Self-harm means someone harms themselves on purpose. Self-harm isn’t a mental health problem, but it is often linked to mental distress, and as a symptom of other issues, it should always be taken seriously.
It is common for people to self-harm in secret. This may be because of the perception or fear that thoughts and feelings aren’t acceptable to other people. The person self-harming might not want others to know, as they might be anxious or fearful about what they think. Self-harm can be distressing the person doing it as well as their friends and family, especially if they don't understand what self-harm is and why it is happening.
People self-harm for different reasons, and their reasons may change over time. They might self-harm to:
• deal with strong emotions like anger or sadness,
• punish themselves for things they think they’ve done wrong or to relieve guilt,
• make others aware of how they are feeling, communicating their feelings without words,
• have a feeling of control
• evoke sensation or end a feeling of disassociation and numbness,
• distract themselves from feelings, or
• get relief from feelings.
There may be many strong emotions evoked by this situation, and it is important that no one feel alone or helpless: please reach out to the counselling team or designated safeguarding leads for support and guidance if you suspect self-harm.
Below are some resources on how to discuss self-harm disclosures, what might be helpful to say, and what to avoid saying.
Once self-harm is understood as serving a certain function, there are many alternative coping strategies that can be tried when stressful events trigger thoughts or urges to self-harm. Helpful strategies can include:
• Finding someone to talk to about your feelings, such as a friend or family member
• Talking to someone on the phone, e.g. you might want to ring a helpline
• Writing and drawing about your feelings, because sometimes it can be hard to talk about feelings
• Scribbling on and/or ripping up paper
• Listening to music
• Going for a walk, run or other kind of exercise
• Getting out of the house and going somewhere where there are other people
• Keeping a diary
• Having a bath/using relaxing oils, e.g. lavender
• Hitting a pillow or other soft object
• Watching a favourite film