1. Integrate quotations correctly and with finesse.
2. Avoid unnecessary words.
The sentence below is too wordy, which makes the ideas difficult to follow. Reword it for conciseness and clarity.
Something changes Kurtz from the man he once was – the man his Intended thinks he is – into the man he is when Marlow meets him. devoid of morals and emotion.
3. Avoid the passive voice.
Most style handbooks will tell you to use active verb constructions (“Richard threw me the ball”) rather than passive verb constructions (“The ball was thrown to me by Richard”) whenever possible. Active verbs are more interesting and engaging; passive constructions make your writing sound distant and are unnecessarily wordy. Too many passive verbs result in an essay that sounds long-winded and pretentious; I also find that students are more likely to write grammatically incorrect or awkward sentences when they overuse the passive voice.
Restructure the following sentences to avoid the passive voice:
4. Avoid generalities.
Don’t use vague terms like “positive” or “negative ” because they seem safer or because you don’t know exactly what you mean – figure out what you mean and write that instead.
Revise the following sentence to be more specific and precise.
“Negative” is vague – what exactly are the texts showing about colonialism? That it’s cruel? That it destroys the colonists? That it’s a cover for materialistic desires? Aim for precision – try to nail down your exact point.
5. Don’t be afraid of ambiguity and nuance.
Don’t say that two things are exactly alike if they aren’t. Sometimes you may feel pressured by your thesis into making overly strong claims – resist the temptation. Everything in your essay doesn’t have to be black and white; you can acknowledge shades of gray.
6. Use transitions to make connections clear.
Words and phrases like “however,” “nevertheless,” “therefore,” “not only . . . but also” make your writing less choppy and help show how ideas relate to one another.
Make sure you transition between paragraphs as well; the topic sentence of the second paragraph should contain a reference to the first paragraph’s main idea.
7. Say something interesting in your conclusion.
Contrary to what you may remember from seventh grade, a good conclusion does not simply reword your thesis or sum up what you’ve already said. Instead, the best conclusions attempt to answer the question “So what?” In other words, how does this argument or line of thinking lead to greater understanding?
Thesis: Both Conrad and Arnold show that civilization is only beautiful on the surface; what lies beneath is dark and disturbing.
Conclusion: Both Arnold’s poem and Conrad’s novella show that society wears a mask of idealism. In Heart of Darkness, the mask is revealed and removed, but still preserved on the face of the Intended. In “Dover Beach,” the harsh truths are also revealed, but the narrator tries to find solace in his love. In both pieces of literature, it can be shown that the interest of preserving the beauty of society, even if it is false, is there. This false “land of dreams” is what spawns creators and art and discovery. The characters of Arnold’s and Conrad’s works find dark truths throughout their lives, but are still able to recognize the importance of the light even if they cannot accept it themselves anymore.
Some Good Thesis Statements: