A factory in China has just reported record orders for police and military uniforms, and fake attachments like walkie talkies, tasers, handcuffs, and riot gear.

Our intrepid team of investigative journalists traced the order to a cave in Bradfordstan where Alan Quader has set up his control center. Inside the cave, power is provided by a team of monkeys pedalling bicycles, and international communication connections are provided by a team of people sitting on sofas smoking first-shake hashish, known as sat-alights.

By examining their cave paintings while they were inattentive during a particularly stoned session, we were able to determine their plan. They intend to provide, free of charge, a uniform and equipment to anyone who would like to make the police or army look stupid. The idea is that at every convention/protest, no civilians will be visible, because everyone will be wearing cops uniforms or riot gear. This entitles the disguised protesters to behave far more aggressively than they could otherwise, and in fact they are able to arrest those police who do not know the official password - 'Upyakilt', which was suggested by a Scottish-Arabian mother of one of the power providing monkeys.

The first official protest is planned to be at the suppliers of nuclear submarines to the world's best water polo players. Anyone in uniform who cannot respond with the official password when challenged, will be arrested, shackled into a railway box car, and shipped off to one of the official concentration camps, where they will be taught to concentrate.

Some of the worst offenders are subjected to extratradition, where they are forced to eat porridge and toss cabers until they provide information as to where their boss has stashed his bailout money.

Delivery of the equipment is scheduled in time for the next full blue moon, which will be marked by millions around the world dropping their trousers, or lifting their kilts. and revealing their posteriors.

-------------------------------

"New Culture" world party

Ron Paul, George Galloway, Victor Chavez, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have created a "New Culture" world party, and are the easy favourites to be elected as the new world leaders. They have all stated that a co-operative world is more desirable than a competitive one, and have produced a manifesto which proposes a top cabinet of these four people

They all agree that less government is the best government, and therefore propose to help small communities of about 500 people to develop their own independent lifestyles, with the "New Culture" government simply playing an advisory role.

All military personnel are asked to return to their homes to instigate survival plans for their family, in the aftermath of the disasters created by the insanity of the financial controllers. A special modification is proposed for all high rise buildings, in order to make it easier for the financial twerps who have been trying to control the world to defenestrate. Quick release window catches are in huge demand, and window catch manufacturing is the only business sector that is showing substantial growth. The world population problem is expected to right itself as a result of the mass defenestrations, and the decomposing bodies of defenestrated financial workers are expected to help with the world's soil depletion problems. The collective consciousness of the planet is expected to be raised by several degrees as a result of the removal of the wunch, and their partners in crime, the world press. As most of the defenestrators will be Israeli citizens, the air pollution is expected to be dissipated as there will be far fewer large noses exhaling bagel breath.

Mrs Obama is leading the way with her new garden, which she believes will grow sufficient food for the twelve people who will remain in the American government once the defenestration epidemic has subsided.

Sarah Palin made a bid for the new government, but she was hospitalised when attacked by a hungry polar bear that had wandered into her bathroom in search of food, and her injuries mean that she can no longer be considered as suitable for even an advisory position.

Scientists working for Monsanto have genetically engineered a way of returning the useless greenback into it's original state, and the resulting rain forest will cover the entire north American continent, occupied by just a few native Indians, and a vast array of wild life.

Ron Paul is pleased that the Federal Reserve is no longer required, George Galloway has declared that Canada is far too cold in winter for him to visit, Victor Chavez has posted a YouTube video showing the defenestration of the entire Bush family, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has been seen wiping his camel's ass on a map of Israel.

The election of the New Culture government, which is scheduled for the eleventeenth of Octember, will not use electronic voting, because there is now no need to provide a corrupted result. The surviving hacks who previously published the election propaganda have been declared insane, and put to work in the morgues where they are distributing defenestrated body parts to be used as mulch by permaculture enthusiasts world wide.

Hope you enjoyed that

Holidays next week - see you in two weeks

Page 1 Page 2