Hash No: #96 - XXX-mas & White Elephant Trail

Date: Dec 19, 2010

Hares: Curb Job, Nuclear Jism, NFHN Jeff

Greetings Y’all,

This was one fun white elephant! We gathered up in Nuclear Jism’s garage which was nice and cozy filled with plenty of booze, hot chocolate, and a roaring electric fire place. It was exactly how you would expect Christmas to be in a trailer park. To complete the feeling he decided to cram it full of half minds and drunkards who proceeded to leave clothing strewn around and drink up all the booze.

We had a bunch of long time no see-ers show up for this trail of trails and asked where they had been they simply responded “It’s complicated and we don’t want to get into it.” Being the understanding and non-prying person that I am I let it go… or did I. Here is my theory on why these people no longer show up. It is a simple matter of fluid dynamics and lack of callipygian, enough said.

We all were reacquainted and bonded as only hashers can bond and drank copious amounts of booze in Nuclear Jism’s garage or as he calls is Cloud City hanger bay 69. It was all going well until some jack ass went to pour him or herself some hot chocolate and ripped the entire nozzle off causing hot chocolate to fly everywhere as this person ran out of hanger bay 69 with the jug in hand. The hot chocolate was eventually contained and peace was restored to our drinking merriment.

At some point we blessed the hares with some dried up abortion (red flour) and they were off. We spent out 15 minutes drinking, laughing, and pulling out jean shorts from nukes garbage bin which Deer Penthouse Harbedelharughh quickly put on to keep warm.

After a rather long Joe the button pusher we were off very slowly in pursuit of booze and fun on trail. This trail was marked so bad it reminded me of my report card in school (hehe we have lots of teachers who will find that statement funny because its topical to their profession… Hmmm Tropical Topical… I digress). Seeing as how all the hares were walking the marks should have been closer together unlike Sizzles Mothers legs which are always far apart.

Our first of many fun checks was a Dance Break, We danced it up like a Charlie Brown Christmas while Herpicles just spun like a Draeidel. Just a jaunt around the corner was our first tasty green shot check stored in a snow bank. While at the check a snow ball fight was started and people were peeing on pallets.

Back on trail Herpicles and Sizzle Sac were sword fighting with some random pieces of trail treasure they had found over who would win in a fight a Black Swan or a White Swan. They both had valid points but they were both wrong its always the duck.

Foreskin Bloody Foreskin decided to get involved and stole a kiss from Sizzle Sac who wacked him so hard with his stick he started to cry like a little meatball. Foreskin Bloody Foreskin then stole Herpicle’s stick and wacked Sizzle Sac so hard he cried like only big girls can. See How Big Is Your Flower for more on this.

Our next tasty shot check was like the green one only red which I am now realizing Red + Green = XMAS. We hung around for awhile tossing more snow balls and goofing off with banter.

At some point we arrived back at start and proceeded to de-shoe and enter nukes house aka Jabbas palace and feast upon food and more drink. We had a load of fun violations from this trail and for some reason a trail last year. After all was said and done it was time for a naming. Just Susan was to be named and so she was… What it is I don’t remember but trust me she was named.

On to the gifts ! It was your typical mayhem with people stealing the booze and being stuck with old shoes or a new bottle of Patron. Some people left happy and other bitter but we all had fun in some way. But alas the day had to end and we all stumbled out of Nuclear Jism’s home so he could sex up his newly named Harriet.

Things We Learned

All The Way In – Looks like a tall elf

Deer Penthouse Harbedelharughh – Smells like a garbage can.

Dustballs – Is back in business

Foreskin Bloody Foreskin – Hates Italy

Loose Change – Howls at a full moon

No Cunt Entry for Airman – Needs a home

One Hand No Job – Needs a Job

Pyro – Wants to know what the fuck you are talking about.

Soft Serve Custer – Could be a Moyle with all the cutting off he does

Spitz.Cum – Has a horny head that won’t stop

Taste The Rainblow – Can’t keep secrets