Maura's Gender and Sexual Identity
Chloë Hill
Maura's identity is in a state of uncertainty. Throughout the show, she experiments with her sexuality and her gender expression. She appears to experience a degree of gender dysphoria from both her body and the societal pressure to "be a girl."
Dysphoria
She pushes her breast together, to see what she would look like with more cleavage, then pulls them flat, to see what her profile would look like without them.
p. 34
MAURA alone. She has just showered and is naked except for a pair of boys-style boxer- briefs and maybe a bra. She pushes her breasts together and checks herself out. Then she pulls her breasts flat and sees what she would look like without them.
p. 46
MAURA
You don’t think he likes girls who are more...I don’t know...shinier?
ANNA
Not sure I know what “shinier” means.
MAURA
I don’t know. Or like, more polished? Better at being girls?
p. 44
MAURA
I feel weird in this outfit.
Like I’m pretending to be a pretty girl or something.
JACK
You fooled me.
MAURA
(dismissively)
I’m wearing Anna’s make-up.
A beat.
MAURA (CONT’D)
I feel like I need to look a certain way to let boys know that I’m interested, you know? But then I don’t feel like myself.
p. 55
JACK
I didn’t mean to be, uh, rude by calling you pretty. My girlfriend hates being called pretty. She says it makes her feel diminutive. If you prefer to be handsome, or not have people comment on your appearance at all, that’s totally valid.
MAURA
Oh. No, I don’t mind. I want to be pretty. I think.
JACK
You think?
MAURA
No I do. It’s just...
p. 56
MAURA
It's just...
(she exhales, frustrated with herself)
I feel like I have to “be a girl” in a way that is outside of who I am, you know?
MAURA waits for JACK to answer, but she doesn’t say anything. So MAURA keeps talking.
MAURA (CONT’D)
But then I wonder, IS it outside of me? Or is it just outside of what I’m used to being? Like, outside of my IDEA of me? Because if it’s outside of who I actually am, then am I betraying myself to signal my interest-slash-availability? But if its just outside of my CONCEPT of myself but is still a part of who I really am essentially, then I should probably to expand my concept of myself and like, embrace the discomfort as a part of growing, right? Does that make sense? Anyway, I feel really disconnected and discombobulated.
p. 56
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really even a human. Do other people feel that? Like they are living outside the boundaries of their own skin and something is still just beyond their reach?
p. 72
Gender Expression
A bolt of inspiration: she grabs ANNA’s bag of makeup, sits on the floor and begins taking items out, until she finds what she is looking for: a small tub of lotion. She runs her hands over her face and hair, inhaling, then unscrews the tub, smells it, and rubs the lotion on her face, enjoying the feel of her own skin. She gets a little carried away, realizes her legs are spread open and closes them. She notices a tube of lipstick, picks it up, and applies it as if in a mirror. She pulls a white slip over her head and she looks at her reflection.
The lights and sound grow and for a split second she sees herself with makeup on.
p. 46
MAURA slowly takes off her dress and shoes. She is wearing the white slip under her dress. She studies herself, checks herself out in the mirror, backing farther and farther away until her body finds the wall. She leans back, releasing into its solidness, closing her eyes, feeling her hair and body.
Something lurches her out of the moment. Grabbing a tube of mascara, she opens it, pausing with the brush poised in front of her face. She draws a mustache to her upper lip, and studies the results, pleased. She begins bopping around to the music, and does a silly strip-tease for herself until she is only in boxer- briefs (and maybe a sports bra). She makes little-kid muscles and dances for a minute, then finds stillness.
She notices her inner wrist, and kisses it like a dance partner in a dip. She leans into a backbend and kisses her other wrist. She tilts her inner arms out, revealing the red lipstick marks. She wipes her lips, smearing red down her front.
p. 58
MAURA
I always wanted to be a Boy Scout. I used to think the Girl Scouts were–– don’t be offended!–– a little bit boring.
p. 67
Sexuality and Romantic Attraction
MAURA
I think I was in love with everybody there. Not sexually, but... Like, completely in love––with the whole group. Or like, the entire universe. Do you ever feel that? Maybe that’s not being in love. I don't know. It’s...excruciating.
p. 72
MAURA
I don’t think I’m supposed to tell girls I like about boys I’ve almost kissed.
p. 77
MAURA
I'm not in love with him or anything, but I could potentially like Pete if the situation allowed.
[...]
I don't really like him. I just like him as a person. And I'd
like a person to kiss. Before I'm old and it gets weird that I haven't. It's kind of weird already.
p. 36
MAURA
I thought it would take me outside of myself, kissing someone. Or to that place inside yourself but... centered, I guess? It kind of did the opposite. I didn’t expect that.
p. 80