1. Integrate quotations correctly and with finesse.
Do not, under any circumstances, write “This quote shows.” (a) It’s boring, and (b) “quote” is a verb, not a noun.
Do not, under any circumstances, join a quotation to a complete sentence with just a comma.
2. Avoid unnecessary words.
The sentence below is too wordy, which makes the ideas difficult to follow. Reword it for conciseness and clarity.
Something changes Kurtz from the man he once was – the man his Intended thinks he is – into the man he is when Marlow meets him. devoid of morals and emotion.
3. Avoid the passive voice.
Most style handbooks will tell you to use active verb constructions (“Richard threw me the ball”) rather than passive verb constructions (“The ball was thrown to me by Richard”) whenever possible. Active verbs are more interesting and engaging; passive constructions make your writing sound distant and are unnecessarily wordy. Too many passive verbs result in an essay that sounds long-winded and pretentious; I also find that students are more likely to write grammatically incorrect or awkward sentences when they overuse the passive voice.
Restructure the following sentences to avoid the passive voice:
Pressure is placed upon Orwell by the townspeople to kill the creature, even though his actions are unjust.
In both Arnold’s poem and Conrad’s novella it is shown that society wears a mask of idealism.
4. Avoid generalities.
Don’t use vague terms like “positive” or “negative ” because they seem safer or because you don’t know exactly what you mean – figure out what you mean and write that instead.
Revise the following sentence to be more specific and precise.
“Shooting an Elephant” and Heart of Darkness explore the theme of colonialism and portrays it in a negative light.
“Negative” is vague – what exactly are the texts showing about colonialism? That it’s cruel? That it destroys the colonists? That it’s a cover for materialistic desires? Aim for precision – try to nail down your exact point.
5. Don’t be afraid of ambiguity and nuance.
Don’t say that two things are exactly alike if they aren’t. Sometimes you may feel pressured by your thesis into making overly strong claims – resist the temptation. Everything in your essay doesn’t have to be black and white; you can acknowledge shades of gray.
6. Use transitions to make connections clear.
Words and phrases like “however,” “nevertheless,” “therefore,” “not only . . . but also” make your writing less choppy and help show how ideas relate to one another.
Make sure you transition between paragraphs as well; the topic sentence of the second paragraph should contain a reference to the first paragraph’s main idea.
Topic Sentence #1: In Heart of Darkness, Kurtz’s character changes under the influence of Africa.
Topic Sentence #2: Like Kurtz, Orwell finds that his behavior alters when he is the role of the colonist.
7. Say something interesting in your conclusion.
Contrary to what you may remember from seventh grade, a good conclusion does not simply reword your thesis or sum up what you’ve already said. Instead, the best conclusions attempt to answer the question “So what?” In other words, how does this argument or line of thinking lead to greater understanding?
Thesis: Both Conrad and Arnold show that civilization is only beautiful on the surface; what lies beneath is dark and disturbing.
Conclusion: Both Arnold’s poem and Conrad’s novella show that society wears a mask of idealism. In Heart of Darkness, the mask is revealed and removed, but still preserved on the face of the Intended. In “Dover Beach,” the harsh truths are also revealed, but the narrator tries to find solace in his love. In both pieces of literature, it can be shown that the interest of preserving the beauty of society, even if it is false, is there. This false “land of dreams” is what spawns creators and art and discovery. The characters of Arnold’s and Conrad’s works find dark truths throughout their lives, but are still able to recognize the importance of the light even if they cannot accept it themselves anymore.
Some Good Thesis Statements:
Both Heart of Darkness and “Dover Beach” present ideas of the truth of the world and darkness and helplessness of humanity.
Both Marlow and Orwell realize that the motives of colonization are deceptive and that the truth reveals a much less noble motivation.
Under pressure, both Kurtz and Orwell surrender to outside forces and ultimately destroy innocent lives.
Both Kurtz and Joan are hopelessly controlled by greed and a desire for wealth that ultimately becomes their downfall.
Both Heart of Darkness and “Dover Beach” suggest that most people live in a dream world of illusions, which shields them from reality.