Wendy Taira
Intention
I want to connect with people who prioritize empathy and learn how to leverage these connections to have empathy become the norm.
Lee-Anne interviews Wendy
What was it to participate in their empathy circle with us?
Wendy felt a little afraid that she was going to say the wrong thing.
feel excited and a little fearful
The empathy circle is a vulnerable place because the speaker is letting the group know what makes them feel fear, giving power away from oneself through expressing fears
Would you say fearfulness and excitement are part of vulnerability?
I’m letting my co founders know what I’m thinking
could give power over by revealing myself.
I can use that against her, it can be very vulnerable.
You’re my friends and I don't’ feel vulnerable?
Why does it feel like a risk?
It doesn’t feel like a risk with you, I don’t know what the other people
Why do you think empathic listening gives information to exploit people?
*educational trauma*
my personal experience of confiding in others only having them break that trust.
celebrities do it.
Why is trust a critical factor?
I can be my full self,
How might we promote more trust among people who don’t know each other?
it takes baby steps, warmness,
share stories, making the connection and listening
Who do we cultivate more trust so empathic listening can happen?
People like to talk about t
How might we promote as many empathic listeners as want to be heard?
advertising everywhere. what is the return on investment. make it cools
Lee-Anne Interviewee Name: Wendy
Insight: Wendy feels empathic speaking involves risk taking, is vulnerable, and is eased with trust and connection.
Feedback: unsafe,
Feelings
cautious
protective
Needs
more listening to others so common ground connection can create safety
Intention
My intention is to learn how to cultivate empathy more effectively
Lewis interviews Wendy
What was your experience of the Empathy Circle?
L: How would empathic education impact our schools and community?
Wendy: Emp education would improved schools in terms of reprioritizing goals of educational system. Right now, students w highest grade practice are glorified, and commended.
Empathy encourages kids to focus on community problems rather than grade oriented.
Lewis: Shifting from a competitive focus to a collaborative focus in schooling.
wendy: emp education impact communities - ppl are more inclined to help each other. helping wouldn’t be as scary, weird, or odd. it would b the norm to come together and get to know one another/neighbor. when peole know neighbors, they feel accountable to them. would like to promote an organic relationships arising
helping each other would not be a scary or weird or odd. people are so siloed.
Lewis: How can we shift the focus in schools&communities from performance, to collaboration.
to more to democratic collaboration?
Wendy - proof is in the pudding. it needs to be demonstrated on smaller scale since many aren’t on board yet. current ed model has been around for a long time, so this needs to be done on a very small scale and documented, and shared with movers and shakers, google/apple… influence empathy becoming part of the culture by exposing it to influencers. getting it into congress; getting lawmakers involved.
do on small scale to begin with,
needs to be documented. share with movers and shakers. google ceo, apple ceo. get int the hands of the influencers. get congress involved.
Lewis: Why is empathy important to you?
because I think when you have empathy as the foundation of decision making you make better decisions. they would look at their decisions and see the impact for others n
Wendy - empathy is important to me because when empathy is the basis for decision making, people make better decisions. if empathic education was the norm and people were raised to have empathy they would take a long hard look at the decisions they make. they consider the repercussions of whom else will be affected. it may encourage people to think about others in addition to themselves, not just personal gain motivating decisions.
Lewis Interviewee Name: Wendy
Insight: Wendy believes that with enough support from communities of movers and shakers empathy can become a cultural norm, though it should be tested and refined as a practice first.
Feelings
Hopeful
Ready
Determined
Optimistic
Needs
Community
Understanding
Change
Intention
My intention is to focus and connect with others involved in today’s session.
Shelley interviews Wendy
Shelley: Tell me about your experience in the Empathy Circle today.
Wendy: I feel like I got to get off my chest what I’ve been feeling with the last 2 emp circles. I feel like it’s been mechanical, opposite of something that would feel more organic and meaningful. The empathy circle with dialogue is like one sided. The one being heard gets more out of it. But I Feel like I am listening with my head, not heart when I tap into the words the person is using. Communication is verbal, and also what the eyes and body movements say.
[more: how could she connect more with her heart? how might we listen more with our heart? ]
Shelley: Thank you for that. I’m wondering if you will say more about how it felt “to sort of get that off your chest” in this Empathy Circle.
Wendy: I really felt fully heard. In previous empathy circles, I was feeling it, but couldn’t verbalize it. With today’s sharing, I feel like I nailed the problem on the head, and that it’s something I can address going further.
Shelley: Please talk amore about the importance of empathizing with feeling in the circle….
Wendy: Empathy for me really occurs when you bring your feeling and heart to where the other person’s feelings and heart are. In the emp circle, I feel like I am trying to be a parrot. When I reflect on myself, I wonder if I am really bringing myself to the emotional space.
When I put my arm around someones shoulder, I am really listening to you. It makes more of an impact.
Shelley: Why do you think someone feeling like you’re really feeling with them is important to empathic listening?
