Xmas Sunday Family Humour Page 5

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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Mensa Invitational

Thanks to Liora

The Washington Post's "Mensa Invitational" once again asked readers to

take any word from the dictionary - alter it by adding, subtracting, or

changing one letter - and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's {2005} winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,

which renders the subject

financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you

realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright

ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little

sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of

getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person

who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really

bad vibes, right?

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they

come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've

accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your

bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the

fruit you're eating.

Motivational posters for cats

Thanks to Lee

Amazing hug

Thanks to Liora

READ THIS BEFORE WATCHING THE VIDEO:

THIS WOMAN IN THE VIDEO FOUND THIS LION INJURED IN THE FOREST READY TO DIE.

SHE TOOK THE LION WITH HER AND NURSED THE LION BACK TO HEALTH.

WHEN THE

LION WAS BETTER SHE MADE ARRANGEMENTS WITH A ZOO TO TAKE THE LION AND GIVE

IT A NEW AND HAPPY HOME.

THIS VIDEO WAS TAKEN WHEN THE WOMAN AFTER SOME TIME WENT TO GO VISIT THE

LION TO SEE HOW HE WAS DOING.

WATCH THE LION'S REACTION WHEN HE SEES HER. AMAZING!!!!!

Win A Trip To The Vancouver 2010 Olympics

Thanks to Mark - Laos

Seriously, the Canadian Olympics Commitee is willing to give up to 10,000 prizes on this! It takes some deciphering, but it can be done .

Answer the questions below correctly and

you will win flight, hotel accommodations and

all you can eat and drink during the

celebrations for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.

Win A Trip To The Vancouver 2010 Olympics

Answer the following questions to win

tickets to the 2010 Winter Games...

1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?

2. Which ones are male twins?

3. Which ones are the female twins?

4. How many women are in the group?

5. Which one is the teacher?

6. Which two just finished a joint?

Women Are Evil By Nature...

Thanks to Blain

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?"

she asked, softly stroking his face with both

hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her

hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.. "Is there anything I can

do?"

"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her

forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her

fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered,

"There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

New Maxine's

Thanks to Lee

You've Gotta love Maxine!!!!

Sometimes I think Maxine should run for president. She was right on with this one!

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately: illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida ....

Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It's a win-win situation.

T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:

You cannot post

'Thou Shalt Not Steal,'

'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and

'Thou Shall Not Lie'

in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...

It creates a hostile work environment.

PART OF THE PROBLEM ?

Also, Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone--

YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

That's it for this week

See you next Year - 10th Jan

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