Psychotherapy and Mental Well-Being

Children are naturally curious. If that curiosity is combined with courage and confidence, the child will become an avid learner able to overcome challenges and obstacles. Unfortunately, that is not always the case when it comes to learning the piano, where a perfectionist attitude is often imposed onto the student, taking precedence over curiosity, individuality and self-worth. Some students will be able to come through such a system becoming proficient pianists through their gifts of physical coordination and ability to focus. As for the rest, they may likely never touch the piano again after the torturing journey to complete the ABRSM Grade 8 exam - a dream of enjoyment through making music left unfulfilled, then propagated to the next generation in the hope that genetic mutations will produce an offspring with adequate physical and mental gifts. 

The optimal learning experience is one that is driven by the student's curiosity, therefore the primary role of the teacher is to ensure that the curiosity is nurtured and protected from the judgemental or shaming voices of society. If the curiosity has gone missing, then the primary goal is to provide a safe space for it to re-emerge. Therefore knowledge about psychotherapy and mental well-being is crucial in the nurturing of a young mind, and I hope the reading list below will help us find ways to incorporate mental health concerns with the day-to-day task of getting around the piano. 

學琴與心理健康的關係

學習的成果是好是壞，乃取決於學生的好奇心；對事物好奇便會渴望知道更多，從而養成好學的心態。欠缺好奇心的學生，只會服從指示去讀書練琴（或者是不服從指示），不會培養出內在的求知慾。然而，好奇心理應是我們與生俱來的本性，為何會有學生出現欠缺好奇心的情況呢？這視乎他平常以甚麼模式去生活；或者準確一點說，這取決於他是在求生（surviving）還是在生活（living）。我們試想一下較極端的例子吧：假設一個孩子經常被責罵，原因大概是父母與老師很緊張他，必須要他依著正確的道路成長，但副作用可能是令到孩子感受不到家庭或學校的接納，感受不到一個安樂的容身之所，也就是整天都活在一個驚恐的狀態，擔心何時又會再被責罵一番。任何動物在驚恐的時候，都有三個選項：反抗（fight），逃跑（flight），僵化／裝死（freeze）。這個孩子不敢對師長反抗，不敢逃跑到外面的世界，唯有就是把自己的思想壓制，因為每一句話每一個動作都可能招來痛苦的後果；甚麼都不想、甚麼都不做是最安全的方案，這就是在僵化的狀態下求生。在這狀態，自尊、勇氣、好奇心、同理心、獨立思維等等都變成損害生存機會的東西，都要一併放棄；服從才是生存之道。

慶幸的是，這些極端情況是罕見的。但練習鋼琴很容易會進入一個追求完美的思想模式，當「完美」這個概念成為了練琴的宗旨，學生變相要取得「完美」這位音樂老師的接納；但完美在世界上並不存在，學生得到的只會是否定，每次練琴都被否定，從而變得焦慮，於是我們又回到那三個選項：反抗（發脾氣），逃跑（找各種原因不彈琴），僵化（把思想壓制）。

有誰不希望學生在彈琴當中可以找到樂趣？大家都有不同的想法去達到這個享受彈琴的境界：「只有好好保存好奇心才有機會享受彈琴」、「只有努力練琴才能駕馭鋼琴然後找到樂趣」；或，「只有認真做每一件事情，生命才會有成就」。各種原因都有它們的道理，而我在這裡跟大家分享的只是我自己一些關於心理輔導概括，如果大家覺得上面的敘述也有道理的話，不妨繼續閱讀以下的書籍。大家也可以留意一下孩子在甚麼情況下會失去好奇心。有些孩子可能對某些科目會保存好奇心而在其他科目把它壓制，那我們就可以借機會觀察好奇心對學習的影響。

“The word 'education' comes from the root e from ex, out, and duco, I lead. It means a leading out. To me education is a leading out of what is already there in the pupil's soul. To Miss Mackay it is a putting in of something that is not there, and that is not what I call education, I call it intrusion, from the Latin root prefix in meaning in and the stem trudo, I thrust.”

Murial Spark, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, No Drama Discipline

Daniel J. Siegel, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain

Hilary Jacobs Hendel, It's Not Always Depression 

Brené Brown, Daring Greatlly

Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection