Lee-Anne Gray
Links
“It was a very grim day, when I began to notice the profound lack of empathy in education, particularly in public education.”
Students Co-Designing Their Own School for the Sake of Empathy
"In order to inspire, motivate, and engage students in the learning experience, it is necessary to look at the world through their eyes"
workshops/2015-08-06
What was your biggest take away?
zero sum games
our judgments
we want to inject our reactions and we think it is creating connection
In what way was the revealing?
we think connecting is back and forth,,
What could have been done differently to make it better?
check ask each person
clarify that active listening is the beginning of the
it’s in the checking back and forth = it our empathy in
Did you actually feel anything?
I’m a very feeling person
did you sense how someone was feeling in what they were
For example did you feel my story with my dog.
I had a connection with everyone I heard someone speak, on an emotional and intellectual level.
because
I’m heightened on empathy in general
I was trained in Compassion by CCARE with many practices in empathic listening.
Who did you connect most with someone?
I feel equal and varied and an openness
We are different manifestations what it feeling like differently in each person.
Mark Interviewee Name: Lee-Anne
Insight: We want to inject our reactions and we think it is creating connection.
Feeling
unfortunate
Needs:
connection
improvement
beliefs v. reality
authentic connection and authentic listening
reality
Feedback:
thinking gets to what I mean.. thinking leads to connection is an illusion.
I Like… practicing active listening in the empathy circle and going through the whole Design experience
Wish… that everyone understood that empathy is a process, and that is isn’t perfect alignment with another person’s experience, but rather a curiosity, intention, and focused effort to understand the other person’s experience.
What if… WHAT IF Empathy skills and nonviolent communication were critical literacies in all schools? (!!!!) :))))
Tara interviews Lee-Anne
What was your experience of the Empathy Circle?
Suppressing internal chatter is important for me, even the things that inspire me in what others are saying
expand spaciousness
fun!
2nd time around in this format - but have done something similar in own compassion workshop
have experienced both listening and receiving side
Any difficulties?
felt not being heard/understood - was frustrating
have to take responsibility for other people understanding me rather than just relax into being heard
responsibility piece is big
leaves me thinking about being more gentle with myself and others
What could be done about ‘not being heard’ piece - to mitigate your frustration?
two things: hope that I don’t demand to be heard, but that I take responsibility for my role in this process; but I wonder how we can all take more responsibility for each other in listening (setting the intention that we create an empathic way of being in general)
Edwin notes
What was your experience of the Empathy Circle?
I enjoyed the experience a lot.
every time I can practice I suppress the internal chatter even more, and it allows me to listen with freedom.
I liked it and it was fun.
I did the process at stanford CCARE and do it in my own compassion workshops.
You are experienced at this? Was there any point you had trouble.
I had a feeling of not being heard, and I’ve had it in others
I get frustrated when I have to hold my responsibility for others hearing me.
In my perfect world everyone would just understand me.
Take responsibility to be really heard. Is there anything that could be done or amended to support the mitigation?
I take responsibility.
I don’t want to be demanding.
how could we all take responsibility for understanding.
Were we all come with a sense of responsibility
What is responsibility?
we create an empathic way of being by everyone setting their own intention.
Everyone would organically set that intention.
If we could blow that intention out into the world, I imagine it would spread an empathic way of being.
Edwin set the intention. In this case we each set our attention and set that?
every day I set the intention, in my journal and I take it from the mental plane to the physical plain.
that’s how I take responsibility
I have a practice that creates responsibility,, and you work towards that.
I had to struggle with my monkey mind. I had to suppress that.
Empathy Map: Insights and needs:
Insight: That Lee-Anne feels she wants all participants to hold responsibility for listening and speaking empathically
Feeling
frustration
Need
shared responsibility
for everyone to be heard
Brainstorms
just like me anxiety exercise
*meditate at the outset of the empathy circle.
*release judgments and worries about empathizing and not knowing, as a group, before the empathy circle begins.
have a person
so many links -
*set intentions as a group that facilitate spreading an empathic way of being - going deeper into intention setting than just the intention to be empathic.
expand, each person set a specific intention.
first time needs simplicity.
if it is an ongoing circle.
the invitation to set aside judgment.
get together beforehand,
*Lovingkindness practice before the empathy circle begins.
* “Just like me…” practice before the empathy circle begins.
*Complimenting empathy practice with compassion practice may mitigate the anxiety/discomfort/suffering that arises with intimate and empathic sharing.
*Create ground rules together at the outset
*Work with partners to create support--
Judgment practice: As a group identify and reveal judgments we each bring to the table when joining an empathy circle. It can be a brainstorming practice, and/or just sharing and releasing judgments.
Feedback
I Like… the people in today’s empathy circle. :)
Wish… more conversations went like this one.
What if… … K12 education promoted empathic speaking/listening as a core 21st century skill for ALL?
