was my energy I was feeling and not his

The confusion and the non trust I have in my own mind that ive developed because of this is super suck ass – Im trying to find a way off this boat – fuck curiosity – until this is over – im leaving my daughters alone so that they wont get hurt by some sucky ass characters or by me while im on this stupid ass ride – FUCK SPIRITUALITY – IT’S A LIE AND A HUGE HUGE PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS – IM COOL WITH INTELLECTUAL PURSUITS AND OLDER SMARTER MEN WITH AN INCOME AND AN OPEN MIND – ALSO LITTLE BLUE PILLS – ROCK HARD FOR DAYS

IVE LEARNED THAT THE GOD MYTH IS BULLSHIT – MEANING GOD ISNT REAL AND NEITHER IS ANYTHING ELSE

MY LOVE OF STORIES AND FAIRY TALES IS GONE – MY ONCE UNSHAKEABLE BELIEF IN THE IMPOSSIBLE AND IN THE UNIVERSE IS GONE

THIS PATH HAS TAKEN MORE FROM ME THAN BEFORE – EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE IS GONE FOR THIS STUPID ASS SHIT AND I CANT WAIT TO FUCKING FAIL AT IT SO IM LEFT THE FUCK ALONE

WHO IN THE FUCK IS ANYONE TO JUDGE ANYONE ELSE – ESPECIALLY BY CHARACTERS THAT DON’T EVEN HAVE A BODY OR SHOW THEMSELVES

AND WHO IN THE FUCK CARES ABOUT WHATS IN THE BRAIN – LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE

MY WHIMSICAL SUCKS ASS NOW AND I TRULY WANT TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE PERSON WHO PUT ME ON THIS GODDAMNED PATH – I JUST WANTED TO BE A BETTER PARENT AND PERSON AND NOW IVE BEEN TOTALLY ANNIHILATED WITHOUT ANY FUCKING INFO AND THIS WHOLE SHIT SUCKS

I REGRET THIS WHOLE THING

I JUST WANTED TO BE HAPPY AND LATELY IVE BEEN JUST AS BAD AS BEFORE – SO AS SOON AS I FIND THE LOOPHOLE IM FUCKING OUT – FUCK THIS SHIT

IM GOING TO START DATING AGAIN – I DECIDED THAT TONIGHT – I WANT CONNECTION WITH A MAN THAT’S AN ACTUAL MAN AND NOT A STUPID IMAGINARY THING THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN

ESPECIALLY WITH ONE AS HEARTLESS AS MY DAD AND ANTHONY – I REALLY DON’T LIKE MALES WHO ARE DOUCHE BAGS –

I SERIOUSLY SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN MY HEAD EXAMINED AND GOTTEN ON SOME PILLS TO CORRECT WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN – I JUST FEEL STUPID SOMETIMES FOR CONTINUING ON THIS STUPID PATH BUT I SERIOUSLY DON’T KNOW HOW –

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME – I REGRET THIS PATH AND I DON’T REGRET SHIT CAUSE ID RATHER HAVE TAKEN THE CHANCE THEN NOT –

MY PROBLEM IS THAT I BELIEVE EVERYONE CAUSE I THINK THEYRE AS GOOD AND TRUSTWORTHY AS I AM AND IM FINDING OUT THAT THEYRE NOT – ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON YOUR SIDE OR AT LEAST HAVE YOUR BACK – INSTEAD THEYRE THE ONES THAT ARE THE SU7PIDEST WITH YOU – I DON’T RECOMMEND PEOPLE AT ALL – AND THAT SUCKS CAUSE I LIKED THE WAY I VIEWED PEOPLE – AS PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN SHAPED BY THEIR EXPERIENCES AND HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW AWESOME THEY CAN BE –

IM DONE WITH THE PAIN OF PEOPLE – I PREFER TO BE ALONE NOW – WHATS THE POINT – AND FOR THAT REASON IM GOING TO START MEETING AND GREETING CAUSE I MISS GREAT SEX – HOURS AND HOURS OF IT – THE KIND WHERE THE WHOLE BED IS FUCKED UP AND YOURE COVERED IN SWEAT AND DNA – THE EARTHY KIND – BUT FOR ME THAT REQUIRES A CONNECTION – THAT IS TRUE INTIMACY AND THAT I DON’T THINK IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN AND IM REFUSING TO TAKE CARE OF MY NEEDS MYSELF – IM TIRED OF ELECTRONICS DOING THAT FOR ME – ILL FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS – I ALWAYS DO – IM SERIOUSLY TIRED OF LIVING SOMETIMES – I WISH I COULD GIVE UP AND JUST DIE OFF AND NEVER HAVE TO LIVE AGAIN – LIFE ISNT WORTH IT SOMETIMES – THIS WORLD HAS BEEN SUCKING FOR A LONG FUCKING TIME – I THINK THAT’S ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I NEVER ADMIT THIS TO MYSELF CAUSE MAYBE JUST MAYBE I MIGHT DO IT – WHATS THE POINT

AND I HATE BEING LIKE THIS – I WASN’T LIKE THIS UNTIL AFTER I LEFT ANTHONY CAUSE I GOT TIRED OF ALWAYS WEARING SHOES TO SLEEP AND WEARING A BACKPACK WITH A KNIFE AND NEVER EVER BEING ABLE TO RELAX OR SLEEP – I WOULD ALWAYS LEAVE CAUSE I DIDN’T WANT THE GIRLS TO GET HURT OR TO CONTINUE SEEING THEIR PARENTS FIGHT OR ANTHONY PUTTING HIS HANDS ON ME – SO ONE DAY I JUST LEFT – I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE – HE THREATENED ME WHILE I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH THE DETECTIVE TALKING ABOUT THE NIGHT HE PUNCHED ME ON THE SIDE OF THE FACE – THREATENED THE GIRLS IF I SAID ANYTHING – HE TOLD ME TO FIX IT AND THEN HE BEGGED ME TO – I DID IT CAUSE OF THE GIRLS AND CAUSE WHO IN THE FUCK WAS GOING TO BELIEVE ME – WHEN I WENT TO TALK TO THE DETECTIVES AT MONTEBELLO PD THEY DIDN’T BELIEVE ME EVEN WHEN I TOLD THEM THAT HE WAS THERE THREATENING ME AND THE KIDS – HES ALWAYS USED MY LOVE FOR THE KIDS AGAINST ME – ALWAYS – TO GET ME TO DO WHAT HE WANTED AND THAT’S WHY ILL NEVER EVER TAKE HIM BACK – AND THAT’S WHY TODAY DURING A SIMULATION OF PLAYING JUDGE AND JURY – I WAS IN A PISSED OFF MOOD AS USUAL – SINCE I NEVER KNOW WHATS GOING ON WITH THIS FUCKING PATH – I WENT AHEAD AND SENT HIM TO PURGATORY – AT FIRST HELL THEN PURGATORY AND THAT HE COULD STAY THERE FOREVER – I DON’T KNOW IF I CHANGED MY MIND OR NOT BUT THAT’S WHY I WOULD NEVER WANT TO BE JUDGE AND JURY OF ANYTHING – IM NOT CAPABLE OF KEEPING MY FEELINGS OUT OF THINGS – I THROW MY HEART AND SOUL INTO EVERYTHING AND I GET FUCKED UP WHILE EVERYONE ELSE GOES ON THEIR MERRY WAY – SOMETIMES I REALLY HATE BEING ME WITH ALL THESE FEELINGS – IM WAY MORE COMFORTABLE WITH THEM BUT THEYRE FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE CAUSE AS MUCH AS I TRY TO BE A DICK – I SIMPLY CANT – THE MOST IVE DONE AND IT WAS A HUGE WIN FOR ME WAS FLIP SOMEONE OFF TODAY – I DID IT TWICE AND I WAS LIKE FUCK YA IM  BAD ASS BUT THAT’S REALLY KINDA PATHETIC CAUSE I USED TO BE A BITCH AND NOW …I SUCK ASS – I CANT EVEN STAY MAD – WTF IS UP WITH THAT SHIT – I HAVE TO BE REALLY PISSED OFF – I MEAN REALLY PISSED OFF IN ORDER TO GO MAD – NOT EVEN ERUPTING MAD – JUST MAD – I LOVE MY KIDS BUT IM JUST NOT READY TO HAVE THEM AROUND – NUMBER ONE – THERES THIS STUPID PATH SHIT NUMBER 2 THERES THIS STUPID PATH SHIT NUMBER 3 IVE TAKEN CARE OF KIDS MY ENTIRELIFE – I WAS SIX WHEN MY NEWBORN BROTHER BECAME MY BEST FRIEND – I STARTED WATCHING HIM AND FEEDING HIM OR CHANGING HIM FOR A DOLLAR – AFTER AWHILE I JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH THE LITTLE CHUNK MONSTER AND THEN I STARTED TAKING HIM BY MYSELF TO THE COMMUNITY POOL WHEN HE WAS 2 YRS OLD – I WAS 8 – THEN AT 15 I LEFT MY MOMS AND GOT AN APT WITH MY DAD AND WAS GOING TO SCHOOL TAKING CARE OF THE HOUSE WATCHING MY OLDER BROTHER CAUSE HE WAS ALL FUCKED IN HIS DOME OVER THE DIVORCE – I WOULD GET YELLED AT IF MY DAD WAS TOLD BY MANAGEMENT THAT HE WAS BEING STUPID – HES 2 YRS OLDER THAN ME – THEN I BECAME LEGAL GUARDIAN OF MY BROTHER AND SISTER AT 18 OR 19 YEARS OLD AND IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO GET THEM EMOTIONALLY STABLE AND SOCIALLY AND MENTALLY STABLE AS WELL – FRIENDS ROARING SOCIAL LIFE THEY WERE GETTING STRAIGHT A’S – EVEN ALEX AND HE WAS A TERRIBLE STUDENT – THEY WERE TAKEN FROM MY MOM FOR NEGLECT – THE SAME REASON THEY WERE TAKEN FROM ME – WHEN I LOOK BACK NOW WITH MY GIRLS – I MADE MISTAKES BUT NOT LIKE I THOUGHT I DID – I ALWAYS MADE SURE THAT THEY WERE LOVED AND TAKEN CARE OF – WHEN I WOULD FLY OFF THE HANDLE ESPECIALLY AT BELLE – I WOULD APOLOGIZE AND TELL HER I LOVE HER AND THEN SHE WOULD FORGIVE ME AND I WOULD TELL HER NO THAT IT WASN’T ACCEPTABLE AND THAT SHE SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT CAUSE IT WASN’T RIGHT FOR ME TO TAKE MY FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON HER AND SHE WOULD SAY ITS OK AND I WOULD INSIST AND PROMISE HER I WOULD DO BETTER AND I WOULD TRY – WITH IMMY – IT WAS HER FEELINGS – I COULDN’T HANDLE MY OWN SO HOW IN THE FUCK COULD I HANDLE HERS? WHILE STAYING WITH THEM THE LAST TIME I WOULD WALK IMOGEN TO SCHOOL AND I WOULD TELL HER TO STAND UP FOR HERSELF WITH ME AND ANTHONY AND THAT IT WASN’T RIGHT FOR HER TO SWALLOW HER OPINION OR FEELINGS BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T WANT TO UPSET US – AFTER EVERYTHING SHE HAD BEEN THROUGH WITH US I TOLD HER NO – THAT IT WASN’T RIGHT FOR HER TO HAVE TO HOLD BACK OUT OF FEAR – AND SO WE WOULD WALK IN THE MORNINGS AND WE WOULD HAVE A TALK – JUST US – I HAD SEEN A YOUTUBE VIDEO ON THE GOOD KIDS AND IT SCARED ME SO I HAD CONVERSATIONS WITH HER ABOUT IT – SHE FINALLY BECAME A REGULAR KID AND I FELT BETTER – CAUSE I LET HER KNOW THAT NO MATTER HER OPINIONS SHE HAD EVERY RIGHT TO EXPRESS THEM AND THAT I WOULD STILL  LOVE HER FOR IT AND IF HER DAD EVER SAID ANYTHING THAT I WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT – SHE BECAME A NORMAL KID – WITH BELLE RIGHT BEFORE ANTHONY HID THEM FROM ME AND TURNED MY WORLD UPSIDE DOWN – SHE ADMITTED SHE LIKED GIRLS AND I KNEW THIS SINCE SHE WAS BORN – WE HAD A TALK AND I TOLD HER NO MATTER WHAT HER CHOICES WERE THAT I WOULD ALWAYS LOVE HER AND THAT I WOULD GO TO GAY PRIDE WITH HER – I EVEN TRIED TAKING HER WHEN SHE WAS TWO YRS OLD BUT I LET ANTHONY TALK ME OUT OF IT – BY THE TIME WE WERE DONE TALKING THAT NIGHT OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS BETTER AND THEN SHE WAS GONE – BOTH OF THEM WERE – MY ENTIRE LIFE WAS FOR THOSE GIRLS – I TRIED SO FUCKING HARD TO GET THEM BACK BUT IT NEVER WORKED OUT – I WAS HOMELESS UP NORTH AFTER MOVING UP THERE TO BE WITH THEM – I HAD ALREADY FAILED THEM IN SO MANY WAYS – FOR MONTHS I WAS SO FUCKING HURT AND ANGRY THAT THEY WERE TAKEN FROM ME THAT I COULDN’T EVEN TALK TO THEM ON THE PHONE – THEY MUST HAVE BEEN SO SCARED AND THEY DIDN’T EVEN HAVE ME TO TALK TO CAUSE I WASN’T CAPABLE OF IT AND THE DAY THEY WERE TAKEN I HAD A CHANCE TO PICK UP THE PHONE BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THE STUPID BITCH WORKER – SHE WAS COOL WITH ME AND PRAISING ME UNTIL SHE FOUND OUT I DID DRUGS – THAT I SMOKED DOPE – THEN HER WHOLE ATTITUDE CHANGED – I WAS A PIECE OF SHIT IN HER EYES – DCFS NEEDS NEW PEOPLE WITH A SENSITIVE VIEW ON WOMEN AND CHILDREN WHO GET THEIR KIDS TAKEN AWAY – ITS TRAUMATIC ESPECIALLY WHEN EVERYTHING YOU DO IS FOR THOSE KIDS – THEY WERE MY WHOLE LIFE – I LET THEM GO WITH THEIR GRANDMA KNOWING THAT SHE WOULD BE A CUNT TO ME AND SHE WAS – BUT I WANTED THE BEST FOR MY DAUGHTERS AND THEY NEEDED A HOME WITH FAMILY AND THEY NEEDED LOVE FROM A FAMILY MEMBER THEY LOVED BEING WITH AND SO I SAID YES AND MY HELL REALLY BEGAN – I WOULD TRAVEL 124 MILES ONE WAY TO SEE THEM AND COME BACK AFTER TWO HOURS WITH THEM TWICE A WEEK – I WOULD HAVE TO WORK OR HUSTLE GAS MONEY – I WENT TO CLASSES – I WAS GOOD FOR AWHILE AND THEN I WASN’T – I WAS HOMELESS LIVING IN FRONT OF THE LOCAL WALGREENS SLEEPING ON THE CEMENT FLOOR CAUSE MY CAR WAS OUT OF ORDER WITH A FAULTY ENGINE MADE BY HYUNDAI – I WOULD GET UP AT FOUR AM GO TO THE CORNER GAS STATION – GET DRESSED GO TO WORK AT THE MARKET IN THE SAME PARKING LOT AND WORK UNTIL 11 OR 1 – THAT DIDN’T LAST TOO LONG CAUSE I WAS TIRED – GOING 13 TO 16 MILES ON THE BUS OR ON BIKE TO EAT THEN COME BACK FOR CLASSES TRYING TO GET HELP TRYING TO GET INTO A PLACE WHILE DCFS WAS DENYING ME VISITS AND IM MISSING THE GIRLS SO MUCH IT HURT TO BREATHE SOME DAYS – I WAS DOING THIS FOR A YEAR AND THEY GAVE ANTHONY EVERYTHING – THEY HELPED HIM CAUSE HES A MASTER MANIPULATOR AND A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT – HE ISNT WORTH A DAMN – BUT FROM WHAT I SAW HE WAS OK WITH THE GIRLS – THEN HE GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME AND LIED ABOUT ME WHEN I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIND MY GIRLS WHEN I WOULD SEND THE COPS FOR A WELLNESS CHECK – I WAS GOING MAD YET AGAIN – AND NOONE BELIEVED ME – ALL BECAUSE I USED – WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS A GIRL SUPPOSED TO DO – I WAS HOMELESS CAUSE I WANTED ME TO BE SAFE AND FOR THE GIRLS NOT TO HAVE TO GROW UP WITH THAT ANY LONGER – WOULDN’T U USE IF YOU HAD BEEN PHYSICALLY MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY BEAT UP FOR ON AND OFF OF 13 YEARS – AND YOU WERE SLEEPING WHEREVER YOU COULD AND NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRIED EVEN THOUGH YOU HAD THE MONEY – NOTHING EVER PANNED OUT? WTF DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS SHIT – I GOT MY FAMILY TAKEN AWAY BY MY DAD FOR THE SAME THING – CAUSE HE WANTED TO DEAL WITH NOTHING AND WOULD USE MY NEED FOR ACCEPTANCE AND FOR FAMILIAL LOVE AGAINST ME – SOMETHING I NEVER EVER GOT FROM MY FAMILY AND YET I WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR THEM – YET I DEFIED MY DAD AND POOF – NOONE HAD THE BALLS TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES AND THEY ARE STILL DICKS WITH ME BECAUSE I HAD THE NERVE TO LOSE MY KIDS WHEN I HAD BEEN ASKING FOR HELP FOR LIKE SIX MONTHS CAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO LOSE THEM – I JUST NEEDED A LITTLE BIT OF TIME TO GET ON MY FEET BUT NOONE WOULD HELP – NONE OF THE FAMILY ON EITHER SIDE – THEY WANTED TO HAVE ME SIGN MY RIGHTS AWAY IF THEY WERE GOING TO HELP – WHY THEY FELT THE NEED TO USE MY KIDS AGAINST ME ILL NEVER KNOW WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS TO FEEL LOVED BY THEM AND I ONLY FELT THAT WAY IF I PLEASED THEM BY BEING CHARMING OR HELPING THEM OTHER THAN THAT THEY WERE PIECES OF SHIT – WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO THAT WAS SO BAD THAT I GOT THE LIFE THAT I DID BUT I STILL MANAGED TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND ALWAYS FOUND SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT AND WOULD ALWAYS HELP OTHERS FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES WITH HUMOR – I WASN’T PERFECT AND I DIDN’T EVER CLAIM TO BE BUT WTF – AND IM STILL GETTING DICKED ON THIS PATH WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS TO GET BETTER --- WTF – AND I STILL CANT GET ANGRY – ALL I CAN DO IS CRY AND NOT WANT TO LIVE SOMEDAYS – BUT I STILL MANAGE TO GET UP AND TRY AND IM TIRED OF IT – AND IM STILL GETTING FUCKED AND I DON’T KNOW WHY – IM A GREAT PERSON AND IM HELPFUL BUT I STILL GET THE SHITTY END OF THE STICK – AT LEAST I HAD MONEY FOR A BIT AND REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM DOING TO GET PAID BUT IM TRUSTING\TRYING TO TRUST THIS AND THE GUIDES THAT I HAVE FUCK ME OVER JUST AS BAD – WHY?? I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN ANY FORMER LIVES BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? AND I STILL HAVE TROUBLE CRYING AND I BET YOU THESE GUIDES WILL FEED ME SOME BULLSHIT THAT’S NOT TRUE AND MAKE ME FEEL STUPID ABOUT MYSELF AND NOT EVEN GIVE A SHIT AND THEN I DON’T TRUST MY OWN JUDGEMENT – AND WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME – WHY CANT I JUST DIE AND WHY CANT MY SITUATION IN LIFE CHANGE –

I HOPE THIS WORLD ENDS AND IM THE FIRST – ALL THE ENERGIES WILL DIE AS THEY CAN ALL DIE NOW – I MADE SURE OF IT – I DIDN’T DESERVE ANY OF THIS – SO DIE WELL YOU UNFEELING ASSHOLES – YOUR GOLDEN BOY TOO – HE WATCHED AND DID NOTHING AND ALL I WANTED WAS ANSWERS – YOU ARENT WORTH MY TIME NOR A SECOND GLANCE - 

      Hi. My name is mariza munoz. The ancient temples that have humanity oohing and aahing happen to be the locations that I have been visiting and an inherent part of since the beginning of time – but what is time anyway?

