Interfaith Marriages
Interfaith Marriages
(Gujarati version at આંતરધર્મીય લગ્નો)
Are they that bad?
There is a concern among Hindu parents about their daughters marrying nonHindu grooms.
Here are some of my observations.
Bhavabhuti has said, in उत्तररामचरितम् (Uttarramcharitam),
व्यतिषजति पदार्थानान्तरः कोSपि हेतुर्न खलु बहिरुपाधिन्प्रीतयः संश्रयन्ते |
विकसति हि पतंगस्योदये पुंडरिकः द्रवति च हिमरश्मावुद्गते चन्द्रकान्तः ||
"Vyatishajati padaarthaanaantara: koapi heturna khalu bahirupadhinpreetay: samshrayante
Vikasati hi patngasyodaye pundarik: dravati cha himarashmavadgute chandrakant:"
meaning
"It is only some internal force that binds things (and people) together; love doesn't depend on external considerations. (For example) a lotus flower blossoms upon sunrise whereas the 'chandrakant' (a stone) melts upon moonrise." (In Sanskrit poetry, there is a mythical stone that does this).
When a youngster decides to marry outside hisr (his or her) group, hse (he or she) does not do so just to defy tradition or out of the external considerations of religion, nationality, language, caste, sub-caste etc. This is why we see very handsome men falling in love with very ugly girls and vice versa. Same holds for other attributes such as height, education, wealth etc. Therefore, when Hindu girls want to marry non-Hindu boys, they are not necessarily going against Hinduism.
Having said that, let us see what does Hinduism offer a wife? Our kids watch their fathers watching TV, holding beer in hand, all the time when home while their wives are toiling hard to keep the house even after returning from work. Wouldn't this put off a girl?
We also make our kids memorize Sanskrit shlokas without understanding them let apart explaining them. If God is omniscient, why stick to Sanskrit as if God doesn't know Gujarati or English? The kids then realize the hollowness of this charade only to revolt against it when they can.
Do our stories make any sense? Why could not Shankar wait a while for Parvati to finish her bath? Was it not too rash for him to cut off a child's head? Are Hindu men always so suspicious of their wives' characters? Why was Sita subjected to 'Agnipariksha' although she was only a potential victim of a crime against her and not by her? Then Ram had the hypocrisy to say that the tradition would start and end with her! What type of message are giving our kids?
According to Manusriti, a wife is simply a possession of the husband. He can even sell her like Harischandra did, or put her on bet like Yudhishthira did. Almost all the words we have for 'husband' also mean 'owner'. Why would a girl like to be treated like this?
ढोल चमार पशु और नारी ये सब ताड़नके अधिकारी |
(Dhol chamar pashu or naari ye sab tadan ke adhikari)
Meaning, drums, sanitation workers, animals and women (wives) deserve to be beaten up.
is even worse way of treating wives.
And look at our impossible expectations from a wife.
भोज्येषु माता शयनेषु रंभा वित्तेषु मंत्री कार्येषु दासी |
Meaning a wife should be like, a mother while feeding (her husband), a prostitute in bed, a secretary in handling property and a maid while working.
('Bhojyeshu maata, shayaneshu rambha Vitteshu mantri, kaaryeshu daasi.' )
What is the husband supposed to be? No guidance there.
We need not be too concerned about Hindu girls marrying non-Hindu boys.
However, girls loving Muslim boys should be aware that Islam treats marriage as a contract between the two persons as if it is a commercial matter. They should also be fully informed regarding the divorce laws applicable to their proposed marriage.
Therefore, we should advise the young couple to give up all religions and worship God directly following the basic Godly principle like truthfulness, justice, compassion etc. Mankind needs to free itself and God from all religions.