Mary Goyer
Lee-Anne interviews Mary
Transcripts by Edwin
What was your experience of the Empathy Circle?
What was it like to take part in the empathy circle today?
the speed and the rhythm. to get calibrated with
I need time to warm up and get into my flow.
the pauses pulled me out of my rhythm.
I lost my train of thought almost
one point the reflection was supportive - and I found train of thought.
I like that the reflections we use different words.
sometimes the same words don’t sound like they got it
if they can paraphrase I feel like they got it.
Third party observer was different than when I was on.
We are strangers and it may be different when we know each other better
I felt like I wanted to do well now.
What do you think the role is of wanting to do well now?
I want to step up and engage in a way.
in a regular situation I don't feel performance anxiety
I am going to choose and engage.
I’m hearing about responsibility? What is the issue of responsibility around empathic listening.
I easily connect to the sense of responsibility.
I wonder what happens by default in my regular relationships
I think of my own agenda.
responsibility helps me to choose that.
As we study how to promote an empathic way of being.. does responsibility play a role?
do we need to talk about responsibility?
I wouldn’t have thought of that, but it does land,
It provides a context, to take on a certain responsibility means I’m focusing on my role as listener
I’m choosing presence - so yes, it makes sense to address
But I wonder about using that word “responsibility” - What are we taking responsibility for? To try and listen with warmth? Or to get it perfect?
Anything you want to add?
was really nice to be connected with people who have a interest in this beyond interpersonal.
I felt a resonance with each of you.
Interviewee Name: Mary
Insight:
A feeling of performance anxiety when listening.
rhythm was interrupted as the speaker.
Feedback:
rhythm was more alive
Feelings
anxiety
worry
confusion
Needs
ease
feeling adequate
competence
flow
synchrony with the other person
mutuality
sync
Brainstorms
-call out the “elephant in the living room” - normalizing how judgements may show up (one of the judgements we must have is “I’m the only one struggling with…”)
-encourage people to practice from a place of “beginner’s mind”
-create a group culture of celebrating imperfect action/trying/experimentation - maybe mention this as the group creates agreements at the beginning
-acknowledge how hard all of this can be, especially in difficult conversations, when there’s an empathy circle occurring because of a challenge or conflict
-allow/encourage people to ask for help from the group with a reflection or more time to think
-if it’s a small enough group (and not on google hangouts, where this might not be easy) just allow the whole group to organically be the collective “listener” so the responsibility is shared
Call out the anxiety -
everyone is nervous in a new circle
an menu of empathy options.
structure versus less structure. have simple agreements and not a lot of details
less structure less anxiety.
some people don’t want to do things are hard.
going into the agreement can be off putting.
how it’s framed in the beginning - the facilitation makes a difference.
depends on the facilitator's ability to hold space
Feedback
I Like… the thoughtfulness of this whole process, the design collaboration, and the people who showed up to participate thoughtfully.
Wish… there were more “imperfect” empathy circles happening everyday!
What if… every school, church, and work organization housed an ongoing empathy circle?