Intention
I set the intention to be present, and open to empathizing, creating, inventing, welcoming, and collaborating in the 10 weeks ahead.
Edwin interviews Lee-Anne
E: Tell me abt EC experience?
L: became aware of vulnerability and risk taking. bravery and courage are needed participate in an EC.
E: How did awareness come up?
L: when i interviewed Wendy i realized that there trust is needed in sharing empathically, and connection too. Connection and trust are required.
E: Sounds like you weren't thinking about the vulnerability before you interviewed Wendy and that was what brought up that feeling. Do you feel vulnerable in this environment
L: Not much vulnerability felt. the more i trust me, the more at ease i am with whatever will unfold next. The more I trust myself the easier it is to open up, the easier it is to open up with ppl I don’t know.
E: Sounds like a connection within the circle is very important to you. Can you tell me about that?
L: When I trust me, and feel confident or good or committed to whatever i am saying, it almost doesn’t matter, to me how others will respond. I have a quote about this.
E: Is commitment important to you.
E: why is self trust important?
L: self trust is important. ability of trust
when I worry about my ability to listen affects ability to listen empathically.
When i trust myself to be able to manage or respond to what's coming then i am better able to listen.
E: The more you trust yourself your range opens up to other people
is there any more on that dynamic.
L: I think that the depth of empathy i’m capable of is correlated with self trust.
E: Can you describe the quality/ feeling of self trust
L: (emotional contagion) i have been very very aware of emotional contagion. when i listen to others, i feel like i’ll get flooded with their emotional experiences. when i can regulate i can be more open to my empathic listening
E: If i can reflect back what I’m hearing and check back with the person that can help me with the feeling of emotional contagion. Is it a "im a great person I’m capable" kind of self trust or is it something else
L: even when i am reflecting with empathic listening, I've had the experience of being flooding to them with what they are feeling which can cause a flooding of….it cascading of …..
Edwin Interviewee Name: Lee-Anne
Insight: Lee-Anne became aware of how participants may have a sense of vulnerability and risk taking in sharing in the circle. She has personal strategies of self empathy that assist her in not feeling vulnerable.
Feelings
warmth,
concern
insightful and aha
curiosity
Needs
care for others
Feedback:
reciprocal and balanced care and regulation
Intention
I set the intention to be open, welcoming, and lovingly allowing in all my communication practices, and to cultivate same for/with my dialogue partners.
Gabrielle interviews Lee-Anne
What was your experience of the Empathy Circle?
Was multi faceted, as I resonated with multi perspectives.
Our inability to hear nicolaus to
Edwin setting up the space
Xuan’s contribution also struck me. While I was attending to my own thoughts.
What parts brought you the most joy and inspiration. and curiousity?
The most inspiring experience is also the least joyful.
curiosity and inspiration. curious of Gabrielle being othered. Xuan’s words inspired me on different levels.
Joy: getting to hear Nicholas’s voice
was a great moment of Joy
Smile and give nonverbal feedback. N thinks it makes a difference -- felt joy there as well.
I feel a great deal of joy of everyone sharing.
What would be an agreed upon way to deal with issues?
I would be reluctant to answer. There is a different mix in every group.
If we come up with one solution, it might be irrelevant to another group that has a different technical glitch. Turn towards and include the obstacle in the discussion.
You’re background as an educator, how will you incorporate this into education?
Very exciting and joyful question!
Three students and I are solving it together with Edwin. Talk to me in a few months..
Gabrielle Insight: “multi faceted” Lee-Ann’s experience included holding her own experience while hearing into the experience of others. Joyfully enthusiastic with bringing this work to the students
Feeling
Enthusiasm, Joy
Gratitude
Inspiration
Need
Further exploration
Mutuality
Feedback:
yes, another need and insight. need to contribute to inclusion?
Brainstorms
Use a snap or “ho” (Native American Counsel practice) for passive observers to chime in, be heard,
and participate in a way that is respectful to the flow.
listeners write what they are hearing in a google do
Lee-Anne: At the outset of the circle, ask participants what/how they would feel included in the passive observing parts of the circle.
Lee-Anne: Remind team to use nonverbal language during the passive observation phase, so they can a) feel included, and b) contribute to the process. “ho!”-nb
Lee-Anne: Invite passive observers to comment in chat window...
I Like… how our obstacles were actually opportunities for further iteration.
Wish… I Wish our culture embraced obstacles with open hearts so we could invite and keep as many participants as possible, in the dialogue.
What if… What If obstacles in education brought people together to promote empathy and compassion?
Intention
I set the intention to co-create tools that foster empathy in the world.
Edwin interviews Lee-Anne
Edwin: Why empathy is important to you?
L: I believe that we need empathy to save the biosphere and that empathy is the most essential quality of our civilization.
Edwin: Why is survival important to you?
