Hash Trash - Trail 364

The weather was spectacular, the hare, Soft Serve Custer was sitting in the shade when the first of many hashers to arrive came barreling into the gravel area next to Cedar Run which was running cold, wet, fast (Class 7 at least!) and deep - at least 10' over it's normal level....were Sour Snatch and SpEd Forces....story's from Red Dress and BLT were shared when Cock Ring Master showed up with EOD right behind him.....no, not that close you bunch of pervs! Whispers that Dust Balls may show up were discussed when low and behold.....he comes screeching up in a cloud of Dust....hmmmmmm seems his name is most fortuitous...someone most know something others don't!

Many pre-lube beers were shared, the hare stocked up on flour and toilet paper....it appeared much tall grass was in the planning of this trail....the RA following all protocol, if such thing can be accomplished by Hillbilly's, gathered the pack, called Custer in circle, the hare was blessed...said he "only needed 7 minute head start" - it's Custer after all, and damn, he is fast! He looked around as if deciding which way to take the pack, then limped off in one direction flinging flour to make sure no one got lost.....the pack just shrugged their collective shoulders...."meh.....he ain't worth catching and he probably pre-laid anyway" someone muttered (EOD most likely)....a few more beers were consumed and the RA gathered the pack into a loose circle....and then Wacks and Spurts and Fire in the Cornhole came driving up .....the pack waited for them to get their late arriving asses in order and then....with a very short "Joe the Button Pusher"....they were off....

Following the trail, well laid by Custer by all accounts, the pack encountered the first obstacle....a tall fence....not deterred, they helped each other over and then....they were off again....trail was well marked and at the first intersection (Tit Check), EOD whipped them out, Sour and SpED argued but determined the path went right across the creek....but Custer fooled them....a well marked FALSE trail sent them back again....the pack meandered up the trail again and found themselves at yet another intersection....this time Sour showed them off (meh) and once again! Custer fooled them with another false creek crossing....these wankers are seasoned hashers???? Me thinks....NOT!

The trail went on over hill and dale for well over a mile when Custer's level of foolery was cracked by.....a bunch of ants???? The ants, crawling all over the crusty toilet paper wrapped around bushes and branches, were a sign to some of these wiley hashers that perhaps this part of trail was pre-laid....Custer denies this.... the half mile YBF portion of the trail was ignored and Cock Ring and Dusty found the well hidden true trail deep in the chest high grass in the opposite direction of the YBF.....Wacks and Spurts found 2 rolls of double ply toilet paper that Custer had lost on trail....more on that later! Trail then wound and wound and wound through some very heavy shiggy and eventually the pack found themselves crossing the creek, not once, not twice, but three times....each time the level got deeper! Custer took them into over-head, class 4 white water and damn near drowned the pack! He would have felt guilty, but with all the military veterans in the pack, there was true team work demonstrated and everyone made it across, and across, and across again! Nowhere else can one find true dedication of looking out for the pack than Hillbilly Hash House Harriers!

Trail then made a wide turn around a beautiful scenic pasture where at the tree line the first beverage check was found....the pack was soaked to the skin and exhausted from the vortex that was Cedar Run....even though Rule #34 wasn't invoked by the Hare, the pack went through all the beer and water that Custer generously left for a pack - 3 times the amount needed for the size that braved this trail - probably enough for all of the RDR attendee's, but it was greatly appreciated by the pack that came to the RDR 2015 Recovery Trail (copyrighted).....after some well deserved relaxation, the pack was off again....and then......slowed way down by the sheer shigginess of the trail laid by Custer, damn him! He always finds the most shiggy no matter where he lays trail! Trail went up and down elevations that defy physics in the area, but well marked....Custer even made sure to avoid some very vicious dogs that would have ripped the pack apart if he had gotten them much closer.....Then the pack found themselves in the clear woods, how generous of Custer after the mess he just took them through! The next section confused ALL of the pack....with the exception of Fire in the Cornhole who was not to be delayed from the shot check....while the rest of these "trail followers" fell for the half mile False Trail, Fire was already at the gallon shot check that was waiting for the pack - well chilled and deeeelischious! Again, Rule #34 was self invoked by the pack. The rest of trail was just as remarkable...when finally they found themselves at Finish.....it looked just like Start except from a different angle. Custer had just gotten there ahead of them exhausted and just out of flour. He shared with the pack that they had almost caught him at the beer check, so it was a good thing he left enough beer to drown them since Cedar Run didn't!

Right at finish there was one final creek crossing, Cock Ring had to save Sour Snatch who once again almost drowned crossing the deep and cold running water, Hash Gods bless Cock Ring Master and his Coast Guard training! Who knows what hashing in VA would be like after the drowning and funeral of Sour Snatch on a Custer trail! So, those who can envision that, you can blame Cock Ring Master and his Coast Guard life saving training!

Circle lasted almost 2 hours with the violations of Custer which started off with him being wrapped up like a mummy with the toilet paper that he lost on trail....see....I told you we would get back to that! At the end of circle, which was almost as long as this Hash Trash, Custer got his second or third....? Hare Patch! When you come out and hare as often as he has, you too can get one of those cool ass patches!....and shortly after that, Queerly I'm Straight drove in, he almost started trail but after the length of times it took the first group, not to mention all the beverages were gone, he was handed a beer and told to stay for the On After...then gravel wrestling between Custer and Fire in the Corn Hole started.....Custer had Fire pinned to the dirt in no time flat and when Fire cried "Uncle", Custer let him up, but that "lying sack of Cornhole" then drove Custer into the ground....after some slick moves, Custer was up and declared the victor! He didn't win anything but bragging rights!

This is my version of things and unless you take the time to write something up disputing it, I am sticking too it!

SSC