Sunday Family Humour 30th August 2009

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

Thanks to Blain

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE

ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY

USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED

FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER

TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU

FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE

BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN

YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE... IF IT

DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES,

USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY

BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Victoria Falls, Zambia, Africa

Thanks to Bill S.

Google Presentation

Anyone for boating?

Thanks to Lee

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Do You Like Motorcycles?

Thanks to DH

Squirrels

Thanks to Ray

Now I don't care who you are, what religion you are, where you live, or how old you are.........this is funny!

There were five houses of religion in a small Florida town:

The Presbyterian Church,

The Baptist Church ,

The Methodist Church ,

The Catholic Church and

The Jewish Synagogue...

Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were pre-destined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In The BAPTIST CHURCH t he squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But...... The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution.. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter..

Not much was heard about the Jewish

Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

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For all who appreciate the outdoors, this is the rarely photographed South Florida Squirrel.

The Maltese Falcon Mega-Yacht

Thanks to DH

Google Presentation