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Sunday Family Humour 7th June
Sunday Family Humour 7th June
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
A very special thank you to all contributors.
QUOTES FROM THE MILITARY MANUALS
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
U.S. Air Force Manual
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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons.."
- General MacArthur
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"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine corps Gunnery Sgt.
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"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
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"Any ship can be a minesweeper... Once."
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
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"If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him."
- USAF Ammo Troop
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter --
and therefore, unsafe."
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club."
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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies."
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"Never trade luck for skill."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
and
"Oh Shit!"
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"Airspeed, altitude, and brains --
two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation;
We never left one up there!"
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley
- Northrop test pilot
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks,
"What happened?"
The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
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Sunday Humour 7th June - Page 2
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