Charles writes:
Maybe this is how it works. Am I supposed to send out a message and let everybody know what is going on in my life? I can do that.
I am a straight husband to a bisexual woman. She came out to me about 8 months ago. I was floored and didn't believe it at first. My feelings were more hurt that she did not tell me until we had been married 13 years and had three kids. I am proud that she finally did tell me though. I accepted her and all was well (or so I thought). I found myself becoming jealous of men and now women that she wanted to spend time with. I was afraid. After many arguments about why she was spending so much time with he r friends, she told me that she wanted a female lover. She asked me if it was OK. I told her I could not accept this. I don't believe in infidelity. I have been perfectly monogamous and never cheated on her.
She seemed to accept this at first. But then she got worse. She started down a road of depression that I could not lead her away from. She began attributing all the bad things in her life to me. All of a sudden, it wasn't "Charles I can't live without you" but "I'm not sure I want to stay married to you."
We have had a good marriage. It has felt to me (I know this seems hard to believe) almost perfect. Now I know that I was blind to her feelings of insecurity about herself. I know that she has desires. I have them too. But I don't think our marriage wou ld survive an extramarital affair. She has always told me that she would forgive me if I had an affair. I always told her I would not forgive her. Now I think that if she did have one, she would not tell me.
She has become so cold and distant. She doesn't have any desire for me. She told me today that she did not want to stay married. I told her that whatever it took - what ever we could do to fix this marriage I would do.
But she says she has no hope. If I knew that I did something wrong, I could at least try to fix it. But she won't tell me what is the real problem.
I have to leave town for six weeks (I don't want to go, but she wants me to go). I will be traveling on business. Maybe this is a blessing - maybe this is the end. I would appreciate any help, any words of encouragement, anybody with a solution.
My heart is broken. I am without want for life. My children can see the depression in both of us and it is affecting them. I always looked at divorce as something that happened to other people. I always thought - "Poor unfortunate souls. They should ha ve dated for nine years like I did before they married. They would still be together like me and my wife." Now I am regretting those thoughts. I'm so sorry. I never knew how hard it is to have a spouse stop loving you.
I leave in three days - my heart is bleeding. I wish I could be helped.
Charles