Shelley Paul

Empathy Circle 8.13.15 in Atlanta

Shelley plus three colleagues;

1 hour

Launch topic: how are you feeling about the first few weeks of school?

Feedback: How was this experience for you? What worked well? What was hard?

Y: Before we started, I thought it would feel fake or staged, but it actually felt authentic and fluent. I felt good. That I could talk and someone would really listen carefully made me feel valued.

It was hard not to insert my own thoughts when I was listening. Especially when I wanted to help or make the person feel better.

L: I liked having chance to verbalize how I am feeling; Sometimes you don’t know how you feel until you say it aloud; Hearing someone say back in their own words what you just said is helpful.

I am generally an open person, but usually sharing comes just as a natural part of conversation; It was different to do here (not as natural), but it was helpful.

A: When we are communicating, we have a tendency to jump straight into problem-solving “You know what we should do...” But often what a person needs is just to come to a better understanding to help them know how to solve their problems for themselves. I can see this would be agood pathway for personal problem-solving…

I liked having a topic to focus on. I had to work a bit to stay within the topic (not just go off on tangents). It felt good to “come to a stopping point” when sharing, which we don’t do always in conversations with friends.

Shelley: It was different doing this with people who share a context (work). It felt very comfortable and more authentic, but it was also hard at times not to respond (empathetically) to what someone was sharing. I felt empathy both as a listener and as someone listened to.

One of my colleagues was so good at the reflecting back that it somehow still felt like a conversation. The other colleague who was speaking would respond to the mirrored statement as though they really were having a dialogue -- it was fascinating.

Two of my colleagues are British and they both said an Empathy Circle is not at all a British-y thing to do :)

Because we all work together and like each other, it was hard to hold the container and not go off on tangents sometimes.

I surprised myself by sharing something that was on my mind, but not at the heart of things I am grappling with -- it felt too vulnerable.