Sunday Family Humour 10th January 2010

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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Jokes from Bob Hope

Thanks to John W

ON TURNING 70

'You still chase women, but only downhill'.

ON TURNING 80

'That's the time of your life when even your birthday

suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost

more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100

'I don't feel old. In fact . I don't feel anything

until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING

'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept

stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR

'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at

my home, 'Passover'.'

ON GOLF

'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay

the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS

'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained

only six.'

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER

'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,

Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'"

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL

'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength

of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY

'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold,

mother threw on another brother.'

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS

'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the

bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't

for the stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN.

'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to

blow the hereafter .. on a technicality..'

Give me a sense of humor.

Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke,

Second chance video

Thanks to David H

Has this happened to you?

Thanks to Mark, Laos

Bride at 84

Thanks to Ray

Malekie

A fascinating artist from Iran

Thanks to Ray

A crazy woodpecker

Thanks to Tony

Facts of life

Thanks to Lee

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