L: Im noticing negative impacts capitalism has on our environment, resources, animals.
Edwin: You're seeing negative impacts it's having on resources, people and environment. So why do you care about these impacts?
L: Advocates for animals, resources, and our environment, say our demise is a possibility.
Edwin: Activists say that our survival is at stake
L: I care about the survival of our biosphere.
Edwin: Why is survival important to you?
L: I feel survival of the species is a component of our genetic makeup as well as our environmental influences. As a species we procreate to ensure survival of the species.
Edwin: You’re saying that you’re value of survival is biologically wired.
L: Biologically and environmentally wired.
Edwin: it’s not only biological, but our environment is telling us to survive?
L: Promotes survival of all beings everywhere not just me.
Edwin: Your biology is telling you to survive and the whole environment?
Edwin Interviewee Name: Lee-Anne
Insight: Lee-Anne feels that empathy can support the survival of herself, others, and the environment? Survival of all (people, animals, environment) is important to her. This need for survival she feels is her basic biological nature and is supported by the social environment.
Feelings
concern
worry
responsibility
determination.
Needs
hope
following her nature?
purpose
self-expression.
interdependence.
Brainstorming
Create fun videos in a sketch or drawing format (reference clean water video)sharing empathy related statistics, skits
PSAs
Have school beta empathy education - document their findings
find schools that are doing design.
connect with
Get celebrities on board
Get media outlets on board
Create posters, stickers, flyers
- Wendy
Tv show, movie, musical, promoting empathy
occupy empathy having a great time
president says everyone has empathy, ceos.
Intention
I set the intention to practice leading Edwin’s Empathic Design prototype so that I may become proficient at it, and use it elsewhere to foster an empathic way of being in myself, the circle, and society.
Empathy Circle
Lee-Anne
Privileged to lead the group
like the people a lot!
excited to comment on intention setting and empathy
looking forward to commenting on it
intention and empathy and survival are linked
when you practice empathy you have to shift awareness t
creative confidence - take risks
risk taking is inventing something new
takes a great deal of creative confidence to think about how to foster empathy - especially on labor day
Lee-Anne
also thinking of Wendy's comments
she says she has to tune out the emotional part and listening only to the words
creative confidence -
takes confidence - tune out the emotions?
There is an emotional intensity - takes confidence and creativity to set that aside.
being present has been a challenge for me - monkey mind
takes a lot of self discipline to tune in
[how do we bring the emotions in]
it is not as hard to wrangle the monkey mind. - it’s not so hard to do now.
Brainstorm
How Might We… create more safe and authentic connection with feelings in the empathy circle?
Use themes (emotion, focusing, body sensation) to frame different empathy circles and elicit deeper connection
Review confidentiality policy and trust practices before empathy circle begins
When empathically reflecting/listening, use questions to check for emotion in the speaker.
Intention:
I set the intention to be a prepared leader of a section in Class 4 by completing the readings, the research, leading an Empathy Circle, and writing the report.
Report
This meeting went from a wide open challenge on redesigning the EC to foster a more empathic way of being to a more focused one in education. Restricting the age range of the EC audience made the challenge seem more feasible, impactful, and exciting given the constraints. Moreover, it remains true to the original challenge of fostering a more empathic way of being. I like the process as it is unfolding.
What if this way of connecting, relating, and problem solving spread from the few to the many?
I wonder how we might promote more of this….
Intention
I set the intention to support Lewis and Chase in leading today’s class, and in perpetuating this team’s efforts beyond the challenge.
Lee-Anne talks to Chase
interview with Zoe,
found empathy boring.
incorporate games
interesting…
How Might We… support HS Students in gaining effective tools, natural processes/approaches for dealing with difficult discussions?
Brainstorm
Lee-Anne
Include improv games for fun, physical movement, and opportunities to practice nonverbal empathy
Empathic Failure Celebrations !!!
Community Service experiences followed by debriefing in the format of Roots of Empathy circles
Make the curriculum several weeks long; have group games that build trust and connection for the first few sessions before introducing EC
Make EC the climax of the curriculum rather than the whole curriculum
Restrict EC’s for teens to same age groups only and/or single gender groups only
Intention
I set the intention to support Lewis and Chase in leading today’s class, and in perpetuating this team’s efforts beyond the challenge.
How Might We… support HS Students in gaining effective tools, natural processes/approaches for dealing with difficult discussions?
Brainstorm
Lee-Anne
Include improv games for fun, physical movement, and opportunities to practice nonverbal empathy
Empathic Failure Celebrations !!!
Community Service experiences followed by debriefing in the format of Roots of Empathy circles
Make the curriculum several weeks long; have group games that build trust and connection for the first few sessions before introducing EC
Make EC the climax of the curriculum rather than the whole curriculum
Restrict EC’s for teens to same age groups only and/or single gender groups only
