Sunday Family Humour 31st Jan 2010 Page 3

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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THE AMISH ELEVATOR

Thanks to John H.

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,

silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this, Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,

'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is'.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room..

The walls closed and the boy and his father

watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light

in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son.....

'Go get your mother.'

SCHOOL BUS IN CHINA

Thanks to Blain

SCHOOL BUS IN INDIA

and yet, when you have a technical problem with your computer - your call ends up in India.

Four presentations for you

Heart-warming Story

Thanks to Tony

Here's a truly heart-warming story about the bond formed between a little

5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe

that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a

construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all

the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the

workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or

less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let

her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her

little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope

containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who

suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank

the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed

and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at

such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with

a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the

house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever

deliver the fuckin' sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?

Harley Chariots

Harley - Adding That Special Touch

Forget Limousines.

Forget Horse & Buggy.

"The Bridal Carriage" is the only grand entrance you will ever need.

A unique, special and luxurious way to travel on the most magical day of your life!

Tombstone Hearse and Trike Company

420 E Pitt Street

Bedford, PA

15522

While Tombstone Hearse Company initially conceived the units as an alternative transportation vehicle that would cater to the families and loved ones of the over 11 million motorcycle enthusiasts, we are excited to find that funeral directors state that a large percentage of clients using the motorcycle hearse have never even ridden a motorcycle.

Expanding on this base, Tombstone Hearse Co. Has become a prime choice for many Military and Police funerals and surprisingly even grandmothers due to the dignity and honor the hearses provide.

From our conception we at the Tombstone Hearse Company have prided ourselves on the quality and features of our coaches. >From our first prototype to the era of the Series III coach we have ensured the reliability, safety, and style of our coaches are of the highest standards second to none.

With the Series III Coach, we have surpassed our previously set standards. Now with a uniform black and chrome style the coach flows as one cohesive unit bringing out the quality accents that only Tombstone Hearse Co. Can provide. From the laminated deck floor with cut mohair trim to the crushed velour curtains that line the decoratively etched safety glass windows, the Series III is not only a coach, it's a show unit truly worthy of the great men and women who have traveled to their final destination within.

At Tombstone Hearse, we admit our units may be more expensive than the others, but you are paying for both the hearse and the trike as a unit of high quality craftsmanship, but most importantly a safe, reliable, dignifying product.

It is the most recognized vehicle in the death care industry, making the Tombstone Hearse a great marketing tool which will stand the test of time.

What a House

Thanks to Mark

Pay attention, airlines. Here is a way to recoup some of those losses. Imagine having a Boeing 727 as a home. The plane set Joanne Ussary back $2,000.00, cost $40,000.00 to move, and $54,000.00 to renovate. That's not bad for a $114,000.00 investment. The stairs open with a garage door remote, and one of the bathrooms is still intact. And let's not forget the personal jacuzzi in the cockpit. Sweet......The Boeing home is featured as part of a collection of creative conversions.

JASMINE

Thanks to Lee

In 2003, police in Warwickshire, England, opened a garden shed and found a whimpering, cowering dog. It had been locked in the shed and abandoned. It was dirty and malnourished, and had clearly been abused.

In an act of kindness, the police took the dog, which was a Greyhound female, to the nearby Nuneaton Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary, run by a man named Geoff Grewcock and known as a willing haven for Animals abandoned, orphaned or otherwise in need.

Geoff and the other sanctuary staff went to work with two aims to restore the dog to full health, and to win her trust. It took several weeks, but eventually both goals were achieved.

They named her Jasmine, and they started to think about finding her an adoptive home.

But Jasmine had other ideas. No-one remembers now how it began, but she started welcoming all Animal arrivals at the sanctuary. It wouldn't matter if it was a puppy, a fox cub, a rabbit or, any other lost or hurting Animal, Jasmine would peer into the box or cage and, where possible, deliver a welcoming lick.