We live in an imperfect world and an imperfect church. If it was perfect, why did you let me come today to your church meeting? Friends, we should expect an imperfect congregation. We should never be surprised when people do foolish, silly, hurtful, things. We should expect that we hurt each other.
I’m not excusing this. It is not OK that our foolish and thoughtless ways hurt one another. And we need to keep repenting and keep asking God for forgiveness, and asking our neighbour for forgiveness, when we have hurt them.
You and I have people who are a problem to us. You and I are a problem to others. That’s just the way our sinful world is this side of heaven.
We should expect to have enmities. We should expect to have ‘little enemies’. I would be very surprised if everyone here got on with everyone. I would think, if this is a normal place, that there are people who rub you up the wrong way. You have your little enemies. You aren’t going to get into a fist fight with them, but you don’t get on. You are opposed to them, and they are opposed to you.
And when we discover that we have one, we know what we need to do, don’t we? We need to love them. We need to work out how to love them in the midst of the difficulty of their prickles and barbs and their hurtful words and acts.
Part of our love for others is to put up with others, bearing with others and forgiving others, giving others a bit of space.
21Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you—22for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others. (Eccles 7:21-22 NIV)
12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Col 3:12-13 NIV)
So sometimes you just need to cop on the chin other people’s slights and insults and inconsiderate behaviour, put it down to their foibles and actions, and forgive. But at other times, we need to act, when people’s actions are more serious. This takes some wisdom, but I think we can recognize the difference. If someone is habitually slandering you, or lying about you maliciously, or bullying or threatening you, or is acting in a criminal way against you or someone else who is defenceless, then you need to act in love.
I’ve heard it said, “It’s not church I don’t like, it’s the people I have the problem with! The church is full of hypocrites”, and they speak truly, but to which we can truly reply, “the church is actually not full of hypocrites, for there is always room for one more!”
Relationships are the hard thing at church. And because we are sinful people, relationships with Christians are hard. Sometimes we might provide people, especially new Christians, with the wrong expectations about church life. We might think it is always easy to get on, always a bed of roses. But we know that this is not always the case.
Being in a church is like being in a family. The church is God’s family. And families are the places where we experience the deepest loves, joys, and comforts. And families are the places where, sometimes, in those hard times, in those teenage years, amongst brothers and sisters, between mother and child, we experience the deepest hurts, frustrations, and wrongs.
Jesus knew this, and so, as he journeys on his way to Jerusalem, in Matthew chapter 18, he has some things to say to his followers about how they are to think of themselves and relate to each other.
One cannot enter the kingdom of heaven unless they are like children, so the greatest disciple is the one is the most humble one, who accepts other child-like disciples (Matt 18:1-5) But Jesus also speaks of the reality of sin amongst his disciples. So he warns his disciples to cut off the limb that sins, rather than cause another to stumble (vv. 6-9). So Jesus expected some to wander off like lost sheep: but the appropriate response is not to despise such a one, for God’s will is that none perish. (vv. 10-14). Or again, when we are sinned against, we are to show our brother or sister his fault, and expose the sin, just between the two, that the fellow believer might be brought to a different mind. Often the pattern of exposing sin in churches is that the sinner is last to know, and the church is the first to know. But brothers and sisters, this should not be—it should be to our brother or sister first, and only in the last resort the church. So Matthew chapter 18 verses 15 to 17:
15If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that “every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (Matt 18:15-17 NIV)
What are we trying to do here? We want to “win our brother over”. We care for the other Christian. The objective is not revenge, but change. We want our Christian friend to listen to us, and stop the wrong action or words. Why? Because we love them, we want to be in heaven with them.
Whether they listen of course, is up to them. And the obligation of love never ceases. Incidentally, it is good to take one or two other Christians. They might actually show that you are wrong, or that you are overblowing the situation. But supposing that everything points to the fact that you are right, and that you have gone to correct your Christian brother for his or her own good. And then they still don’t listen.
How do I treat someone as a pagan or a tax collector? The answer to that is “with love”. I want to win them to Christ. Didn’t Jesus come for pagans and tax collectors? But now I have a realistic expectation about their behaviour. I know that they have shown that they are not teachable. They won’t repent. So I love them and pray for them, and God can change them, so I am open to relationship. But I am realistic about them. I will give them a wide birth so far as Christianity is concerned, because they have rejected me, other Christians, and even the church. And we will see why that is so serious. Matthew chapter 18 verses 18 to 20:
18I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Jesus is saying, “When Christians in love go to another Christian, and they speak to them about a matter of sin, a matter that scripture deals with that shows that someone is not living as a Christian, then those Christians are acting on behalf of God.