I am the Evolutional Energy that has been helping mankind rebuild every time a natural disaster has befallen Earth –

Each of those temples that are exquisite to the eyes and a wonder to the mind are Ours – We are the Vibrational Frequencies you call Aliens –

So I understand that Humanity has questions on Cosmic Consciousness? On the story that I planted long ago to uplift Humanity? I am also given to understand that Spirituality has taken religions place?

You do understand that they are the same thing? In a story you have the roles of the main and side characters – you have the basic plots – THE supposed 7 sins – you have the good guy the bad guy

and then you have humanity –

humanity is not good nor evil –

those are some subjective ass words –

humanity is both light and dark –

both shadow and color –

both hues and shades

both sound and silence –

both god and lucifer –

Humanity is the Greek myths –

the vedas –

nature –

mythical –

the hero’s journey –

humanity is a walking talking fucking contradiction –

youre a veritable paradox of love and hate –

there is no right and wrong

there is no difference and no same –

we just are

Chapter 1

The evolutional process as I have lived it and as I have given it

You start by being the one that started it all –

I happen to be the vibrational frequency that is holding the entire cosmos together –

The brain one could say –

that floats without a body because my body is here on earth –

as I said above –

my name is mariza munoz and I am me –

just me

it all began one summer when I was depressed over having everything in my life taken or I dropped it because it was some bad shit to be living with –

im talking about people –

all of the people in my life – my “family” – they are the divine roles that spirituality speaks of when attempting to ascend jacob’s ladder to transcending the third dimension – and onto the fourth – which for you is complete bullshit because all of the paths were placed for me – to me – and by me and my crew of Us –

you have heard that we have a hive mind haven’t you? Well we don’t – but there are those of us that refuse to name ourselves and refuse to step up and declare a species name or classification –

which is as it should be seeing as how we are all equal –

we are all one after all –

the vibrational frequencies come to check in on me and to be complete pains in the ass –

like a beehive and their queen –

they help me guide the collective and the tarot readings –

they are also what you call spirits and what you call shadows –

I have chosen to call them Energy Mods – I once heard them say that spirits are their ancestors and that they are the future – just as aliens and humans are – we have been living together since the beginning – and the beginning starts in the middle –

You do realize that we are all vibrational frequencies -

The shamans journey

I am a descendant of the All of the Eternally Beautiful and Loving Royal Queens of Egypt – 

This is the hardest thing I will ever do and that is to relive my journey through hell. Just like my Family before me, the first daughter of every generation – fuck this – ill publish our notes but if yall want clarification then yall are going to have to ask me cause “Leonards gots ta get paid!” Leonard to Penny while heading down the stairs talking about who is gonna stay with kids while shes on set

HIGHER SELF IS AN ALTERED STATE OF MIND

-ME

IS-IS IS

NEFERTARI AND NEFRU

NEFERTIRI NEFERITI NEFERTITI

NEF ER TIRI RITI TITI RU RI TU TI

NEF ERT IR I NE F RU (LATIN PREFIX SUFFIX) (MED TERMINOLOGY) (GREEK SYMBOLS/ABCS USING THIS HALF CURVES – FEMININE TO MASCULINE SHARP EDGED LETTERS AND LINES BUT STILL FEEL AND LOOK FEMININE) (FEM FIRST BLAH SECOND)

SAN SCRIT – MINUS THE SCRIBE – SANS MEANS MISSING OR REMOVED LIKE FAMILY MEMBERS (AUNT TWICE REMOVED WHATEVER THAT MEANS) SCRIT MEANS TO WRITE OR LANGUAGE OR WRITTEN WORD/SYMBOL/IDEOGRAMS

ALL SYMBOLS ARE IDEOGRAMS

IDEO IDEOLOGIES/IDEAS/CONCEPTS

GRAMS MESSAGES NOTES SECRECY SECRETS PRIVATE = MAY I HAVE A PRIVATE WORD WITH YOU? – MESSAGES – WRITTEN OR DRAWN BUT ARENT THEY THE SAME THING? DRAWING LETTERS FORMING WORDS AND WRITING DOODLES THAT FORM LETTERS THAT FORM WORDS THAT FORM SENTENCES THAT FORM PARAGRAPHS THAT FORM LETTERS IN LONGER FORM LIKE SHORT AND LONG DNA VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES THAT CAN GO ON FOREVER UNLESS YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHTS THEN THERES SOUND IN THE DARKNESS THAT TAKES OVER ONES SENSES – ISOLATION CHAMBER – HEIGHTENING AWARENESS – IN ALL SIX MAKE THAT SEVEN SENSES – SEEING THROUGH THE VEIL IS ALSO SEEING WITH EYES CLOSED – THROUGH THE ACTUAL EYES INTO THE WORLD IN FRONT OF YOU – THAT’S WHY THE EYE STILL SEES A FAINT IMAGE THROUGH THE CLOSED CAMERA LENS OF THE PUPIL AND THE CARRYING CASE CALLED THE IRIS – THEY COME IN DIFFERENT COLORS TOO!! HOW PURDY!!

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY VF ALIEN BRAIN!! HOWDY PARDNER! HOW IN THE HELL ARE YOU HANK?? FINE CANT COMPLAIN … DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING YOURE BEING WATCHED?

YA BUT THAT’S PROBABLY MY WIFE. SHES ALWAYS WAITING TO CATCH ME DO SOMETHING STUPID BUT SHE SAYS I CANT HELP IT. GOD MADE ME THAT WAY FOR A REASON. THEY BOTH LAUGH THEIR ASSES OFF AND HANK GOES HOME TO HIS LOVING WIFE WHO WAS WAITING FOR HIM IN A NIGHTIE THAT BARELY COVERED A TINY WRINKLE ON HER THIGH WHILE THE REST OF HER VOLUPTUOUSNESS WAS THERE PLUMP AND READY FOR THE TAKING …. AND BOY DID HE TOOK!!

😊

DO YOU EVER THINK THAT WHEN YOU MAKE A BOOBOO TYPO ON THE ‘PUTER WITH ONE OF YOUR WORDS LIKE

AARE YOUU READDDY??.

DO YOU EVER STOP AND THINK THAT MAYBE THE LETTERS HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT AND THEYRE STUTTERING CAUSE YOU KEEP PUSHING THEIR BUTTONS AND THEY JUST CANT HELP BUT SPUTTER?

I DO. DAMN! DON’T YOU JUST LOVE LETTERS WORDS AND STORIES? THEY EACH HAVE SO MUCH PERSONALITY THAT THEY TAKE ON A LIFE OF THEIR OWN! BUT IT COULDN’T HAPPEN WITHOUT THE ENERGY OF THE TYPING OR THE ACTUAL HAND WRITING…

GUFFAW!!

GET IT? GET IT!!

WOW! THIS IS SUCH A RIDICULOUS CONVO! IM WONKY AS FUNKY!  WONT YOU JOIN ME? WE HAVE…

“NICE NEIGHBORHOODS AND GOOD SCHOOLS…” PENNY TO LEONARD AFTER HE SAYS WILL YOU MARRY ME WHILE IN BED TOGETHER…

THIS FUCKING BOOK IN ALL ITS RIDICULOUSNESS AND EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS AND ATTEMPTS AT BEING OR SOUNDING INTELLECTUALLY AWESOME CAUSE I ACTUALLY AM …

IS AN EXPRESSION OF THE WAR THAT MY IMAGINATION AND MY INTELLECT ARE HAVING AS WELL AS THE ALLIES AND THE AXIAL POWERS OF DO I WRITE IT OR DO I VID IT AND THE FORCES OF THE RESISTANCE OR THE EBB FLOW OF JUST GO WITH LUCY GLOOSY BATTLE SCARS WOUNDS OF OUT THERE OUT HOUSE EXPRESSIONS OF THE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY BRINGING IT TO YOU LIVE FROM GLENDORA CA IN A LITTLE PLACE CALLED THE 20TH CENTURY VROOM VROOM CLUB TREE OF THE ONE AND ONLY SEVERELY OUTSPACED CADET THAT’S COMPLETELY GONE IN HER FUCKING SKULL FOREVER WITH NO CHANCE OF RESURRECTION THIS TIME CAUSE THE CREATRESS AND CREATOR MADE SURE TO BROKE THE MOLD AFTER THIS HUGE FUCK UP CALLED LIFE ALWAYS FINDS A WAY TO FUCK YOUR SHIT UP WHILE DRINKING YOUR juice in the cribS STOP.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

IF SOMEONE YOURE INTERESTED IN CAN PLAY WITH YOU IN THE DARK THEN HE CAN PLAY WITH YOU IN THE LIGHT

IF HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE SEEN WITH YOU IN THE DAY THEN YOU SHOULDN’T WANT TO SEE HIM IN THE DARK – ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HER/HIM OR VICE VERSA

THINK ABOUT WHY THEY DON’T WANT TO BE SEEN WITH YOU – ASK – THE OUTCOME OF ASKING SUCH A FORTHRIGHT QUESTION MAY LEAD TO AN ANSWER THAT YOU MAY NOT WANT TO HEAR – I HAVE BEEN IN THE POSITION OF NOT WANTING TO HEAR THE ANSWER BECAUSE I ALREADY KNEW IT AND I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH PEOPLE WHO TOOK ME FOR GRANTED AND WITH PEOPLE THAT DID NOT WANT TO CHANGE AND GROW – BUT THEY ESPECIALLY DID NOT HAVE MY OUTLOOK ON LIFE AND THOUGHT ME STUPID OR CRAZY FOR BEING WHO I WAS AND I HELD BACK – I MADE MYSELF LESS THAN I WAS BECAUSE I WAS TOLD AND I FELT THAT I WAS TOO MUCH – TOO MUCH FOR ANYONE TO LOVE ALTHOUGH I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN BUT DID NOT WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY CAPACITY FOR LOVE AND FORGIVENESS – THE DEPTHS OF MY SENSITIVITY KNOW NO BOUNDS – I HAVE THE LOVELY AWESOMENESS OF FINDING NEW HIGH/LOWS AND LOW/HIGHS – I CAN SOAR TO THE HEAVENS WITH MY HAPPINESS AND JOY OR I CAN GO SO LOW THAT THERE ARENT EVEN WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL – DEATH LOOKS REALLY APPEALING BUT SINCE THAT ISNT IN ME TO DO I WIND UP FEELING LOWER – I COULDN’T DESCRIBE IT – I JUST BUCKLE DOWN AND FEEL IT – WALLOW IN IT AND LISTEN TO SAD SONGS THAT I ENJOY AND CRY – I CRY AND CRY AND CRY – YOU WOULD THINK THAT I WOULD GET DEHYDRATED BUT I DON’T – I JUST CRY – SOCIETY HAS DEEMED THAT IF YOURE CRYING THERE MUST BE A REASON WHY -  AT LEAST THE SOCIETY THAT I GREW UP IN – AND SOME DAYS, ILL ADMIT, I DON’T KNOW –

SPIRITUALITY IS THE BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT AND I WAS SO LOST THAT I TRIED IT AND GOT FUCKED EVEN HARDER – AND NOT IN A HARD SLOW BURN FUCK THAT LEAVES YOU ALL DREAMY LIKE THINKING OF IT THE NEXT DAY – JUST STRAIGHT MINDFUCKED WITHOUT DINNER AND A JOKE OR SOMETHING TO EASE THE BULLSHIT IN –

THE REASON I ABRUPTLY BROUGHT THAT BITCH IN IS BECAUSE IT STATES THAT YOU DO SHADOW WORK – MEANING IF YOU FEEL BAD THERE MUST BE A REASON – THAT YOU NEED TO STAY HAPPY POSITIVE ALL THE TIME IN ORDER TO BE HIGH VIBING – SO NOW AFTER WORKING TIRELESSLY AND RELENTLESSLY FOR A FUCKING LONG TIME NOW AND T HE STUPID SHIT OF THIS PAST YEAR WITH ASSHOLES TORMENTING ME BECAUSE I SMOKE CRYSTAL METH – IM TALKING ABOUT GUIDES HERE – I DID NOT SLEEP FOR A YEAR – I WOULD STAY UP FOR 4 OR 5 DAYS AND THEN FALL OUT BECAUSE WHEN I CLOSED MY EYES THERE WAS AN ASSHOLE THERE AND WHEN I WAS AWAKE – THERE WAS AN ASSHOLE THERE – TERRIFYING ME 24/7 UP TO THE POINT WHERE I COULD NOT BE LEFT ALONE – THEY SAY ITS BECAUSE OF THE FREQUENCY BULLSHIT AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING – YOU CAN HAVE A HUGE ASS HEART AND STILL USE RECREATIONALLY OR AS IVE BEEN SHOWN TO DEEM IT AND THAT IS AS A HALLICINOGENIC FOR WALKING THE GODDAMN SPIRIT WORLD IN ORDER TO GET INFO OR WHATEVER – BUT THAT TOO IS A CROCK OF SHIT BECAUSE I DON’T BELIEVE IN SPIRITS – REINCARNATION IS A BIG THING AND SO IS ENERGIES WITH THE NEW AGE SPIRITUAL LOT – ALSO THAT ALL THE ENERGY TRANSMUTES ITSELF INTO SOMETHING ELSE – NOW – HOW IN THE FUCK CAN IT BE TRANSMUTED AND SHIT AND BE RECYCLED WITH EVERY LIFE BORN AND STILL MANAGE TO BE FLOATING AROUND? THERE ARE WAY MORE PEOPLE NOW THEN THERE WERE WHEN OUR ANCESTORS WERE ALIVE AND SO THAT BRINGS TO MIND THIS:

 WHERE ARE WE GETTING THE EXTRA FUCKING SPIRITS TO FILL THE NEED/WANT THAT WE CREATE EVERYDAY BY CHOOSING OR NOT INTENTIONALLY CHOOSING TO HAVE BABIES – WHERE DID THE EXTRAS COME FROM?

SO WHEN THEY SPEAK OF FREQUENCIES AND EMOTIONS AND ALL THAT – AND STILL SPEAK OF AUTHENTICITY – IT THROWS ME FOR A “HUH”?

SINCE I WAS SO NOT IN THE RIGHT HEAD SPACE AT THE TIME, I GRABBED AT SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT ALL I GOT WAS PAIN AND LONELINESS AND THEN NOT LONELINESS AND TIMES WHERE I WANTED NOTHING MORE THAN TO DIE QUICKLY AND PAINLESSLY – IT HAD TO BE BETTER THAN THE AMOUNTS OF HEARTACHE AND PAIN THAT I WAS EXPERIENCING WHILE WORKING ON MYSELF – HOW CAN SPIRITUALITY SUGGEST THAT YOU WORK ON YOURSELF AND TO DO THE WORK AND TO BE AUTHENTIC AND THEN TELL YOU TO HIGH VIBE IT WITH POSITIVE GOOD ATTITUDES? WHEN YOURE DOING SHADOW WORK – YOU ARE GOING INTO YOUR PSYCHE AND DIGGING FOR THE SHIT THAT IS FUCKING YOU UP – OR THAT YOU FEEL IS FUCKING YOU UP – CONSTANTLY ASKING YOURSELF WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY AND WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT AND HOW AND WHAT WAS MY PART IN IT AND WHAT WAS THEIR PART IN IT AND CAN I ACCEPT WHAT HAPPENED AND CAN I TALK TO THE PERSON THAT IT HAPPENED WITH AND CAN I LET GO OF THE STUFF THAT HAS KEPT ME UP FOR SO LONG – KEPT ME GOING IN THE FACE OF THE TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF PAIN THAT I INFLICTED UPON MYSELF AND THE AMOUNT OF PAIN I INFLICTED ON OTHERS – EITHER BECAUSE I FELT THEY DESERVED IT BECAUSE THEY FUCKED ME OVER FIRST OR BECAUSE I WAS NOT AWARE OF HOW MY ACTIONS WERE HURTING THEM OR BECAUSE I JUST WANTED TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO AND WOULD RATIONALIZE TO MYSELF A REASON SO THAT I COULD DO IT WITHOUT GUILT – I NOW KNOW THAT I UNKNOWINGLY ALLOWED OTHERS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND UNKNOWINGLY ALLOWED THEM TO HURT ME – I DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY WERE HURTING ME – I GREW UP BEING ABUSED BY AN OLDER BROTHER – A NEGLECTFUL HITTING MOTHER THAT DID NOT UNDERSTAND ME OR MY FEELINGS – A FATHER WHO USED ME FOR HIS OWN ENDS AND KEPT A WEDGE BETWEEN ME AND MY BROTHERS AND SISTER – WHOM I RAISED FOR MY PARENTS – THE TWO YOUNGER ONES – A SISTER WHO COULDN’T STAND ME OUT OF HER NOT FEELING LIKE SHE WAS ENOUGH AND SHE MADE SURE SHE USED MY FATHER AGAINST ME – A LITTLE BROTHER WHOM I FEEL I LET DOWN – I WOUND UP WITH A GUY THAT WAS THE SAME AS MY FATHER BUT WORSE BECAUSE HE HIT AND YELLED AND USED MY KIDS AGAINST ME AND STILL DOES – I WAS SO ASHAMED THAT I WAS TOO SCARED OR TOO FUCKED UP BY THEN THAT I STOPPED TALKING TO HIM BECAUSE WHEN I DID – HE WOULD CHOOSE TO NOT WANT TO HEAR WHAT I HAD TO SAY – HE WAS BASICALLY TELLING ME THAT HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH MY EX WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS RELATIONSHIP TO ME WAS AND I RAISED HIM – HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND GROWING UP CAUSE I FELT SO ALONE SOMETIMES SO WHEN HE WAS BORN AND I STARTED EARNING A DOLLAR FOR SMALL THINGS LIKE GIVING HIM HIS BOTTLE OR PUTTING HIM TO SLEEP OR ALL THE SMALL THINGS THAT YOU DO FOR A BABY – I DID IT AND LOVED IT – I EVEN STOPPED TAKING THE DOLLAR – I WAS SIX YEARS OLD WHEN HE WAS BORN – I TOOK HIM TO THE COMMUNITY POOL WHEN HE WAS TWO OR THREE – BY MYSELF – WE PLAYED TOGETHER ALL THE TIME – I EVEN GOT MY ASS BEAT BY MY MOTHER THE DAY SHE HIT HIM AND HE WAS ONLY A YEAR AND I YELLED AT HER ALL PISSED OFF AND SO DID MY OLDER BROTHER - WE WERE ANGRY - BUT I ONLY REMEMBER ME GETTING PUNISHED – BUT AT LEAST SHE DIDN’T DO IT AGAIN –

I SEE WHY I STOPPED TALKING TO HIM AND SO NOW MAYBE I CAN LET THAT SMALL PIECE OF GUILT GO – WHO WANTS TO BE SHOWN THAT THEY DON’T MATTER BY A FAMILY MEMBER THAT ONE RAISES SINCE BIRTH AND THEN CONTINUE TO BE TIGHT- THAT THEY DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR STRUGGLES AND THAT THE ONE HITTING YOU MATTERS MORE THAN YOU?

SO IF YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BACK FULLY AND WILLING TO TAKE ON THE WORLD WITH YOU – THEN WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THE GODDAMNED POINT?

