The My in My Problem is only making matters worse, Read this to see how and why.
Read the Q and A, and then learn how to be mindful with meditation to help your self. Simplest Instructions to Begin Meditating, BareBonesMeditation, Sleep Problems-Two Meditative Approaches, Technique of Breathing with Mindfulness the Fine Points
Do your dwell on how “my problem is controlling my life” or “if only this wasn’t happening to me” or “ I am depressed or I have panic, or ADHD, that’s why I have problems or can’t cope ”.
There are at least two part to this issue first is the dwelling or the going over something over and over, and again and again, called rumination. This rumination will be discussed separately elsewhere. The second part to be addressed here is the making of “a problem”, into a personal thing , making it “my or mine” or more likely “ I am the problem or I am causing the problem”. With this kind of thinking done over and over, eventually “the problem is mine, I am the problem, the problem is me. This is what I mean by “selfing”.
To make things more complex this making a problem “ my “ problem also has two parts , one happens automatically the mind labeling it as such, and secondly the persons response to the “my problem”, which is make worse by even personalizing it more.
If this sound like you, this emphasis on “my, I, mine” it is unnecessary and making matters worse. Read on to see, how the mind or the God like nature of the “ego” ends up making impersonal things “my” or “mine”, and why this “selfing” only makes matters worse and what you can do to help yourself.
How does the mind work to cause this “selfing”?
The mind works much more than we aware on auto pilot , that is unconsciously , automatically and way too fast and adds thoughts , emotions and body sensations to an original stimulus it is trying to deal with. One of the things it does is overly personalize everything. By this I mean it turn a thing into my thing, and then may identify with it and turn it into part of the self. For example a wave like energy discharge is perceived as “depression”, this turns into “my depression”, which turns into “ I am depressed”, a problem or symptom become an identity for example “depression is me”, “I am a depressive.” Again there is at least a two step process, first the mind on auto pilot, labeling it “my problem”, the second step is often not on auto pilot, but what you consciously add to the “my problem”, by turning this headline into a story or drama with repeated thinking. This repeated thinking just further fuels the problem and generally makes you worse.
Can you go over the specific steps?
The original stimulus is in a sense a neutral mass or wave of energy that is perceived by the mindful or experiencing-being mode of the mind only as such, in its wave like nature with intensity and duration, this being step one of a complicated process. Next very quickly, almost instantaneously, the unmindful or thinking-doing mode of the mind, perceives and reacts emotionally, and in the process the first thing it does is give this mass or wave of energy a label or a name calling it an “emotion”, or a “thought”, or a body sensation like a “pain” . Not satisfied with just the label or naming the thing it begins to adds descriptors based on thinking and emotional judging, like “good thought or bad thought”. As it does this step by step it changes and distorts the original stimulus, over and over . Little by little but often very quickly and mostly out of awareness what starts out as an impersonal neutral mass or wave of energy, which can be considered the facts of a headline becomes by the actions of the thinking mode of mind into a complicated drama a story with layers of thought and emotions that in the long run may make the original problem worse as it continues to describe it original nature and the sensations and feelings that are driving the problem.
What do you mean that the ego or mind acts like an all knowing and powerful God to over personalize things?
In the process our “ego” or mind, out of its sense of importance or grandiosity, acts like an independent permanent thing, more like a “God” want to take credit and control, run the show, and believes too much it is right, a judge and jury or sorts, just because it thinks so, and not only adds the labels and descriptors in a general way, to the original stimulus but out of this sense of importance must personalize it.
As a result one of the changes the mind or “ego” make you feel it is “my emotion, thought or body sensation” and takes blame or credit depending on if this same ego as judged it good or bad. So the original stimulus that for the most part is caused by itself, that is self generated, the medical term for this is iatrogenic, and at the most should be sensed-felt as a positive or negative wave of energy, becomes “my bad emotion, or thought or body sensation or pain”
Why is it important to know this?
Understanding this has great clinical implications for treatment in certain mental health disorders where ruminating on “my disorder, or symptom or problem” become a new problem and makes the original problem only worse. The repeated thinking and emotions involved with this “selfing” fuels whatever the underlying problem is, a thought, an emotion or a physical sensation like a pain. The person needs to be aware of the original labeling and do whatever is necessary to not further fuel the problem with continuing cognitive distortions and associated feelings. This is a major cognitive distortion that needs to recognized and eliminated.
What can I do to help myself?
If one could convince themselves that the waves of energy perceived as emotions, thoughts and body sensations just happen, are just generated by the body-mind complex, and not caused by “me” therefore the “ I” doesn’t have to take credit or blame for it, it is not my bad emotions or my good emotion, just a wave like energy ball “an emotion”, life would be a lot less stressful. Such personalization only make everything worse, it limits the pleasure we can get and leads to not being satisfied and wanting more and more, leading to possible addictions, and adds suffering to the original negative stimuli we may interpret as pain.
How does one become aware of this process, convince oneself, and reverse it?
One uses mindfulness in and out of meditation. By doing this you will see that emotions, thoughts, and body sensations associated with mental health problems like the tiredness of depression, or the fast heart rate of panic , or the tight sore muscles of anxiety and worry are not caused by “you” or “What am I doing to cause this?”, not due to “You”, but are generated from your body and mind, unpredictably at times, certainly at times out of your control, and sometime just happen, no matter what is going on good or bad, and you are only making matter worse by believing your mind or the God like ego of yours and thinking it is “my problem, my depression, my pain”. You will learn to recognize this “selfing” or making the impersonal, personal the my or mine, and as you become aware of it with mindfulness, you will develop insight into this, and be able to the reverse this cognitive distortion, and further keep you from turning this false headline into and unnecessary emotionally complex drama or story, by more and more unneeded thinking with added emotional distortions.
What can I do differently?
You may not be able to control the original labeling of the mind, but you can control how you will respond to it, first by being aware of the process, and , then not believing it as a fact, but a distortion of your mind, and then thirdly don’t add to it by more distorted thinking from the past and the future, and adding more and more personalization to the original problem.
How does mindfulness help?
It by definition keep us out of the auto pilot mode, keeps us intentionally aware in the present moment, and also keeps us from emotionally reacting, and judging prematurely, and changing things by thinking, including making things “my” or “mine”. This happens in part because mindfulness doesn’t use thinking or any of its other activities at all, but only direct experience by feeling and sensing to bring about insight and make changes, including weaken and eventually burning away the driving and causative feelings and bodily sensations.
What is the best way to learn to be mindful?
Learn how to do mindfulness meditation using breathing to start and apply it to everything.