Call me Ishmael

(Scene opens on a dock. Ishmael, a grumpy old sailor, is standing by the water smoking a pipe. A cheerful tourist approaches him.)

Tourist: Hello there! Beautiful day, isn't it?

Ishmael: (grumbling) If you say so, miss.

Tourist: I'm just so excited to be here! Do you have any recommendations for places to see and things to do?

Ishmael: (sarcastic) Oh, sure. You can go swim with the sharks or maybe take a stroll through the graveyard. Real tourist hotspots.

Tourist: (unfazed) Oh, that sounds thrilling! How do I get there?

Ishmael: (exasperated) Just follow the smell of rotting fish and you'll get there.

Tourist: (giggling) You're so funny! Say, what's your name?

Ishmael: (sighs) Ishmael. And if you're wondering, yes, I was on that cursed ship you're all so obsessed with.

Tourist: (excitedly) The Pequod! That's amazing! What was it like?

Ishmael: (growing angry) It was hell. The captain was obsessed with a damn whale and he drove us all to our deaths. Happy now?

Tourist: (sympathetically) I'm sorry to hear that. What happened to Captain Ahab?

Ishmael: (shaking his head) Don't even get me started on that lunatic. He chased that whale to the ends of the earth and it ended up dragging him down to the depths of the ocean. Good riddance, I say.

Tourist: (intrigued) Wow, that's such an incredible story. You must have so many tales to tell.

Ishmael: (shrugs) Yeah, I guess. But I'm not much of a storyteller. Plus, my memory ain't what it used to be.

Tourist: (determined) Well, I won't give up until I hear at least one good story from you!

Ishmael: (grumbling) Fine. I'll tell you about the time I wrestled a giant squid with my bare hands.

Tourist: (impressed) That sounds amazing!

Ishmael: (deadpan) Yeah, until you realize it was just a dream I had after eating some bad clams.

Tourist: (laughing) You got me! You really are funny, Ishmael.

Ishmael: (smirking) Yeah, I guess I still got it.

Tourist: (excitedly) Say, do you know any good places to eat around here?

Ishmael: (grumbling) Just go down to the docks and follow the seagulls. They'll lead you to the best fish and chips you'll ever have.

Tourist: (smiling) Thanks for the tip! You're really not so grumpy after all, Ishmael.

Ishmael: (smiling) You know what they say, miss. Laughter is the best medicine. Or was it rum? Either way, it's good for what ails ya.

Tourist: (giggling) You're too much, Ishmael.

Ishmael: (chuckling) Yeah, I know. But you know what they say, miss. The sea gives and the sea takes away.

Tourist: [Perplexed] Um, what does that mean?

Ishmael: [Grinning mischievously] It means you'd better hold onto your hat, miss, because it's about to get choppy! [He stands up and walks away, leaving the tourist behind in confusion.]

Tourist: [Calling after him] Wait, what does that even mean?