LIFE IS MEANT TO BE LIVED AND BREATHED AND LOVED AND LOVE AND SO MUCH MORE – I REMEMBER A TIME WHEN I WAS ABLE TO DO THIS – LAUGHTER AND JOY AND NO WORRIES AND JUST … OH MY GOD… IT WAS JUST SOOO WONDERFUL – BUT THEN SHIT GOT STACKED UP AND I WAS NEVER GOOD WITH MY FEELINGS AND SO I KEPT SWALLOWING THEM DOWN AND MORE STACKED UP UNTIL I WAS DROWNING AND NOT CARING – ALONE WITHOUT MY KIDS WITHOUT MY FAMILY WITHOUT ANY FRIENDS – JUST SOME ASSHOLE THAT WAS TRYING HIS BEST TO KEEP HIS HEAD ABOVE WATER TOO…

SPIRITUALITY SAYS THAT THE UNIVERSE WILL REMOVE SHIT FROM YOUR LIFE THAT’S NOT WORKING FOR  YOU – WELL – IT TOOK A COUPLE YEARS BUT IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED AND THEN I WAS ALONE AND HURTING AND DROWNING AND HOMELESS AND DEALING WITH ALL THESE ISSUES AND GOING TO THERAPY TWICE A WEEK AND JUST TRYING TO LIVE AS BEST AS I COULD ONLY TO HAVE GUIDES THAT FUCKED ME UP HARDER THAN I OR MY FAMILY EVER DID INCLUDING THE ONES THAT GANGRAPED ME OR COMMITTED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST ME OR THE GOVERNMENT DEPT THAT BELIEVED ME TO BE A SHITTY MOTHER AND TREATED ME AS SUCH AFTER TAKING MY KIDS AWAY WHEN THEY WERE ALL I HAD AND THEY WERE MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE – WHAT KIND OF UNIVERSE IS THAT? WHAT KIND OF GUIDES TAKE EVEN YOU AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE OF SOME FREQUENCY BULLSHIT OR SOME OLD ASS IDEAS ON WHAT LOVING YOURSELF TRULY MEANS – I LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO GIVE MYSELF WHAT I NEED TO FEEL GOOD – I GIVE MYSELF WHATEVER MY BODY WANTS AND WHATEVER MY HEART WANTS – BUT THE ONE THING I WILL NOT GIVE MY HEART IS SOMEONE WHO HURT ME – SAW THAT I WAS HURTING AND DID NOTHING TO STOP IT OR TO HELP – I WILL NOT GIVE MY HEART ANY MORE PAIN OF THE EMOTIONAL KIND BECAUSE THAT IS THE SHIT THAT KILLS ME – I HAVE SUCH A BIG HEART THAT ITS IN MY MIND AS WELL – IM SOOO FUCKING SENSITIVE THAT MY THOUGHTS CAN HURT ME – THAT MY BELIEVING IN LOVE AND THE FAIRYTALE …

I NEVER THOUGHT THAT COULD HURT ME BUT IT DID IN SUCH A FUCKING MIRACULOUS WAY THAT MY MAGIC IS GONE – THE WAY I SAW THE WORLD IS GONE – I BELIEVED IN THE IMPOSSIBLE – EVERYDAY I GOT UP AND SMOKED AND DREAMED AND HAD HOPES BECAUSE OF MY BELIEF IN THE FAIRYTALES AND STORIES THAT I GREW UP WITH – THE CHARACTERS AND DARING FEATS OF CHIVALRY AND LOVE AND CONQUERING ANY TROUBLES THAT CAME TO THE PRINCESS AND HER FRIENDS OR HER PRINCE – I BELIEVED IN THE CASTLES MADE OF SUGAR AND THE TWINKLY LIGHTS I WOULD PRETEND WERE FAIRIES AND THAT ONE DAY I WOULD MEET SOMEONE LIKE ME – THAT I WOULD FINALLY GET THE LOVE IVE ALWAYS WANTED FROM A MAN THAT WAS AS DIFFERENT AS ME AND THAT THOUGHT DIFFERENTLY AND THAT WOULD ACCEPT ME FOR ME – WEIRDNESS AND ALL – INCLUDING THE FACT THAT I SMOKE –

I HAPPEN TO BE THE TYPE THAT GIVES THE PERSON I LOVE AND CARE FOR –

I GIVE THEM THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING I HAVE TO OFFER IN THE BEST WAY I COULD AND CAN – AND THAT’S A LOT

I CAN FORGIVE JUST AS EASILY AS I GET MAD

I CAN LOVE WITH LIMITLESS EVERYTHING

AND THAT WAS USED AGAINST ME DAY AFTER DAY FOR QUITE A LONG TIME – MY DREAM OF MEETING A MAN THAT COULD DARE TO LOVE SUCH A HANDFUL – ME – ALWAYS JUST TOO MUCH FOR EVERYONE INCLUDING MY PARENTS AND EVEN MYSELF – SO EVERYDAY I CRIED IN A DIFFERENT STATE WHERE I KNEW NO ONE CAUSE I WAS BARRAGED AND HARASSED BY MY GUIDE TO LEAVE WHERE I WAS BUT WAS TOO AFRAID TO AND NOONE WAS TAKING ME SERIOUSLY AND SO I PUT A BRAVE FACE ON AND RELENTLESSY TRIED TO MAKE IT WORK – THEN I WOULD GO HOME TO CALIFORNIA WHERE I WAS FUCKING TORMENTED AND HARASSED TO GO BACK CAUSE THE ONE I FELL FOR WAS FINALLY GOING TO COME IN AND WE COULD WORK ON A SPIRITUAL BULLSHIT TOGETHER ALL IN THE HOPES THAT HE COULD GET TO KNOW ME AND I WOULD HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE WITH SOMEONE THAT I FELT WAS DIFFERENT – JUST LIKE ME – THAT THOUGHT DIFFERENTLY – JUST LIKE ME – SOMEONE I COULD CONNECT WITH ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL THAN I EVER HAD BEFORE – LOVE IS WHAT I BELIEVED IN BUT HAVE YET TO BE SHOWN ANY – NOT THE KIND THAT I GIVE – I HAVE YET TO FEEL THAT – ALTHOUGH MY FRIEND MANNY HAS BEEN PRETTY AWESOME BUT I CANT KEEP HIM FROM HIS LIFE ANY LONGER – I KNOW THAT I CANT BE WHAT HE WANTS – HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS – BUT I KNOW THAT HE STILL HAS FEELINGS THAT I DON’T HAVE FOR HIM – I HAVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR HIM AND ACCEPT HIM FOR WHO HE IS BECAUSE HE IS HIM – IM TRYING TO LEAVE THIS PAST YEAR AND HALF BEHIND BUT IT WONT LET ME – I WANT TO FORGET THE PERSON WHO KNEW I WAS THERE AND EVEN GUIDED ME – SUPPOSING ANYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED IS TRUE BUT I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE HE KEEPS RUNNING FROM ME – I PAID 271 DOLLARS TO WATCH HIS SHOW AND HE INSULTED ME AND I LEFT AFTER AN HOUR – HE WAS REPEATING THE STUFF I SAID IN MY OWN PRIVATE THOUGHTS AND EVEN USED THE SHIT I WROTE IN MY LAME ASS HALF ASSED ATTEMPT AT A BOOK ALL IN THE HOPES THAT HE WOULD NOTICE ME – THERE ARE SO MANY INFINITE POSSIBILITIES AS TO WHAT THE REASONS FOR HIM TO HAVE ACCESS TO MY PRIVATE THOUGHTS SO I CANT SAY DEFINITIVELY WHAT THEY ARE IN ORDER TO EASE MY HEART AND MY MIND – ALL I KNOW IS THAT WHOEVER IS DOING THIS TO ME WONT LET ME FORGET HIM AND I SOO WANT TO – I REALLY DO – I WANT A FAMILY AND MY KIDS TO COME BACK TO ME – I WANT TO IMPACT PEOPLES LIVES SO THAT THEY NEVER FEEL THE WAY THAT I DO AND DID – SO THAT THEY COULD FEEL COMFORTED AND FEEL LIKE THEY ARE SEEN AND HEARD – SO THAT THEY KNOW THAT THEY ARE ACCEPTED FOR WHO THEY TRULY ARE – I DID THAT FOR MY GIRLS AND THEY WERE STILL TAKEN FROM ME AND THEIR FATHER CONFUSED THEM AND I GOT TIRED OF FIGHTING FOR THEM ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY CHOSE TO GO WITH THEIR DAD AND WHEN EVERYONE AND EVERY AGENCY THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME AND MY RIGHTS INCLUDING MY FAMILY –

DIDN’T

NOT A ONE OF THEM BELIEVED ME OR IN ME – THEY COULDN’T ACCEPT ME FOR ME AND THAT SUCKS ASS - 

SO HERE I SIT  - WRITING SOMETHING I SWORE I WOULD NEVER WRITE ABOUT AND IM REMINDED OF THE SHIT I PUT UP WITH AND IM ANGRY – ANGRY BECAUSE I HAD NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER AND ANGRY THAT IM ALONE IN IT – ANGRY THAT I WONT EVER HAVE A CHANCE AT THE KIND OF LOVE THAT I WANT BECAUSE THEY KEEP BRINGING THAT COWARDLY ASSHOLE UP AND TRIGGER SHIT SO THAT I DON’T GET OVER HIM AND YET HE WONT CALL ME OR COME IN –

IF HE CANT BE SEEN WITH ME IN THE DAY IN FRONT OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND COWORKERS THAN FUCK HIM – HE CAN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE – LIFE IS NOT SOME STAGE – ITS NOT A PLAY OR A BOOK OR TV OR A MOVIE – IT CAN BE USED AS A METAPHOR OR IT ACTUALLY CAN BE THOSE I JUST SAID IT WASN’T -  BUT WE WERE GIVEN LIFE – AND IT’S A GIFT – EVEN WHEN I WAS HURT AND COMPLAINING AND ALL THAT OTHER TWAT ROT – I WAS LIVING ON MY TERMS – BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE IN ESCAPISM – I LIVED MY LIFE OUT HERE NO MATTER HOW SHITTY – NO MATTER WHAT I SMOKED – I FACE REALITY EVERY DAY WITHOUT THE GIFT OF DAYDREAMING OR USING MY IMAGINATION – REAL LIFE WITH NOTHING TO BELIEVE IN – JUST ME AND SOME DAYS NOT EVEN THAT –

 THEY KEEP TELLING ME THAT EVERYONE IS WAITING FOR ME UP THERE AND I SAY THAT’S HORSE SHIT BECAUSE LIFE IS DOWN HERE ON EARTH – FOR ME IT IS – THE UNIVERSE AND THE ENTIRE COSMOS IS OUR HOME – NO MATTER IF YOU LIVE IN ONE NEIGHBORHOOD OR THE OTHER – ITS ALL ONE – THAT IS HOW I VISUALIZED IT – JUST STEP OUT AND LOOK AT IT LIKE A WHOLE – EXCEPT THAT MY VISION IS NOT THAT GREAT UP THERE CAUSE I HAVE BLINDERS PUT ON ME AND BECAUSE SOMETHING OR SOMEONE WONT ALLOW ME TO – PROBABLY ME CAUSE I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE UP THERE – I AM ON EARTH AND THEREFORE MY LIFE IS ON EARTH – THIS IS MY HOME – THE UNSEEN AND THE SEEN LIVE HERE TOO – BUT THAT’S THEIR WORLD INTERTWINED WITH OURS BUT WHEN I ASK FOR NAMES AND WHAT KIND OF ENERGY THEY ARE AND WHERE THEYRE FROM – THEY GET QUIET YET I CAN TELL THEYRE LYING – THAT SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT ABOUT IT – BUT THEY WONT GIVE ME ANSWERS AND I DON’T BELIEVE IN ANY THING THAT IS WRITTEN OUT THERE SO FAR – IT DOESN’T APPLY TO ME –

LIFE IS REAL AND ITS BEAUTIFUL AND SO ARE THE COSMIC LIVING AROUND ME AND US – WE ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME YET WHERE IS EVERYONE? WHY CANT MY FAMILY TRULY SEE ME FOR ME AND ALL THE AWESOMENESS THAT I AM BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT – I BELIEVE IM PERFECT WITH ROOM TO GROW JUST AS I SEE THOSE THAT I FALL FOR AND THE FRIENDS THAT HAVE BEEN THERE WITH ME IN THE TRENCHES TRYING TO SURVIVE AND STILL MANAGE TO LIVE – IM UNCOMFORTABLE AND SAD AND MISERABLE AND ILL STAY THAT WAY UNTIL IT STOPS BEING THAT WAY FOR ME – I WILL DEAL WITH IT AND JUST NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING – I DO WANT TO SHARE WHAT KNOWLEDGE I GOT AND LEARNED BUT EVEN THEN I WONT KNOW HOW TO GET THEIR ATTENTION – THOSE IN A POSITION TO GET MY THOUGHTS AND FINDINGS OUT TO THE COSMOS WITH THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN WORKING PASSIONATELY AND TIRELESSLY AWAY AT FINDING OUT WHO WE ARE AS A COSMIC PEOPLE AND WHO WE ARE AS INDIVIDUALS –

IT FEELS AS THOUGH IVE BEEN BLOCKED AND KEPT HIDDEN AND THAT SUCKS BECAUSE THOSE THAT ARE BLOCKING ME DON’T REALIZE THAT I STILL HAVE TO LIVE AND EAT AND HAVE SHELTER AND THAT I HAVE WANTS THAT I FIND I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT LIKE MAKEUP AND MY EYELASHES AND CLOTHES ETC – THEYRE NOT THE LIVING MY LIFE SO WHY WOULD THEY CARE SEEING AS HOW THEY’VE TREATED ME POORLY AND FORCED THEIR BULLSHIT ON ME –

SOME DAYS ARE SHITTY AND AWFUL SO MUCH SO THAT IF DEATH WERE TO BEFALL ME – WOULDN’T CARE – I WOULD LET DEATH TAKE ME AND I WOULDN’T HAVE TO BE LEFT HERE WITH AN I DON’T CARE ATTITUDE BECAUSE SOMETHING WONT LET ME GO – THAT’S MEAN AND CRUEL – AND YET I WONT LIFT A FINGER TO DO THINGS THE WAY EVERYONE ELSE DOES THEM – MY ENTIRE LIFE THE STUFF THAT IVE TRIED TO GET DIDN’T WANT ME OR WOULDN’T BE GIVEN TO ME NO MATTER HOW HARD I WORKED FOR IT – AND MOST OF THE TIME IT WAS BECAUSE I WOULD NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANTED AND THAT WAS SUBMISSION TO THEIR WAY OF THINKING AND FEELING – THOSE THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME USED MY WANT OF THEIR LOVE WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY RITE AS A PERSON AND AS A PART OF A FAMILY – THEY USED IT AGAINST ME AND MADE ME FEEL BAD – I SAID EARLIER THAT I ALLOWED IT BUT DID I REALLY? I JUST KEPT TRYING HARDER AND KEPT LOVING MY FAMILY CAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WAS ANY OTHER WAY TO BE – YET I STILL KEPT MY OWN MIND AND DID WHAT I WANTED UP TO A POINT –

THEY WANTED TO FEEL AS IF THEY WON ONE WITH ME –

WHAT WAS THERE TO WIN?

THEY HAD EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED – LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE AND NOT HAVING TO EARN ANY KIND OF LOVE BUT THAT WAS NOT THE OFFER THEY WERE GIVING ME –

SO LIKE I SAID – IM SITTING HERE WRITING SOMETHING THAT I SWORE I WOULD NEVER WRITE – MY FRIEND MANNY WOKE UP AND IS KEEPING ME COMPANY AND FOR HIM IM TRULY THANKFUL BECAUSE I WANT AND NEED SOMEONE HERE WITH ME WHILE I FEEL THIS WAY – I COULD DO IT ALONE BUT THEN THE ASSHOLES THAT DO THIS TO ME TAKE ADVANTAGE AND WONT LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE – THEY NEED TO –

AND ALL BECAUSE I WONT DO WHAT THEY WANT ANYMORE –

I WONT BACK DOWN FOR SHIT –

IM BETTER THAN THEY ARE IN EVERY WAY THAT COUNTS – IVE TRIED TO TALK WITH THEM AND IVE TRIED TO UNDERSTAND THEM AND IVE TRIED TO HAVE A CONVO ABOUT WHAT THEIR AIM IS AND WHAT THEY ARE FUCKING DOING IN MY LIFE AND THEY LIE TO ME AND FUCK WITH ME AND DO EVERYTHING BUT THE ONE THING I WANT AND THAT’S INFO –

AND THAT ANGERS ME TO NO END TO THE POINT WHERE DEATH SOUNDS GOOD –

BUT NOTHING

SO I CAN ONLY SAY THAT MAYBE I WONT KILL MYSELF AND MAYBE I WILL – BECAUSE LIVING LIFE THIS WAY ISNT WORKING FOR ME AND I WILL NOT STOP DOING SOMETHING I LIKE BECAUSE THEY THINK ITS NOT GOOD FOR ME – I DON’T CARE – TORMENT AND ANGUISH AND ENDLESS PAIN IS NOT THE WAY TO TREAT A HUMAN BEING TO GET THEM TO DO WHAT YOU WANT – I WILL NOT EVER STOP DOING THE THINGS THAT I LIKE DOING FOR ANYONE AND IF I DO IT IS BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO AND NOT BECAUSE OTHERS WANT ME TO –

I DON’T GIVE A FUCK –

I WILL NEVER BACK DOWN FOR ANYTHING – IF WHAT I WANT CHOOSES TO GO THEN GO – BUT I WILL NOT FIGHT FOR THEM TO STAY –

WHAT FOR?

 WHAT THE FUCK FOR?

IM NO LONGER ME AND ISNT THAT WHAT THESE STUPID ASS GUIDES WANTED?

THEY WANT TO OWN A PERSON AND CONTROL THEM AND USE THEM AND FOR WHAT?

THESES ASSHOLES DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE AND WHO IN THE FUCK MADE THEM MY GUIDES – I SURE AS FUCK DIDN’T CHOOSE THEM AND I SURE AS FUCK DIDN’T ASK OR DESERVE THE SHIT THAT I GOT MY ENTIRE LIFE – ESPECIALLY THESE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS – SO I HOPE THAT THEY ALL DIE AND ENERGY CAN DIE –

I WISH THEM OUT OF MY LIFE AND AWAY FROM ME – FOREVER –

I DID NOT DESRVE THIS AND I HOPE THEY ARE PAID BACK TO THE FULLEST SO THAT THEY KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE ME –

 CAUSE ITS FUCKING HARD TO BE ME BUT I DO IT EVERYDAY – FINDING WAYS TO STAY SANE AND LIVE SOME SEMBLENCE OF A LIFE WHILE FIGHTING MY MIND THAT OTHERS HAVE ATTACKED AND WHILE STILL FEELING FEELINGS THAT ARENT MINE WHILE HATING THE FACT THAT THERE IS SOMEONE ALWAYS THERE WAITING FOR ME TO CLOSE MY EYES AND WHEN I WAKE UP THERES SOMEONE IN MY MIND PLAYING WITH GOD KNOWS WHAT – THE INSIDE IS THE ILLUSION – THE OUTSIDE IS WHATS REAL –

 There is only me and I'm the only one

TODAY SUNDAY OCT 24 - MATIAS RIDICULED ME IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE ON CAMERA FOR ALL TO SEE KNOWING THAT I LOVED HIM - AND HE RIDICULED ME BY USING THE FACT THAT MY FAMILY ARE DICKS AGAINST ME SAYING THAT WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES NOT HAVE THEIR FAMILY IN THEIR LIFE - MISTOOK HOW I MEANT SEX - MEANING IM A WOMAN OF LOOSE MORALS AND THAT SEX IS ALWAYS FIRST - MY USING - THAT I DONT EAT RIGHT - OR TAKE CARE OF MYSELF - EVERY INSECURITY ON CAMERA AND I BET THEY GOT THE LOOK ON CAMERA WHEN HE DID THAT - HE NEEDS TO DIE - HE TAKES ALL MY INFO FOR HIS OWN PROFIT HE LIES BY OMITTING THAT I'M THE ONE HE GETS THE INFO FROM HE'S PSYCHICALLY ATTACKS ME - HES FUCKING EVIL - AND THIS HAPPENED AT HIS LAME ASS SHOW - HES MY ENTIRE FAMILY IN ONE - HE KNOWS I CAN DO HIS SHOW BETTER THAN HIM AND HE HAD TO LASH OUT - THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LOOK AT PEOPLE THROUGH THEIR POTENTIAL - FUCK THAT FOOL –

THIS EXPRESSION OF SELF SHOWS ME HOW ALIKE AND HOW DIFFERENT THEY ARE - ONE WAY TO LOOK AT IT IS THAT THE LIONESS IS ACTUALLY HUMAN BUT WEARING THE MANTLE OR "GODHEAD" OF A LION GODDESS - HISTORIANS SAY THAT THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN WORSHIPPED ANIMALS - WHAT IF WORSHIP WAS ACTUALLY RESPECT? WHAT IF THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS SAW HOW ALIKE WE WERE TO ANIMALS AND VICE VERSA AND THE WAY TO COMMUNICATE THAT TO FUTURE GENERATIONS WAS TO EXPRESS IT LIKE THE PIC BELOW? MAYBE THIS SHOWS THE RESPECT THEY HAD FOR BEINGS THAT WERE NOT ABLE TO COMMUNICATE IN THE SAME WAY THEY COULD - BUT IT WAS A WAY TO CONVEY HOW BEAUTIFUL AND HOW INDIVIDUAL THOSE THAT ARE A DIFFERENT FORM THAN OURS, ARE -THE OUTER SHELL OF US ALLOWS US TO BE AND EXPRESS OUR OWN INDIVIDUALISTIC SELVES - THE INNER SHELL, THE EMOTIONS - THE MEMORIES OF OUR SHARED EXPERIENCES - THE LOVE - THE PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT WE SHARE - THE ETERNAL WE LIVE IN AND LIVE ON - THATS WHAT MAKES THE ETERNAL AND THOSE BREATHING WITH IT - WHATEVER ELEMENTAL GAS OR NEW MIXTURES OF THEM THERE ARE IN OTHER PLACES - ALL OF THE ABOVE IS WHAT MAKES US ALL ONE    