Verses 19 and 20 are wonderful promises. They say that when we agree about things in Christ, God will do them. The immediate context, of course, is correcting a fellow Christian and asking them to change. And it doesn’t mean, if you can find someone who will pray with you for a lotto systems, that you will win first division. Your prayers must be in accordance to God’s will. God isn’t an ATM or a lucky charm. He is a person who gives good gifts, and when we ask good things according to his character, he will give them.
So it is a great encouragement to meet and pray. Do you meet up with another Christian to meet and pray? Look at the wonderful promise. Jesus will be there. God by his Spirit will be with you. And when you pray in accordance to his name, that is, his character, he will grant their requests. And the greatest thing we need is forgiveness. We need to both give and receive forgiveness. Verses 21 to 35:
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. 26"The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go. 28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow-servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29"His fellow-servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30"But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32"Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow-servant just as I had on you?’ 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
Now, today’s parable comes in response to Peter’s question. Peter has thought of a good question. What is the extent of forgiveness? Is it ever possible that someone has gone too far, that they have sinned against me so much, so badly, so often, that there is no way back to restored relationship? In other words, when can I not forgive, and still be Christian? When can I justly withhold my forgiveness from someone and still be godly, and living God’s way.
Now Peter thinks he is particularly forgiving. Seven times is very generous—but after that, you’ve run out of lives. But Jesus blows this out of the water. Verse 22, “Not seven times, but seventy times.” Now, Jesus doesn’t mean that once you’ve counted up forgiving 70 times, you can stop forgiving. He means, forgive until you’ve lost count of the times you’ve forgiven them. Forgive until you are sick of saying, “that’s OK, I forgive you”. Forgive even though you know the speech they are going to give you before it forms on their lips. Forgive, forgive, forgive.
I used to have a brief book of letters from Spurgeon, the famous Baptist preacher. And one letter simply says this “Bear, Bear, Bear, Forebear, Forebear, Forebear. Forgive the Deacon”. Forgive and forgive until it becomes boring.
Now, I want to draw a distinction between forgiving someone, and being reconciled to someone. I have heard some people put it differently to this, but let me tell you how I understand it. It takes only one party to forgive, but two parties to be reconciled, to have the relationship restored. I can always forgive someone, even if they won’t repent, or admit they are in the wrong. In that case, forgiveness looks a little different. We might call it, with Paul, “leaving room for God’s wrath” (Rom 12:19). Therefore, forgiveness means we don’t repay evil for evil, for God will avenge the wrong, and he will repay. Therefore, our job is to do good to our enemy. That’s the realisation when you finally see, “Ahh, this person is my enemy. I’ve got an enemy. And I know what I need to do them: love your enemy, do good to them.”
But forgiveness when the sinner does repent is different, for forgiveness means reconciliation, a restored relationship. This does not make forgiveness easy. Nor does it mean that there are no consequences for the sinner. But it does mean that there is restoration of the relationship, now upon a new basis, that of forgiveness.
The parable before us shows us a man described as a ‘wicked servant’. He owes 10,000 talents, in todays money, billions and billions of dollars, something like the foreign debt of Australia.
He cannot pay, but gives this pathetically hopeless promise. Verse 26, "Be patient with me and I will pay back everything."
It is not quite, “the cheques in the mail” but it is just as impossible. He cannot pay back, but the king does not extract his pound of flesh. He is full of pity. He cancelled the debt and releases him.
The twist is that this servant then doesn’t seem to have learned from the king. The king in the most practical way illustrated that the thing that matters is not asserting your rights, but mercy.
Anyway, we see the servant next throttling a fellow slave and demanding payment of a small outstanding debt. The fellow slave owed him just over three months wages. We might say it would be a debt of $20,000: it is substantial, but payable, and certainly nothing like his own debt that has already been forgiven.
His fellow slave, ironically, says exactly the same thing that he had said to the king: “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.” And, probably, over time, he would have. But the wicked slave was not patient like his king.
Of course, such things cannot be kept from a king who can afford to write off billions of dollars. The lesson is in verses 33-35:
Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. (NIV)
Hearty forgiveness is what is required. It is not enough to say, “OK, I have to love you, but I don’t have to like you.” That is not from the heart. Nor is it enough to say, “OK, I’ll forgive you, but you can live in the doghouse”, or “OK, but you’ll hear this again”, and then it becomes a museum piece, to be brought up in conversation again, as ammo for the next fight, but “OK, I forgive you. It won’t come up in conversation again”.
Forgiveness is costly. It involves absorbing the injustice of the hurt yourself. It involves you having to bear the sense of outrage, like the women whose husband commits adultery against her, and she forgives him, but the very remembrance of it brings the confession, “It hurts like hell”.
How can God ask this of us, to bear the injustice of the hurt ourselves? Well, he doesn’t ask us to do anything he hasn’t done himself, because that is why Jesus’ died. God absorbed the costly injustice of forgiving our sin. The cross was God on his knees, in tears, bearing the cost of our sin within himself.
Let’s pray