Hi Dick and welcome to BMMG.
Like you, I am married. Like you, I have long had homoerotic fantasies. Like you, I was afraid to face reality about it. Like you, I was hesitant to attend a BMMG meeting. Perhaps unlike you, I finally acted on my feelings in April of this year. Thanks to a good friend, I attended my first BMMG meeting in May. That meeting was quite possibly the most difficult thing I'd ever done but I am so glad I went and couldn't be happier that I continued to go.
BMMG's members are non-judgmental. They are experienced. They are patient. They are supportive. I can't tell you when I've enjoyed attending a group more than this one. I've learned a lot. I've grown a lot. I've become more assured of who I am and how I d eal with being me after nearly 22 years of marriage and 4 children. Through BMMG members and some close friends I found the strength, courage, and determination I needed to face my demons.
After less than 6 months of counseling and support, I am happier than I've ever been. I came out to my wife on June 3rd. The immediate results were devastating, needless to say, but in the long run I am so glad I did it. I've been suffering a living hell all my life. It has affected every aspect of my character, caused me to have health and psychological problems, relationship problems, lost friendships, eating disorders, and the list goes on. I dare say it may also have cost me some promotions along the way as well.
You may have a totally different outcome as a result of your journey of discovery. As they say, your mileage may vary. ;-) However, the knowledge, experience, and camaraderie you will lose out on by not attending meetings would be a great loss, a disservi ce to you, and a disservice to those you love.
I wish you the best. Peace.
Cheers,
Terry