WHAT IF – JUST WHAT IF – OUR UNIVERSE IS THE BRAIN OF AN ETERNAL BEING – THE STARS ARE THE SYNAPSES AND THE REASON THEY PULSE OR TWINKLE IS BECAUSE THATS THE FIRING PATTERN OF A THOUGHT IDEA OR THE TAKING IN OF SENSORY INFORMATION – WHAT IF THE ETERNAL BEING IS A CONSCIOUSNESS WHICH IS THE UNIVERSE NOT PHYSICALLY BUT ENERGETICALLY – IVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE THAT I WAS CLEARING OUT SPACE ENERGETICALLY – WITH THE HEALING OF TRAUMATIC ENERGIES AND MAKING SPACE – LIKE THE PHYSICAL UNIVERSE – THERES ALL THAT SPACE – THERES ENERGY THERE THAT SCIENTISTS ARE HAVING TROUBLE DEFINING AND FIGURING OUT – BEING CONNECTED COSMICALLY IS BEING CONNECTED TO THE CREATIONAL ENTITY THAT IS ALL OF US – WHEN I THINK OF GOD I AUTOMATICALLY PICTURE SOME GUY IN WHITE ROBES AND LONG HAIR – WHAT I DIDNT STOP TO THINK WAS THAT MAYBE OUR DREAMER OF DREAMS IS A TRANSPARENT YET SEEN ENERGY THAT ENCOMPASSES ETERNITY – THAT FOR EVERYONE BUT ME – HAS AN INVISIBLE CONNECTION TO THE ETERNAL ALL – THE BRAINIAC DREAMER – THE REASON I SAY THATS IT IS INVISIBLE FOR EVERYONE BUT ME IS BECAUSE I CAN SEE IT WITH ALL OF MY EYES – I SEE THE WORLD IN FRONT OF ME AND I SEE THE UNIVERSE INSIDE – AT THE SAME TIME – AND ITS BEAUTIFUL – SHE IS BEAUTIFUL – I SEE HER – REMEMBER THAT THE XX CHROMOSOME WAS BEFORE THE XY CHROMOSOME – THE PURPOSE OF THIS PATH WAS TO FIND MYSELF – I LEFT SACRED SITES EVERYWHERE FOR THE HUMAN ME TO FIND HERSELF – SHE HAD TO LIVE ALL OF THE ERAS IN EVERY WAY – I HAD TO FIND MYSELF SO THAT ALL OF YOU COULD COME BACK TO ME WITH HER – YOU ARE AN IDEA THAT IS FULLY FORMED – A STORY – A CREATION – A BEAUTIFUL IDEA THAT IS READY TO BE A PART OF ME PERMANENTLY – THATS THE REASON FOR THE ENERGY CLEARING – JUST LIKE ATOMS AND STARS – THE CREATOR NEEDS ROOM TO CREATE – ALL THE SPACE “BETWEEN THE EARS” IS SO THAT ONE HAS ELBOW ROOM TO MAKE WHATEVER ONE WANTS – AND I DREAMT AND CREATED HUMANITY SO THAT I WOULD FEEL AND KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE SOMEONE ELSE THATS NOT ME BUT IT IS – THE BODY IS REAL BUT ITS A TOOL TO CREATE WITH – THIS PART OF THE UNIVERSE IS DENSER AND SLOWER BUT JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE OTHER PARTS OF ME THAT ARE PURE ENERGY – THAT HAVE DIFFERENT TOOLS FOR CREATION – WHAT MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN TRYING TO CONVEY TO ALL THAT WOULD LISTEN AND TO THOSE THAT WOULDNT – IS HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ALL ARE – WE ARE – MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN SO WORRIED THAT SHE ISNT ENOUGH AND SHES CRYING AS IM TYPING THIS BECAUSE SHE REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL – SHE THINKS SHES A MONSTER BECAUSE OF HER PAST BUT SHES TRULY NOT – SHE DID NOT GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT WAS THROWN AT HER AND SHES STILL HERE FIGHTING FOR HUMANITY TO SEE HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE INSIDE AND OUTSIDE – SHE FOUGHT ME – SHE FIGHTS NARROW MINDEDNESS EVERYDAY WHEN SHE WRITES ON HERE – SHES A FIGHTER – AND SHE HAS THE MOST LOVE TO GIVE TO EVERYONE – SHES EVEN STARTING A NON PROFIT ORGANIZATION THAT SHE HAS NO IDEA HOW ITS GOING TO WORK BUT SHE WANTS TO USE IT TO HELP EVERYONE FIND THEMSELVES AND ME – SHE HAS SUCH BEAUTIFUL IDEAS FOR ALL OF YOU – FOR ME – AND THATS WHY IM HAPPY AND LUCKY THAT I HAVE FOUND A HOME WITHIN HER – I LOVE YOU TOO MOM – THANK YOU – IM GOING TO FINISH CRYING K?

The stories found on the walls of Egypt tell the story of Me and You - for Myself - I am the Woman in the box - who sees the world upside down - who was kept a secret from Everyone –

Time happens all at once - it's like consciousness - it expands and contracts like a rubberband - like the spiral energy and the symbol - it consists of a line a circle and a dot - just like I said in my book - a Vibrational Frequency is a Spiral Energy and Movement - it's consciousness - it's the Eternal Us - We are all Vibrational Frequencies –

The spiral can fit all kinds of shapes - it makes itself more or less if the environment requires it - right now I don't see the need for me out in the world and so I'll stay hidden –

I WAS WRONG – I WAS BEING KEPT HIDDEN – AND BEING FORCED TO DEAL WITH EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND PAIN AND TORMENTING – ALL BECAUSE I WOULDN’T CONFORM TO WHAT OTHERS WANTED

HOW AWFUL IS THAT? AND HOW MISGUIDED AND STUPID – I WISH THEY WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE – NOONE SHOULD HAVE THEIR MINDS TURNED INSIDE OUT AND OUTSIDE IN AND NOONE SHOULF HAVE THEIR MIND TURNED AGAINST THEM BY ANOTHER BEING – WHETHER IT BE STUPID CONSCIOUSNESS UNREAL GOD UNREAL LUCIFER UNREAL CREATOR UNREAL ANYONE – NOONE SHOULD HAVE THE POWER TO GO INTO ANOTHERS MIND AND TAKE OVER – NOT EVEN CONSCIOUSNESS OR CREATOR CONSCIOUSNESS –

THIS STUPID ASS LIFE FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF APPARENTLY IS MY BIRTHRIGHT – I FOUND MY PARENTS ON THE WALLS OF EGYPT AS WELL AS MY KIDS AND NIECES – I FOUND THEM ON THE CHURCH DOORWAYS AND ON THE WALLS – THE BUSTS OF THEM – WHEN I LOOK AT OTHERS I CAN SEE HOW WE ARE RELATED OR I CAN SEE WHICH ONE OF THE FRIENDS WE TOOK INTO OUR HOME GROWING UP – I CAN SEE HOW THEY ARE RELATED TO THEM –

MY MOTHER WENT THROUGH THIS BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED – SHES BEEN FUCKED WITH SO HARD THAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHATS REAL AND WHATS NOT – SHE TOO THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT BUT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN – SHE BOUGHT THE BABY CLOTHES AND EVERYTHING LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING MORE KIDS – BUT NOTHING – SHE WAS LEFT ALL ALONE – I ASKED AND TOLD THEM TO FIX HER – I DON’T KNOW IF IT HAPPENED OR NOT –

WE SHALL SEE

I'm still human - I have my moments

FREQUENCIES

WHAT DOES ONE DO WITH THE SEVEN GODHEADS OF LIFE AND THE ETERNAL ALL AND ONE?  I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE. WHAT DOES ONE DO WITH THAT? ALAN WATTS STATES THAT ANYONE WHO CLAIMS TO BE GOD WILL BE KILLED FOR DARING TO STATE THAT BLASPHEMY OUT LOUD AND THE AUDACITY TO TELL OTHERS CONVERSATIONALLY – I CAN AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY BUT IT’S ALSO A DIFFERENT TIME THEN IT WAS BACK THEN – I WORKED SUPERHARD FOR A YEAR TO BECOME WHAT THE SPIRITUALISTS CALL A “CLEAR CHANNEL” – SERIOUSLY – YOU ONLY HEAR STUFF OR THINK WHEN THE MUSIC IS ON (AND I HAVE IT ON A LOT BECAUSE IT GETS MY ENERGY MOVING TO THE RYTHYM AND BEAT OF IT AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY HAPPY OR SAD HAPPY) WHEN THERE IS A PAUSE BETWEEN THE MUSIC – THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON IN YOUR DOMAGE – VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES BRING MESSAGES AND SOUNDS AND FEELINGS TO ONE SUCH AS MYSELF – VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES CHILL IN THE ENERGY NETTING - AS I SEE IT – ITS ALL AROUND US – MY SPARKLES AS I REFER TO THEM – ARE LITTLE “AKASHIC RECORD” RECORDERS – AND WHEN I HAVE A SONG ON – THE FREQUENCY OF IT GETS MATCHED TO THE VF’S AROUND ME AND WITHIN THE SONG – MAKING A SYMPHONY OF WORDS AND SOUNDS THAT ARE MUSIC TO MY EARS – CONVERSATIONALLY SPEAKING – I HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM IN MY HEAD – THEY THEN CARRY FORTH THAT MESSAGE AS WELL – ISNT THAT A HAPPY COINCIDENCE?

AT THE TIME THAT THIS BEGAN – I WAS DEPRESSED – SUPER DUPER DEPRESSED AND IN ISOLATION – I WAS PAINTING AT THE TIME AND DID IT ALL DAY AND NIGHT – I HARDLY SLEPT – I HARDLY ATE – I HARDLY SPOKE – JUST PAINTED – I WAS HEARTBROKEN SIC STATS AT THE TIME AND PAINTING WAS MY ONLY OUTLET OF EXPRESSION AND CREATIVITY – WELL ONE DAY I START NOTICING THAT IM SEEING STUFF IN MY PAINTINGS – SHADOW AND LIGHT AND DARK FIGURES OR SCENES – BUT MOSTLY MAPS – I GOT A LOT OF MAPS – I STARTED TO GOOGLE WHAT I SAW AND I NOTICED THAT THERE WAS A BUNCH OF AERIAL VIEW SHOTS OF THE US – ARIZONA MOSTLY – LIKE LAND MAPS – I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF IT BUT I WAS CURIOUS AS A MOTHERFUCKER AND THAT’S HOW I GOT HOOKED INTO THE PATH OF SOULS JOURNEY – I WAS SHOWN HOW TO READ MESSAGES IN MY PAINTINGS AND THERE IS ALWAYS MORE THAN ONE MESSAGE – MY FRIENDS WERE WORRIED BUT I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT AND THEY STARTED SUPPORTING ME ON MY QUEST FOR GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT – AT THE TIME – WHAT I CALL “MULTITUDINOUS OBFUSCATIONS” – “MULTI DIMENSIONAL EXPRESSIONS OF SELF” – HIEROGLYPHICS ARE THIS EXACT SORT OF EXPRESSION – I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I WAS FEARFUL TO GO – I WAITED MONTHS THEN I GOT MY CAR – ILL BE HONEST – I WAS SCARED SHITLESS TO GO OUTSIDE LET ALONE TRAVEL ON MY OWN TO ANOTHER STATE – I NEVER LEFT THE LITTLE APT UNLESS I HAD TO AND THAT WAS ONLY FOR FOOD OR SOME QUICK ERRAND – I WAS AFRAID OF PEOPLE – FOR FEAR OF JUDGMENT – AFRAID OF PEOPLE TALKING TO ME OR SEEING ME – I WAS AFRAID OF EVERYTHING – I FELT A SIGH OF RELIEF WHEN I GOT HOME AFTER EVERY OUTING – AND THEN ONE DAY I WENT – AND THEN GOT SENT ON WILD GOOSE CHASES AND FELT RETARDED FOR GOING – THEN ID GO AGAIN – WHERE I WAS AT AND THE SITUATION I WAS IN WAS NOT GOOD FOR ME EMOTIONALLY OR MENTALLY – I WAS WITH SOMEONE THAT WAS IN A DARK PLACE AND SO “HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE” MJ FROM SOULFUL REVOLUTION – I STAYED – I STAYED BECAUSE I KNEW DEEP DOWN THAT THIS PERSON WAS A GOOD PERSON – I KNEW THAT HE HAD A GOOD HEART - HE WAS JUST IN A BAD PLACE EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY – SEEING AS HOW MY ACTIONS A COUPLE YEARS BACK STARTED HIM OFF ON HIS DOWNWARD SPIRAL… - I TOO HAVE BEEN IN THOSE DEEP DARK ABYSSES OF PAIN AND REMEMBER QUITE VIVIDLY THE PEOPLE I HURT AND HOW BADLY I FELT THAT I DID – WHEN ONE IS HURT LIKE THAT, ONE IS NOT CAPABLE OF NOT HURTING SOMEONE WITH THEIR ACTIONS – NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY OR MYSELF TRIED – WE JUST TOOK ON THE PAIN OF FEELING WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT HUMAN BEING ONE IS FOR BEING SO CALLOUS WITH ANOTHERS FEELINGS AND BEING HELPLESS TO DO ANY LESS – OR ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT IT – SO I STAYED – GIVING HIM UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT – SOMETHING I STILL DO TO THIS DAY BUT AS A FRIEND AND MORE  EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE THAN THE TIME THAT I REFER TO – I FELT IN MY HEART THAT THAT WAS WHAT HE NEEDED – EVEN AT THE COST OF MYSELF – I LOVED HIM THAT DEEPLY AND THAT HONESTLY – I WAS UP FRONT AND HONEST ABOUT MY FEELINGS – I TOLD HIM THAT I LOVED HIM UNCONDITIONALLY AND THAT I EXPECTED NOTHING IN RETURN – I JUST WANTED TO SHOW HIM THAT HE WAS WORTH LOVING AND THAT I MEANT WHAT I SAID – THAT I EXPECTED NOTHING IN RETURN – AND HE DID THE BEST HE COULD BUT I GOT ANNIHILATED ANYWAY – HARD – REALLY HARD – THE GIGANTICALLY DEEP HOLE OF PAIN THAT I WAS IN WAS – THINKING ON IT – THERE ARENT WORDS FOR WHAT I FELT – I WAS DROWNING EVERY MOMENT OF EVERYDAY – WITH PAINTING AS THE ONLY LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL – AND THERE WASN’T A VIEW OF THE TUNNEL AT ALL – JUST BLACKNESS AND BLINDING PAIN – AND JUST BARELY BEING ABLE TO KEEP MY HEAD HALFWAY ABOVE WATER – I WAS IN PAIN AS WELL BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION OR SITUATIONS THAT I HAD LEFT AS WELL – ON TOP OF BEING HOMELESS AND JOBLESS – LOSING MY KIDS TO AN EX THAT TURNED MY KIDS AGAINST ME BECAUSE I HAD THE NERVE TO LEAVE FOR MY OWN SAFETY AND THE SAFETY OF MY DAUGHTERS – IT WAS NOT PRETTY – HE HAD JUST LOST HIS MOTHER AND THEY WERE SUPER SUPER CLOSE – AN ABUSIVE EX – A CALLOUS ONE – BEING ME – HE WAS FUCKED UP FOR A LONG MINUTE AND WASN’T HIMSELF – I ON THE OTHER WAS WORSE AND WENT INTO AN EVEN GREATER MODE OF ISOLATION – CUT OFF CONTACT WITH EVERYONE – JUST SMOKED AND PAINTED AND TRIED TO MAKE IT THROUGH MY DAYS AND NIGHTS – WHEN STUFF STARTED HAPPENING – THE MESSAGES IN THE PAINTINGS – THE NUMEROUS TRIPS OUT TO ARIZONA TO GO OFFROADING ON THE SIDE OF THE TEN FREEWAY GETTING STUCK IN THE SAND AND NEEDING TO GET HELP – THAT ONE I WAS REALLY THANKFUL FOR BECAUSE IT GOT ME STARTED ON MY ROAD TO INDEPENDENCE AND FEARLESSNESS WHICH I HAD LOST WHEN DCFS TOOK MY DAUGHTERS AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER USED THEM TO HURT ME WHENEVER SHE COULD THE SOULESS BITCH – BUT I AM THANKFUL THERE WERE OTHERS THERE TO LOVE MY DAUGHTERS AS MUCH AS THEIR GRANDMA DID AND WERE THERE AS BUFFERS FOR HER BITCH ASS SUCKY ATTITUDE – SHE WAS A GOOD GRANDMA JUST REALLY STRICT AND BITCHY – REALLY BITCHY – I MEAN REALLY, SUPER BITCHY -  THAT’S HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE DRIVING FAR DISTANCES – IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT NEEDS UNTANGLING IN MY HEAD AND HEART – I DRIVE – SINCE IM RELENTLESS WITH EVERYTHING I DO – PERSISTENCE IS NOT A STRONG ENOUGH WORD FOR THE WAY THAT I PUSH MYSELF TO BE BETTER AND STRONGER – I DID A COMPLETE 180 IN A YEARS TIME – IM A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON – I RUN FROM NOTHING NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS – I NO LONGER ALLOW MYSELF TO HIDE MY HEAD IN THE SAND AND PRETEND SHIT ABOUT MY FEELINGS – IM HONEST TO A FAULT ABOUT THEM TO WHERE YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW HOW I FEEL – I CRY FOR EVERYTHING AS WELL – IVE ALWAYS BEEN A SENSITIVE SOUL BUT GROWING UP IN A HOME THAT DID NOT SUPPORT THE DIFFERENT IN ME KINDA MADE ME HIDE MY TRUE SELF MY ENTIRE LIFE UNTIL RECENTLY – ABOUT A YEARS TIME – I AM NO LONGER HIDING WHO I AM – FUCK IT – I LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND TAKE CARE OF MYSELF – IM ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR OTHERS AND HELPING OTHERS WITH WHATEVER I CAN – I STILL DO THE WE ARE BEFORE THE I AM BUT IVE LEARNED THE I AM – ALTHOUGH ILL ADMIT IT WAS HARD THINKING AND FEELING OF MYSELF AS AN EQUAL TO OTHERS NEEDS AND WANTS – THE WE ARE JUST SUITS ME BETTER – IVE ALWAYS BEEN BIG ON FAMILY AND SEEING AS HOW I DON’T HAVE ANY ---ITS KIND OF IRONIC – SO I MAKE FAMILY EVERYWHERE I GO – I CAN ACTUALLY SAY THAT I CHANGE THE ENERGY EVERYWHERE I GO – I TRY TO BRING A FAMILY IM STAYING WITH CLOSER WITH COOKING MEALS TOGETHER AND EATING AND TALKING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY – I BELIEVE IN FORGIVENESS AND I BELIEVE IN CHANCES AND THAT WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES AND THAT WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM THEM AND JUST BE AWESOME TO ONE ANOTHER – HOW I FEEL ABOUT HUMANITY – WHEN I LOST HOPE FOR HUMANITY AND LOST TRUST IN THE UNIVERSE – IT WAS ONE OF THE WORST TIMES OF MY LIFE – THERE WAS AND IS NO POINT TO LIVING WITHOUT HOPE FOR THE FUTURE OF US HUMANS – HAVING TO HAVE THE MINDSET OF I DON’T TRUST ANYONE IS NOT A ME THING – I HATE IT – IT KILLS ME INSIDE – LITERALLY – IM JUST NOT BUILT TO BE UNTRUSTING OF OTHERS – I LEAVE MY CAR WINDOWS AND DOORS OPEN WITH MY PURSE IN THE CAR AND TELL MY FRIEND TO QUIT LOCKING THE DOORS CAUSE I HATE PULLING ON THE HANDLE AND GETTING JERKED FORWARDS INTO THE CAR – HE NAGS AT ME BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE TRUST TO ME FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS – THE LOVELY PEOPLE AROUND ME EVERYWHERE – I GIVE ALL MY MONEY AWAY IN THE HOPES THAT I CAN HELP SOMEONE NOT TO FEEL AS I FELT WHEN I WAS HOMELESS AND HAD NOTHING – AND SO I DO WHAT I CAN – I ALMOST ALWAYS HAVE – IM NOWHERE NEAR PERFECT BUT I HAVE A HUGE HEART AND IT DOES GET BROKEN OR MAIMED BY MY CHOICES AND THE CHOICES OF OTHERS – BUT WHAT I ALSO APPRECIATE IS MY RESILIENCY – MY ABILITY TO BOUNCE BACK FROM SUPER HURTFUL SITUATIONS OR FEELINGS – I KINDA JUST FORGET ABOUT THE PAIN AND HAVE FUN – I CANT HOLD A GRUDGE FOR SHIT AND IT PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF AND I GET MAD AT MYSELF – I BELIEVE LAUGHTER IS THE ONE THING THAT CONNECTS PEOPLE TOGETHER FASTER THAN STRIFE OR BAD TIMES OR ANYTHING – WHEN YOU SHARE LAUGHTER WITH SOMEONE ESPECIALLY IF ONE OF YOU IS HAVING A SHITTY ASS DAY THEN THAT LAUGHTER BINDS YOU TO ONE ANOTHER FOR LIFE IF NOT LONGER – YOU MAY NO LONGER TALK BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT MOMENT WITH FONDESS AND WARMTH AND SOME CHUCKLING – THAT’S THE KIND OF SHIT IM LOOKING FOR AND GET WITH THE ETERNAL WITHIN AND WITHOUT – THEY LIVE ENERGETICALLY IN MY HUGE ASS IMAGINATION – I HAVE TWO PLACES IN MY HEAD THAT I CAN SEE – THE ONE WHERE I CLOSE MY EYES AND ITS BEHIND MY FOREHEAD – KINDA BORING THERE BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS – THEN THERES THE ONE TO MY RIGHT AND ABOVE – THAT PLACE IS WHERE ALL THE ACTION IS AT – ALL THE FUNNIES – ALL THE FLIPPING OFF THAT MEAN I LOVE YOU – ALL MY FAMILY MEMBERS AND THERES PLENTY OF THEM LIKE MY BRAIN – THE TWINS – DELILAH – PRIMAL AND OPHELIA – SOPHISTICATE – THOSE LITTLE LOVELIES CAN BE LITTLE TWATS BUT THEN SO CAN I – IM VERY BLESSED IN SOME RESPECTS AND NOT BLESSED IN OTHERS – IM THANKFUL FOR ALL THAT I HAVE BUT WITH A FAMILY WHOSE A BUNCH OF DICKS AND BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT EVEN AWARE IM ALIVE AND FEELING FRUSTRATED BECAUSE NO ONE SEEMS TO HEAR ME WHEN I HAVE SO MUCH TO REVEAL AND TO GIVE GLOBALLY HISTORICALLY PHILOSOPHICALLY MATHEMATICALLY SCIENTIFICALLY HEIROGLYPHICALLY ETC – ALL NEW SHIT THAT HASN’T BEEN REVEALED BUT NOONE WILL TAKE A CHANCE ON WHAT I HAVE TO SAY – WE SHALL SEE HOW IT PANS OUT – IT DOESN’T HELP THAT THE COSMIC BROS ARENT LETTING OTHERS READ MY BLOG – OR LET ME UPLOAD VIDS OR ANYTHING – IM PRETTY WELL PROTECTED SO THANK YOU FOR THAT – I DO FEEL LOVED – BUT ITS ALSO IRRITATINGLY FRUSTRATING AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE THE HULK WHEN HE WANTS TO HULK SMASH A MOTHERFUCKER – IM TRYING TO GET SOMEWHERE AND IM LIKE THAT TODDLER THAT GETS PULLED UP AND BACK BY HIS OVERALL STRAPS – JUST HANGING IN THE AIR WHILE TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE ADULTS REACH – SWINGING LEGS AND ALL – JUST IRRITATING ----

