Hash Trash - Trail 379

Hillbilly Hash House Harriers Hash Trail Trail #379 "Soft Titties Trail"

24 January 2016

Hares: Soft Serve Custer and Femme Fecal

Location: Menlough Estates Warrenton VA

Well, it was a sunny day, thanks of course to the RA, because that is one of "those responsibilities", so success there.....however, the 2+ feet of snow that hit the area in the days prior to this most EPIC trail made both the RA and the GM FAIL in the rest of their duties....yes, I am dragging them both into this! The Hare Raiser did her job....Custer and Femme showed up....this little bit of snow led to NOT one Hillbilly showing up....You Fair Weather Hashers!

The Hares kept the pack up to speed on trail status using everything available, inter-webs, smoke signals, teletype and shouting into the Hollers so that no HB went uninformed. There were hasher promises that no matter what, just like Postmen, "Not rain, nor hail nor wind or snow" will stop us - we (Hillbilly Hashers) WILL be at start on Sunday 24 January..One Hasher posted pictures of his huge plow with promises to pick up any hasher needing to get to this trail....but even that hasher lied.....Wanker!

Femme Fecal made it to Warrenton on Saturday in the middle of the worst part of the storm, the winds were raging and the drifts were...drifting...but she was damn sure going to lay.....the trail, not Custer, get your damn minds out of the gutter! Femme and Custer made up the beer checks, the shot checks and Custer tested out Femme's famous nude body shots....Great Googly Moogly....them are gooooooooood!

Then, Femme and Custer, up early on Sunday, started getting AM communications.....the hares got texts of pictures of snowed in cars, texts of "sorry, can't make it, my HOA or management folks promised to dig us out....." And a bunch of other whining....when Custer lay's a trail, they are epic, you all know it....so there was a lot of "real sorry man....wanted to be there, but......" And other similar smarmy lies.

So Femme and Custer shrugged their shoulders, grabbed the flour bags, beer, and shots, and Femme put on a jacket, she couldn't let silly-villains (non Hashers) see the "nude body shot presentation" and headed to start.....at start, well, here it begins....some interested locals and some lapsed Hashers stopped shoveling and snow blowing when Femme laid out "chalk talk" and put a little chaff in her flour bag...she is way nicer than Custer....he threw some white flour on the snow and laughed...."let the pack follow that" he said...."Oh yeah, What pack??" Bunch of fat lazy bastards, making us hash all alone!"....but the Virgins and lapsed Hashers....well, some were interested and others, not so much....so, at 1231....Custer gave you wankers an extra minute....a true trail arrow was drawn in the snow....and a plow immediately made it disappear...and the Hares were off!

Trail led through what is normally an established paved path but was under 2 feet of drifts, and the hares bravely plunged through down a hill and cut across fields and under trees and into the woods. The first beer check was laid by the local PD cars....hell, they aren't coming out, it is next to a Krispy Kreme...so they would not care....This was were the Virgins and lapsed Hashers decided this trail was a bit too much for them....and decided to head back and do more snow removal......the hares then went back into the shiggy, down into a drainage tunnel (no snow, so there wouldn't be any bitching!)....about 2 miles of tunnels - about half mile in is where the nude body check occurred and Femme waited, and waited...this Harriet has never had to wait for Hashers to partake her nude body shots, much disappointed, she packed up her shots, shed a tear...not for her, but for YOU...she knows what you missed......and the hares came out on the other side of town in the woods, more shiggy, natch! And then a few back checks....a beer check and shot check.....and finish....but Red Hot and Blue was closed.....not that it mattered. You weren't going to partake.

Circle was held with Custer and Femme, violations were plenty. There was a reading of "The Cremation of Sam McGee" and Sour would have have been in the stocks for general principle, so she went in...well, in a pretend way, like you all pretended that you were cumming to trail.....Custer did get violated for tech at circle, but that was just to keep you all informed of what you were missing while tucked into your warm little hovels, you bastards!

All in all, THIS was the trail of the year, and you missed it. And since no can dispute it, Femme and Custer state that these were the events and you can all kiss it, since you weren't on trail!