Childhood Hardships

INT. PARK BENCH - DAY

We see a bench in a park. Sitting on it are two people, Noodle and Gummy. They are arguing about who had the most difficult upbringing.

Noodle: You have no idea what it was like growing up in my house. My parents were so strict, I wasn't allowed to breathe without their permission.

Gummy: Ha! You think that's bad? My parents made me sleep in a bed of nails every night.

Noodle: Pffft. That's nothing. My parents made me eat nothing but kale and seaweed until I was 18.

Gummy: Well, my parents made me eat rocks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Noodle: Oh, please. My parents sent me to a school where they made us read the entire dictionary every day.

Gummy: Ha! My parents sent me to a school where they made us do calculus in our heads while running on a treadmill.

Noodle: My parents made me wear a suit of armor to school every day.

Gummy: My parents made me wear a full clown suit every day, even in the dead of winter.

Suddenly, a third person, Zippy, arrives and interrupts their argument.

Zippy: You guys have no idea what it was like growing up in my house. My parents were so strict, they made me live in a cardboard box.

Noodle: Ha! That's nothing. My parents made me live in a shoebox.

Gummy: Shoebox? I lived in a matchbox!

Zippy: You think that's bad? My parents made me live in a thimble.

Noodle: Pffft. My parents made me live in a buttonhole.

Gummy: Buttonhole? I lived in a thread.

Zippy: Thread? I lived in a molecule.

Noodle: Molecule? I lived in a quantum singularity.

Gummy: Quantum singularity? I lived in a black hole.

Zippy: Black hole? I lived in a parallel universe.

Noodle: Parallel universe? I lived in a dimension where time didn't exist.

Gummy: Dimension where time didn't exist? I lived in a void where there was no space or time.

Zippy: Void? I lived in a state of pure nothingness.

Noodle: Nothingness? I lived in a reality where there was no such thing as existence.

Gummy: Existence? I lived in a pre-big bang universe.

Zippy: Pre-big bang? I lived in a universe where the laws of physics didn't apply.

Noodle: Universe where the laws of physics didn't apply? I lived in a universe where logic itself was meaningless.

Gummy: Universe where logic was meaningless? I lived in a universe where even the concept of absurdity didn't make sense.

Zippy: You guys win. My childhood wasn't that bad after all.

They all laugh and get up to leave.

FADE OUT.