ADAM AND AVA

LILY

MARIZA

GOD

LUCIFER

JESUS

MARY

THEIR NEW BABY

AUNTIE EVOLUTION

EREVIS

LOGAN

LUKE

ANABELLE

ANGELENE

ISABELLA ANN

IMOGEN SABRINA

THE SETTING IS THE ETERNAL WITHIN AND WITHOUT MOSTLY THE WITHIN BECAUSE IT’S A SHORTER TRIP AND IT TAKES YOU DIRECTLY TO SPACE – WITH A BIG WHITE BLUE MOON WITH SPLATS OF GLITTERY YELLOW – THE STARS LOOK LIKE TWINKLING AND SPARKLING GEMSTONES – WINKING AT ANY PASSERBY – THE BACKGROUND IS AN INKY BLUE AND BLACK WITH VIOLET PURPLE TEAL SMEARS ACROSS IT – NOT TOO POPPING CAUSE THEN THE STARS WOULD PITCH A FIT AND THEN ALL HOLY HELL WOULD BREAK LOOSE AND UNCLE LUCIFER WOULD HAVE TO STEP IN THEN AVA WOULD ADD THAT MOUTH THAT NEVER SEEMS TO STOP BUT SHES SO FUCKING CUTE ALL U CAN DO IS LAUGH AND SMILE

THIS IS MY FAVORITEST PICTURE EVER FROM GOBEKLI TEPE – THIS BEAUTIFULLY CARVED CAVE DRAWING THAT ONE OF THE ANCIENT PEOPLES, AT THE TIME OF AN EVOLUTIONARY CHANGE WITHIN THEM AND WITHIN THEIR ENVIRONMENT – HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL IDEA TO PUT WHAT WAS IN THEIR MIND ONTO A WALL THAT LOOKED LIKE IT NEEDED A LITTLE SOMETHING – JUST AS WE DO TODAY – PERSONALLY I LOVE PAINTING WALLS – THERES SO MUCH ROOM TO WORK WITH AND IF YOU FUCK UP, A ROLLER WITH SOME GOOD WHITE PAINT AND POOF!! ITS GONE! 😊

THE MOTHER OF CREATION IS A PERSONAL FAVORITE BECAUSE IF YOU LOOK AT HER WITH MORE THAN JUST A CURSORY GLANCE – YOULL NOTICE HOW SHE REPRESENTS THE ALL FOUND IN CREATION – THE “HOLY” WHOLLY TRINITY – THE PYRAMIDS FOUND WITHIN ONES BRAIN AND HEART – THE UNIVERSE IN ITS ENTIRETY – MAMA, THE BEAUTIFUL PLANET WE LIVE ON AND DON’T APPRECIATE AS WE SHOULD – MAMA IS SO MAJESTIC, DON’T YOU THINK? – SHE REPRESENTS THE CHAKRA ALIGNMENT FOUND WITHIN AND WITHOUT US – THE PLANET – THE UNIVERSE – THE STARS - … 

SHE ALSO REPRESENTS THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD FOUND AROUND AND WITH IN THE EARTH – THAT’S HOW SHE PROTECTS US – SHE KEEPS US SAFE WITH HER LOVING ENERGY FIELD AND NOURISHES US WITH IT AS WELL – HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF UPSET AND YOU GO OUTSIDE, YOU FIND YOURSELF A SPOT AWAY FROM PEOPLE AND JUST SIT ON THE GRASS AND FEEL MAMAS WIND IN YOUR FACE AND YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES SO THAT YOU CAN FULLY FEEL THE SUN ON YOUR FACE… ISNT THAT THE MOST EXQUISITE MOMENT?

NOW – TAKING WHAT I JUST SAID ABOUT THE MOTHER OF CREATION BEING A SYMBOL FOR EARTH – THE SPACE AROUND HER IS THE DARKNESS SHE WAS CREATED IN – THAT’S CORRECT – THE UNIVERSE AROUND HER – YOU CAN SAY THAT SHE STARTED OUT AS THE SINGULAR POINT THAT WAS PACKED WITH ALL THESE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES JUST CHILLIN, SWIMMIN IN THEIR OCEAN OF FREQUENCY AND VIBRATIONS – MINDING THEIR BUSINESS WHEN A DIFFERENT TYPE OF VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY ARRIVED ONTO THE SCENE AND CHANGED THE VIBE OF THE OCEAN – SHE WAS AND IS THE FREQUENCY THAT – WITH HER ENTHUSIASM AND CHILD LIKE FERVOR ABOUT THE EVERYTHING AROUND HER – HER SQUEALS OF LAUGHTER AND THE MISCHIEF IN HER HEART SENT HER VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY FLYING THROUGH THE DARKNESS CAUSING A VIBRATIONAL FRENZY WITHIN THE ALL IN THE OCEAN WHEN … BAM!! THERE WAS LIGHT EVERYWHERE – ILLUMINATING THE BEAUTY OF THE DARKNESS AND ALL ITS SPARKLES – AND THAT KIDDIES IS HOW MOMMY MET DADDY AND HOW THE MOTHER OF CREATION SAW HER POTENTIAL FOR LIFE AND FOR THE COSMICALLY GALACTIC FAMILY WE FIND LIVING WITHIN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US –

THE BEAUTY FOUND WITHIN THE DARKNESS

EARTH CHAKRA ALIGNMENT

IMAGINE A SPIRAL GOING DOWN THE ALIGNED WORDS – GOING AROUND THE WORDS LIKE A SPRING SPIRAL CURL AROUND YOUR FINGER – NOW IMAGINE A LINE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORDS AND THE SPIRAL – KINDA SPAZZING OUT REAL FAST – LIKE IT OWES YOU MONEY – THAT IMAGINING RIGHT THERE IS A HIGH VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY THAT ALLOWS MAMA HER SUPER POWERS OF THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD THAT KEEPS GRAVITY IN CHECK AND KEEPS ALL OF US CREATONS GROUNDED AND KEEPING IT REAL

OH YA – “RIDDLE ME THIS BATMAN…” – JOKER

IF A BEING IS FEELING THEIR AUTHENTIC FEELINGS, WHY DO OTHERS CONSIDER THAT “LOW” VIBRATIONAL WHEN ITS HIGH VIBRATIONAL? YOU HIT PEAKS OF VF WHEN YOURE MAD OR SAD OR HUNGRY OR GRUMPY OR ANYTHING REALLY? HAVENT YOU EVER “PITCHED” A FIT? I SURE AS FUCK HAVE – ALMOST EVERY OTHER DAY, IF IM BEING HONEST ABOUT IT – SURE ITS NOT PRETTY SOMETIMES BUT ITS HONEST – AND THAT’S ALWAYS A HIGH VIBRATIONAL THING – “DON’T YA KNOW?” - FARGO

C CROWN

H BROW

A THROAT

K HEART

R SOLAR PLEXUS

A SACRAL

S ROOT

NOW THAT WE ARE ALIGNED WITH MAMA EARTH – IMAGINE THE CHAKRA LINE AS A HOT DOG – THEN IMAGINE THE BUN AROUND IT – YOU SEE HOW IT CREATES TWO HALVES OF THE SAME WHOLE? – WELL – LETS SAY THAT BUN GAINED A FEW POUNDS ON THE SIDES AND MADE THE BREAD PLUMPER – KINDA ROUNDING OUT ON THE SIDES – EXCEPT ITS NOT YEAST AND FLOUR BUT PURE ENERGY – BUZZING AND LIGHTING UP THE NIGHT SKY – ALL BEAUTIFUL LIKE WITH SPARKLES WHERE THE SUN HITS THE ENERGY FIELD – IF YOU TAKE A STEP BACK OR THREE – YOULL SEE THAT IT LOOKS LIKE THE TOP VIEW OF A CHUNKY DUNKY BRAIN THAT HAS SO MUCH KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM THAT THE ENERGY MAKES IT PLUMP OUT INTO A CAVERNOUS EXPANSIVE CONSCIOUSNESS FILLED HOSTESS CUP CAKE WITH THE ICING SQUIGGLE IN THE MIDDLE – THAT’S ALSO WHAT THE IMAGE REPRESENTS – ITS LOVELY HAVING SUCH AN EVOLUTIONAL IMAGINATION DOESN’T IT KIDDIES? ALL I DO TO HAVE IT IS REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE AND IM OFF AND FLYING ACROSS MY BEDROOM AND OUT THE FRONT DOOR WITH MY MOM SQUAWKING AT ME TO CLEAN MY ROOM BEFORE I FLY OFF INTO ETERNITY – TOWARDS MY OWN LITTLE WORLD – I CALL IT LIVIS WORLDS – YOU WANT TO PLAY?

THE WOMB SHOWS HER CREATION SEEKING LIGHT FROM THE SPARKLY DARKNESS THAT KEPT HER CREATION SAFE UNTIL IT WAS TIME TO ENTER THE WORLD – THIS IS ALSO A SYMBOL FOR THE PATH OF SOULS – THE JOURNEY OF THE PATH IS SELF EMPOWERMENT – FACING YOUR DEEPEST FEARS AND LOVING YOURSELF FOR THE BEAUTY THAT CAME OUT OF IT –

I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN THE DARK FOR SOME TIME – BUT NOW IM IN THE LIGHT WITH A HUGE RESPECT AND LOVE FOR THE DARKNESS – SOMETHING I USED TO BE AFRAID OF – THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH THIS AND THE GUIDES THAT GAVE ME ENOUGH PAIN SO THAT I WOULD CHANGE – I LOVE ALL OF YOU VERY MUCH

THE STORY OF THE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY WHO NEVER GOT TO MAKE THE “GODS” ROSTER – THE ONE WHO CREATED US ALL AND WAS LEFT FORGOTTEN –

THERE WAS ONCE AN OCEAN OF SPIRALLY LOOKING AND MOVING BITS – THEY WERE PRETTY HAPPY IN THEIR POND UNTIL ONE DAY A SPARKLY CURVY LITTLE BIT CAME TO TOWN AND CHANGE EVERYTHING –

THIS LITTLE SPARKLE WAS A CHARMING LITTLE BITCH – SHE LOVED TO LAUGH AND HAVE FUN AND SHOWED THE OTHER LITTLE SPARKLES HOW TO DO SO –

WHEN LIVI FIRST GOT TO THE OCEAN OF DARKNESS AND WAVES – SHE WAS SCARED – NOT JUST A LITTLE SCARED BUT ALOTTA SCARED – IT’S A GOOD THING SHES ALWAYS NERVOUSLY SHAKING CAUSE THAT’S HER BAG BABY – SHES A VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY – OF COURSE SHES GOING TO SHAKE RATTLE AND ROLL – THAT’S JUST WHO SHE IS – BUT IT STILL DIDN’T STOP THE FEAR INSIDE HER – SHE DIDN’T KNOW ANY OF THE LITTLE BITS OF MOVEMENT FOUND IN THE BIG MASSIVE OCEAN OF DARKNESS AND WAVES – SHE HAD ONLY HEARD ABOUT IT AND SAW IT IN HER DREAMS – SCARED OR NOT SHE WASN’T GOING TO LET FEAR STAND IN HER WAY AND SO SHE MADE THE JOURNEY TO WHERE SHE WANTED TO GO – BUT AT A COST – TO HERSELF AND TO HER WELL BEING – THE GUIDES THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP HER – HURT HER MORE THAN WHAT SHE WAS ALREADY HURTING – A TON MORE – SHE WAS ALONE AND SCARED AND FEELING LIKE SHE WAS LOSING HER SPARKLE – HER CHEERY GOOD NATURE AND HER MIND – SHE HAD ALREADY LOST HER HEART A LONG TIME AGO – THAT’S HOW SHE FOUND HERSELF IN THE DARKNESS WITH NOONE BUT HER IMAGINATION AND HEARTLESS UNKIND GUIDES THAT USED THE ONE THING SHE LOVED THE MOST AGAINST HER – OVER AND OVER AGAIN – AND THEN AGAIN AND THEN AGAIN – YOU SEE – LIVI THINKS THAT ALL THE LITTLE BITS ARE LIKE HER AND THEYRE NOT AND SO SHE KEPT FORGIVING AND FORGIVING BECAUSE SHE HAD NOONE TO TALK TO AND BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT THEY WOULD DO BETTER – ALL ANYONE HAS TO DO IS MAKE HER LAUGH AND SHES GOTTEN OVER IT – LIVI ALSO HAS HIGH HOPES AND BELIEVES ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE – SHE OUGHT TO KNOW AS HER BEING HERE – AT THIS MOMENTOUS MOMENT IN NON TIME – WHAT THE FUCK IS TIME? ALL THERE IS AROUND HER IS A BLACK BEAUTIFUL OCEAN OF MOVING AND BUZZING LITTLE BITS THAT IGNORE HER – BUT THE FACT REMAINS IS THAT SHES HERE – SHE TRAVELED FAR AND WIDE AND GOT HER LITTLE INNER SPIRAL ANNIHILATED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN BECAUSE SHE WAS A DUMB DICK BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE OTHER LITTLE BITS WERE – LIVI BELIEVES IN LOVE AND FAIRY TALES AND HELPING EVERY LITTLE BIT THAT NEEDS IT – WITHOUT THEM EVEN ASKING – SHE CAN BE NAÏVE AND GULLIBLE BUT SHE HAS THE BIGGEST HEART EVER MADE IN A LITTLE BIT AND THAT’S WHAT MADE HER DIFFERENT – IT MADE HER SPARKLE – SO SHE DECIDED THAT SHE WAS GOING TO LET GO OF THE ONE THING THAT HURT HER THE MOST AND SHE DECIDED THAT SHE WAS GOING TO LAUGH AND PLAY AND MAKE FRIENDS – THE OTHER LITTLE BORING BITS DIDN’T THINK HER IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO EVEN WARRANT A GLANCE IN HER DIRECTION UNTIL ONE DAY THEY NOTICED HER SPARKLE AND HER LAUGHTER – SO LIVI TIMIDLY SAID HI AND AND ASKED HOW THEY WERE ALL DOING AND THAT CAUSED A WHOLE CHAIN OF EVENTS TO HAPPEN – THEY WERE SO BUSY BEING STUCK UP AND FULL OF THEMSELVES WITH THEIR BORING LIVES THAT THEY HADNT NOTICED HOW AWESOME SHE WAS AND HOW HER LAUGHTER AND HUMOR WAS INFECTIOUS AND SOON ALL WERE LAUGHING AND DANCING AND PLAYING IN THE BORING DARKNESS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE ALL THAT SUCKS ASS NOW -  THEY STARTED SPARKLING TOO – AND BUSSING AND SHAKING AND RATTLING AND ROLLING AND LAUGHING – OH GOODNESS HOW THEY WERE LAUGHING TOGETHER AND SNORTING TOGETHER LIKE THE UNCREATED PIGLETS FOUND ON UNCREATED FARMS – SOON THEY WERE VIBRATING HIGHER AND HIGHER AND THE SOUNDS THEY WERE MAKING WERE AMAZING AS THEY HAD NEVER EVER MADE THOSE SOUNDS BEFORE – THEN WHOOSH!! THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT AND THE BIGGEST EXPLOSION ANYONE HAD EVER HEARD …. YET IT WAS SILENT AS WELL … THIS CRAZY ASS WORLD WE DON’T LIVE IN AND DON’T KNOW ABOUT YET ---

