I shivered intensely in the chilly night, pulling my worn and overused jacket tighter around me. The winter air bit at my exposed cheeks and neck. “Should’ve brought a scarf,” I muttered half-heartedly to myself as I shuffled along the black street turned white from snow. I normally hate the cold, especially the snow. I'd rather do anything than take a walk in the icy winter nights. But tonight was different.

My name is Harold. I live in Accrington, England. My age doesn’t matter much, or maybe it does. I don’t know, and I don’t care. Anyway, I’ve never really discussed my life with anyone, since I personally didn't see anything worth talking about. So, why am I now talking about my dull life in this boring city? Well, it’s because of an event that changed my life in ways I didn't think possible.  

So I walked along the dark street, it was something like, half an hour to midnight maybe. The cold night took my mind off of the recent…

loss. I tried to maintain  my sense of control in the moment, I had a reputation to keep up. I didn't care. I argued with him often anyway. But something still nagged at the back of my mind. I didn't want to admit it. I tried everything in my power to suppress it. But it remained. A terrible thing to feel. 

Guilt. 

I didn't cause his death but I still felt guilty. I knew why too. Have I told anyone prior to this. No. Did I want to tell anyone? No. Do I have to tell you? Yes. 

Well, here goes. My guilt essentially came from regret. I should've…I should've spent more time with him. I shouldn't have argued and pushed him away as much as I did. Now he's gone. Now I can't talk to him.  

I know, I know, technically I'm feeling regretful that I didn't spend time with him. But, I can only describe it as guilt. Not regret. Guilt. 

So I walked in silence, suppressing the truth, because I wasn't supposed to care. But I did. Do I suck at not caring now. No, I'm still pretty good at it. And that fact frustrates all the bullies and self-entitles kids at school. But now, I know, I mustn't make the same mistake twice. I musn't ignore my family the way I ignore others. Not caring about certain things is fine. But I should've cared more when he was still with us. Now all I can say is, I miss you dad, and I'm sorry.