Post date: Nov 15, 2008 7:40:28 PM
Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.
******
Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag pa-- ... Whoa. I almost walked into that one.
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Peter (after coming home drunk): Oh, Lois thank God it's you! The last
few houses I went to were very rude.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: Now that's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty
calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
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Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest
their organs for beer money.
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Brian: Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a Dry Martini
around here?
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Peter: Now kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty would take her
clothes off.
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Peter: I told Lois I wouldn't drink
Quagmire: Don't feel so bad Peter
Peter: Hey, I never thought of it that way.
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Peter: Woah! Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest: Yes.
Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?
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Lois: Oh my God, my baby's drunk!
Peter: No I'm not! Oh - him. Yeah, he's a real lightweight.
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Stewie: I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Everybody! I'm drunk and I wanna
go to bed. Just the women!
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Peter: C'mon, let's go drink 'til we can't feel feelings anymore.
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Brian: I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment... and a
stomach virus... and an inner ear infection.
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Peter: Relax Lois, when I had a toothache my mom used to give me whiskey.
(Flashback to young Peter Griffin)
Young Peter: My tooth hurts!!
(Peters mom throws a bottle of whiskey at him and it hits the wall.)
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Lady (next to Brain at a bar): I think you've had about enough.
Brian: Well, I... I think you're wrong, you... you increasingly attractive
looking woman. You know, you're... you're really pretty
Lady: Oh, stop!
Brian: No. I'm... I'm serious... you could... you could be in magazines.
You could! And not just Juggs or Creamsicle...
(Lady walks away.)
Brian: Call me!
Brian (looks at bartender): She won't call.
******
Peter: Wow, it's like I've died and went to heaven. But then they realized
it wasn't my time yet. So they sent me to a brewery.
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Lois: Have you been drinking?
Peter: Why, yes, I have. Thank you.
******
Peter: Lois, everyone has their sanctuary. The Catholics have churches,
fat people have Wisconsin, and I have the Pawtucket Brewery.
******
Lois: For me? Please?
Peter: All right, all right, but you owe me. Later, under the mistletoe,
open mouth, no matter how drunk I am.
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Brian: I didn't know there was going to be an open bar. And the guy really
knew his stuff! He made me a mojito. I don't think it's a gay drink. Mo-ji-to...
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Peter: The lesson here is that abusing alcohol has absolutely no negative
consequences. You have your trophy and my brain cells are just fine.
******
Peter: I feel kinda guilty, giving Chris his first taste of beer... but you
turned out okay, right pal?
Chris: I'm gonna go get wasted.
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