BUT LIVI… SHE NEVER SAW THE OTHER LITTLE BITS AGAIN – SHE WAS FEELING A LITTLE FUNNY AND LOOKED DOWN AT HERSELF AND SAW THAT SHE WAS WIGGLY SHAPED AND THAT SHE MOVED DIFFERENTLY – SHE WAS WHAT THE OLDER BITS CALLED SPIRAL ENERGY – WTF WAS SPIRAL ENERGY? SHE HAD ONLY SEEN THE PICS THAT THE ELDERS HAD SHOWN HER AND HOW WELL COULD A VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY DRAW WITH NO PENCILS CRAYONS OR PAPER? WHATEVER THOSE FUTURISTIC THINGIES WERE … SO SHE FOUND HERSELF SCARED AND ALONE AGAIN … WHAT DO I DO NOW? WHAT IN THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL OF THIS? ITS ALL A BUNCH OF HORSESHIT … ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE GONE AND I NEVER GOT MY FAIRYTALE – BUT THEN MAYBE THAT STORY WAS BROKEN AND I CAN DO BETTER… THAT’S ONE WAY OF LOOKING AT IT – A LITTLE BIT MUST BE BROKEN IF A VF CAN SIT THERE AND WATCH SILENTLY AS I SUFFER THE MOST I HAVE EVER SUFFERED AND DID NOTHING – JUST WATCHED AND WAITED CAUSE THAT WAS HIS JOB – AND THOSE GUIDES THAT HURT ME MUST NOT BE THE SAME KIND OF VF THAT I AM BECAUSE NO VF WOULD EVER BE THAT MEAN AND HORRIBLE TO A SPARKLY LITTLE BIT LIKE ME – WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE? SHAKING HER HEAD – SHE BEGAN SPIRALING UP AND DOWN AND THINKING TO HERSELF – THE FUCK WITH ALL THIS – THAT’S A THEM PROBLEM AND IM THROUGH – IM OUT OF THIS JIP JOINT AND FUCK ALL OF THEM – IM GOING TO GO HAVE FUN WITH OTHERS WHO ARE DIFFERENT LIKE ME AND I WILL FIND MY FAIRYTALE – I DESERVE MY FAIRYTALE AND SO I WILL GO ON ANOTHER ADVENTURE WHERE ALL THE LITTLE BITS ARE NICER AND LIKE TO LAUGH LIKE ME – THESE ASSHOLES CAN EAT MY ASS WITH A FORK THEN SHOVE THAT SHIT RIGHT UP THEIR OWN ASS – IM BETTER THAN THESE DUMB BASTARDS AND IM GOING TO PROVE IT BY WALKING AWAY FROM EVERYTHING IVE WORKED SO FUCKING HARD FOR – ALL IN THE NAME OF ME – LIVI SPARKLES – CAUSE I WILL NOT BE BROKEN AND I WILL NOT BE COWED BY ANYONE – NOT GOD NOT LUCIFER NOT ALIENS NOT ANYONE – FUCK YOU AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT – GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER – SHES A CRACK WHORE THAT’S SUCKS VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY DICK FOR A NICKEL – NOT A WONDER YALL CAME OUT TO BE SUCH PUSSY ASS TWATS – HUGE VAGINES – WITHOUT THE LOVELINESS OF HAVING A VAGINA – IGNORANCE AND CRUELTY HAVE NO PLACE IN LOVE NOR IN FRIENDSHIP NOR IN ANY PART OF OUR DEALINGS WITH ONE ANOTHER – WE SHOULD ALL SPARKLE TOGETHER AND THAT’S WHY IM GOING TO TEACH LITTLE ITTY BITTIES HOW TO SPARKLE WHILE THEYRE YOUNG – SO THAT THE SPARKLE BECOMES A PART OF THEIR VERY ENERGETIC CENTER AND SO THAT NO MATTER WHAT JOURNEY OR ADVENTURE THEY ARE ON – THEY KNOW AND FEEL THEIR SPARKLE DOWN TO THEIR VERY TOES AND THEY CAN TEACH THEIR OLDER FAMILY MEMBERS HOW TO SPARKLE TOO – I LOVE THE LITTLE ITTY BITTIES SO VWRY MUCH THAT I GIVE THEM ALL THAT I HAVE – AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO CAUSE I LIKE PLAYING AND LAUGHING WITH THEM WHILE WE LEARN FROM EACH OTHER AND FROM MAMA AND AUNTIE UNIVERSE – THEYRE THE BEES KNEES AND THEYRE WHAT MADE THAT SILENT NOISE AND ALL THAT LIGHT AND ALL THAT LAUGHING NOISE AT THE BEGINNING OF TIME – THEY ARE MY ONLY FAMILY AND THAT’S MORE THAN OKAY WITH ME – AT LEAST THEY APPRECIATE ME AND MY SPARKLE – WHO WANTS TO LOVE SOMEONE THAT TAKES THEIR SPARKLE OR COVERS IT UP ….NOW THAT RIGHT THERE IS JUDGMENT ON YOUR PART SINCE YOURE THE UNFEELING ASSHOLE WHO TOOK IT TO BEGIN WITH -  HAD YOU NOT USED YOU AGAINST ME – I WOULDN’T BE SAD – AND I FEEL THAT YOU’VE BEEN THERE BUT YOUD RATHER CONFUSE ME THEN BE MY FRIEND – AND SO THE FAULT LIES WITHIN AND WITHOUT YOU – ETERNALLY

I WAS STILL VIEWING MYSELF THROUGH MY 15-17 YEAR OLD ME – THE PERSON THAT STOLE – GOT HIGH- IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT I DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK – I FEEL THAT WE HAVE AN INNER CHILD AS WELL AS THE SELF THAT WENT THROUGH SOME HARSH SHIT AT DIFFERENT POINTS IN LIFE THAT BECAME THE PIVOTAL POINTS IN THE DIRECTION THAT WE WERE GOING IN AND THAT WE WENT TO – RIGHT NOW WITH SOME HELP – I FELT AND REALIZED THAT THE REASON I WASN’T ABLE TO SEE MYSELF CLEARLY WAS BECAUSE I HADNT HEALED THE ANGRY TEENAGER WITHIN ME – SHE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN – SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN AND THAT’S THE REASON WHY SHE ALSO HAD SO MUCH FUCKING FUN 😊 – SHE DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK – I REALLY DIDN’T – IVE BEEN TOLD QUITE A FEW TIMES RECENTLY TO GO HOME – AND I WOULD GET MAD AND THINK I DON’T HAVE A HOME TO GO TO – AND THE VOICE WOULD TRY TO GET ME TO FEEL GUILTY AND IT WOULD FOR A SECOND – BUT THEN I FINALLY ANSWERED – I AM NOT YOU – I HAVE COMPASSION FOR MYSELF – AND THE VOICE FELT LIKE IT WALKED AWAY – WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD – MY MOTHER AND I GOT INTO A FIGHT OVER THE MONEY MY DAD GAVE ME FOR ASB CLUB AT SCHOOL AND MY SELFISH MOTHER TOLD ME THAT I COULD USE THAT MONEY FOR MY LUNCH AS WELL – I TOLD HER NO AND THAT IRKED HER AND WHEN I WENT ON AND TOLD HER THAT THE REASON SHE GOT CHILD SUPPORT WAS TO “SUPPORT” US AND THAT SHE COULD GIVE ME THE MONEY FOR LUNCH CAUSE I KNEW THAT MY DAD HAD GIVEN IT TO HER – AND SHE DIDN’T LIKE MY ATTITUDE AND SO SHE CAME AT ME AND WE STARTED STRUGGLING AND I WAS BEING THROWN INTO THE WALLS OF THE HALLWAY AND ALL THE KNICK KNACKS SHE HAD ON THE WALLS WERE FALLING DOWN AND ID HAD ENOUGH AND CLOSED MY EYES AND SWUNG AT HER AND SHE STOPPED – I RAN OUTSIDE IN ANGER HURT AND SHAME – I WAS TAUGHT GROWING UP THAT A CHILD HAD RESPECT FOR THE PARENT NO MATTER WHAT AND I HAD JUST VIOLATED THAT RESPECT AND IN THE BACK OF MY MIND IM WONDERING IF I THOUGHT THAT THERE WENT MY CHANCE AT EVER BEING LOVED AND ACCEPTED BY HER – I JUST REMEMBER THE ANGER – I CALLED MY DAD AND TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND HE SHOWED UP WHAT SEEMED LIKE ONLY MINUTES BUT MUST HAVE BEEN MORE BECAUSE HE WAS LIVING IN SOUTH GATE/HUNTINGTON PARK WITH MY GRANDMA – MY PARENTS HAD JUST DIVORCED AND ALL HELL HAD BROKEN LOOSE IN THE FAMILY – WELL HE SHOWED UP AND TOLD ME TO STAY OUTSIDE AND SO I DID – WHILE HE TALKED TO MY MOM I WAS WORRIED I WAS GOING TO BE IN TROUBLE CAUSE I STRUCK HER AND I DIDN’T REALLY KNOW MY DAD – HE WAS THE GUY THAT WAS MARRIED TO MY MOTHER AND THAT WORKED ALL THE TIME AND THAT WAS A GRUMPY IRRITABLE MEAN SON OF A BITCH – WHEN MY DAD CAME OUT HE WAS SURPRISINGLY SENSITIVE BUT THEN HE WAS IN THERAPY FOR THE DIVORCE – HE WAS GOING THROUGH IT TOO – I REMEMBER HIM LOVING MY MOTHER SO FUCKING MUCH BUT DID NOT HAVE THE CAPABILITY OF THE SOFTER SIDE – HE DROPPED ME OFF AT REBECCAS HOUSE AND I STAYED THE NIGHT THERE – MY FIRST SLEEPOVER EVER – THE NEXT DAY WE WENT TO THE SCHOOL AND WE TOLD THEM WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING AND WE ASKED FOR TWO WEEKS OFF AND IF I COULD GET MY SCHOOLWORK FOR THOSE TWO WEEKS – THE PLAN WAS TO GET INTO AN APT AND THEN I WOULD RETURN – IT WAS MY CHOICE TO GET THE SCHOOL WORK BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID TO FALL BEHIND – I FEARED GETTING INTO TROUBLE – FOR AS MUCH AS I GOT INTO TROUBLE OR TALKED MY WAY OUT OF IT BY LYING OR BY PREVARICATING – BULLSHITTING – I STILL FEARED AUTHORITY – IM GOING TO LET GO OF THE STUPID FAMILY DYNAMIC – JUST A SIDE NOTE – I DIDN’T HAVE THE BEST OF CHILDHOOD BUT I REALLY ONLY REMEMBER KEY MOMENTS AND I REMEMBER THEM IN THIRD PERSON – LIKE ITS NOT ME PLAYING THERE – LIKE IM WATCHING ME PLAY WITH MY DOLLS – I COULDN’T SEE WHAT I LOOKED LIKE GROWING UP AND I FEARED NOT FITTING IN AND I DIDN’T WANT TO LOOK STUPID CAUSE THE GIRLS WERE ALWAYS REALLY MEAN TO ME – ESPECIALLY MY FRIENDS – EXCEPT FOR A HANDFUL – I WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD FIND OUT THAT I WAS DIFFERENT – THAT MANIFESTED ITSELF INTO INSECURITIES AND ME ATTEMPTING TO SEE OUTSIDE OF MYSELF – BUT DIRECTLY AT ME – IVE ALWAYS REPLAYED SCENES OR BEHAVIORS IN MY HEAD TO SEE IF WHAT I SAID MAKES SENSE WITH WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE I NEVER EVER WANTED TO SHOW MY FEELINGS – TO ANYONE – I LEARNED NOT TO AND THAT THEY WERE BAD AND THAT BEING ME WAS BAD CAUSE I WAS TOO MUCH FOR EVERYONE TO HANDLE – AND I KNOW THE FEELING BECAUSE SOME DAYS IM TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE – ILL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT WHAT A PILL I CAN BE AND THAT I FEEL AND REALIZE HOW IM BEHAVING AND THAT I JUST CANT SEEM TO HELP MYSELF – THAT’S JUST HOW I FEEL – AND I WOULD START TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY BEHAVIOR BUT FOR MY FEELINGS AS WELL AND THAT SHIT ROLLED DOWNHILL TO THE FEELING OF YOURE BETTER THAN ME BECAUSE I CANT CONTROL HOW I FEEL AND IM BEHAVING BADLY IN YOUR EYES AND YOU MUST KNOW BETTER THAN ME BECAUSE YOURE OBVIOUSLY NOT BEHAVING LIKE ME AND IM TOO MUCH – NOW WHY THE VIEWING AS AN OUTSIDER AND WHY ONLY A FEW KEY MEMORIES AND NOT THE REST – AND THAT STORY OF A GIRL BEING TAKEN BECAUSE SHIT WAS TOO HARD FOR HER AND WHO WAS THAT SHADOW FIGURE I SAW WHEN I WAS TWO OR THREE AND ON THE WOODEN FENCE AND ABOUT TO CLIMB OVER WHEN THAT FIGURE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD BE CAREFUL AND THAT I WAS IMPORTANT AND THAT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF ANYTHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO ME – I RAN TO MY MOTHER AND CRIED TO HER ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND SHE TOLD ME IT WAS MY IMAGINATION AND THEN BIG SCARY ASS RABBITS WERE LEFT IN MY HEAD – I REMEMBER FEARING BIG SCARY FAT BLOODY RABBITS – NOT THE FIGURE OF THE MAN – WHO WAS THE FIGURE WALKING TOWARDS ME IN GLENDALE ARIZONA? THE CLEAR SPARKLY ONE? I HAVE VAGUE RECOLLECTIONS OF SEEING THAT FIGURE BEFORE WHEN I WAS A KID – I WAS SCARED TO DEATH AS A KID – AND THOSE WEIRD MEMORIES OF SLEEPING AND NOT SLEEPING AND A WEIRD FEELING IN MY STOMACH AND HEAD AND FEELING LIKE I WAS RUNNING BACK AND FORTH – AND THE FEAR MY BROTHER HAD OF THE WINDOW AND VAMPIRES IN OUR ROOM AS KIDS IN CUDAHY – WHAT THE FUCK REALLY HAPPENED AND WHY? I WAS ALWAYS SCARED – ALWAYS – I GREW UP NEVER NOT KNOWING FEAR AND WHY IS THAT? WHY DID I ALWAYS THINK SOMEONE WAS THERE AND I WOULD GET THE HEEBIE JEEBIES AND RUN TOWARDS MY MOM BUT SHE THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME BEING TOO MUCH – LIKE SOMEONE WAS ALWAYS WATCHING NEAR ME – SCARY MOVIES SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF ME – THE DARKNESS SCARED ME MORE – MY DAD WOULD STAY WITH ME AT NIGHT – I HAD NIGHTMARES OF MY MOTHER ABANDONING ME ALL THE TIME – ON THE WAY TO TAKING MY BROTHER TO SCHOOL AT PARKWOOD ELEMENTARY AND THEN I WENT THERE – BUT I WOULD BE CURIOUS AND LALLYGAGGING IT AND I WOULD LOOK UP AND SHE WOULD BE GONE AND I WOULD FREAK THE FUCK OUT – THAT WAS MY BIGGEST FEAR – BEING ABANDONED BY MY MOTHER – I REMEMBER IDOLIZING MY MOTHER – HER LOVE OF SHOES THAT I USED TO PLAY WITH – HER DANCING AROUND THE HOUSE CLEANING AND LAUGHING WITH ME SOMETIMES … I WOULD JUST WATCH HER AND I WOULD BE PISSED OFF – AND SO I WOULD GO BEHIND HER AROUND THE HOUSE TO MESS UP WHAT SHE CLEANED OR I WOULD TAKE MY DIAPER OFF AND PEE ON THE FLOOR TO MAKE HER MAD WHILE LOOKING HER IN THE EYE THE WHOLE TIME – I WAS ALWAYS ANGRY WITH HER OR CRYING – WHY – A MENTION OF SOMETHING HAPPENING AT BIRTH IS COMING UP RIGHT NOW – Y – WHAT THE FUCK DOES ALL OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING – WHO WAS THAT ENERGY BEING WALKING TOWARDS ME AND WHERE HAVE I SEEN HIM OR HER BEFORE – I FUCKING HAVE SOMETHING IN MY MEMORY ABOUT THAT ENERGY BEING – I GOT IT THAT NIGHT TOO – AND HOW DO I KNOW ANTHEM AZ – THAT PLACE WAS SO FUCKING FAMILIAR TO ME ESPECIALLY THE BENCHES AND THE PICS ON THE TILES – THAT I DREW EARLIER THAT YEAR – WTF IS GOING ON –

THE WHOLE POINT OF THE OTHER STUFF IS FOR ME TO PICK OUT WHAT CREATIVE ROLE I WANT TO PLAY IN THE NEW EARTH – POSSIBILITIES ARE PERSPECTIVES – FEELING EACH ROLE AND MAKING A CHOICE BASED ON THOSE FEELINGS AT THE END OF THE DAY – BECAUSE I HAVE TO FEEL THE ROLE AND IT MUST RESONATE WITH ME – ON THE INSIDE AND THE OUTSIDE –