Wendy: I guess it’s based on my life experience. Sometimes when I listen, I don’t have answers, being fully present with eyes and heart focused on them.
my heart and eyes focused on them. just being present, them feeling heard helped. physically being there with someone, this type of medium removes that type of empathic listening.. maybe doing this 100 times I would get over it.
Shelley: So you think the digital medium is contributing to that separation of emotion and trying to get it right to say the words back?
yes
Shelley: I feel like we’re at a stopping point. Is there anything else you’d like to share from your experience today?
Wendy: When Chase recommended that we have a different theme for the emp circle, I had an idea. We could connect wires to the speaker, we would get the full experience of another person. What a direct way to convey how one is feeling
connect wires to the speaker and listening .. I just had this crazy thought
Shelley: Thank you so much!
Shelley Interview Wendy
Insight: Wendy finds empathy circle experience a bit mechanical. She needs a way to listen and connect with her heart.
Feedback: Agrees
Feelings
disappointed
frustrated
relieved
Needs
connection
authenticity
Brainstorm
How Might We… create more safe and authentic connection with feelings in the empathy circle?
Bring a small animal like a puppy, kitten, bunny to the empathy circle and as we provide it with a loving, safe environment maybe that safeness would resonate within the circle
share a personal empathy story with the group and what you got out of that experience.
have each member of the circle connected to each other like how a patient is hooked up to an EKG machine, and like an EKG machine reads/monitors heart beats, it would reveal the person’s emotional experiences. So we would be downloading each person’s emotional experience rather than having to convey verbally.
Intention:
My intention is to focus on the Inspiration Phase.
Report
I feel like this meeting was very constructive. It’s very exciting to move into the next stage of our design planning. It will be interesting to compare notes from our various interviews.
Narrowing our target audience made me feel hopeful.
Intention
I set the intention to fully enjoy our new facilitators and focus on the fun they will bring.
Reports
Edwin talking to Wendy
edwin expressed that he hears some issues with ec, and suggested that turn taking skills are promoted in ec's. he discussed empathy cafes where he did this in groups of 4. people said they enjoyed being heard so deeply. edwin has done restorative empathy circles to mediate conflicts and arrive at resolution. he feels ec's are the core of mediation.
ec's are about conveying understanding of what the other person is saying, and of mediation processes. edwin wonders hmw we develop a curriculum that promotes empathic listening, turn taking, and resolution skills.
Wendy talks to Chase
Wendy did interviews with edwin and lee-anne
edwin asked wendy to role play a teen so she could get in the mind of a teen
edwin asked her to pretend she was a new student in a high school, and what it would be like for her to promote ec's in her high school. Wendy thought about taking students on field trips where kids volunteer with less privileged people. field trips would involve students interacting those less fortunate. Wendy recommended debriefing after interacting others on the field trip, asking students to think about the mindset of those they interacted.
go on trips doing service work and then when they come back do an empathy circle.
this would feel more natural since they would have built up trust and connection.
Lewis interviews Wendy
Lewis: Why do you think HS students would not be interested in ec's?
Wendy: they would think it's silly, awkward, not cool.
awkward, unnatural, don’t see the benefits of the circle.
Lewis: Why wouldn't they see benefits?
Wendy: As I get older, I became more empathic. I remember HS years, and the connections I had back then. I don't think we were very empathic. Mindset of High Schooler, I would have thought ec's were foreign and weird.
Lewis: because it is foreign it would be wired to you?
Wendy: With internet we can see poverty and wage gap,
kids see what is going on in the world with the internet.
maybe I am wrong that high school students wouldn’t want to do an empathy circle.
[edwin, wish I would have learned empathic listening when I was young. would have helped a lot.)
Wendy: Present day wendy would see the value of ec's and see how HS Wendy would digest that. I don't know if she would get it because living life has taught me the importance and benefits of the ec.
Lewis: Say HS Wendy is exposed to ec, would she tell friends?
W: HS Wendy wouldn't tell friends she was involved in this because she was distant and selfish. Anything beyond my little world was not in my sphere of thinking.
you guys are lucky you got wendy 2.0?
.
Lewis Interview Wendy
Insight: Wendy doesn’t seem to think that HS Students would be interested in EC because they are not exposed to/interested in empathy beyond that which is typical in everyday conversations and life.
Feedback: discouraged, determined, engagement?
Feelings
discouraged
determined
Needs
Interest in EC/Empathy from HS Students
How Might We… support HS Students in gaining effective tools, natural processes/approaches for dealing with difficult discussions?
Brainstorm
Wendy
Free Ice Cream - 2 question survey
Empathy Hike this Saturday - “Bring your Best Bud”
The Moth or Radio Lab (NPR - radio show) Share your story
Tent with a big sign “We’re here to Listen!”
Have meetings w/ school administrators discussing the need for more empathy and the impact it would make on a school level, community, etc.
