Pittenweem Tourist Board

Write a 4 minute script about a devil worshipping pagan cult member from the Scottish fishing village of Pittenweem who approaches 2 people who are sitting on a bench in a park in Dundee. He should come over like the Pittenweem tourist board. Write dialogue in a Scottish accent. The 2 people should respond differently to his pitch. Write this as a dark comedy.

FADE IN: EXT. A PARK BENCH IN DUNDEE - DAY

Two people, JIM and LUCY, sit on a bench, enjoying the sunny day. Suddenly, a stranger approaches them. He’s a middle-aged man, wearing a black cloak and a pentagram necklace. He speaks with a Scottish accent.

STRANGER: Good afternoon, folks! Can I have a word with you?

JIM: Sure, what can we do for you?

STRANGER: Well, my name is Angus, and I’m from the lovely Scottish fishing village of Pittenweem. Have you ever heard of it?

LUCY: No, can’t say that we have.

ANGUS: Oh, you’re missing out! It’s a beautiful place, with a rich history and a vibrant community. And, of course, we have our very own devil-worshipping pagan cult!

JIM: Wait, what?

LUCY: Devil-worshipping pagan cult?

ANGUS: Aye, that’s right! We’re a proud bunch of folks who worship the old gods and the dark lord himself. It’s not for everyone, mind you, but if you’re looking for something a bit different, you might want to check us out.

JIM: I don’t think that’s really our thing, Angus.

LUCY: Yeah, sorry, we’re not really into devil worship.

ANGUS: (smiling) Ah, come on now. Don't knock it until you've tried it, I say. You don't know what you're missing out on. 

JIM: I don't think we're interested, Angus. Sorry.

ANGUS: (leaning in closer) Listen, I understand that it can be a bit intimidating to consider something so outside of your comfort zone. But let me tell you, this is not just any ordinary cult.  We don't hide in the shadows, like some people might expect.

LUCY: (uncertain) I don't know...

ANGUS: (taking out a pamphlet) Look, I know this is all a bit much to take in, but please take this pamphlet and have a read. It might help you understand our beliefs a bit better, and maybe even make you consider joining our community.

JIM: (taking the pamphlet) Thanks, Angus. We'll have a read.

ANGUS: (smiling) Thank you! I hope to see you both in Pittenweem soon. You won't regret it.

JIM: Thanks for the offer, Angus, but I think we’ll pass.

LUCY: Yeah, sorry, we’re not really into devil worship.

ANGUS: (disappointed) Oh well, can’t blame a man for trying, can you? But, if you ever change your mind, we’re always looking for new members. And, if you ever want to visit Pittenweem, just give me a shout. It’s a lovely place, devil worshippers or not.

Angus walks away, leaving Jim and Lucy to look at each other in disbelief.

JIM: (looking at the pamphlet) What the hell did we just get ourselves into?

Angus walks away, disappointed. Jim and Lucy look at each other, relieved.

JIM: Well, that was weird.

LUCY: Yeah, tell me about it. I can’t believe there’s a devil-worshipping pagan cult in Pittenweem.

LUCY: (laughs) I bet the Pittenweem tourist board love him.

JIM: (laughs) Yeah, I can see the brochure now: “Come for the seafood, stay for the devil worship.”

LUCY: (laughs) And the sacrifices, don’t forget the sacrifices.

JIM: (laughs) Of course, how could I forget? We should plan a trip to Pittenweem, just to see what it’s like.

LUCY: (smiling) Yeah, let’s do it. Who knows, we might even become devil worshippers ourselves.

JIM: (laughing) Speak for yourself, Lucy.

LUCY: (laughing) I’m just kidding, Jim. But seriously, let’s check it out. It might be fun.

JIM: (smiling) Okay, let’s do it. But, we’re not joining any cults, okay?

LUCY: (smiling) Deal.