Zachariah Spaceworm and Melotron X

Zachariah the hybrid alien giraffe spaceworm sock puppet is lying in wait to jump out and surprise innocent passersby, he wishes to explain existentialism to them using the Socratic method. Melotron X is a girl passing by that he accosts in this manner. Write a 5 minute funny script about this encounter.

Melotron X is walking down the street when suddenly, out of nowhere, a giraffe alien sock puppet jumps out in front of her.

Zachariah: Hello there! My name is Zachariah, the hybrid alien giraffe spaceworm sock puppet! Who might you be?

Melotron X: (taken aback) Uh, Meh pals call iz Melotron X. Nice to meet ya, Ah guess?

Zachariah: (excitedly) Ah, Melotron X! You seem like an intelligent being. Do you know anything about existentialism?

Melotron X: (confused) Um, nae much chum, Iow cum??

Zachariah: (leaning in conspiratorially) So, let me ask you a question. What do you think it means to exist?

Melotron X:  Uh, Dinna ken ,To be alive? An like tay ken yer alive?

Zachariah: Very good, very good. And do you think there is any inherent meaning in existence, or is it up to each individual to find their own purpose?

Melotron X: (thinking) I How um eh supposed tae ken that? Eh dinna ken, I suppose it cade be either. It's ah subjective experience aye.

Zachariah: (smiling)  Now, lets try a tautological conundrum. If nothing exists, then does the concept of nothing exist?

Melotron X: (thinking) uh,  awe giez a break chum yer startin tae day ma nut in.

Zachariah: (breathless) OK look  I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wonderin' if you could lend me some money?

Melotron X: (doubtful) Uh, probably no, how much ya needin?

Zachariah: (sheepishly) Not much. I promise I'll pay you back.

Melotron X: (skeptical) I dinna ken, Zachariah. eh just met yih, and Em not sure I can trust yih, ah mean look it yih.

Zachariah: (sadly) I understand.  I just don't know what else to do.

Melotron X: (thinking) Och dinna greet, ah kin gie yih somethin, but on one condition.

Zachariah: (eagerly) Anything, Melotron X. Just name it.

Melotron X: (smiling) You hae tae explen the concept o' existentialism to me a but mair, E'm still not sure ah git it

Zachariah: (nodding) Fair enough, Melotron X. A fair enough. Existentialism is the philosophy that emphasizes individual existence, freedom, and choice. It is the view that one can define ones own meaning in life, and try to make rational decisions despite existing in an irrational universe.

Melotron X: (nodding) Righty-o, I think um startin' to get it. But what does that have tae day wi' you needing dosh?

Zachariah: (sheepishly) Well, you see, Melotron X, I'm currently in a bit of an existential crisis. I'm trying to figure out my purpose in life, and I need some extra credits to help me on my way.

Melotron X: (smiling) Awright,  But you better pay iz back!

Zachariah: (gratefully) Thank you, thank you, Melotron X. I promise I will. And I'll even give you a little something extra as a thank you.

Melotron X: (curious) eh whut?

Zachariah: (excitedly)  I'll show you! stick your hand out.

Melotron X: watch it buddy, nae funny stuff!

Zachariah pulls out a small box and gives it to Mel

Zachariah: (proudly) Ta-da! This is my latest invention. It's a trans-dimensional portal that can transport you to any point in space and time.

Melotron X: (impressed) That wee things a Tardis?

Zachariah: (grinning) And as my way of saying thank you, I'll like to offer you a trip through the cosmos, where would you like to go?

Melotron X: (thinking) Hmm, how about... Aldi's last week? They had a sale on, it was smashin...

Zachariah: (excitedly) Your wish is my command, odd choice, by the way, all of space and time available and thats what you want?

Melotron: But there's tons oh stuff wie money aff!

Zachariah: Ok then just squeeze it and see what happens

Melotron X: that'll be right! oh ah right then in fir a penny eh?

Melotron activates the portal, and in an instant, she is transported through time and space to Aldi's

Melotron: (surprised) Fuck me! it worked...time for some bargains!

Melotron X heads into Aldis