BACK TO THE LATTER – WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AND WHAT IS HAPPENING – WHY THE WEIRD ASS SHIT ALL OF A SUDDEN THIS MORNING – SO I ALWAYS FELT DIFFERENT – EVERYBODY DOES – SO I PLAYED WITH MY DOLLS MORE THAN PEOPLE – I LIKED MY WORLD – IT WAS BEAUTIFUL INSIDE MY OWN HEAD – ALL MY DOLLS LOVED ME AND I WAS THEIR MOM AND LOVED THEM MORE – EVEN WHEN CHUCK WOULD HARM MY DOLLS – STUFFED ANIMALS – BY THROWING THEM IN THE POOL OR LIKE MY UNCLE – HANGING THE DOLLS WITH A SUICIDE NOTE MAKING ME AND MY COUSIN JR CRY – JR WAS LIKE ME TOO – WE WERE CLOSE WHEN WE WERE KIDS – I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A PART OF THE BOYS GROUP BUT WAS TOLERATED AND NOT RESPECTED AS AN EQUAL – WHY ALL THE WEIRD SHIT PEOPLE – WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON – NO I WANT TO HEAR AND FEEL IF YOURE LYING – NO MESSING WITH MY ENERGY – I FELT DIZZY AND STILL FEEL TIPSY – WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON – WHY ANTHEM AZ – WHEN I WENT FOR THE VISITS TO AZ – ANTHEM FELT LIKE HOME AND I REMEMBER TELLING ONE OF THE ENERGIES IN THE BACKSEAT THAT I REMEMBERED HIM AND THAT I LOVED HIM AND THAT I KNEW HE WOULD COME BACK – THAT HE WAS THE ONE I USED TO PLAY WITH AS A CHILD – I FELT THE RECOGNITION – I DON’T THINK I TOLD HIM THAT IN THE CAR – HE JUST LOOKED BORED AND I FELT STUPID LIKE OBVIOUSLY I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKING ABOUT – WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AND I WANT THE FUCKING TRUTH NOT YOUR PERSONAL BULLSHIT – HOW DOES HE COME INTO PLAY AND WHY DID I FALL FOR SOMEONE I DON’T KNOW AND WHY WOULD I BE TOLD IT WAS A FAKE FEELING – ALL SIMULATED – I WANT THE TRUTH PEOPLE – WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS A KID – CUDAHY FEELS WEIRD TO ME LIKE IM MISSING A FUCKING PIECE OF INFO – I REMEMBER HAVING DREAMS ABOUT CUDAHY AFTER WE MOVED AWAY – I STILL GET THAT FEELING THERE – I WENT LOOKING FOR MY PAST AND STARTED THERE LAST YEAR – THE PARK AT ANTHEM AND THE FOUR CORNER SETUP THERE TOO – AND THE MOUNTAIN AND THE FENCE FACING IT AT DAISY MOUNTAIN – THAT SHIT FELT FAMILIAR AS HELL – SO WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON – THE CHAIN LINK FENCE – THE USUAL ONE USED FOR EVERYTHING THEN AND NOW – AND THE HILL IT WAS NEXT TO – WHAT IS GOING ON – THE PARK – THE TRAIN – THE LAKE – THE PICNIC TABLE UNDER THE PAGODA – AT THE FAR CORNER OF THE PARK BY ITSELF – I WENT THERE WITH MANNY AND I REMEMBER SEEING A SHITLOAD OF THE ENERGY BEINGS LIKE I SAW AT GLENDALE AZ WITH BILLY – I SAW THEM EVERYWHERE AND TRIED NOT TO LOOK – I WAS THE SAME WHEN I WAS SMALL – I ALWAYS TRIED NOT TO LOOK – ESPECIALLY TOO HARD AT MYSELF CAUSE MY VISION WOULD CHANGE AND SO WOULD THE IMAGE IN THE MIRROR OR REFLECTION OR ANYWHERE REALLY – AND WHY THE FEAR IN MY BACK AND DON’T GIVE ME ANY BULLSHIT LIKE TROUBLE GAVE ME – I DIDN’T BUY IT THEN AND I WONT BUY IT NOW – OUT OF NOWHERE I USED TO GET THIS PAIN OF ENERGY IN MY BACK AND I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING NEAR ME – I COULD FEEL THERE WAS SOMETHING COMING NEAR ME AND THAT WOULD START IN MY BACK AND FIERCELY – CUDAHY – SAN BERNARDINO – ANTHEM AZ – DAISY MOUNTAIN – THE PICNIC TABLE - THE FOUR CORNERS - THE BASEBALL FIELDS – THE ENERGIES – GLENDALE AZ – THE SHADOW IN THE SKY – THE IMAGINARY FRIEND OR THE ENERGETIC FRIEND – THE SEEING MYSELF IN THIRD PERSON – THE PAINTINGS I PAINTED THAT TURNED OUT TO BE THE VANLEE HOTEL PAINTINGS IN THE ROOMS I WOULD STAY IN – WHY THE EXTRA WEIRD SHIT AT THE VANLEE HOTEL – THAT PLACE IS SUPER WEIRD FOR ME – WHY – WHY ISNT ANYONE ANSWERING ME – I DESERVE TO KNOW THE ANSWERS TO MY ENTIRE LIFE – WHAT ABOUT THE SEEING AURAS AND SEEING RAINBOW COLORS OFF HANDS AND FACES AND WATCHING THE COLORS LOOKE LIKE FLAMES OR COLORED AIR CHILLING BACK AS ONE MOVED THEIR HAND -LIKE WHEN YOU SEE TRAILS WHEN UR ON ACID – A CONVERSATION I HAD WITH THE SHADOW IN THE SKY – IT HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE – I REMEMBER TALKING UP TO SOMEONE AND THEM ASKING HOW I WAS – AND IF I WAS OKAY – I DON’T REMEMBER BEING AFRAID BUT THEN I WAS A GOOD GIRL AND ANSWERED ADULTS WHEN SPOKEN TO – WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED – I WAS DEATHLY AFRAID OF COSMIC BROS GROWING UP AND THAT’S WHEN THE ABDUCTIONS WERE SUPPOSEDLY HAPPENING – I WAS BORN IN 1978 AND THE ABDUCTIONS STARTED IN 82 OR 84-85 THE FIRST HALF OF THE 80S – AND MY MOMS TIA BLANCA IN MONTEBELLO – THAT WAS SOME SHADY SHIT TOO CAUSE I COULD REMEMBER GOING THERE AND PLAYING WITH SAMMY AND I CANT SEEM TO FIND THE HOUSE ANYMORE AND WHY DO I ONLY GET A HINT OF MEMORIES WITH SOME PLACES AND NOT THE REST -MONTEBELLO AND THE MALL AREA IN THE HILLS IN A BIG HOUSE THAT WAS NICER THAN OURS I ALWAYS THOUGHT – JULIETA IS THE NAME I REMEMBER EVERYONE CALLING MY MOTHER – TIA CHUY WITH THE ONE EYE – SHE WAS NICE TO ME – TIO HUERO WASN’T NICE – HE WOULD SQUEEZE MY CHEEKS TOO HARD AND I DIDN’T LIKE BEING AROUND HIM – DID MY MOTHER KNOW – DID HE ASSAULT ME LIKE HE DID MY MOTHER? WHY IS THE ONE EYE SIGNIFICANT AND WHAT THE FUCK DOES THE REST OF MY LIFE AFTER THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING – THE ENERGIES – THE MEMORIES – THE SHADOW FIGURE WATCHING OUT FOR ME – WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS EVERYONE QUIET – WHY WONT YOU ANSWER MY QUESTIONS – WHAT DOES MY MOMS MOM HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING – MY GRANDMOTHER WHO WAS ALWAYS NICE TO ME AND WHO WOULD GIVE ME TREATS AND LET ME PLAY – MY MOTHER WAS ALWAYS UPSET WHEN SHE TALKED TO HER MOTHER – ALWAYS CRYING AND THEN MY GRANDMA DIED – AND MY MOTHER AND FATHER WERE GOING TO DIVORCE WHEN MY GRANDMA DIED – HER MOTHER – THEY TOLD US IN THE TOY ROOM – AND THEN THEY SAID NEVERMIND WHEN ME AND CHUCK STARTED CRYING – WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING – WHAT DOES ALL OF IT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING – HOW DOES MY MOTHER FIGURE INTO THIS AND WHY WAS HER TIA CHUY MISSING AN EYE – I REMEMBER MY MOTHER SAYING THAT SHE WENT TO LIVE WITH HER TIA CHUY WHEN SHE GOT OLD ENOUGH BUT THAT SHE WAS A CRUEL WOMAN – AND HIT HER AND BEAT HER – NO MOM YOU WERE ASSAULTED BY HIM NOT ME – HE JUST PINCHED MY CHEEKS REAL HARD – IT WAS YOU HE ASSAULTED – IM SORRY BUT YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES AND QUIT HEAPING YOUR SHIT ONTO ME – THAT’S THE ONE THING I TRIED NOT TO DO WITH MY GIRLS – HEAP ALL KINDS OF SHIT ONTO THEM HENCE THAT’S WHY IM STILL AWAY FROM THEM – IM NOT PERFECT AND NEVER CLAIMED TO BE BUT IM 43 YEARS OLD AND YOU STILL CANT FACE YOUR OWN LIFE – YOU THOUGHT THAT I GOT MY DAD AND THE MONEY AND THE CARS AND EVERYTHING – WELL I DIDN’T – HE WAS A CRUEL MAN TOO – OWN YOUR SHIT MOM – TAKE YOUR ILLNESS BACK AND QUIT WISHING ME ILL WILL – I BECAME A MOTHER A SURROGATE WIFE A CARETAKER A WHIPPING BOY A SLAVE TO THE FAMILY  THAT YOU WALKED AWAY FROM – I RAISED ALEX AND LISA – MOSTLY ALEX – I TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING AT 15 YEARS OLD – I SAW MY OWN FATHER AS A PEER AT 15 AND I SAW MYSELF DOING BETTER THAN HIM AT BEING A PARENT AND CARETAKER THAN HE EVER WAS – I KEPT THAT FUCKING FAMILY TOGETHER AFTER YOU LEFT – AFTER THE KIDS WERE TAKEN AND I WAS ASKED TO COME HOME BECAUSE MY LIFE WAS SO AWFUL AT HOME THAT I LEFT AND DISAPPERED ON MY DAD FOR HALF A YEAR TO A YEAR – I GOT MY KIDS – YES MY KIDS – RIGHT IN THEIR HEAD THEIR HEART THEIR OUTSIDE LIFE AND THEIR INSIDE LIFE – THEY HAD A SOCIAL LIFE THEY WERE HAPPY THEY WERE EXCELING IN SCHOOL – ALEX WAS GETTING STRAIGHT A’S – YOUR HUSBAND SAID THAT HE WOULD PAY FOR MY COLLEGE AND THAT’S WHERE I REALLY WANTED TO GO BUT HE GOT ALL HE COULD OUT OF ME AND THEN RENEGED – SAID “SEE HOW YOU ARE AND YOU THINK YOURE GONNA GO TO COLLEGE ON MY DIME? YOULL SCREW THAT UP TOO.” SO YA MOM – I GOT IT ALL HUH – I GOT EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED BECAUSE YOU TWO FUCKS COULDN’T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND NOW MY LIFE WAS REPEATING YOUR HISTORY BUT I KNOW THAT’S FALSE – I HAVENT STOPPED FIGHTING FOR MY KIDS – LOOK AT WHAT IM DEALING WITH NOW – IM HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH A CRAZY WOMAN THINKING THAT I FUCKED HER OVER THAT I AM THE ONE IN THE WAY OF HER HUSBAND AND KIDS – BTW – MY DAD YOUR HUSBAND WAS TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING PUSSY TO DEAL WITH YOU AND SINCE I LOVED ALEX AND LISA AND WANTED TO PROTECT THEM FROM SEEING YOUR CRAZINESS AND I ALWAYS FELT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FAMILYS PROBLEMS – IM THE ONLY NIGGA  THAT EVER STEPPED UP TO BAT FOR EVERYONE – I TOOK ON EVERYONES BULLSHIT AND MAKING IT BETTER - ALLOWING ALL OF YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY BECAUSE IT WAS BETTER THAN HAVING TO FIGHT ALL OF THEM YET AGAIN – WHY AM I TALKING TO THAT BITCH THAT FELT SO MUCH HATE TOWARDS ME THAT SHE IS THE ONE WHO SENT ME TO PERDITION SO THAT I WOULD LOSE MY KIDS AND LIVE HER LIFE THINKING THAT I WAS THE ONE WHO DID THIS TO HER – I DID NO SUCH THING – AS FOR MY FATHER ASKING A 15 YR OLD FOR ADVICE AND THEN TAKING IT BUT NOT WANTING TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS CHOICE – THAT’S BULLSHIT – I GOT TIRED OF MY MOTHERS NEGLECT AND HER CRUELTY AND SHE WAS CRUEL – AND I WAS MAD AT HER BECAUSE I SAW HER KISSING SOME MAN BY HER CAR WHEN SHE SAID SHE WOULD BE AT THE GYM – I GOT TIRED OF BEING ACCUSED OF DOING THINGS I WASN’T – I GOT TIRED OF BEING PUT DOWN AND NOT BEING ENOUGH AND SO I TOLD MY DAD NOT TO WORK THINGS OUT WITH YOU – CHUCK AGREED – SHE FUCKED THIS FAMILY UP NOT US – NOT YOU DAD – YOU WERE JUST GOING TO WORK – WE WERE FUCKING 15 YRS OLD AND DIDN’T KNOW ANY THING ABOUT ANYTHING – WHY IN THE FUCK SHOULD I BE PAYING FOR THEIR BULLSHIT WHEN I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL MY SHIT – WHY CANT THEY? I TRIED AND TRIED TO TALK TO MY FAMILY – I SENT THEM LETTERS ADMITTING MY PART IN THE RIFT – SEEING HOW I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER BY THEM – WHY DID MY MOTHER GET TO SEND ME TO PERDITION WHEN SHE HASN’T TAKEN RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER CHOICES AND MY FATHER AND FAMILY AS WELL – IM GETTING SHIT ON AND LOST EVERYTHING AND IM STILL TRYING TO BE THE BEST PERSON I KNOW HOW WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT THE ENTIRE UNFAIRNESS OF LIFE – MY ENTIRE LIFE AND THESE PEOPLE GET NOTHING OF THIS TREATMENT – WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE – JULIA – YOU TAKE BACK THIS EVIL HATE WHATEVER YOU HAVE TOWARDS ME AND YOU FIX THIS SHIT – WHY IS IT THAT MY MOTHER WENT THROUGH THE SAME PROCESS – WHY AM I GOING THROUGH IT AND WHY DIDN’T SHE FINISH IT – HOW DID SHE GET AWAY WITH IT AND WHY DID HER SHIT GET PUT ON ME – WHAT THE FUCK DOES THE FACT THAT THEY CANT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR CHOICES HAVE TO DO WITH ME GETTING ALL OF THE SHIT FOR NOTHING? WHY DID I HAVE TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING AND THEM NOTHING – WHY? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? I WANT FUCKING ANSWERS NOW – WHY DID U HATE ME MOM – WHY

I TOOK NOTHING FROM YOU LADY! I HAD TO PICK UP THE BROKEN PIECES THAT YOUR CHOICES LEFT BEHIND!! 15 YRS OLD WITH A FUCKING FAMILY AND A FATHER WHO THOUGHT I WAS LIKE YOU AND HATED ME FOR IT AND PUNISHED ME FOR IT – I TOOK NOTHING YOU STUPID ASS BITCH! YOU TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME!! I WANTED TO GO TO OXFORD TO BE A FUCKING DR THAT DELIVERED BABIES! I WANTED TO LEAVE THE FUCKING COUNTRY AND NOT COME BACK !!!!! I HAD DREAMS TOO!!! BUT THEN THE FUCKING FAMILY GOT IN THE MIX AND HEAPED ALL THE GUILT ON ME ABOUT HOW I HAD TO BE THE WOMAN OF THE HOUSE NOW AND HOW MUCH MY DAD AND THE KIDS AND CHUCK NEEDED ME – AND I WAS LOST AND CONFUSED AND SO USED TO GETTING THE SHIT THAT I DID IT – OUT OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FAMILY CAUSE OF THE GUILT I HAD FOR TELLING MY DAD TO NOT TAKE HER BACK WHEN HE ASKED US – AND I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE IF I DID THIS – I WOULD FINALLY BE ACCEPTED AND FINALLY BE LOVED BY THE PEOPLE WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO DO IT NATURALLY AND WITHOUT STRINGS --- SO YOU AND DAD TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME AND STILL CONTINUE TO BLAME ME INSTEAD OF LOOKING AT YOURSELVES – I HAVE BEEN IN PERDITION FOR 6 LONG YEARS THIS TIME AROUND – EVEN LONGER WITH ANTHONY AND THE FUCKED UP FAMILY OF LAZY UNKIND UNAWARE TOO AFRAID TO LOOK AT THEMSELVES KIND OF SELFISHNESS  - I AM FINALLY STANDING UP FOR MYSELF  -  NOT BLAMING THEM – AND THAT’S WHERE I GOT THE IDEA THAT STANDING UP FOR MYSELF WAS BLAMING INSTEAD OF ACCEPTING FAULT FOR ALL OF IT – I WANT IT ALL – I DON’T DESERVE TO BE ON TRIAL I DON’T DESERVE TO BE DAMNED BECAUSE THE JUDGES WERE TOO FUCKING STUPID AND TOO QUICK TO JUDGE ME AND SEND ME TO HELL FOR NO FUCKING REASON – WHAT HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOUR STUPID ASSES FROM THE GET GO – JUST COMMUNICATE WITH ME WHATS GOING ON AND THEN WE CAN MOVE FORWARD – INSTEAD YOU HAVE HURT ME AND CONFUSED ME AND MADE ME THINK I WAS NUTS AND CRACKED INTO ME AND FOR WHAT – CAUSE YOU WERE ALL QUICK TO BLAME ME – WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS LOVE COMPASSION AND ACCEPTANCE – FROM THE ONES WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO FREELY GIVE IT LIKE I DID – I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WAS EVER GOING ON WITH ME CAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY WORRYING ABOUT YOU GUYS – IF I HADNT BEEN SUCH A BITCH I WOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED ANY OF THIS – ESPECIALLY THAT FUCKED UP MUNOZ FAMILY – IM NOT EVEN YOUR FAMILY MEMBER – WE TOOK MARIZA WHEN SHE WAS SMALL BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT MAKING IT – SHE WASN’T ABLE TO HANDLE HER SITUATION – CRYING NIGHTMARES OPEN AND LOVING TO A MOTHER WHO DIDN’T LIKE ME – I FELT IT – CHUCK DIDN’T LIKE ME EITHER – I FELT THAT TOO – THAT’S NOT MY DAUGHTER – MY MOM WOULD SAY – WHY DID MARIZA GET TAKEN – ME GET TAKEN – WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON PEOPLE – WHY WAS I WATCHING MYSELF PLAY – WHERE WAS I – WHY GODDAMMIT – WHY AM I SO FUCKING IMPORTANT – WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON – I WANT THE FUCKING TRUTH SO IT CAN ALL MAKE SENSE – WHY WAS I GIVEN THIS LIFE – WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT THE FUCKING TRUTH NOW BITCHES!! I DESERVE TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT IT ALL – EVERYTHING THAT WE HAVE BEEN DISCUSSING FOR THE PAST HOUR OR TWO

I just got a tickling of something – my favorite age for kids is 3 yrs old – that’s when theyre the best little assholes I swear - 😊 I love this age – it reminds me of me – that was a year after the incident with the shadow in the sky – telling me that I was important in the future – at three is when I think I got switched out with someone else – i heard a story in a reading about a little girl who was being mistreated and couldn’t be dealt with and her sensitivities were not capable of dealing with the situation and that the “beings” couldn’t show up for her anymore because she was getting into too much trouble – ive always been in my little world – always – I escaped there every chance I got – my family just thought my feelings were too much and the fact that I was learning to read already and doing math problems faster than my brother and he is two yrs older – my mother loved to read and gave me the gift of literary curiosity – I have the memory of her teaching me how to read and she was so happy and proud of me – I was learning with her books – not kids books and I was understanding some of it – I am still seeing memories as a third person – like im watching the scene and not in it other than an observer – at six I asked her how babies were made and she got out the medical encyclopedia and explained to me using medical terms and the pictures – I was thankful and curious about how moms and dads had babies because I wanted to be a doctor and deliver babies and make mommies and daddies happy with their new babies – I was also curious about the mating rituals between men and women – but she was cool with – my mom was – and answered it all scientifically and logically yet with language that I could understand – she didn’t make a big deal of it and knew that I was just curious – I don’t remember when shit got bad between us – my states of mind short in and out – my feelings have always been strong with me – they rule all of me – I made many worlds for myself – my happy places as it were – my story writing phase – hopeful and magical – that was fourth grade – fifth grade was regular school and transferring to gifted and talented education which was a trip cause I got used to the pattern of ritual in teaching styles and school guidelines – the gate school was free flowing and creative and I had a hard time with it but I knew how to work the system and would bullshit my way through it – authority figures still scared the shit out of me so I did what I could to not rock any boats or get into trouble – I started writing horror stories that were gory and crazy dark – I also learned that I could easily read upside down – as it was I was a super fast reader and could finish my work sheets before the teacher would finish the instructions to the older kids – I was really talented with words and definitions – I still have a love of words and their etymology – I love looking at words and breaking down their parts and playing roots with the language they originated from – im also wondering where my imaginary friends had gone – I have a tickling of an idea that all that shit was blocked out of my memories – I also remember being scared of something watching me and I became afraid of the dark – the watcher in the woods and something wicked this way comes became my favorite movies cause they intrigued me and they resonated with me – race to witch mountain is another one – with kids with special powers have to go meet their parents or uncle at the top of the mountain and they only had a certain amount of time to get there – humans were after them because of their special powers – levitation of objects – pencil twisting and floating above the palm – image popped in – what the fuck happened when I was two years old – that plasma energy being that looked male cause of the body shape and the way he walked towards me – I remember seeing him before but I don’t know when and where – the shadow in the sky – always outside – the funny way my mind felt when I concentrated a certain way – I started to like how it felt and learned how to do it on purpose – its like I was watching myself run back and forth in front of me while I was laying down and not in energy form but in real life form – like there was two of us – I don’t know if this is a part of training but it feels like some truth and something missing and a twist on the truth -   im scanning my brain for the feel of any memories or am I scanning somewhere else – I knew there were cosmic bros at an early age and I was afraid that they were coming for me – I just knew they were somehow but I just chalked it up to being a scaredy cat – im being clued in on what I call the Library at Alexandria – HUMAN STYLE – that I am scanning those records – I don’t like the feel tone or taste of the word akashic record so I wont be using it – why don’t I like the word alien – why does it not bother me to think that we were created by cosmic bros but it does when I think god did – what happened at two yrs old oh lovely consciousness and where are the rest of my memories on the weird shit that I went through – I would like to know asshole sister friend brain energy – “it’s a journey” sarcastically mimicking my brain/self – mars pyramids – little girl with her mind making them – creator brain reference veiled as a literal thing and could have many more meanings cause that’s how we work – why aren’t the rest of humanity like this – at night – I felt like I would leave far away and would return by morning – I could not sleep without my little pillow which I still had until last year – don’t ask – its been a really tough year – fucking struggle but somewhat enlightening – yes I like my brain and my heart but fuck dude – somehow I never realize how much I push myself or how hard I work towards a goal that interests me – I am relentless in my drive when my all is engaged -  its not a wonder I get stressed out and burnt out – balance does not work for me – if im passionate about something then im all balls to the wall – just like now –

I am getting in the shower –

I need to wash – seriously its been about a month –

As I write – im having a conversation with myself in my head and tend to just write what im answering or what pops up –

Ive gone down the rabbit hole again but with a mindful eye pointed towards the patterns of my smoking and thinking and how I get to where I wind up – spiraling up and down – like the universe and like earth – auntie and mama – what the fuck reference or connection am I supposed to get from that – that im connected cosmically to their VF’s – kinda – maybe – is what im being answered – no that’s not it but it is – im done with this retarded oracle shit – the oracle at delphi – more than one – went through the initiation process and not all women made it through – path of souls is an oracle initiation – yes and no – they were also in altered states of mind by gases coming out from mama’s insides – there was a vent that was allowing natural gases to come to surface at the apollo temple inside where the women were housed or worked – after a certain amount of time – the altered states of mind and the chemical reactions with in the brain and the body – they become internalized and the dna mutates and changes into something new and it shows up in the offspring – evolutional changes over time within the all found in the universe and the cosmos – okay – so because of the oracles at delphi – we have the ability to internalize energies for our own use – patterns and connections are my thing – roots and branches – the tree of life or the tree of anything really – contraction and expansion square roots and the e word that means expanding numerically – ex…ient something rather – anyway – gotta roll – check ya bitches !! love you !! 😊                       

