Healed By Jebus

Scene, path beside a wall beside a huge river and a girl in her twenties is struggling to walk with her crutches, she is clearly in pain. Suddenly a metaphysical being appears before her in a flash and declares Praise Jebus for I am he. What happens next? 

Write a 4 minute scene about this encounter in the style of Monty Python

[The girl is struggling to walk with her crutches along a path beside a huge river, when Jebus appears before her in a flash.]

Jebus: "Praise me, for I am Jebus!"

Girl: "Who are you?"

Jebus: "I am Jebus, the son of God."

Girl: "What? You mean the guy with the beard?"

Jebus: "Yes, that's him. And I have come to heal you."

Girl: "Heal me? What, like a miracle?"

Jebus: "Yes, a miracle! Do you believe?"

Girl: "Believe what? That you're some kind of holy magic man?"

Jebus: "Yes, that's exactly what I am! Now, let me heal you."

[As Jebus places his hand on the girl's shoulder, a bright light surrounds them and the girl feels a sudden surge of energy.]

Girl: "Wow, what just happened?"

Jebus: "I have healed you, my child. Will you now accept me as your savior?"

Girl: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Jebus. I appreciate the help and all, but I'm not really into the whole religious thing."

Jebus: "But my child, I am the way, the truth, and the light."

Girl: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got your marketing pitch down, I'll give you that. But I think I'll stick to science and medicine, thanks."

Jebus: "But science and medicine cannot save your soul!, It's the truth! And I have come to enlighten you."

Girl: "Enlighten me? About what?"

Jebus: "About the importance of water in religion!"

Girl: "Water? What does that have to do with anything?"

Jebus: "Water is a symbol of purity, rebirth, and sustenance in many religions. It represents the washing away of sins and the beginning of a new life in Jebus."

Girl: “How about you save me a slice of watermelon instead?"

Jebus: "Watermelon? What does that have to do with anything?"

Girl: "I don't know, it just came to mind. I mean, it's a fruit, right?"

Jebus: "Yes, it is a fruit. But it is also a metaphor, my child. For love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."

Girl: "Those are some pretty big words, Jebus. Are you sure you didn't just make them up?"

Jebus: "No, I did not make them up! They are in the Bible!"

Girl: "The Bible? Oh, you mean that book with all the crazy stories?”

Jebus: "Yes, the word of God! The Bible contains the teachings and commandments of our Lord and Savior...Jebus...Me!"

Girl: "Okay, but I still don't get it. Why should I care?"

Jebus: "Because your soul is at stake, my child. If you do not accept Jebus as your savior, you will spend eternity in hell!"

Girl: "Eternity in hell? Wow, that's pretty harsh. And what if I don't believe in hell?"

Jebus: "Whether you believe in it or not, hell exists. It is a place of eternal torment and suffering, reserved for those who reject God's love and mercy."

Girl: "Okay, but what if I'm a good person? What if I live a moral and ethical life, help others, and try to make the world a better place?"

Jebus: "Those things are all well and good, but they will not save your soul. Salvation can only come through faith in Jebus."

Girl: "Okay, but what about all the other religions? What about people who believe in different gods or no gods at all?"

Jebus: "They are all wrong. There is only one true God, and his name is Jebus."

Girl: "Jebus? Wait a minute, that's your name!"

Jebus: "Yes, it is. And it is the name of the one true God."

Girl: "Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. I think it's time for me to go."

Jebus: "Very well, my child. But remember, the path you are on leads only to destruction. May God have mercy on your soul."

Girl: "Thanks, Jebus. I'll keep that in mind. And hey, if you ever want to grab a slice of watermelon and chat about theology, you know where to find me."

Jebus: "Go now, my child," he said. "And walk with the power of Jebus. Your journey is just beginning."

And with that, he vanished in a cloud of glitter and rainbow confetti.

[The girl continues on her way, feeling grateful for the healing but also relieved to have escaped from the surreal and humorous encounter with the self-important and ridiculous Jebus. She didn't know what had just happened, but she knew that she felt better than she had in years. And she couldn't help but wonder what other magical surprises Jebus had in store for her.]