Fat Man

Barbara and I sat in the Phoenix, Arizona airport avoiding the one hundred ten degree heat outside. It was July, nineteen ninety. Barbara read her book while I watched the interesting folks you always see in airports as they walk by. The fat man was trying to ease the pain in his little feet by bearing some of his weight on a cane. His tent-like shirt was not tucked in his pants, he wore a flimsy cloth white cap with a short visor like young boys used to wear in cities. Gangsters and taxi drivers wore that type of hat in the thirties. His dark beard was turning gray. He looked like a man in his fifties. He approached the information counter. Three lady airline clerks burst into laughter. I heard the fat man mention he was on his way to "a little place called Lake Have-A-Shoe, and I don't know where it is."

The fat man was a talker and everything he said seemed to make the airline clerks laugh. He was joyfully complaining about the heat as he mopped his brow with his handkerchief, and he asked for coins to make a telephone call. The open phone booth was on the other side of the wide hall accross from me, and he sat half facing us as he repeatedly inserted coins and dialed numbers. Occasionally someone answered him on the phone and he began explaining, "Hello, is this the Universal Studio tour operator? I'm here in Phoenix. I'm on my way to a little place called Lake Have-A-Shoe. The studio wants me there at Universal in three days, and I need someone to give me a ride or arrange for transportation or whatever you do to get me there. Yes, I can hold." [pause] "Damn, she cut me off."

He dialed more numbers and continued to put coins in the pay phone and either got wrong numbers or the studio operators cut him off. He wouldn't give up trying but he complained to a stranger passing by, "You sure have to dial a lot of numbers to make a phone call here."

He continued his effort to make his call and sat there without luck for at least twenty minutes putting in coins, dialing, waiting and getting cut off. He frequently wiped perspiration from his face and neck.

[In 1983 my barbershop quartet was auditioned to do a new musical play in Vista, California. The Raisin' Caine won the singing part in the play, and I was selected to play the character Melvin P. Thorpe who performs the title song, Texas Has A Whore-house In It. A movie had been made of the Broadway musical play, but I did not want my acting to be influenced. I didn't go see the movie until after our performances. My children coached me. I learned to play the television muckraker character, Melvin P. Thorpe. In the play Melvin uses his T.V. show to influence the authorities and close down the Texas Whore-house. The whorehouse was called the Chicken Ranch because many of the clients paid for their pleasure with live chickens who were raised there for profit. Our play ran for six performances.

At the Phoenix airport the fat man sat waiting for the operator to call him back, hopefully, with his studio connection on the line. He was waiting patiently. He smiled as I introduced myself and I asked, "Do you remember a movie character you played named Melvin P. Thorpe?"

He said, "Of course I do, 'Right here in River City.' No, no. That's not the one. Best Little Whore-house. That's it, with Burt Reynolds, me, and Dolly Parton. Wasn't that a marvelous script? Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, John Browne." Dom de Luis smiled and held out his hand, and I shook it.

Dom de Luis will be remembered for his comedy roles. We should also remember him for the serious role he played in the movie Fatso in 1980. He was the star with Ann Bancroft and Candice Azzara. It is a love story with Dom and Candice playing the lovers. The acting was excellent by all the cast, and the movie was superior. I feel the re-runs will go on forever.

At the airport Dom was finally hustled away from the phone booth by a hostess to catch his plane. She told him she was hired to perform multiple duties for the airport. As he left he shouted back to me, "If the phone rings, tell them I've gone to a place called Lake Have-A-Shoe."