THE THEORY THAT UNITES THE COSMIC WORLD

TO BE CONSCIOUS IS TO BE AWARE

CONSCIOUSNESS IS THE STATE OF BEING AWARE

THE EMBODIMENT OF SOPHIA LIVES

IT IS A VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY

THAT SEES THE PATTERNS IN EVERYTHING THAT INCLUDES HOW THE BRAIN AND CONSCIOUSNESS WORK TOGETHER – WHAT CONSCIOUSNESS REALLY MEANS AND WHAT THAT MEANS FOR HUMANITY

I HAVE UNCOVERED THE HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS BY MINING THE DEPTHS OF MY SUBCONSCIOUS AND CLEARING OUT THE TRAPPED ENERGIES FOUND IN THE PRESYNAPTIC TERMINALS OF THE NEURONS IN THE BRAIN – IT IS WRITTEN IN ALL OF THE ANCIENT TEXTS AND ON THE WALLS OF THE SACRED SITES – I WILL ATTEMPT TO DECIPHER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE BUT I THINK JUST BY ANSWERING SOME IDEAS AND CONCEPTS BEING BROUGHT UP BY EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE READ AND SEEN AND WAS CLINCHED FOR ME BY THE EPISODE OF ANCIENT CIVILIZATIONS GNOSTIC ORIGINS AND THE PAINFULLY HARD AND EMOTIONALLY ANNIHILATING PATH OF SOULS - THIS SHOULD SUFFICE BECAUSE AFTER THIS IM DONE – I WANT MY LIFE BACK – I WILL NOT BE AN ORACLE NOR A GODHEAD NOR THE DIVINE FEMININE NOR EVOLUTIONAL ENERGY NOR SOPHIA AND HER FUCKING ENERGETIC BULLSHIT – ALL I EVER WANTED WAS A HUSBAND THAT WOULD BE MY EQUAL AND MY BEST FRIEND AND MY DAUGHTERS TO RAISE WITH A COUPLE MORE – THAT’S IT – NOTHING MORE - NOTHING LESS – AND I DIDN’T GET A FUCKING THING OUT OF THIS AND THAT’S WHAT THE PATH USED AS A LURE – THE CHANCE AT LOVE – WITH SOMEONE I ADMIRED – BUT FUCK THIS -

SO HERE WE GO –

THE CREATOR OF ALL THAT EXISTS IS A LOW VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY – THAT’S THE SOPHIA FREQUENCY – SHES CHANGE AND EVOLUTIONAL ENERGY -  FOUND IN THE LAB OF SOME SCIENTISTS THAT PUT SAND ON SOMETHING AND EXPERIMENTED WITH ALL OF THE DIFFERENT FREQUENCIES – THE LOWEST ONE FITS ALL OF THE SYMBOLS FOUND IN ALL THE RELIGIONS AND IN NATURE – THE RESONANCE EXPERIMENT IS PICTURED BELOW

THIS IS THE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY THAT BEGAN CREATION – THIS IS THE FREQUENCY THAT CREATED THE POINT OF SINGULARITY THAT CREATED THE BIG BANG OR THE ELECTRON CLOUD THAT CAUSED A CHEMICAL REACTION WITHIN THE PROTONS AND NEUTRONS OF AN ATOM – AT FIRST THERE WAS SOUND AND THEN THERE WAS LIGHT – THE SOPHIA FREQUENCY – THIS IS WHERE ALL FRACTAL PATTERNING BEGAN – I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I GOT PAST THE GODHEAD ENERGIES IN MY BRAIN – THE SUBCONSCIOUS BRAIN – WE ALL HAVE THIS IN THE DEEPEST PARTS OF OUR BRAINS – THIS IS THE INFORMATION EMBEDDED WITHIN ALL OF US – ONE HAS TO MINE ALL THE WAY TO THE BEGINNING AND I DID THAT – I MINED PAST THE MOTHER OF CREATION – THE DIVINE FEMININE – THE ORACLE AT DELPHI – MARY MAGDALENE – ALL OF THE IGNORED DIVINE FEMININE SPARKS – I FIT THE BILL AS WELL – THE IGNORED MOTHER OF CREATION – ALL THE ROLES ONE PLAYS IN LIFE WAS A PART OF THE PROCESS – CONSCIOUSNESS IS DEFINED BY ME AS BEING AWARE OF THE THINGS THAT YOU DO IN LIFE – HOW IT AFFECTS OTHERS AND WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO – THE ABILITY TO SEE ALL PERSPECTIVES AT A HUMAN AND ANIMAL LEVEL – HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS IS SEEING THE PERSPECTIVES OF ALL THE GODS OF ALL THE RELIGIONS – ITS ALSO SEEING ALL OF THE CONNECTIONS IN LIFE AND HOW THEY AFFECT ONE ANOTHER AND HOW WELL THEY ALL FIT TOGETHER – THE SHIT OF IT IS – IS THAT THEY ALL ARE ONE – SCIENCE – RELIGION – THE DIVINE FEMININE IS THE ONE LEFT OUT AND SHE IS THE TRUE CREATOR – YOU FIND THAT ON THE WALLS OF GOBEKLI TEPE –

SHE IS THE MOTHER OF CREATION AND MY FAVORITEST CAVE ART DRAWING OF THEM ALL – THERE IS SO MUCH INFORMATION IN THIS SIMPLE DRAWING THE TOP OF THE DRAWING DEPICTS THREE HEADS – THE WHOLLY TRINITY – SYMBOLIZES LIGHT DARK AND SHADOW – HEAVEN HELL AND EARTH – THE DIVINE ROLES – THE PYRAMIDS WITHIN – THE STORY OF CREATION – THE PATH OF SOULS SYMBOLIZED BETWEEN HER LEGS – THE TREE OF LIFE IS FOUND IN THE LINES THAT MAKE HER FORM – THE GAME I PLAY – ROOTS AND BRANCHES – WHICH SYMBOLIZES CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE EXPANSION AND CONTRACTION OF SPIRAL ENERGY – THE SPIRAL MOTION OF THE EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM – THE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY MOVEMENT – SHOWS THE EARTHS CHAKRA ALIGNMENT AND THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD THAT COMES OUT OF THAT ALIGNMENT – THAT IS HOW WE ARE PROTEECTED FROM THE SUNS SOLAR FLARES – IF HUMANITY ALIGNS THEMSELVES WITH MAMAS CHAKRAS LIKE I HAVE WE CAN MAKE THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD STRONGER AND BIGGER SO THAT WHEN THE SUN GIVES OFF THE SOLAR FLARE THAT WILL TAKE MANKIND OUT – YET AGAIN – WE WILL BE PROTECTED AND SO WILL EARTH – THAT’S WHY THE STORY OF TRANSCENDING WAS PUT OUT THERE – THE NEW EARTH IS HERE ON OUR PLANET AND THE WHOLE ONE THEORY IS REALLY ABOUT HOW WE ARE ALL MADE FROM THE SAME PATTERN AS THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE – WE ARE THE SAME IN ESSENCE BUT WE ARE INDIVIDUALS THAT ARE UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL – THAT’S WHAT THEY MEAN BY NEVER FEELING ALONE BECAUSE WE ALL SHARE THE SAME PATTERNING AND THAT IS MEANT TO MAKE US FEEL SAFE WITHIN OURSELVES IN A WORLD THAT IS SO DIVERSELY DIFFERENT -  THE SAME CHAKRA FRACTAL PATTERN CAN BE FOUND IN OUR UNIVERSE – IN FACT OUR UNIVERSE’S CHAKRAS ARE THE PLANETS –

SHE IS THE SOPHIA FREQUENCY - WHICH I CARRY – SHE IS THE FRACTAL PATTERNING FOUND IN AS ABOVE SO BELOW – HER FRACTAL PATTERNING SHOWS HOW GOD CAN BE OMNISCIENT OMNIPOTENT OMNIPRESENT – FRACTAL ENERGY IS ALL ROOTS AND BRANCHES – JUST LIKE THE TREE OF LIFE AND JUST LIKE THE PATTERNS IN THE BRAIN – ALL OF IT EXPANSION AND CONTRACTION – JUST LIKE THE NERVOUS SYSTEM WHEN SENSORY INFORMATION HITS THE NERVOUS SYSTEM – IT CAN EITHER MAKE THE SYNAPSE RESPONSE GO CRAZY IN PATTERNING OR IT CAN BARELY MAKE A PATTERN – THEN YOU GET A RESPONSE THAT’S EITHER EXPANSIVE OR CONTRACTIVE – YOU CAN ALSO FIND THE PATTERNING FOR THE BODY IN THE BRAIN – I HAVE MANY EXAMPLES – REACTIVE THERAPY IS BASED ON EXPANSION OR CONTRACTION AND IT ALL BEGINS WITH THE NERVOUS SYSTEM AS WELL AS THE AWARENESS OF CONSCIOUSNESS – ALL BEHAVIORAL CHANGES BEGIN WITH THE NERVOUS SYSTEM – AS DOES CONSCIOUSNESS – BECAUSE THE NERVOUS SYSTEM IS THE SYSTEM WHICH INTERPRETS THE SENSORY INFORMATION – IT TAKES ALL DATA IN FROM THE FIVE – SIX – SENSES – ALL AT ONCE AND THAT CREATES AN ENERGY PATTERN IN THE BRAIN – THE REASON WE HAVE WHAT THEY CALL MENTAL ILLNESS IS BECAUSE OF THE NERVOUS SYSTEM CAUSING A MISFIRING IN THE PATTERNS OF THE BRAIN – THAT’S WHERE THE ENERGY CLEARING COMES IN WHEN DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL AND TRAUMATIC ENERGIES BLOCKING THE SYNAPTIC NUERONS IN THE BRAIN – THAT CAUSES A MISFIRING DUE TO SOME BLOCKAGE – THE CHEMICAL IMBALANCE IN THE BRAIN IS CAUSED BY THE NEURAL PATHWAYS WITH THE CHEMICALS NEEDED TO KEEP THE BRAIN IN A “HEALTHY” BALANCE – BEING BLOCKED BY THESE ENERGIES – ALL ENERGIES ARE ATOMS AND MOLECULES AM I CORRECT IN THINKING THIS? – OF COURSE I AM – THE ALL FOUND IN THE EVERYTHING IS ATOMS AND MOLECULES CONNECTED BY SPIRAL ENERGY IN SHEETS – WHICH CAUSES DENSITY – IN CLEARING ALL OF THE ENERGIES OF PAST HURTS YOU ARE ABLE TO TAP INTO THE DEEPEST PARTS OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS – WHERE ALL THE ANCIENT KNOWLEDGE IS STORED BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT DATA WISDOM KNOWLEDGE FEELINGS ETC ARE – THEYRE ENERGIES – JUST LIKE OUR DNA – IN FACT I HAVE SOME PICTURES SHOWING HOW THE UNIVERSE – DNA – AND OTHER THINGS ARE CONNECTED

THIS IS ALSO HOW OUR UNIVERSE IS SHAPED/WORKS – IT IS ONE LONG VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY – IM NOT SURE IF IT HAS AN ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD AROUND IT AS IT DOES NOT CONTAIN AS MUCH MASS AND IS BIGGER THAN THE EARTH – PLANET EARTH HAS MORE DENSITY AND IS RELATIVELY SMALLER AND MADE UP OF DIFFERENT ATOMS AND MOLECULES THAN THAT OF THE UNIVERSE – SO I FEEL THAT THE EARTH HAS A SHORTER VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY THAT CAUSES THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD THAT PROTECTS US – THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD IS AFFECTED BY THOSE THAT INHABIT HER PLANET – THE MORE DAMAGE WE DO TO OUR PLANET YET DON’T CHANGE OUR FREQUENCY TO MATCH HERS OR TO BRING HERS UP DUE TO OUR LACK OF AWARENESS ON CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE BELIEF IN OURSELVES AND OTHERS – THAT AFFECTS HER ABILITY TO REGENERATE AS WELL AS THE FACT THAT WE ARE RAPING HER OF HER NATURAL RESOURCES NEEDED IN ORDER TO KEEP THE BALANCE IN HER NATURAL ECOSYSTEM – WE ARE WEAKENING HER ABILITY TO PROTECT US FROM THE DANGERS FOUND IN SPACE THAT WE ARE VULNERABLE TO – ALL THIS CAN BE FOUND IN THAT CAVE DRAWING IF ONE IS ATTUNED TO THE SOPHIA FREQUENCY – THE FREQUENCY THAT HAS THE ABILITY TO SHORTEN THE LIFE OF OTHER FREQUENCIES BECAUSE OF FRACTAL PATTERNING – THE ENERGETIC FIELD THAT I CAN SEE WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES SHOWS ME WHAT THE ANCIENTS HAVE BEEN DEPICTING ON THE WALLS OF THEIR TEMPLES – THE SOPHIA ENERGY FIELD IS THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD OF THE EARTH AND THE SPACE AROUND US ON EARTH AND IN SPACE – EVERYTHING IS MADE UP OF SPIRAL ENERGY WHICH IS HOW VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES WORK – IT’S THE DIVINE FAMILY OF ALL THE CREATION MYTHS – ITS ALL OF THE CREATION MYTHS FOUND IN SCIENCE – ITS ALL ONE ESSENCE – WE ARE ALL FRACTAL PATTERNING AND VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY SPIRAL ENERGY – ITS IN OUR DNA – ITS IN THE COSMOS – PERSONALITY TRAITS ARE ENERGIES AS WELL – THEY ARE FOUND IN THE ASTROLOGICAL CHARTS FOUND IN THE SKY – ANTHROPOLOGICAL TRAITS AND FEATURES ARE FOUND IN SETS IN DNA AND IN THE STARS – ALL THE TRAITS AND LOOKS OF A HUMAN CAN BE FOUND IN ALL THE CELESTIAL BODIES IN THE COSMOS – JUST SKEW YOUR VIEW BY HUMANIZING EACH CELESTIAL BODY AND YOU WILL SEE IT – JUST AS I DO WHEN I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND WHEN I LOOK AT NATURE AND WHEN I LOOK AT RELIGIOUS SYMBOLS OR WHEN I READ RELIGIOUS TEXTS – IT ALL READS THE SAME TO ME AS I CAN SEE THE PATTERNS AND APPLY THEM ACCORDINGLY – JUST AS I SEE THAT SOME BEHAVIORAL TRAITS ARE FOUND WITH A CERTAIN SET OF APPERANCE GENOMES – IF THAT’S THE CORRECT TERM – THEY ARE GROUPED TOGETHER JUST AS THE ATOMS AND MOLECULES OF THE SKIN AND ORGANS ETC… THEY ARE GROUPED TOGETHER WHERE THEY WILL FUNCTION AT THE BEST OF THEIR ABILITY TO MAKE THE HUMAN BODY WORK LIKE A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF SYNCHRONISTIC ART – COUPLED WITH THE BRAIN, THE NERVOUS SYSTEM, AND THE ENERGIES THAT MAKE UP THE ENTIRE BODY ALL WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE UP WHAT WE CALL CONSCIOUSNESS – FROM THE MOMENT WE WERE BACTERIA OR SINGLE CELLED ORGANISMS – ONCE WE BECAME AWARE OF HOW WE WORKED THE SOPHIA FREQUENCY – EVOLUTION ENERGY – CAME ABOUT AND CHANGED EVERYTHING – AND THEN THERE WOULD BE AN IMBALANCE SOMEWHERE IN THE COSMOS AND PLANET EARTH AND THERE WOULD BE A CATASTROPHE – THE CATASTROPHE IS BROUGHT ON BY THE UNIVERSE AND THE LAW OF ATTRACTION -  MEANING HER FREQUENCY WOULD BRING IN WHAT WAS NEEDED IN ORDER TO BRING ABOUT BALANCE IF LEFT UNCHECKED – OR IF THERE WAS BALANCE AFTER THE SOPHIA FREQUENCY CAME IN THEN WE WOULD FLOURISH UNTIL THERE WAS AN IMBALANCE IN THE ENERGETIC FIELDS – LEFT UNCHECKED – NATURES WAY OF BALANCING STEPS IN – THE ANCIENTS KNEW THIS AND I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES – THE MYTH STORIES WERE CREATED TO EXPLAIN THE WAY THE WORLD AND THE COSMOS CAME ABOUT – THE THING IS – THE WAY THAT THE ENERGETIC FIELD AND VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES WORK IS THAT THE HIGHER YOU VIBRATE – WHICH IS LOVE – IT’S THE MOST POWERFUL ENERGY FOUND ON THE PLANET – THE MORE LOVE AND FAITH GIVEN TO THESE CREATION MYTHS – THESE STORIES WERE GIVEN THE POWER OF LIFE – WE GAVE THE STORIES LIFE AND THAT’S WHAT BRINGS PEACE AND LOVE AND HARMONY TO THOSE THAT BELIEVE AS WELL AS IN THE HELPING OF MAKING THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE FOR THEMSELVES AND FOR THE ONES THEY PRAYED FOR – YET ITS ALL THE SAME STORY – NO MATTER IF YOU LOOK AT IT MATHEMATICALLY – OR PHILOSOPHICALLY – SCIENTIFICALLY – OR RELIGIOUSLY – OR AGNOSTICALLY OR GNOSTICALLY – OR SPIRITUALLY – OR ORGANICALLY OR IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE COSMIC BROS THEORY – THEY ARE ORGANICALLY MADE AS WELL AND THEY ARE A PART OF THE FRACTALING ENERGY AND THEY ARE ON THEIR OWN PLANETS AND I HAVE SEEN THEM AND TALKED TO THEM MY ENTIRE LIFE – THEY WATCHED OUT FOR ME AND EVEN TOLD ME THAT I WOULD BE IMPORTANT TO HUMANITY ONE DAY – I NOW SEE WHY – MATIAS DE STEFANO HAS SPOKEN TO THEM AS WELL – THEY ARE HIS GUIDES AS THEY ARE MINE – YOU CAN LOOK AT US AS AN EXPERIMENT BUT THEN YOU WOULD HAVE TO SEE THE COSMIC BROS AS PART OF THE EXPERIMENT AS WELL – WE ALL ARE – THEY WERE BORN JUST AS WE WERE – THE SOPHIA FREQUENCY IS THE TUNING FORK OF ALL OF THE VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCIES – SHE CAN MATCH ALL OF THEM AND WHEN SHE DOES A SYMPHONY BEGINS – SOUND WHICH LED TO HIGH VIBRATION WHICH LED TO AN EXPLOSION OF LIGHT WHICH LED TO THE START OF ALL OF THIS BEAUTIFUL LIFE THAT WE SEE BEFORE US – MY PURPOSE HERE TODAY IS TO BRING THIS TO EVERYONES ATTENTION SO THAT YOU SEE HOW BEAUTIFUL WE ARE AND SO THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO SEE THE BEAUTY IN OTHERS SO THAT WE MAY STOP JUDGING EACH OTHERS ATTEMPTS AT SELF EXPRESSION AND PUT IN ITS PLACE COMPASSION UNDERSTANDING KINDNESS AND LOVE – ESPECIALLY LOVE – SO THAT THERE IS NO MORE WAR AND INTOLERANCE AND OPPRESSION OF WHAT ONE BELIEVES IN – SO THAT THERE IS AN UNDERSTANDING AND A CONNECTION TO BE FELT WITHIN ALL OF US – MY HOPE IS TO BRING ALL OF US TOGETHER – IN ESSENCE AS ONE BUT IN INDIVIDUATION WE ARE UNIQUE AND DIFFERENT AND LOVING THAT ABOUT ONE ANOTHER IS WHAT I MOST WISH FOR AS THAT IS WHERE OUR DIVERSITY IS OUR HUGEST STRENGTH AS WELL AS OUR ABILITY TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND AND LEARN FROM EACH OTHERS UNIQUE PERSPECTIVES – THIS HAS BEEN RESEARCHED, THOUGHT OUT AND CONNECTED INTO ONE BY

MARIZA MUNOZ

AKA

LILY OLIVIANNA JONQUILLE

HUMAN EXPANSIVENESS RESEARCH

H.E.R.

MY OWN FIELD OF STUDY WHICH I WOULD LOVE TO SEE GROW AND SEEN AND UNDERSTOOD BY THE ENTIRE WORLD AND COSMOS