Jacques

[Scene: A cozy living room with a tea set on the table. LIZ, an enthusiastic woman in her 30s, eagerly awaits her friend, SARAH, who enters with a cheerful smile.]

LIZ: (Excitedly) Sarah! You're just in time for tea! I've got the juiciest gossip.

SARAH: (Curious) Gossip? I'm all ears. Spill the tea, Liz!

LIZ: (Giggling) Well, let me introduce you to someone. He's French, and his name is Jacques.

SARAH: (Raises an eyebrow) A Frenchman? Ooh-la-la! Tell me more.

LIZ: (Grinning) He's the strong, silent type, a terrific listener, and quite the movie star, you know.

SARAH: (Playfully) Movie star, huh? Is he more like Jean-Claude Van Damme or Jean-Pierre Jeunet?

LIZ: (Thinking) Well, he's kind of...unique. You'll see.

[SARAH leans in, eager to find out more, as LIZ dramatically pulls a large POTATO with googly eyes and a beret-wearing hat from behind a curtain.]

SARAH: (Bursts into laughter) Liz, is that... a potato?

LIZ: (Grinning) Voilà! Meet Jacques Tati!

[JACQUES TATI (the potato) "speaks" with a French accent, which LIZ imitates.]

JACQUES TATI: Bonjour, mademoiselle Sarah. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

SARAH: (Chuckles) Well, Jacques Tati, you're certainly the most unique boyfriend I've ever met.

LIZ: (Proudly) He's a keeper, right?

SARAH: (Playfully) well he's better than your last in boyfriend.

[JACQUES TATI, with newfound confidence, waves his googly eyes at SARAH.]

LIZ: (Beaming) Well, Sarah, you know what they say – love is a potato!

SARAH: Do they?

JACQUES TATI: You know, I know a wonderful French restaurant, I am friends with the chef. How about I take you both for some fine dining?

SARAH: (Hungry) Yes, please. How about some French fries?

[LIZ and JACQUES TATI gasp in horror.]

LIZ: (Horrified) French fries?

[JACQUES TATI starts shaking his googly eyes, and LIZ frantically gestures for SARAH to stop.]

SARAH: (Confused) What's wrong now?

LIZ: (Frantic) Sarah, darling, you can't say that in front of Jacques! It's like cannibalism!

[JACQUES TATI continues to shake in fear.]

SARAH: (Laughs) My apologies, Jacques. I didn't mean to offend. How about we just get mashed instead?

[JACQUES TATI continues to shake in fear.] Mon dieu! Sacré bleu!